It's two-thirty a.m. on a balmy August morning, but Barney's air conditioning is keeping it just the right temperature – not too hot and not too cool – as they step out of the bathroom wrapped in towels so soft and plush the contents of his linen closet could probably pay an entire month of Robin's rent.
Barney wraps his arms around her – he just can't seem to help himself – as he walks her backwards into his bedroom. It defies all of his rules on numbers and strange and why new is always better, but in spite of all that he can't get enough of this woman. No matter how many times they sleep together. No matter how long it's been going on now.
"I love taking showers with you, Scherbatsky," he says, nuzzling beneath her ear, his lips coming away damp from her still-drying hair.
"I've never felt so clean, yet so dirty."
"That's how I like my women," Barney grins.
Lily would be disgusted at such a comment, but Robin smiles. It's just Barney being Barney, and though none of her friends would understand it – which is just one of a long list of reasons why they've kept this a secret – that's how she fell for him in the first place. She lets her fingers trail across the top of his towel where it's fallen to sit low across his hips. An inch or two further and it would be considered indecent exposure. "Yeah well, you're pretty handy yourself there in the shower."
"Of course I am." He waggles his eyebrows at her, enjoying the path of her fingers. "Get you all naked and soaped up and lots of fun things happen."
"Mmm," she sighs, nestling in closer to his chest, bending her head to slide her mouth over his collarbone. "You wash my back and I'll wash yours." It's a terrible pun, but it's not yet three in the morning and she's had zero sleep – will be getting zero sleep before work – so it's the best she can do. He doesn't seem to mind though. He kisses her anyway before she pulls away.
"It's more your front I'm interested in," he tells her as she turns and crosses the room. With a flick of her wrist, she lets her towel fall unheeded to the bedroom floor and in the face of what's before him – namely the finest ass this side of the Canadian border – Barney has to offer the correction, "But your back has its fine points too."
He follows suit, dropping his own towel and going to retrieve a pair of boxers from his drawer. Turning from his dresser, the view of Robin across the room, still completely bare, catches his eye.
He watches her slip into her silk robe and it strikes him, the sight of her so at home here in his bedroom, looking just right sitting down on his unmade bed, retrieving her slippers from their place on the right side of the bed – her side, no matter what bed they find themselves in – and his heart fills with a rush of affection. It's been nearly three months of living this way. What used to be trysts at her apartment, his office, a hotel in midtown – wherever was convenient – has gradually morphed into frequent sleepovers, cozy mornings after, and lazy weekend afternoons spent together. She's inexorably a part of his life, his world, even more so then when they were "just friends" who happened to see each other everyday. Now they are friends, lovers – and whatever else comes with that –who not only see each other everyday at the bar, but spend every moment possible together. Sure, he works and so does she. She has her "girls' nights" with Lily and he spends time with the guys. But in between all the rest is their time, their own little world of Barney-and-Robin, Sparkles and the Barnacle. And their little world rocks. Hard.
The prospect of living the way he does now – sleeping with one woman and only one woman; sharing his bed and his life with someone who not only knows his real name but all of his secrets, every horrible thing he has ever down in the name of a challenge or just to get laid – would have disgusted him, terrified him, left him running for the hills as little as a year ago. But suddenly, this morning, he's finding it very difficult to leave their little world behind.
He crosses the room to her, naked and unashamed, sidles up behind her and puts his hands to her waist, sets them free to roam over the soft silk. He can feel the lack of anything else beneath the robe and it feels good, too good to let go just yet.
"Call in sick to work today. I will too. Come on, Robin," he coaxes, his tongue swirling over the shell of her ear to sweeten the deal. "Let's play hooky together."
Robin turns around, a look of surprised amusement on her face. "Barney, we just had sex. You're ready to go again already?"
He laughs. "That's not what I meant. Although….." He stops and looks down, and her eyes follow. "As you can see, Little Barney's always ready around you; I think he likes you," he whispers, as if it's a secret.
Now it's Robin's turn to laugh because that's about as shocking as saying the sky is blue. "Yeah, he doesn't have an 'off switch' does he?"
Barney frowns. "Do you want him to?"
She smiles naughtily, shakes her head. "No."
And that's yet another reason why Robin can't tell their friends: she gets within ten feet of Barney and becomes just as sex crazed as he is – although she thinks that is something Lily would understand a little more.
"Thank god," he sighs. "Because, honestly, I'm not sure I can control him when it comes to you."
Robin smiles. His fear that she wanted him to tone down all the sex is grossly misplaced, but she finds him all the more attractive for his clear relief that isn't the case. "Alright," she relents, going into his arms. "What did you have in mind?"
Barney clears his throat, taking on the tone he reserves for quoting sacred articles of the Bro Code. "I propose a day of Robininity!"
"What?" she laughs. "What in the world is 'Robininity'?"
"I'm glad you asked. Robininity is the study of all things Robin. The essence of all things Scherbatsky."
"You want to study me?" she asks. Caught up in his good mood, her eyes take on a flirtatious note. "Isn't that what you did last night, in great detail?"
Barney shakes his head, amused. "If you'd let me finish, you little minx," he says, pulling her closer, "you'd know I'm proposing we celebrate you." He gazes down at Robin, whose face is nothing but blank bewilderment.
"I don't understand." Then, after a second, she adds, "Barney, it's not my birthday."
"I know that," he scoffs with a trace of insult.
"Then why would you – I don't get it."
With an exaggerated sigh, Barney drops the Bro Code bravado and simply states, "I'm saying, we can do whatever you want, all day long."
Robin looks at him dubiously. "Really?" she questions suspiciously. "What's the catch, Barney? What sort of sexual favor do you want in return?"
That's when it hits him, his own words thrown back in his face, the reason he once gave Lily for why he couldn't pursue anything with Robin: She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot.
He hadn't meant it that way at all. He'd just wanted to do something for her, but all she could see was blithe, sex-obsessed, self-absorbed Barney Stinson. So he gives her just that.
"I want a lot of things from you, Scherbatsky," he says in a voice laced with lust, with a leer to match. "There's got to be at least a half dozen positions we haven't tried yet….."
And she gets that look, that knowing skeptical look that says she's prepared for some sort of shallow, sexually-charged challenge or crazy theory. It hurts him to see that look, to hear her ask that, to know she thinks if he ever does something nice for her he must expect something in return. But it's probably his own fault. He's the one who specializes in building walls, safety barriers. He's the one who took it there just now because he was too chickenshit to just tell her the truth: that he just wants to spend time with her; that he wants to make her happy; that he loves her.
He isn't ready to say any of that, but he does want that look to go away, so he dials it back a bit, lets his wall fall a little, leaves himself just a tiny bit more vulnerable. "No, really. I'm serious, Robin. You get up everyday at two am. You work your ass off at a job where no one appreciates you. You deserve more than one day a year to be all about you."
Robin considers this, and after a long moment quietly says, "Thank you, Barney."
She'd looked at him first with confusion, and now with something so soft and real and open, it makes him add, "There's something in it for me too: I get to bask in your awesomeness all day." Robin smiles slightly incredulously at him. "So what do you say?"
Part of her hears her father's voice saying, "You don't look a gift horse in the mouth, R.J. Take whatever you can get", but another part of her – the part that lives beneath the protective casing that same father helped build – wants to question it, needs to ask, because this isn't typical Barney behavior. Then again, she's learned over the past three months – over the past year really – that there's a whole other side to Barney that most people never know. Sometimes she thinks she's the only one who gets to see it.
The way he's acting now reminds her of that night they had dinner together last fall, when out of the blue no one else could come. It was nice and sweet, but he was acting so unlike the horndog, bimbo-seeking Barney of old it freaked her out a little. It wasn't until the spring that she realized why he was acting that way that night. Maybe it's the same reason he's acting this way now. No pretense, nothing deeper, he just cares about her that much. The thought leaves her feeling warm and happy inside, and for once rather than worry over the consequences of that, she gives herself over to it instead.
"Okay," she says a bit breathlessly, because taking leaps – even little ones – is still scary. "Where's my phone? I've suddenly developed a terrible case of food poisoning."
"Food poisoning?"
"Better in twenty-four hours, no questions asked."
And that deserved a lying-to-our-bosses-five.
Twelve minutes later, Barney has managed to slip into some boxers, Robin has called in sick, and it's now just the two of them all day long.
"Well," Barney tells her, "the city is yours. What do you want to do first? I'm kinda hoping you'll say 'me', but we do have about an hour left till closing time so…"
"I want to go back to bed."
He grins. "Good choice."
"To sleep," she clarifies. "I want to crawl back into bed and sleep until something other than a rooster or a stripper is awake," she adds around a yawn.
Barney laughs. "You never do seem to get much sleep around here, do you? Alright. You want sleep, you got it."
She thinks about what else she might want in this moment but when it comes to her she hesitates, feeling like saying it – admitting it – to him will make her sound weak, leave her too exposed. But this day is supposed to be all about her. For some crazy reason he gave her that leeway, so she takes him up on it. "There's one more thing, Barney. If you're up to the challenge."
His brow arches. "Listening….."
"I want us both to climb back into bed. You never get enough sleep either. I know you never go back to bed after I leave; you always text me while I'm on my way to work."
"I was already planning to follow you," he says with a gentle smile.
"And I want us to sleep, just sleep. For now," she assures him with a wicked little look that promises him delicious things in the future. "But….I want skin-on-skin." She bites her lip, embarrassed at what she perceives as neediness. "Sometimes….sometimes I just like to feel you."
Her admission does something funny to Barney inside, makes his heart twist and lurch a little, makes him feel like giving her the world on a silver platter. Most of all, it makes him want to take her into his arms. Which he does.
He kisses her softly, holds her to him. When he pulls back, they look at each other a moment and the mood has shifted. They both can feel it. This is the time when any other normal man and woman would pour out their hearts. But they're Barney and Robin, each a little bit scared, both a little bit broken. So he just says, "Challenge accepted."
She smiles at that, thankfully accepting the return to free and easy. Her smile changes as his hands go to the knot of her robe, as his fingers open it and pull away the sides.
"Just sleeping, remember?" she reiterates, the challenge clear in her voice.
"Just sleeping," he repeats, letting the robe slide down her body until she's standing bare before him. His eyes follow a slow, meticulous path over what he sees, but he makes no move to touch her. It's Robin who ends up reaching for him. She takes off his boxers, touching him, teasing him a little as she does so. "You're not gonna make this easy are you?"
"I said I like to feel you….I didn't mention where."
They climb into bed separately but slowly move together, lying on their sides facing each other but still not touching. Finally Robin rolls into him and he allows it, not making a further move, just holding her, giving her that skin-to-skin contact she wanted. For now. Of course as soon as she falls asleep he'll have to extricate himself, either douse his body in ice water or take care of the situation himself, but she doesn't have to know that.
She shifts slightly, buries her face in his neck. "Mmm, you smell good, Barney. How do you always smell so good?"
"It's the awesome, oozing from my pores."
She laughs, sets her head back to the pillow, and he takes the opportunity to bend his face into her throat and kiss her there. "But you always smell good too. I must be rubbing off on you."
And she can't help herself. She hooks her knee up over his hip and begins to softly rock against him. "Speaking of rubbing off…."
"Hmm, this doesn't feel like sleep."
"It feels good." In a manner of seconds, however, her slow rhythmic rocking loses momentum, stops completely, and her leg slides lazily back down his. "But I'm too tired to do anything about it," she says sleepily.
Yep, he's definitely gonna have to take care of this himself. But he just laughs, lays a kiss to her forehead, and pulls the sheet up over her bare shoulder. "Goodnight, Robin."
Six hours later, Robin wakes up feeling warm and relaxed and deliriously happy, picturing a whole extra day of no work, no pressure, and a sufficient amount of sleep. No mundane interviews. No people catching fire in cooking segments gone wrong. Just her and Barney having fun all day under the radar, meeting up with the gang later on, and no one suspects a thing.
She opens her eyes to find Barney up on his elbow, looking down at her. "Good morning."
"Morning," she smiles. "How long have you been awake?"
"A little while," he replies evasively. "I called in to work." He inches closer, leaning down over her. "Did you get enough rest?"
She stretches, yawns. "Mmm, yes."
"Good, cause I'm gonna rub us both off."
"Ooo," she teases in exaggerated approval. Then his body covers hers and the sigh turns real as she wraps her arms around him. "Rub away."
Barney enjoys spoiling Robin – something he'll never admit to anyone; he isn't Ted – but still he doesn't cook and he doesn't do clichéd. So after they've climbed out of bed and showered again and somehow managed to keep their hands off of each other long enough to get dressed and stay that way, he has breakfast ordered in from her favorite restaurant.
He asks her what the next thing on her list is after 'sleep in' and 'have incredible sex' have been crossed off. After only a moment's thought she decides on the shooting range, and so they go.
It's only once he finds himself there with Robin in their own little stall, the smell of powder thick in the air, that Barney has to laugh at the irony of voluntarily being so out of his element, both here surrounded by gun nuts and in this quasi-relationship – a word he only allows himself to think, never actually say aloud – with Robin. He's never followed helplessly after a woman, never before worked this hard when one of his schemes wasn't involved. Never given a damn about what any of them thought, unless there was a promise of imminent sex, and as soon as that was over he cared even less. But Robin is no ordinary woman. She's different. She's fire and ice, darkness and light. She's….everything. There's no one else like her, and in the dark empty moments of the nights they don't manage to spend together he knows that keeping her happy, keeping her with him, keeping the two of them together is just as important as breathing. And so he'd follow her anywhere, absolutely anywhere. He's just not ready to tell her that yet. But maybe, just a little, today will show her.
He watches Robin as she blissfully breathes in the air, then takes her gun into her hands. "I love it here," she declares. "My whole life, wherever I'm upset, or bored, or looking to blow off some steam…maybe some tension….." She nudges him with her shoulder. "Maybe it's been too long a dry spell, if you know what I mean…."
And he does – he almost usually does. When she's talking about sex, he always does.
"Firing off a few rounds does it for me every time," she finishes with a little shiver of excitement.
He smirks at her near orgasmic delight. "Oh, there's nothing at all Freudian about that. Working over a hot, phallic object till it explodes in your hand."
"Shut up," she tells him, but she's smirking too.
"No, that's a compliment. You're the perfect woman. Mind all bro, body 100% woman. But in the future," he says, sidling up closer, "if I can just make one suggestion, the gun range is way across town and I'm more than happy to offer myself instead. Follow those same instructions and you'll get a very similar result."
She laughs even as she rolls her eyes. "Okay, okay. Come on, let's get to it." With an obliging tip of his head, Barney's hands go to his belt but she stops him. "No, not your way. I'm serious. I'm going to teach you how to shoot."
It's Barney's turn to roll his eyes, but he lets her teach him and discovers he's actually a really decent shot, something he supposes could come in handy in self-defense situations – GNB still hasn't completely eradicated their ninja problem – but he's much more pleased with the proud smile on Robin's face when he hits the target dead-on.
They spend a couple of hours at the range but eventually get kicked out before they have a chance to leave on their own. The trouble begins near the end of their session when Robin tries to explain the importance of gun maintenance and how to properly clean the barrel. Barney is a horrible student, far too easily distracted, and is only interested in learning if he can substitute his fingers for the Dewey bore rod and a certain part of her anatomy for the gun barrel. And she was stupid enough to wear a mini skirt that day and crazy enough to start to go along with it and that happens to be when security comes by.
It's late afternoon by then, so they head out for drinks and lunch. Robin knows Barney must really care about her when he agrees to go to the Hoser Hut. Forty-five minutes in someone accidently leans on the light switch. It goes dark and everyone screams. When the lights come back on Barney is giving her this look, tipping his bottle of Canadian beer her way in a silent toast of mockery, and she should be annoyed but she all she can think is, I love you. Yet she can't bring herself to say it out loud. Instead, she shakes her head and laughs, "You're an idiot". But she thinks maybe he understands.
And it's probably the funnest single day of her life.
Later, they cap off the experience by going to MacLaren's, because they both want to and it's what the gang would expect. By midnight, Barney's more than ready to take Robin home. He's watched her body move beneath that insanely hot, in-some-lights-almost-see-through, sundress all day and he's been good. Well, except at the shooting range, but 'Stan the Security Guy' had to ruin that anyway so he figures it doesn't count.
Now Marshall's in the bathroom, Lily's busy getting the next round, and Ted's chatting up a girl across the bar. They're momentarily alone, and Barney takes full advantage of the opportunity. Leaning over, he whispers to her, "I want to touch you and I can't. You know how hot that makes me. Do you have any idea what I'd be doing to you right now if we were alone?" he murmurs in her ear, tantalizingly close. Her eyes fall closed as his lips brush over her earlobe. "I'd start by putting my hand – "
Lily returns and they both straighten away from each other. But with his usual single-mindedness, Barney will not be deterred. He spends the next twenty minutes using the best of his wingman abilities to get the apartment free. With Ted gone on an 'overnight date' and, shortly thereafter, Lily declaring "Funyun" with Marshall hurrying off after her, there's nothing stopping them from going upstairs. And so they do.
The walk upstairs is mostly quiet; Robin's deep in thought and Barney's busy gauging how much longer he has to wait before he can get that dress off of her. She unlocks the door and lets them both in, puts her purse on the hook and goes to do the same with the keys but they slip through her grasp. She bends over to pick them up and Barney ogles her ass, something she turns quickly enough to catch him at.
She smiles and he returns it, knowing he's busted but not really caring. Still, this is Robin so he has enough tact to go through the preliminaries. "You want a beer?" he asks, nodding toward the kitchen. But she shakes her head, wordlessly taking his hand and leading him straight to her bedroom, much to his delight.
She closes and locks the door behind them, just in case; after all, Ted is her roommate and he's been known to strike out before sealing the deal. Then she loops her arms around his neck, pulling him in close. "You were really sweet today, Barney."
"Barney Stinson is not sweet," he scoffs.
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm mysterious and virile and sexy and guaranteed to please, like James Bond or…" He thinks about it for a second. "Bon Jovi."
She laughs, not quite making the connection. "You're all those things too, but that doesn't change the fact that you took me all around the city today. You did everything I wanted, made it all about me. Barney, you did Canadian karaoke and you didn't even sing a single Robin Sparkles song. Face it, you're sweet."
"Am not," he argues, but it's significantly weakened by her fingers running rhythmically over the nape of his neck.
"Are so," Robin counters. She looks him over. He can feel the shift in her mood, and she watches his deep blue eyes grow heated in response. "I know it ruins your reputation…." She relieves him of his jacket. "But you, Barney Stinson…." His tie is the next to go. "Are sweet," she says, unfastening his collar along with the first button of his shirt. "And you taste sweet here." She kisses each corner of his mouth before pressing her lips to his, savoring it for a moment, humming softly before pulling back. "And here." She kisses along his jaw and then down his neck, her teeth softly raking his skin. "Mm, and here." Her open mouth slides across to his throat and when he makes a sound of gruff approval she can feel it vibrate against her lips. Walking him backwards a step, she pushes him down to sit on the bed. "Still have objections to being called 'sweet'?
The smile Barney gives her is both tender and turned on, her favorite look on him. "Nope. Not a one."
Flashing him a sexy smile of her own, Robin walks over to the table where her iPod is docked and switches it on. Soft music with a low, throbbing baseline fills the air, ratcheting up the mood that much higher. She sways and struts back to him, rocking her hips in time to the music as she turns around and backs into him, dipping and bending and rolling against him where he sits on the edge of her bed.
"Robin, are you….." His hands rise of their own volition to glide along her hips as she moves over him. "…..are you giving me a lap dance?"
She turns to face him, continuing to grind against him. "What does it feel like?" she asks, her voice pure sex – and god, she's incredible.
"It feels like a fever dream," he grunts, pulling her hips closer to his, and she comes down willingly, climbing onto him and straddling his thighs.
"Well, it's about to get a lot hotter."
She pulls her sundress over her head, and finally he's gotten her out of it, or rather she got herself out of it, but it doesn't matter either way because the important thing is she's out of it. Then she's all over him, undressing him, touching him everywhere, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. She tugs on his lower lip with her teeth, slowly releasing it as she arches back.
"Might as well do this right," she grins at a stunned Barney as she reaches around and unhooks her strapless bra, letting it fall to the floor. She pushes him down flat on his back and bends over him, kissing across his shoulders, over his chest, down his belly to the deep "V" low on his abdomen, pointing the way home. "You taste really good here." She puts her open mouth to his skin there, her tongue tracing the spot. "Hmmm, now how else can I thank you for today?"
Barney wants this – he really wants this. If only she hadn't said she was doing it as a 'thank you'. That, along with what she said earlier, bothers him and he can't shake it. Because this is Robin, not some random bimbo, and the idea of Robin thinking that he expects or requires this in exchange for considerate behavior toward her…..
He can't believe he's about to say this. His body fights his brain, but somehow he manages to get the words out. "You – you don't have to thank me." He's shaking, actually shaking a little because it's taking every ounce of self control here, but he repeats it and he means it. "You don't have to."
Robin looks up at him in confusion. "What the hell, Barney? My mouth is practically on, well, Little Barney here and you're seriously arguing?"
"I just….remember? 'No sexual favors necessary'. I just don't want you to think that's why I did all this today, because I expected you to…that you had to. Because that's not why. Not at all."
She regarded him curiously, something sparking in her eyes somewhere between affection and lust, most likely a jumbled mixture of the two. "I didn't think that, Barney. I know I don't have to. I want to." Her tone changed, her eyes turning to pure seduction. "And when you say things like that to me, it makes me want to be really good," she whispers, lowering her mouth back to him.
Much later, when they're both trembling and sated and still recovering, he smiles at her soft and loving. "Scherbatsky," he breathes, looking adoringly down into her eyes. "I…" He shakes his head, not quite able to articulate it, almost giving up before he finally says, "Inside you is my favorite place in the world."
His kisses her one more time before pulling away, rolling off of her to his back. He turns his head against the pillow to look over at her. Their eyes connect and he only hesitates a moment before drawing her to him. Holding her, he strokes her hair, her back, until their breathing has calmed and they're lying relaxed in each other's arms.
"Robin," he sighs, savoring her name like a fine glass of Johnny Walker Blue. And, for now, that's enough.
AN: Barney and Robin's "secret summer" is starting to wind down (the next chapter will be September). So we'll increasingly see how their little affair has become a relationship without them even realizing it.