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Series One, Episode Three, Part Three
Eat it*
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Mickey's Diner seated thirty people max. Dean chose the booth to the left of the entrance. Cas slid into the side of the red squishy booth that faced the door, and Sam slid in across from him. The elder Winchester figured Cas might be hurt if neither of the brothers sat next to him, especially Dean. Cas looked at Dean, half pleading and half expecting the hunter to slide in next to him. Although he had not cared all that much about how the Angel felt in the past, right now Dean really did not want to hurt the poor guy's feelings, so he joined Cas on his side of the booth. Sam looked between them but said nothing and smiled inwardly.
A plump blonde waitress named Tanya came over to their table with three menus. She gave a menu to Sam, then Dean, then Cas. Well, she tried to give one to Cas.
"Thank you, but I don't need a menu; I don't eat," Cas informed the waitress.
Tanya looked at Cas like he was a freak. "Oooookkkkkaaayyyy. Well, just in case..." The waitress continued holding the menu out to Cas, but he just kept staring at her, expressionless.
Dean looked from the waitress to Cas, and back to the waitress again. He put on a smile, and took the menu with a "Thanks". Then, with his eyes still on the waitress, Dean hit the Angel in the chest with said menu. Cas instinctively took hold of the object.
~As the waitress was walking away, she heard Dean say, "You can't go around telling people you don't eat! They'll think you have an eating disorder!" Tanya scrunched her face in confusion because the young man had seemingly acknowledged that the older man did not eat.~
"My mistake. I will accept the menu next time one is offered to me."
Dean rolled his eyes, "Just read the damn thing and pretend like you might actually want something." Dean looked down at his own menu. "Look here," he said with a smile, "best burgers and fries in the county. How 'bout that? You still like burgers?"
Cas recalled 'his' brush with Famine, and tried to decide if burgers still made him 'very happy'. "I don't know," he answered honestly.
"Well how 'bout we get you one anyway, and you'll eat it so that our waitress doesn't think you're a total nutcase."
"If you think that is what's best, Dean."
Again Dean rolled his eyes.
A few minutes later, Sam flagged down the waitress and, being the boring health nut, all he ordered was a salad and some water. Dean ordered burgers and Cokes for both him and Cas.
"Oh, so you do eat?" Tanya asked mockingly.
Dean squinted slightly at her, I'm the only one who can make fun of Cas. You're so not getting a good tip. Wait, why do I care?
Cas started to say something but Dean cut him off, "He has a weak spot for a good burger."
After the waitress went off to give the cook their orders, Dean asked Sam for more details on the case. Sam pulled out his laptop and brought up the article that had led them to Easley.
Sam said in his 'informative' voice, "The Walkers, family of five, were found dead in their home. All of their throats had been slashed, and all the doors and windows were locked from the inside. The article goes on to say that they had just moved into the home in May and were working on fixing up the place after it had been abandoned for as long as anyone could remember."
"So we're thinking ghost of the previous owner?" Dean assumed.
Sam nodded, "Probably. I'll go to the library tomorrow, see what I can find out about the house's history."
Dean swallowed a mouthful. "Fine by me. I'll go ask the neighbors if they saw or heard anything."
"What should I do," asked the Angel as he munched on a fry.
Shit, totally forgot about Cas. "I, uh, think you should go with Sam. Last time you played Fed, well, it didn't go so good."
"Uh, yeah, that's fine with me," Sam said. "It'd make things go faster if I had another pair of eyes."
"If that is where you both think I will be most helpful."
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After the three had finished their meals, they went back to the motel room. Cas decided that he would not stay while the boys were sleeping. Instead he spent the night sitting in Mile Creek County Park, overlooking Lake Keowee. Cas liked lakes, rivers, ponds - anything that was water. He found that water had a calming effect on him. And waiting for the Winchesters to wake up gave the angel hours of free time to stare at the water in reflection.
When Castiel had regained his sanity, he thought he still had Dean, but the hunter just pushed him away. Now that Castiel was back in both the Winchester's good graces, he didn't feel so alone. Receiving Dean's affection again had lifted one of many weights off his shoulders that he had not realized he had been carrying.
Cas had been unaware that what he was feeling for Dean in the hunter's absence was need. The need to be with Dean, to be around him; to have the hunter's friendship and support. But when Dean sent him away, he became lost.
Cas could not go back to Heaven; he could not bare to see what he had done to it. And whenever he spoke to Gabriel, the Archangel never talked about the state of what used to be his home. A small part of Cas did want to go back to Heaven though, to repent, to apologize. But he feared what he would find; the aftermath of what he had done; what effect the consequences would have on him.
Cas had already felt horrible for all that he had done, and during the four weeks he did not have Dean to talk to, he had to fight against himself everyday to not take his own life.
Now that he was back in Dean's life, he did not think he would survive being cast out by the man again. Cas swore to himself that he would never do anything to hurt Dean, or jeopardize their friendship, ever again.
It still hurt him to think about Purgatory, the unintentional release of the Leviathans, his dealings with Crowley, and his interaction with Dean a month ago. His behavior and all the damage he had caused still haunted him, and he knew it always would.
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*Eat It is a Weird Al Yankovic parody of the song Beat It by Michael Jackson. They were in a diner and I couldn't think of any other (clever) song titles I could have used as a title for this chapter. My brain's an ass like that sometimes.