A mind full of regret.
A Tom/Julia friendship fic, set after the evening Tom finds out Frank has left Julia.
Schmaltzy and fluffy, just the way I like 'em! And mild swearing.
"Fuck.
Fuck.
Could I have fucked this up more? I mean, I'm sure I could have if I'd tried harder…nope, wait, I really couldn't have."
Julia's mind ran the last few days over and over in her head. Her husband had left her. Her son was caught in the middle of a mess she knew she was responsible for. And she didn't know how or if she could fix it.
And now this. She'd ruined the night that both of them had been looking forward to for so long. Tom had been so excited about celebrating their ten years, and she had to go and ruin it. And to have him be so sweet about it. To hold her and cry with her and comfort her.
"When did I luck out with finding him?" she thought to herself. He was the most selfless person she'd ever met, and the one person who knew absolutely every detail about her life. Even Frank didn't know about some of the things she'd told Tom.
Which is why she hadn't told Tom about Frank. Telling Tom meant it had to be true.
"Fuck. FUCK." she put her head down on her hands and began to cry again. The three people she loved most in the world and she'd managed to hurt all of them in the space of a few days.
The house felt empty and alone. Leo, knowing his mom would be out with Tom for most of the night, had gone to stay with a friend. Julia hadn't expected that the evening would turn into this.
She sat at her kitchen table, tears running onto her arms. She had cried herself into a stupour, but was brought back to reality when her cell phone beeped from her bag. Lifting her head she blinked in the light and rummaged in her purse until she retrieved it.
"Julia…please don't worry about tonight. I just wish you'd told me sooner. I will always be here for you, I love you so much. T. x"
Julia sniffled, grabbed her bag and left the house.
Tom rolled over in bed. The bedside lamp cast shadows across the room. He couldn't sleep. Not after tonight. Not after the rollercoaster of emotions he'd been on.
After dropping Julia off at her house he'd come home, sat on the bed and cried for a half hour straight. He felt so exasperated that Julia had done what she'd done, but he knew she regretted it. He knew that she was mentally beating herself up and he knew that telling her she'd made a mistake would be a bad move. She already knew she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.
He wanted to make it all better, to wave a magic wand and have everything back to normal and Julia happy again. The fact that he couldn't do that broke his heart. There was nothing he could do but love and support her.
The lamp light cast a half shadow across the framed poster on his wall. It was the original poster from their first Broadway opening of Three On A Match, the musical they'd written which was basically a love note to one another. His eyes darted to the dresser where there was a framed picture of him and Julia at one of his birthday parties. He was sat on a large leather chair while she sat across his lap, both of them with their arms around each other, laughing happily. His heart sank a little more.
The lock turned in the door. She never had to knock, she had been letting herself in at all times of the day and night for years. The apartment was dark apart from a soft light coming from the bedroom.
"Julia?" a voice called "is that you sweetie?" A sniff confirmed that it was. She dropped her bag in the hallway and walked into the bedroom.
"Sweetheart. My sweetheart. Come here." Tom turned back the covers and motioned for her to get in the bed. Julia's face crumpled and she climbed in.
And there they sat, Julia sobbing into Tom's chest, and hot silent tears dripping off Tom's chin as he held her. Eventually the sobbing subsided. Julia's breathing became softer as she drifted into sleep.
He looked down at her sleeping, finally looking peaceful. He stroked her hair, kissed her forehead.
"I despair of you sometimes, but I couldn't live without you" he whispered, almost silently. Feeling calmer than he had all day he reached out, turned off the lamp and closed his eyes, finally able to sleep.