Part 6
Before going home, The Smiths decided to visit Steve in the hospital.
"Hey Steve," Francine said as the family walked into the room. Klaus was in a zip lock bag in Roger's pocket. A 'get well soon' balloon was tied at the end of Steve's bed and a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird was on the table next to him. "How are you feeling?" She sat on the edge of the bed.
"Great Mom!" Steve answered. "The doctor said that I could come home tomorrow."
"Terrific!" She looked at the balloon. "Who gave you the balloon?"
"Grandpa and Grandma." Steve answered. "Snot, Toshi, his sister, Akiko, and Barry also visited me. Snot gave me a card that he, Toshi and Berry all signed." He grabbed the book from the table. "Snot gave me this book that they just started in my English class." Steve turned to his dad. "After I read this Dad, I'll become a man you want me to be, and learn how to kill a mockingbird." Stan and Francine exchanged worried glances. Hayley went to Steve's side.
"Steve," She started. "I read that book when I was a freshmen in high school and it isn't really about a mockingbird or how to shoot one." Steve looked surprised.
"What? The title is misleading? It lied to me? Talk about a bad title! I was so eager on how to kill a mockingbird!" He then looked at his father. "I heard you got arrested Dad. Mind telling me about it?"
"It's a quite a story." Stan answered.
"Well, it's only seven and visiting hours doesn't get done for another two hours and I'm not going anywhere in this hospital bed, plus I just learned that this book might suck, so shoot Dad. Tell me, I'm all ears." Stan sighed and sat down in a chair.
"Remember that news we heard on the TV that night you went to the hospital? The one with George murdering his wife?"
"Yeah. What about it?"
So, Stan told his son why he got arrested and how Klaus and Roger ended up at his hearing. Roger and Klaus told him their story about being Fins and the Legman.
"Und!" Klaus said. "Fins un…" He then saw Roger's expression. "You know what? 'Und', 'and', it really doesn't matter." Roger smiled.
"So, let me get this straight." Steve said when they were done. "You and Klaus were detectives without me?"
"Well we had no choice." Roger replied. "You couldn't do it since you were here. I wanted a different partner but the fish convinced me to let him be my partner instead."
"He even wanted Teddy Bonkers." Klaus told the fourteen year old.
"That stupid stuffed bear?" He asked. Klaus nodded.
"Sadly yes."
"Well, I guess it's his life and he's in charge of it. I still play with toys at fourteen, so I really can't complain."
"That's right!" Roger agreed. "And don't you forget it!"
"But you know what would've made a great sleuthing parter? A dog. Especially Kisses because he was a beagle. We had three others, but sadly, they all were in only one episode."
"Just like Wizards of Wavery Place! They were all excited about keeping a dog, which they did. But the next episode on and onwards the dog was never seen or heard of again."
"Max mentioned him in one episode." Hayley piped in.
"But unlike that show," Steve said. "We had reasons to why we don't have them anymore."
"What happened to Coco?" Klaus wanted to know.
"Oh, she was just your April Fool's Day joke." Roger answered. "After that, Stan said we had to send her back to the pound. She got adopted to a nice family through."
"That's the problem." He said. "Dogs and this family of Smiths don't mix."
"But aliens do!" Roger said.
"Und fish!" Klaus added. "Who's really a human being."
"I wouldn't mind a cat." Hayley suggested.
"No, no, no!" Steve said. "No cats! I had a bad encounter with one!"
"And they'll think I'm food." Klaus said. Hayley sighed.
"Fine, no cats."
"But we can get one when we move out babe." Jeff reassured her.
They stayed until they were kicked out. Francine kissed her son and told him that she would be back to pick him up in the next day when he's ready.
When they hopped out of the SUV, Hayley screamed. Stan's eyes widened at what he saw. There, still in the same spot when they left was Charlotte's now decomposing body.
"I can't believe it's still here." Roger spoke. "Didn't one of our neighbors see it? I mean, it's been a while."
"I'll call the police." Francine said and went inside.
"Bring the body in." Stan whispered to Roger. "I don't want the neighbors getting the wrong impression."
"You got it Stan!" The alien saluted. The rest of the family went in. Roger dragged the body inside.
Roger put the body on the floor and put Klaus back in his bowl.
"The police will be on their way." Francine announced. "They said they have a lot of crimes, but they'll come as soon as they can."
"Good." Stan said. "Sooner the body is gone, the better." He shut off the lights. They went upstairs to get ready for bed.
"Is somebody going to move my bowl?" Klaus asked in the dark. "Or move the body at least or am I going to have go to sleep knowing that there's a dead body not too far away from me? Hallo?" He sighed. "Figures." He then fell asleep.
In the morning, Klaus awoke from a scream by Hayley. The rest of the family came rushing in.
"What is it, babe?" Jeff wanted to know.
"Did they close down your favorite clothes store?" Roger asked. Hayley pointed to the body still on the floor. They all gasped.
"OMG!" Roger observed. "The body is still here." Hayley looked at Francine.
"I thought you called the police about this, Mom." She said.
"I did." Francine answered.
"Call them again, honey." Stan told her. "Maybe they forgot because they were too busy at keeping America crime-free."
"That's what I'm going to do." She went to the kitchen to make the call.
A few minutes later, she came back.
"They're on their way." Francine told them.
"You said that last night." Klaus said.
"Well, they're 'really' coming. They said that they're sorry they couldn't come earlier, they were so busy with arresting people."
"I told you they were keeping America safe." Stan said.
"Anywho, I got a call from the hospital. Steve's ready to be picked up. So in the meantime, I want this body out of here by the time we come home. Roger, I'm putting you in charge of the body. If the police aren't here by the time I come home, hide it."
"Got it Franny!" Roger saluted.
"Are you sure you want Roger?" Hayley asked.
"You're right, Stan I want you to…"
"Whoa!" Roger said. "Francine, you don't trust me? That's cold!"
"I can't believe I'm saying this but, fine, Roger, you do it." Roger cheered.
"Yes! I won't let you down!" He saluted again.
"That's what I'm afraid of. Stan, Hayley and Jeff, you make the 'welcome home banner' and bring out the beverages."
"What can I do?" Klaus wanted to know.
"What are you talking about? You're just a fish. Just stay in your bowl and…make sure they're all working." Klaus cheered.
"JA! I love/hate being a fish! Will do!" He saluted. And with that, Francine left the house. The rest of the family got to work, except Roger who went to the kitchen to get some wine. He came back, set it on a coaster, sat on the sofa and turned on the TV to House."
"Roger," Klaus said to him. "Remember, if the police aren't here by the time Francine gets here..."
"Yeah, yeah." Roger said. "Hide the body, whatever. I'm watching, fish." He drank some of his wine.
An hour later, the family all herd a car drive up the driveway. Stan, Hayley and Jeff all ran out of the kitchen. Jeff carried the banner they had made. Roger was still watching House.
"Mom's home!" Hayley called when she saw Francine get out of the car and opened the other door for Steve.
"Roger," Stan stated. "Francine's here. Did the police show up?"
"No." Roger answered.
"Then did you hide the body?" He looked down. The body was still there. Roger looked at him.
"Oh? Was I supposed to do that?"
"Roger!"
"Mom and Steve are coming closer!" Hayley called.
"Just hide it in the kitchen for now, okay?"
"Okay."
"And stop watching TV!"
"I will. Just stall Francine until this is over!"
"Now, Roger!" Roger turned of the TV and went down. He grabbed the body by the feet and started dragging it towards the kitchen.
"Just be lucky that I can watch this on the Internet." He picked up the body and threw it into the kitchen. He came back. He brushed his hands together.
"The deed is done. Sorry, I always wanted to say that."
"Now we all hide! Hayley shut of the lights!"
"Roger that, Dad!" And with that, she shut off the lights and went into hiding like the rest of her family behind the couch.
"Sorry." Roger told Stan. "I wasn't listening. I was thinking if House's patient was going to die or not. What did she say about me?" Roger asked.
"Nothing, Roger." Stan told him.
"No, seriously, I heard my name."
"Shut up, Roger!" Hayley said.
"No, really, what did you say?"
"I SAID SHUT UP, ROGER!" Hayley screamed.
"Okay, shuttin' up!"
"You got that from Laurie Halse Anderson's Prom, didn't you?"
"Yes I did and I'm proud of it!" She sighed and resumed her hiding position. Roger did the same.
Steve and Francine entered the house. Steve looked puzzled.
"Why is the house dark, Mom?" He wanted to know. Francine turned on the lights. All at once, the family jumped out from behind the couch. Jeff and Hayley held the 'welcome home Steve!' banner from each side.
"SURPRISE!" They all shouted. Steve's mouth fell open.
"You did this for me?" They all nodded.
"We just wanted to give our son a warm welcome when he returned form the hospital." Stan spoke.
"I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. Let me get some Pepsi. I'm kind of thirsty." He went towards the kitchen. Stan looked worried.
"Um, son? I wouldn't go in there yet." Francine gave him a look.
"Why not Stan?" She asked. Stan was about to answer when Steve screamed.
"WHY IS CHARLOTE HENSION'S DEAD BODY DOING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR?" Francine narrowed her eyes at Stan and folded her arms over her chest. Her husband laughed nervously.
The family went in the kitchen, even Klaus in his new cup. Roger carried his wine glass in.
"You hid the body in the kitchen?" Francine questioned. "In plain sight? You didn't think anyone would've seen it if they just walked right in?" She looked at Roger madly.
"Well, yes." Roger answered. Francine did a face palm.
"Why, Roger, why?"
"That's what you get for giving the job to a lazy jack butt alien." Klaus said.
The doorbell then rang.
"I'll get it." Francine offered. She went to the door and answered it. It was the police.
"Where's the body?" The police chief asked.
"It's right this way officers." She led them to the kitchen Roger hid behind the counter.
Two officers picked up the body and put it in the stretcher.
"Sorry." The chief apologized. "We would've been here earlier but busy, busy!"
"Sure you were lazy butts!" Roger shouted from behind his hiding place. The officers looked confused.
"Did you hear that?" The police chief asked Francine. Francine grinned nervously.
"Heard what?" She asked.
"That noise."
"I didn't hear anything. Did you Stan?"
"Nope!" Stan replied.
"Funny, I thought I heard a voice." The police chief said.
"You did you lazy bum!" Roger yelled.
"There it is again." He looked at Stan and Francine. "Are you sure you guys didn't hear it?" Francine pushed the police chief quickly out the door. His buddies followed.
"Nope, now bye!" And with that, she shut the door before he asked another question. She sighed with relief and joined her family back into the kitchen.
"Well," Roger started. "A case has been solved by the Fins and the Legman!" He drank his wine.
"Hey Rog," Klaus said. "You think there will be a sequel?" Roger shrugged.
"Who knows? It's the author's decision if the Fins and the Legman will get another case or not."
"Over my dead body!" Steve said.
"Really Steve?" You're going to end the story like that?"
"Please don't say 'dead body' Steve." Klaus said. "I don't want to wake up to see another dead body on the floor."
"It's a figure of speech, Klaus!" Steve told him. "I'm not going to die; I'm just going to be really angry and kill you and maybe Roger too if I feel like it."
"I know. I just don't want to wake up to another dead body is all." Roger made a toast with his wine.
"To Fins and the Legman!" Everyone except Klaus and Jeff sighed.
"To Fins and the Legman." Everyone but Klaus and Jeff all chorused like zombies and then they watched as Roger drank his beverage.