Ok..so this chapter's fun and delights were prompted by the jumpin' peen gif from the Choke episode guys gym scene, some of the awesome fan art that's out there...the gloryhole present box I think is by Kristin the Reckless...absolutely hilarious! Emma shading inspired by the pics from her second week at cochella where she modelled some weird and wonderful outfits...not to mention the 3 day old socks. She earned the nickname Smokin' Kabob after she was photographed smoking...still in the chicken vein.

3 Hours later on the ranch at the kitchen table reading the Rileystreet thread and poor Kevin still on the phone

Mark(concerned) You okay, man?

Kevin:Dude? Are you alive?

Chord:...

Mark:Hey! You okay?

Chord:Th-they're talking about...my...junk! This one says she wants to climb me like a tree!

Mark:No shame hahahaha!

Chord: ( face as red as tomato and hyperventilating)Jumpin' peen...they have pictures...Listen to what some chick called Love4cedes has written...how come there's no one called Love4sam huh?
"WHAT THE FUCK? CHORD! My brain cannot process this right now. WTF!OMG. OMG. OMG. His peen is MOVING ON IT'S my eyes playing tricks on me since I have not had my coffee" Are these people sex maniacs?

Kevin: Don't wear such tight trousers...oh the gifs of the jumpin' peen! Hahahaha

Chord:Fuck you!

Mark:Check it-one of them is a doctor...

Chord:Who?
Mark:Lady Basquiat! She is like a doctor of psychology or something...she's done some in depth analysis on you and Amber! This is better than paying a therapist woo-hoo!

Chord: What does she say?

Mark:Well apparently she's written a paper on your blushing..

Chord:My what?

Mark:Dude did you know that when you kiss Amber your ears are like flaming red...kinda like they are now?

Chord:What do you expect? They've got gifs of me body rolling with 'Pussy Bandit' all over them...my eyes will never be the same!

Mark: Fuck me hahahahah! (rolls around laughing)

Chord: (looking scared) What!

Mark:Someone's actually drawn a cartoon of you as Sam...putting yo peen into a gloryhole...hahahaha!

Chord:WHAT! WHERE?

Mark: Here...Someone called Bubblezzz posted it bwahahahaha...

Kevin: What page? What page?

Mark: 83! This shit's raw!

Kevin:Woo-hoo! Boom pregnant with triplets!

Chord: Fuck me! I feel faint...They are actually praying to Grilled Cheesus! These people are crazy...crayzee!

Mark: Lookee here! Lady B calling you a sock stuffer...Gawd I love her...

Chord: I do not stuff my shorts!

Mark:Lawdy lawdy cover your eyes!

Chord:Why?

Mark:(Puts hands over Chord's eyes)There's an artist's drawing of you and Amber...ummm she's sitting in your lap...nekkid...Oh my sweet Jesus!

Chord:Lemme see! Lemme see! (pushes Mark off)

Kevin: Why don't they ever draw pictures like that of me and Amber...*sob*

Chord:...
Mark: Dude?

Chord: Need to save it! NEED TO SAVE IT! (Hitting right click and save desperately)

Mark:Shit go easy on the keyboard dude! You'll break it!

Chord:Mine!

Mark:Okay Gollum...(Chord is now right click and saving every Amber image he comes across like a demented fool) And you say you're not attracted to Amber...

Chord:Shuddup!

Kevin: Oh the Chicken shade is glorious! Listen to this gem from Anni2k12:
"Well really would you want to be seen out and about with someone that was wearing a pair of such hideous trousers they looked like they've been made out of an old 70s bedspread? Not to mention that t shirt that made it look like she'd been attacked by Edward Scissorhands...and those socks would've been walking themselves to the bagwash by the end of the weekend. Lesson 101 in rocking the 'Summat the cat done pooed and dragged in' look. The dress for that met thingy was infinitely better but that's not saying much- still dont think she's that pretty even scrubbed up. At least it was an appropriate colour-Chicken Yellow."
Jesus the British are brutal!

Chord:She's not that chickeny...

Mark: Dude even her breasts are made of fake poultry...what? Just sayin'

Chord:...

Kevin: And her clothes! My God how did you even walk around with her at Cochella? Were those folk not even giving you any looks?

Chord:(mutters under his breath)That's why I wore shades, so I could block it out...Well ok some of her fashion choices are random I'll admit-

Mark:Is that what we're calling it?I thought it was more Old Crazy Bag Bitch look.

Kevin: Preach! That shit's naaaasty!

Mark: Especially since these ninjas here have noticed that she wore THE SAME SOCKS the entire weekend! Nasty chicken turd.

Chord: I suspected as much...her feet always smell bad...but I put that down to squeezing her chicken feet into shoes that were too small...

Kevin:Dude, tweet da truth ninja back and ask for the coupon code for Dr Scholl's you been needing that shit fast...

Mark: These chicks don't mess about dude...

Kevin:Of course they don't, fool! Mercedes has like a mafia!

Chord: A mafia? Don't lie! Check it! These people are part of MI8...

Mark: What's that?

Chord: Well isn't MI5 like the British spy agency James Bond works for? These chicks must be hardcore spies...Fuck! We need to check for hidden cameras and bugs! (looking around wildly)

Mark: MY EYES! MY EYES! Begone knobbly kneed fowl!

Chord:What the hell-

Kevin: Jesus! Chord! How can you! Those knees are frigging prehistoric!

Mark: Yeah...I second what Shae32 says " I'm sorry, but why are my eyes always drawn to her knees. She really needs to do something about that. Like cover them up. " Dude, you need to like buy her a pac a mac that goes down to the floor to cover that bony carcass up!

Chord: I just don't look at them...turns my stomach...

Kevin:Amber has the best knees...the best legs...the best as-

Chord: Shuddup!

Kevin: And da truth boms keep coming! Aww look at the picture from the prom episode...why so serious Chord?

Chord:...

Kevin: Ha! Mocha can tell ya why! " Its almost as if Eric just told them this is the last scene he will be shooting of them.. and Chord got all sad puppy dog while Amber is reacting like. awwww you're so cute.. and like Eric is like riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. LOL ya know, the feels." Man this is deep!

Chord:How do they know this?That was private! I mean they're wrong, they're all wrong...

Mark:Sure, of course they are (patting him on the back)...and you're girlfriend is not the next poster child for Bird Flu...

Chord: Okay she may be a bit-

Kevin: Bwahahahahaha! Poultry Roadkill! Smokin Kabob! This is golden! Golden I tell ya!

Mark: These girls have receipts dude. Receipts! Hey Chord whatcha doing?

Chord:(phone to his ear)Calling Amber!

Amber:Hello?

Chord:Hey it's me!

Amber:What the hell is going on with Twitter! I've had that nasty-necked feathered beast that you call girlfriend on the phone-

Chord: (shouting excitedly)I'm on the Gleeforum...on Rileystreet! Did you know you have a mafia!

Amber:Riley what?

Chord:They've got pictures, Amber, pictures!They're part of some conspiracy! An undercover British spy agency called MI8! They know my ears go red when I kiss you! They've got drawings of you and me naked! Rabid poultry all over the place!

Amber: WHAT THE HELL-

Chord:Jumpin' peen Amber! Jumpin' Peen and gloryholes I tell ya!

Amber:CHORD OVERSTREET YOU DRUNK DIALLING ME AGAIN FOOL! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU GET BACK TO LA! *click*

Chord: She hung up...

Kevin: And to think I haven't even shown him the fan fiction...