Here's chapter five, I know I could never end it on chapter five because it's an odd number - as a rule I don't really like odd numbers. Oneshots are alright, but I'd never like to end a fic on chapter 7 or something. Just a little insight into my warped mind for you. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
"Rose, listen, I know you want to do this now but it's the middle of the night, can't we wait until tomorrow – well, later today I suppose it is now – to do this?"
Rose pushed her way through the curtains and closed the doors, locking them firmly and spinning around to see the Doctor standing slightly awkwardly just inside the doors, still looking a little bemused – presumably from the way she had shut him up and bundled him inside in a matter of seconds. "Well tough," she replied, taking him by the arm and leading him to the sofa. It was a corner sofa, the sort that bends at a right angle (for no apparent reason, Rose had often thought to herself) and, after shoving the Doctor down on it, she proceeded to sit down on the other side of the sofa, diagonally opposite him, the optimum position for talking in. Rose had purposefully sat just far enough away from the Doctor that she would have to make a conscious effort to reach forward and take his hand. She was worried that, if they sat right next to each other and held hands, just as they always did, it would feel so comfortable and normal that she would just back down. Rose was never going to let that happen – the Doctor was not going to win this one; he was not in charge any more.
Rose sat cross legged on the sofa, facing the Doctor, who was watching her, feet on the floor and one arm holding the other elbow, looking more unsure than Rose had ever seen him. It did occur to her that this was probably the first time in his 900 or so years that he had actually been forced to sit down, by someone who, if not at that moment, had once been a companion, and actually discuss plans and feelings and all those things that he usually ran top speed away from.
For the moment she remained silent, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands, taking the time to try and work out where she wanted to start. She was amused when the Doctor mimicked her actions by leaning his elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped and head tilted slightly to the side as though trying to read her face. Oh crap, she suddenly thought, new mind-link thing. The Doctor had said that it wouldn't be so bad after a while, but right now there was every chance he could read her emotions while she was still pondering what she was going to say. In a split second Rose had decided she just needed to come out and say it. It was one thing getting angry or frustrated or upset, but it was another thing knowing that the person you were talking knew this before it happened. If she was straight and honest with him now, then she would be fine. Why should she care if he knew she was angry while she was shouting at him?
"I need to know what you want," was what materialised when Rose opened her mouth. For a moment she had to mull over her own words, thinking about what the Doctor would read into them, what he would think she wanted to hear, if he would tell her the truth. He hadn't moved when she spoke. He was still staring at her with those deep, dark eyes, still sparkling even in the gloom (Rose had not even thought about turning on the light, so the two of them were lit only by the dim light of the moon and the street lights filtering through the windows.)
"I don't mean that we need to have everything planned out," she finally continued, feeling the need to qualify what now seemed a very vague statement. "And I don't mean that I want you to lie to me and brush it off and blunder off into the next day's adventure," she added as he opened his mouth to reply. From the manner in which he closed it again Rose reckoned she had hit the nail on the head regarding what his answer would have been. A tiny smile flitted across her face – why did he even try any more, he knew she would never be fooled by that sort of stuff. To be honest she doubted any companion of his ever had been.
"So...so you want to know what I want concerning...us." The Doctor spoke slowly and carefully, weighing his words, but he was not asking a question. He knew what Rose was asking of him, he just seemed to be figuring out how to say it. "Well, the thing is, I just..." He trailed off, looking away for a moment then back at her. "Rose, what I said on the beach was true, and you know how I feel, I was in such a state after you left, I drove Martha half mad banging on about you and I just couldn't believe that you found me again, you're just so brilliant, you are! And I know that I'm never any good at...at really talking about anything, and I always a bit Time Lord and crazy whenever we, well you I suppose, whenever you tried to ask me about it, and I know that I'm not exactly...well not the exact same person that he was, I mean is, except that actually I really am, only without so much of the Time Lord crazy lobbed into the equation." This had all spewed out of the Doctor with barely a pause for breath, and as he stopped to consider his next sentence Rose found that she had stopped breathing along with him, and had to take a few gulps of air to get back to normal.
"Well, what I'm trying to say is that... that this is the me who can be with you, always. I loved you as a Time Lord, more than you probably ever guessed that I did, but the truth is that Time Lord me could never be with you properly. Not because I didn't want to, but you know me, Rose. You know me so well." He was smiling now, and Rose could feel her own lips mirroring his, like they always did, although she seemed to be coming dangerously close to tears as she listened to her wonderful Doctor baring his (less "Time Lord-crazy") soul for the first time.
"You know how I always told you that I couldn't age, but that you would, and you never cared. You were so brilliant and you just never cared. Bit stubborn at times, but still brilliant. And there was a part of me that was never happier than when you told me "forever." But there was another part of me that knew that I would never be able to let myself be happy with you for however short an amount of time we had. Even if you weren't killed by some alien or human, and believe me there were times when you came so close that I nearly locked you in the TARDIS—"
"And a couple of times you did," she reminded him without a trace of bitterness, more like amusement at the guilty expression that flared up and, though she couldn't see very well in the gloom, the tiniest blush over his cheeks. The Half-Human Time Lord – blushing! Rose wished that she had a camera.
"Yeah, sorry about that," continued the Doctor, sheepishly, "but even if you weren't killed, you were still growing older and I always knew that one day I would be alone without you, and I thought that it would kill me. Knowing you were still alive here is what kept me going; if you were dead I don't think I would've been able to. And leaving you on that beach was the hardest thing I could ever imagine – I know, 'cause we're the same person and I know how it felt for him – but it actually gave you, and me, the chance to be together as equals, and he wanted that more than keeping you to himself. He wanted to know that, somewhere out there, the Doctor and Rose Tyler are living a life, day after day, happy and together. And that is what I want, Rose Tyler. That is all I want."
Rose hadn't noticed that there were tears pouring down her cheeks until the Doctor fell silent, and she realised that he was a blur, concealed by all the yet unshed tears that were collecting in her eyes. She wiped them on her pyjama sleeve, using the momentary break from his piercing gaze to try and figure out how on Earth she was ever going to reply to that.
"Well, that's, um...good to know," she mumbled into her sleeve, feeling more than seeing the smile that had appeared on his face on hearing her less than eloquent reply. He reached over, taking one of her hands in both of his and holding it tightly between them. As it turned out, this gesture of comfort and friendship and love, on top of the Doctor's wonderful confession that was more than she could ever have hoped for, was just too much to bear, and in a second she had flung herself at the Doctor, arms around his neck so tightly he could barely breathe.
The force of a Rose flying at him was also too much for the Doctor, and the two of them were flung backwards until the Doctor was lying on his back on the sofa, Rose wrapped around him as if she was not going to let go. The Doctor's arms swiftly wrapped around her waist, squeezing her to him, his face buried in her hair, and for a few moments that was all that mattered, the two of them together, in that room on that sofa feeling each other's total joy in the back of their minds and not needing anything else in the entire universe.
That is until Rose pulled away from the Doctor, looking down into his ecstatic face and grinning, almost evilly the Doctor thought. "There'll be time enough for this later," she said, sitting up and dragging him with her until she was sitting in his lap, arms still wrapped around him, "now we need to talk about what I want." The Doctor's expression seemed to go through a number of different stages, settling on a cross between amusement and mischief. Rose was glad to see that this was his reaction to her little test, and she felt almost smug as she gave him a sweet smile before deftly sliding off of his lap to sit next to him, slipping her hand into his as she did so.
The Doctor sighed very quietly as he realised there was still a lot of talking yet to be done. He was not sure if it was the Human part of him talking, but he had been sincerely hoping that what Rose wanted would have turned out to be what it was that there would apparently be "time enough for" later.
Next chapter might be the last one - haven't decided yet. Or maybe I have and I just like keeping you in suspense... nope, just haven't really decided yet. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for all the reviews!