Oral Showerfest
Thank You so much for your reviews! Especially from sadhappygirl and IXAMXDECADENCE...Chord is fangirling so hard right now!Thank you Jadziwine for the brilliant birdbitch comment!
To all of you who have asked, no Lee has not tweeted poor Chord...on pain of me busting his kneecaps lol!
Chord is still hiding from Emma Chickenfaced Roberts. Poor Mark is at his wit's end. Chord has discovered the delights of tumblr and writing terrible rhyming songs for Amber. Shae has clocked on to his trolling ways and now all three of them are living in fear of Kurenai.
Chord has ventured further into the forum and discovered the Samcedes fan art and fan video thread...its too much for him...bless.
Kevin's Ducky is still missing...
Emma's doorknocker knees are now featuring in Chord's nightmares and as far as she knows every time she calls he is permanently sitting on the pot...Chord has written a song for Amber called Magnetic Panties and sent it before Mark could stop him.
Chord has stumbled across a Rileystreet fic called The Doe-eyed Fawn and Murry by Yinx1 and has the brilliant idea of e-mailing it to Amber.
Kevin is on speakerphone
Kevin: YOU IDIOT!
Mark:What? What did I do?
Kevin: Does Druiddudelover ring any bells? Huh? Does Shae32 remind you of anything?Morons! I leave you alone for one day to go and record with Amber and I come back to this shizznit!
Chord:Amber...Amber...mmmmm...Amber...
Kevin: Lord above...no more flippin' songs...I don't want to hear anymore...You should've seen Amber's face when she played it...She thinks you've eaten one too many times at the chicken buffet and that shit's turned you krayzee...Mark what were you thinking?
Mark: Dear God I'm trying to forget! (sings Chord's song he wrote the previous night) "Oh Amber, I knows you want up on my mamba"
Kevin: I don't even have the words...
Chord:What's wrong with it? It rhymes...
Kevin:I blame you,Mark!
Mark:How's it my fault! Do you know how hard its been for me?*sobs* I've had no sleep! Dude has been up all night reading fan fiction...waking me up to fangirl over them...I'm trying to pack our shit up to go back to L.A and you know I like my draws pressed just so! I've had to stop him from sending untold amounts of messages to sadhappygirl and Downbytheriver...not to mention FoxCB! (putting on a girlie accent imitating Chord) I just love her fanfiction recommendations...they're so on point!These chicks are gonna take out an injunction soon, dude!
Kevin: He is soo unsubtle in ain't even true...
Chord:*sob*
Mark: Awww hey man...we didn't mean to be so hard on you...I'm sure Amber will calm down sometime in the next millennium. C'mere and give me a hug...
Kevin: Yeah, dude please don't cry...
Chord: Oh my God the feels...THE FEEEEEELS!
Kevin:What the hell?
Mark: Aw shit, Kevin this dusty fucker here is watching Samcedes fan vids!
Kevin: Let me guess, he's found the fan art and fan vid thread...what's he watching?
Chord:*sobs* It's so beautiful...they're meant to be together...I can't with these two...(ugly creys)
Mark:Fool! Sam and Mercedes are together! (thwack) He's watching 'Part of the List'
Kevin:Oh ya..that one made me cry too...oh shit did I just say that out loud?
Chord: Dude, you so ship Samcedes!
Kevin: Whatever, if them trolls RIB can't see the epic awesomeness of Artcedes...(mutters) and McRiley...
Chord:*sigh* Riga has the most amazing fan art collection...she's a goddess! I love the one in the shower...mmmm hot water...soap...and Amber...and me!
Kevin: I don't need to hear this shit! I don't need to hear this shit! Where the hell is that putrid ostrich at!
Mark: I've had to field Chicken birdbrain's calls...do you know how many times she's called? I've lost track...all I can hear is her incessant crawing!I'm surprised she can even dial with those raggedy nasty chicken talons...I'm thinking of trying to start birdbitch trending on Twitter...
Kevin:bwahahaha! Birdbitch...love it!
Mark: I think even she with her pigeon-toed brain will figure out Chord can't always be sitting on the pot!
Kevin: What the fuck were you thinking Chord! Shae is totally on to you!
Chord: Is not!
Kevin: Is too!
Chord: Is not!
Kevin: Listen to this you waste fool! This is what you wrote!"So I caught up on a few pages and I can see that the love for Emma is not strong here lol. I guess it's just a question but what makes you guys think Amber's the one for Chord instead of Emma? Im not loving the whole walking in socks business. That's just nasty!.no wonder her feet stink!
Edit- my typing sucks! I meant to say no wonder her feet must stink cos of course I have no firsthand knowledge lol!
I've never noticed the knees either. I'll have to get a closer look! " Are you freaking insane!
Chord:What? I still haven't figured out how to erase shit...
Kevin:And what does Shae reply hmmm? "As for Ms. Arthritic Knees, I just think the youngin needs a couple of good home cooked meals. Starvation is not good for the brain, let alone the knees, as can be seen by the fact that She Who Shall Not Be Named made sure her makeup was laid on, but forgot one of the most important articles of clothing. Her damn shoes. *sigh. But if it was publicity she was looking for, she surely got it.
Chord, I try not to judge others...but you are quickly pushing me towards the edge. BIG side-eye" Dude, she called you out right there!
Mark: At least that Kurenai hasn't clocked on to us yet!
Kevin:That's cause she hasn't been around,idiot! That girl's like Sherlock fricking Holmes on acid...one sniff of the air and she be booting your trolling asses from here to the North Pole and back..
Mark:(shudders) she scares me...
Kevin:And I'm still no closer to locating Ducky...Maybe you should send Riga a message...she may know where Ducky is...
Chord: Ain't no way I'm doing that...she wants to climb me like a tree!
Mark:Look at it this way, I'm sure she's like a million times better than Chicka Shit...For a start at least she's human and not poultry..and two I don't think she'd have a problem wringing that damned chicken neck!
Chord: Shhh! Don't mention her.(looks around nervously)...I swear she's like Bloody Mary...say it enough times and she appears behind you to suck your soul into that chicken maw...
Kevin: Dude, those knees (shakes head) they are ossified...!
Chord: Those knees have given me nightmares! I try not to look at her legs cos the smell from her feet wafts up my nose!(retches) Then they just had to mention the knees and I looked...MY EYES!SOMEBODY PUT OUT MY EYES WITH A POKER! FOR THE LOVE OF GRILLED CHEEUS SOMEONE SAVE US FROM DESICCATED CHICKENS! SHE'S GOT FRIGGIN' DOORKNOBS FOR KNEES!
Kevin: Dude, dem's some dry ass chicken bones...
Chord(cell phone goes off again) Fuck! It's Chicken McGriddle! Here! Get rid of her..(shoves phone at Mark)
Mark:Dude what the hell is this? (Looking at the screen) The Abominable Dodo?
Chord: What? I stole it from Mocha...if the shoe fits...(shrugs)
Mark:Hello? No, he's on da pot...what's that you're saying? (mutters)Throw your ratchet poultry self on the fire...I said no baby I ain't no liar...(mutters)someone needs to flame grill yo ass...what? Its a bad line...I said I think he's got some bad gas...yeah laters..ya turkeyfied beotch!( hangs up) What're you gonna do at that Nylon party thing in a couple of days time? She gonna be there!
Chord:I'll be hanging in the restroom, checking my dash, reading my fics and lurking on the forum...maybe I'll call Amber..
Kevin: Shit fool! You on tumblr?
Chord:It's amazing! Dude the mafia are like so cool...the sex riots...Boop! Pregnant! I love effinbullseye...
Kevin:Dear God, what have I unleashed? You haven't by any chance come across Evansley?
Chord:Whats that?
Kevin:Dude that's like Sam and Shane...they even have fan fics about it!
Chord:...
Mark: You ok?
Chord: Oh God...I feel ill...I FEEL ILL! WHY DEAR GOD WHY?
Kevin:That's tumblr!
Mark:Back to Emma...
Kevin:Bosh,bash ,bish begone chicken ish!
Mark: Dude, that pigeon-haired skank's gotta hit the road...
Kevin: In the words of Sweet Brown,Lady B's hero..ain't nobody got time for that! Chord?
Mark:Chord?
Chord:...(typing furiously)
Mark:Oh shit...he's mailing Amber a link to a Rileystreet fic The Doe-eyed Fawn and Murry...
Kevin:Stop him!
Mark: (Jumping on top of Chord and wrestling him away from the screen)Fuck! Too late, he's sent it!
Kevin: Fuck me dude, you're on your own with that one!
Chord: (dialling on his cell phone)Amber?
Amber:You? Have you finally sobered up?
Chord:Check your mail and follow the link...
Amber:I'm warning you Chord...it had better not be about Jumpin' peens and gloryholes or magnetic panties...I still can't get that fool song outta my head! Ok so I'm on...(starts reading cue looooong silence then explosion)...what is this? OH MY GOD!WHAT IS THIS? ORAL SEX IN A CHEESECAKE FACTORY!CHORD OVERSTREET,YOU DRUNK MAILING ME AGAIN? I'MMA KILL YOU!(click and dial tone)
Kevin: Well that went well...
Chord: (giggling like a smitten fool)Ooooooh she so wants me! RILEYSTREET IS ENDGAME Y'ALL!
Kevin: Sweet Grilled Cheesus, man! Da Truth Ninja is back on twitter...shit's done about to get real...