AN: Well hey there guys...long time no see... For those of you who don't follow me on Tumblr, I've been super busy at work. I got this promotion and I've had a ton of extra hours and training and online tests and things and it's been brutal. But I'm all caught up and getting back in the groove.
Special thanks to Tigerlily for giving me an extra push.
It isn't really in her nature to be awkward.
The townspeople always found it awkward to be around Brittany; her questions were always odd and answers so vague. She feels that the situation now is awkward and she can't for the life of her figure out a way to fix it. She sips at her soup, keeping her eyes off of Santana.
Neither of them have spoken for at least five minutes.
Brittany watches Santana without looking at her. She smiles into her spoonful of soup every time Santana opens her mouth, closes it with a shake of her head or huffs in irritation. She wants to comment, but feels she has no right when she finds herself in the same boat. Nothing she thinks to say seems worth it. Nothing is interesting or relevant enough. Brittany frowns, she's never had this much trouble talking to someone.
"So," Santana begins. She says the word quickly, voice a few pitches higher than normal.
Brittany's head jerks up, spoon still held in the air. "So," she repeats, gripping onto the first spoken word like a lifeline.
"Good...soup?"
Brittany glances away when Santana cringes at her own words. She smiles. "It's splendid, thank you."
"Quinn made it," Santana mumbles, swirling her spoon in her bowl.
"No, thank you for the lunch invitation," Brittany says, returning her spoon to her bowl and folding her hands into her napkin. She clears her throat and looks up, catching Santana's eye.
"You're welcome," Santana says softly.
Brittany isn't sure if things are more or less awkward after their exchange. Regardless, it becomes increasingly harder to keep herself from catching Santana's eye.
/
"Rachel thinks I need to be out of doors more," Santana says as she walks beside Brittany.
"Yes?" Brittany says. She keeps her eyes ahead. She and Santana walk so closely together their hands and wrists bump into one another on more than one occasion. Every time it happens Brittany's skin goes warm and her head fuzzy.
"I don't know why, there's snow everywhere. It's cold," Santana says. She looks everywhere but at Brittany.
"Outside is lovely," Brittany says, she hums softly and glances at Santana. Her heart thuds just a little harder, subtly faster. Her cheeks redden and a grin grows on her face. "The company is grand." She reaches her hand towards Santana's, the urge to hold it in her own sudden and strong.
Santana turns quickly to face Brittany. The look on her face is one Brittany has never seen before. Santana looks shocked, as if the most unimaginable has happened. Brittany clears her throat and pulls her hand away from Santana, a gesture the latter doesn't miss. They both look away, Brittany towards the walls surrounding the castle and Santana to the castle itself.
"It is too bad you didn't arrive in the spring," Santana says softly after a few seconds of thoughtful silence.
Brittany looks to Santana, following her eyes to the castle. It sits like a dark menace in the middle of the wood. It's hard stone gargoyles hang off of the walls and ledges of the castle with anger on their faces. The late afternoon sun casts deep shadows that look perfect for hiding in. The snow saves the image from being a complete horror, it drapes majestically on steep tower roofs and bunches up on some of the gargoyles heads, making a few of them more comical than frightening..
"Why is that?" Brittany inquires softly.
"The castle in the spring is...was beautiful. Even now, with it's new facade, spring makes the castle look nicer. Nothing like it used to, of course," Santana says, glancing at Brittany. She crosses her arms and looks back to her castle, though to Brittany it looks as if she's looking past it. "I suppose it's hard to imagine that the castle ever looked beautiful."
Brittany nods as she listens. She clasps her hands behind her back and rocks on her feet. "You are right, it's quite scary." Brittany tries not to smile when Santana looks quickly to her. "But now that I've been in it and seen the charms of it...I like it. It's different, I like that. Much better than any of the cottages back in town." Santana's eyes soften, the hard wrinkles in her face disappear with Brittany's words. "How could I not like it?" She asks the question quietly and turns to face Santana. Brittany watches, grinning, as Santana's eyes dart back and forth between her own.
Santana opens her mouth and closes it. "I..." She wrings her hands in her cloak.
Brittany feels as if her heart is swelling in her chest. The feeling is new and so big she knows she won't be able to contain it. She doesn't want to, anyway. She wants more than anything to reach out and still Santana's hands with her own and then hold them in her own, feel them in her own.
Santana clears her throat again.
Brittany smiles wide. "Show me your gardens," she suggests moving ahead of Santana. She knows winter has killed most of the plants kept in the large gardens behind the castle, but it is the first thing that comes to mind. She needs a moment to gather her thoughts.
Brittany finds refuge behind a large tree. She relaxes against it and inhales, placing a hand on her chest. She can feel the beat of her heart hard against her hand. It frightens her, this new feeling that swells in her in the best way. This feeling that makes her want to reach out and touch Santana, know Santana more and better and deeper and longer.
She peeks around her hiding spot and sees Santana still glued to the spot, looking at the snow around her feet. She exhales a small laugh, the image is endearing. Her smile quickly turns mischievous.
/
Santana is frozen to the spot. She thinks the snow must be ice and is keeping her from moving forward, from talking, from doing anything except play Brittany's words over and over in her mind. The things she said, the way she said them sparked something in Santana. It felt like Brittany was talking about something else. The words awakened a feeling Santana hasn't felt in a long time. She clings to them, even now after Brittany has asked her for a tour of the dead gardens and left her standing like a fool in the middle of the cold grounds.
She's too afraid to let the words go and fall back into a world where they don't exist. She's too afraid to lose them and the precious feeling they have given her. So she stands as still as possible, like one of her gargoyles, afraid that any movement may shake them from her mind. They've given her something she knows from her life before she was a monster, something she doesn't remember the name for but remembers how very special it is.
"Hey Santana!" Santana looks up just in time to see the white ball of snow. It hits her squarely in her chest and she stumbles backwards, falling down. A loud burst of laughter echoes back to her. She feels jolted, cold, wet with a sliver of anger wheedling it's way closer to the surface. She feels afraid most of all, afraid she lost that too good feeling.
She watches Brittany jog to her. Her blonde hair is windswept, cheeks rosy red, her smile the biggest brightest thing Santana has ever seen. "I didn't think you'd fall!" Brittany's laugh is light and the wind carries it and throws it around Santana gently.
The anger seeps away and a smile crawls in to replace it.
A laugh bubbles in Santana's chest.
The feeling is still there. Santana feels it deeply rooted in her chest.
/
"You know we shouldn't be watching them," Rachel says to Quinn.
"Oh, come now, you know you're curious as well as I am," Quinn says, rolling her eyes and watching Brittany and Santana motion towards the castle.
"They're looking this way, they may see," Rachel whispers beside Quinn.
"Then go and clean something," Quinn snaps. "I'm simply looking after them, make sure nothing goes wrong."
"I'm sure that's exactly what it is," Rachel huffs.
Quinn turns away from the window for a moment. "Aren't you the least bit interested to see what it is that Brittany does to tame Santana in such a way?"
"Well, I," Rachel stutters. She huffs again and crosses her arms. "I just don't think that it is the right–"
"Just come look," Quinn interrupts.
She turns back to the window and smirks when Rachel joins her a second later. Quinn watches the interaction and wonders what they could be saying. When Brittany darts ahead of Santana and disappears behind a tree she frowns.
"What happened?" Rachel asks beside her.
Quinn looks at her, "I've seen as much as you have and can hear as much as you have, how should I know?"
"Santana is going to have us throw her in that tower again," Quinn says, turning back to the window. She watches Santana fall to the ground and Brittany run to her side. Quinn turns away from the window and walks towards the stairs, determined to keep Santana's temper from making her do things she regrets.
"Quinn, wait, look," Rachel says quickly, excitedly from the window.
"What, has she just killed her out in the cold?" Quinn asks, only half joking. She walks to the window and finds the girls in the snow. "I'll be," she says quietly.
Santana is laughing along with Brittany.
"I can't remember the last time she laughed," Rachel says, reverently. "What do you think this means?"
Quinn shakes her head and turns away from the window. "You really shouldn't be watching them, Rachel. It's rather inappropriate."
Rachel's mouth falls open in disbelief as Quinn disappears to the kitchens.
/
"You're shivering," Brittany says as they walk into the entrance hall of the castle.
"That's because you bombarded me with balls of snow until I was soaked to the bone," Santana exaggerates. She pauses for a moment before walking on, wondering where her playful words came from, wondering how Brittany is reaching into her and pulling out tiny pieces of herself she hasn't seen in what feels like lifetimes.
"I gave you warning," Brittany says, chuckling. "You should go change, though."
Santana knows Brittany's advice is sound and that Quinn would fuss until she changed clothing, but she doesn't want her time with Brittany to end. She doesn't want to go back up to her destroyed bedroom and fall back into being Santana without this warm feeling in her chest, Santana without Brittany.
"I think a nice fire would do just as well," Santana says. "Join me?" She asks it hesitantly, voice nearly shaking. She finds the nervousness stems from the warm feeling that spreads through her entire body now, making her face hot and hands sweaty.
"That would be lovely," Brittany says. She curtsies to Santana, in a joking manner, and gestures towards Santana's favorite room, her study, right off of the entrance hall.
Santana laughs as Brittany bows to her and doesn't realize she reaches out and grabs Brittany's hand. She doesn't realize she's walking hand in hand with Brittany until she's standing in her study, looking down at the way their skin contrasts so harshly.
"Oh, I..." Santana says, releasing Brittany's hand and taking a step back. She's too afraid to look up and see Brittany's face, her reaction.
"Are all of these books yours?" Brittany asks and moves away to the bookshelves that line the walls.
Santana looks up in time to see Brittany running her fingers delicately over the spine of a row of books. She looks back to Santana and smiles at her. The warm, unnamed feeling returns to Santana's chest, fluttering like a bird. "Yes," she answers. "Yes, these are my favorites."
"There are so many, though," Brittany says quietly.
"There are more in the library if you'd like to see sometime," Santana offers. She sheds her cloak and hangs it over the red armchair by the fire.
"You have a library?" Brittany looks at Santana as if she's been keeping a secret from her.
"Of course," Santana replies. She can't recall a time she's been somewhere that doesn't have a library.
"You enjoy reading, then?" Brittany asks, pulling a book off of a shelf and opening it gently as if it's ancient treasure.
"I never used to," Santana says slowly. "Before I became..." She stops and looks down. She can feel Brittany's eyes on her. "I learned to love it over the years."
The room becomes quiet, heavily so and Santana wonders if she has said the wrong thing. The air shifts beside her and she looks up to see Brittany moving towards her, holding a book. She watches as Brittany settles onto the rug in front of the fire. "Would you read this?" She holds the book up to Santana and smiles a small, gentle smile.
Santana takes the book and grins at the familiar cover, as if she's greeting an old friend. She sits on the rug beside Brittany, adjusting her dress. "You would like for me to read this out loud?" Santana asks, shyly. No one has ever made such a request from her.
Santana can't remember the last time anyone asked her to do something for someone else.
"I would like you to read it to me," Brittany clarifies.
Santana looks up at her and then back at the book. She's never read to anyone before and finds herself suddenly nervous. She can't tell if the heat in her face is from the fire or her nerves. She places the book on the rug and opens it. Brittany leans in close beside her, they're nearly touching. Santana exhales a shaking breath.
The too-good feeling returns and the closer Brittany leans into Santana's words, the bigger the feeling becomes.
/
It takes a while but Santana's voice eventually evens out. She falls into a rhythm with the words that Brittany finds comforting. The fire is warm and Santana's voice is relaxing. Brittany smiles and sighs, content.
She doesn't even feel sleep sneaking up on her. She doesn't feel herself leaning heavily against Santana as she falls asleep.
/
When dinner is nearly ready Quinn leaves the kitchen to inform Santana. She starts in the West Wing and is surprised to find that Santana isn't there. She tries the library next then the ballroom, reasoning that maybe she is with Brittany.
She finds Rachel in a corridor and stops her. "Do you know where she is?"
"Santana or Brittany?" Rachel asks, resuming her walk down the hall.
Quinn follows, rolling her eyes. "Santana. Dinner is almost ready."
"Is she not in her room?" Rachel asks, stopping quickly and casting Quinn a vexed look.
"She is not," Quinn says, glaring at Rachel. "I've looked and can't find her. She's disappeared, we're free at last."
Rachel sighs. "Quinn, I haven't the time for your games. Check her study and then try everywhere else again. It is a large castle."
Rachel nods once before continuing her brisk walk down the hallway. Quinn watches her go and smirks, of course Rachel would still be annoyed at her for their earlier conversation at the window. "So sensitive," Quinn says.
She walks in the opposite direction of Rachel, heading towards the entrance hall. She descends the stairs quickly. Running around to find Santana has left her with a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. She fears if she doesn't find her soon, she will return to a kitchen full of smells of burnt bread or overcooked chicken. Though Tina is completely competent, it is her kitchen.
She pushes open the study door and opens her mouth to call for Santana.
She isn't sure how to respond to the image in front of her. Santana is sitting in the floor in front of the fire with her back against the red armchair. Her legs are straight out in front of her. She holds a book in one hand while the other hand gently plays with a lock of Brittany's hair.
Brittany is lying on the floor, her head in Santana's lap. She looks asleep, peacefully and deep.
The image evokes an odd feeling in Quinn's chest. Her lips gently curl into a small smile. She steps into the room, around the left side of the armchair. "Santana," she says, quietly.
Santana doesn't look up from her book, too absorbed in the story.
"Would you like for Finn to come move her to her bedroom?"
Santana lowers the book and looks down at Brittany, asleep. She looks back up to Quinn, who can't read her expression. Her eyes are soft, she isn't scowling, she looks content, peaceful, nearly as peaceful as Brittany. It's a Santana Quinn doesn't recognize immediately. "I think she's fine here," Santana says in barely above a whisper.
"Dinner is almost ready."
Santana picks up her book. "We'll be there."
Quinn nods and backs out of the room. She shuts the door and sighs. She looks around and breaks into a fast walk, waiting until she's out of earshot of the room before she begins to call Rachel's name loudly.
/
Brittany rolls over in her bed for what feels like the millionth time that night. Her body is awake, full of energy, her mind restless. She sits up and sighs, annoyed at herself for falling asleep earlier. She stands up and stretches. She dresses, deciding that she won't be able to fall asleep for a while.
She opens her door slowly and cringes when it creaks. She knows it isn't considered sneaking if she walks around because of restlessness, but it still feels as if she's breaking a rule. She wanders for a while, looking at suits of armor and tapestries that line the walls of the corridors.
She could always visit the ballroom. The sparkling floors and high ceilings make her feel free. The room reminds her of the times she traveled with her father, when she learned to dance. She turns a corner, a corner she believes leads her to the ballroom and walks down a long corridor she doesn't recognize. It doesn't take her long to realize she's lost in the castle.
"Brittany," someone says behind her.
She jumps and turns, hand on her pounding heart. "Oh, you startled me."
Finn takes a few steps forward, into better lighting and gives her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I was just on my way out..." He looks away and Brittany doesn't miss the way his eyes seem to gloss over, as if he's reliving a memory in his mind.
"Well, on your way out, do you mind sending me in the right direction?" Brittany asks.
Finn looks back at her and bobs his head. "Sure, your room is down this way," he says, indicating for her to follow him.
"Well, actually," she says. He stops and looks at her, puzzled. "I was hoping to go to the ballroom."
If Finn finds the request an odd one, he doesn't let it show on his face. "I can take you there," he says and begins to head back the way Brittany came from.
They walk in silence. Brittany doesn't have anything particular to say and decides that Finn seems preoccupied enough. They reach the ballroom in a very short time and Brittany can't help but chuckle at her lack of direction in the castle.
"What's funny?" Finn asks as he opens the ballroom door for Brittany.
She thanks him and steps inside. "It's just funny that it took such a short time to get here and I was so close and didn't know it. I find it funny." She shrugs and looks around the dark ballroom, frowning.
"Here," Finn says. Brittany turns around. He holds a torch in his hand. She watches as he lights a few of the closest light fixtures. He doesn't even have to stand on the tips of his toes to reach the higher ones on the wall.
"Thank you," she says, looking around at the now dimly lit ballroom.
"You're welcome," Finn mumbles. He hangs the torch on an open hook on the wall and bows slightly to Brittany. He turns to leave.
"Hey, would you like to stay and dance?" Brittany asks.
While Finn's company isn't her first choice, she finds she doesn't want to be alone. After having spent such a nice day with Santana the idea of being by herself in her ballroom makes her stomach feel a bit hollow.
Finn turns and looks at her as if she's telling him a joke he can't seem to follow. "There isn't any music," he says, looking around.
Brittany rolls her eyes at him and begins to hum a waltz, smiling at him and curtsying. She moves to take his hand and pull him onto the dance floor.
"I'm a terrible dancer," he says adamantly, eyes wide and body stiff with nervousness.
Brittany ignores him and pulls him forward anyway.
Brittany can't help but agree with Finn. He's the worst dancer she's ever danced with. He is sincere in his apologies as he messes up a step, though. She laughs out loud when Finn steps on her foot for the third time. He releases his hold on her and steps back. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, looking down.
"Not everyone is a dancer," Brittany nods, twirling and completing the dance Finn ducked out on.
"I can sing," Finn says quietly, as if trying to prove he isn't completely useless.
Brittany pauses in her dance and looks up at him, intrigued. "You sing? My father sings sometimes when I dance."
Finn's face falls and he looks down again. "I'm sorry," he says for the hundredth time.
"For?" Brittany prompts.
"Your father," Finn says. "I'm sorry I took him away."
Brittany sighs and swallows as guilt slides thickly into her chest. It replaces the laughter and warmth that she felt during the day and leaves her feeling heavy. She hasn't forgotten about him, she's just been preoccupied. "You were doing as you were told," she says quietly. It's hard to be mad at him when Santana was the one telling him what to do. When Santana was the one sending him away from her. An odd twist of feelings rises to her chest and she pushes them away as best as she can.
Finn doesn't say anything. He keeps his eyes averted and stands awkwardly.
Brittany watches him and feels like she's looking at a little boy who's gotten into trouble back in the village square. "Would you sing?" The distraction would be welcomed.
The request grabs his attention and he looks up quickly. "Me?"
Brittany laughs. "Who else could I be speaking to?"
Finn smiles, embarrassed, and nods. "I guess I could." He pauses and Brittany can see his mind working to pick the correct song. She's just about given up on him finding the right thing to sing when he begins to sing. His voice echoes oddly in the large, empty ballroom. It's pleasant enough, though and his song choice one Brittany knows.
When he finishes she claps politely for him. "You are a good singer. You should sing more. This castle could use more music."
Finn's face falls again. "I don't like to sing in the castle." He speaks so quietly Brittany can barely hear him.
"Why?" She tilts her head to the right, thoughtful.
"Because of Rachel," Finn says, finally looking up. "You know how Santana is cursed? So are Rachel and Quinn."
"I know," Brittany says, remembering the conversation in the kitchen. "They told me, they explained it. She lost her singing voice."
Finn nods.
They fall into another silence.
"Finn," Brittany says slowly, thinking the best way to word her question. "I know how everyone else is cursed, but how were you cursed?"
Finn sighs and shakes his head. "I wasn't. I don't live on the grounds, actually. I do now, but I didn't before. I lived in a cottage with my mom in the woods. I started working here when I was younger. I wasn't in the castle when the curse happened."
Brittany opens her mouth to say something but Finn speaks again.
"The curse itself is my curse."
The statement throws Brittany's train of though off track. "What do you mean?"
"The curse takes the one thing you love above everything else. If I had been cursed it would have taken Rachel. I love her. I love her more than anything ever." He pauses as his eyes go glossy again. "She lost her singing voice." His voice becomes quieter, resigned. "She lost her voice instead of me. Now I live knowing I'm her second choice." He shrugs and looks up, directly into Brittany's eyes. "Isn't that curse enough?"
Brittany isn't sure how to respond and Finn doesn't seem to know either. They stand, Brittany feeling awkward for what feels like the first time in her life.
"Let me walk you back to your room," he offers.
"At least point me in the right direction," she suggests.
He nods at her, smiling slightly and leads her out of the ballroom.
After navigating the corridors for her, Finn points down a dark hall and says her room is near the end, she should recognize it. She thanks him and turns to leave.
"Hey Brittany," Finn says.
She turns around and looks at him, curious as to what he has to say now as they part ways.
"I've never seen Santana act like this," he says before turning to leave.
Brittany stands, rooted to the spot, unsure how she should process the information Finn has just given her.