Charlie's POV:
"Here," Alex's voice breaks my concentration on the carpet.
He is waving a green mug in from of my face. Stream rises out of it and the smell of tea tickles my nostrils.
"Thank you," I smile at him, taking the mug.
"No problem," he plops down next to me on the couch.
I lean on him, lazily.
"You tired, Charlie?"
"A little," I reply with a yawn. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night.
"I know," he retorts with a soft chuckle.
There is a welcomed silence as I sip at my tea. This was nice. Just sitting here with Alex. This is all that really matters. Right now; being with someone I love and being with someone who loves me.
Alex's hand begins to run through my hair. I close my eyes, curling up in to his embrace. For the first time I really feel like this is where I belong. Here, with Alex, right now, and forever.
When I wake up I am alone in my bed. I glance at my alarm clock. It is 1:30 PM. Damn, I slept a long while. I get out of bed and stretch. I hear the gentle strumming of Alex's guitar coming from within the closed doors of his bedroom. I knock on his door. The strumming stops abruptly.
"Yeah, Charlie?"
"I was wondering if I could come listen to you play"
"Uh, I don't know. I'm kind of in the middle of writing a new song. It's not really… Presentable yet".
"Alright. That's fine. I'll leave you to it, then".
I retreat back to my room. Alex was always very possessive when it came to his music. It was a part of him. He put every piece of his soul in to it and them some. He always wanted it to be perfect before he showed anyone. Even when it was tweaked to near perfection, he still dogged himself, saying it needed so much more work.
I might as well try to think of video ideas. I mean, it technically is my job and I haven't posted one in a few weeks. I take a seat at my desk. I fish a piece of paper and a pencil out of the drawer to my left and think.
After a few minutes of solid blank, I turn on Mr. Shiny: My Desktop Mac. I spend several hours checking my email, reading blogs, watching You tube videos, checking my twitter feed, goofing around on Tumblr, pretty much anything but my job. At about 5 PM I give up and lean back in my chair. I was too hungry and lost for ideas to focus anymore of the trivial tasks of social networking sites.
I remove myself from my desk in exasperation. I work my way to the kitchen in darkening light of the apartment. I whistle to myself mindlessly as I rummage through the ice box. I pull out everything that looks edible. I grab a spoon and head to the living room. With the lights off, I hadn't noticed Alex sitting down, silently reading a book. I plop down next to him. He looks up from his book to smile at me.
"Hello, Charlie," he greats me.
"Hey," I answer, "Sorry to intrude. I didn't realize you were sitting here".
"I don't mind," he smiles at me, "I wanted to talk to you anyway".
"Oh?" I question, putting a spoonful of yogurt in to my mouth.
"Yeah, and don't feel pressured. I was just wondering, after what happened this morning, how long you want us to be a secret. I mean, we can take as long as you need, its fine with me, and if you don't want me to tell anyone I won't".
"Oh," I say, thinking about it.
I recall the events of this morning. I hadn't even really been thinking when I decided to jump. It was probably the most selfish thing I could have done in that situation. I didn't thank about how it would affect Alex or my family, my friends, hell, even my fans. I had just decided it. What was I ashamed of, anyway? I am Charlie McDonnell and I'm a bloody gay! Since when have I ever cared what other people thought? Telling Alex to keep it a secret was pretty much the same thing as telling him I was ashamed of who we are. What was there to hide? I am me and he is him. Nothing has changed. If someone thinks it has then they can deal with it.
"You know what?" I say after a minute, "You can tell who you want. I'm proud of whom I am and what I am is in love with you".
Alex leans over to kiss me on the lips. A quick warmness spread throughout my body, leaving me grinning.
"Thank you," I compliment after our lips part.
"Thank you, Mr., McDonnell, for being the most amazing boyfriend I have ever had.
"I'm the only boyfriend you've ever had," I mumble, bashfully.
He takes a few moments to admire me and all of the glory I apparently process. Finally, I decide to change the subject.
"I tried to come up with a few video ideas today but I got nothing".
"Why not come out?"
"I think it's a bit too soon for that…." I trail off, nervously.
Sure, I had self pride and everything. I would be happy to admit it to anyone who asked but You tube? Anyone in the world could see that…
"I understand," he says affectionately.
The conversation ended there but the idea stuck in my brain. What if I did come out to the world? Would it really be that bad?