A/N: One of my Tumblr readers said this story gave them a nightmare about drowning on the Titanic. Well, I hope my story doesn't rub off on all of YOU so hard, but that was definitely the most amusing message/review I have ever gotten. I feel kind of guilty, but . . . hey, you all took the risk, didn't ya?
And here you go! The conclusion! Don't skip to the end to see if he survives or not, it will ruin the chapter. Truuuust me.
He can't believe he just did that. When he returns, Kensi will kill him. And then bring him back to life so she can slap him and then kill him again.
It's all about figuring out what she'll be killing him for.
He doesn't regret kissing her. He's wanted to for a very, very long time and he knew that if that was the last time he was ever going to see her, he didn't want any regrets. But if this Mason Scott man gets the better of him, Kensi will never forgive him. He doubts she'll forgive him if he makes it back alive anyways.
He has his gun at ready, but still feels exposed without his partner at his side, watching his six.
He's still on the same deck Kensi's on, and he believes he saw Scott turn to the right before disappearing into the shadows. He moves stealthily after him, but almost jumps when his ear comes alive with noise.
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Can't talk right now," he whispers, "In pursuit."
"Good," replies her voice, "Then you're going to listen."
"Fine."
"You had NO right to do that, to leave me over here! The line is almost up Deeks, and I swear if you aren't back I'm going in on my own, and if I have to do that, I'm going to kick your ass back at HQ. What were you thinking? We were told to abort, if something happens to you I don't even know if NCIS can take care of-"
"Kens, I-" Deeks doesn't get the chance to finish, because her voice is cut off by gunfire. Directed right at him.
Sunrises after a storm are always beautiful. Pale oranges mingle with soft pinks and muted oranges, only interrupted by cool purple clouds. But Kensi can't bring herself to appreciate the untainted beauty of a new day when the events of the previous one are still at the forefront of her thoughts.
A woman was smart enough to bring a few blankets with her before reaching the boats, so Kensi's wrapped in the warm gray wool blanket offered to her. The lifeboat is completely enclosed with one small window, and Kensi's grateful she managed to get the seat next to it.
She's fairly certain she'll have a bad cold after this- she's just managed to sort of dry off. Her hair is tangled and clinging to her face in messy waves. And there are tears escaping from her eyes.
An old woman sits next to her, humming the song As Time Goes By from the old movie Casablanca, which only makes Kensi's tears flow more freely. She spent a night with Deeks watching that movie before spending the night on his couch.
"Miss?" Kensi glances up, noticing the old woman has stopped her humming and is looking at her with concerned green eyes. "I couldn't help but notice you're crying, sweetie. Would you like to talk?" Kensi shakes her head, keeping her gaze fixed firmly out the window. "Sweetheart-" the woman tries again, "Before getting on the boats, I noticed you with a young man. Where is he?"
Kensi has to shut her eyes to hold back the fresh wave of tears that come at the mention of her stupid, stupid partner. "I-I don't know," she whispers brokenly.
"Are you two a couple?" the old woman presses, placing a hand on Kensi's shoulder, which she shrugs off. "The way you two were- it reminds me of how my husband and Iwere at your age."
"No," Kensi replies softly, "We're not a couple." The woman watches her for a long moment.
"Did you want to be?"
Kensi opens her mouth to deny it, but no words come out as she thinks of the kiss he gave her before walking away. Leaving her all alone on a sinking ship and going off to be a hero. She almost went after him before again catching sight of Fiona and remembering Deeks' request. By then, a crew member stood standing in the hallway entrance blocked her way and she had been unable to pursue him and drag his ass back to safety.
She felt like hating him for doing that to her. Kissing her as if saying goodbye and leaving her alone. But she's too busy wondering if she'll ever see him again to hate him.
"Yes," she whispers, surprising herself. She hadn't intended to answer the stranger's intrusive questions, but she suddenly has the urge to let everything out. "Right before he, uh, disappeared, he kissed me. I-I never got to t-tell him." She buries her face in her hands. "I'm such a coward. I should have gone after him, I should have not let the crew-"
The crew?" the old woman asks.
"I was the last one to board the boat," Kensi murmurs, "I tried to explain that they had to let me go after him, to find him, but they wouldn't let me." She blushes slightly. "I-I punched one of them, but they forced me on the boat."
"Without him."
"Yes." She squeezes her eyes shut again. "I left him behind. My partner, my friend-"
"You had no choice," the woman points out kindly. "He might have gotten onto another boat."
Kensi can't tell the woman the truth. That in actuality right before being forced onto the boat she had lost contact with Deeks, who confirmed that he was in pursuit of Mason Scott. She can't tell the woman that she heard something akin to a gunshot before losing contact. She can't tell the woman that he could very well be at the bottom of the ocean, bleeding out from a gunshot wound.
"Maybe," she murmurs softly, staring back out of the window.
She's never watching Titanic ever again.
"Kensi?" Hetty's voice comes through the earpiece. "Are you alright?" Kensi turns hers all the way on, boosting the signal.
"I'm alive," she murmurs. "Deeks?"
"Still haven't been able to make contact," comes Eric's voice, "Sorry, Kensi. He's completely off the grid."
Kensi's hands ball into tight fists and she digs her nails into her palms. Deeks once joked about her being cursed when it came to partners . . . Dom was bad enough but if she loses Deeks, if he isn't okay, if she never gets an explanation about that damn kiss . . .
"It's not your fault, Ms. Blye," says Hetty.
"I shouldn't have let him go, I-"
"He made his choice. Take care of yourself and contact us when you find him." With that, she disconnects and Kensi's eyes drift out of the window again, to see the sun just peeking over the horizon.
"You know Deeks, you never told me where you would go," Kensi says at lunch, sipping her pina colada.
"Go?" he asks.
"For your honeymoon," she clarifies. "Where would you go?" Deeks arches an eyebrow.
"Why are you asking? Marriage on your mind?" Kensi snorts.
"Maybe, but you certainly aren't," she retorts. He laughs.
"Ouch."
"Left yourself open and you know it."
"Yeah, I kinda did," Deeks chuckles toasting her. "Here's to your cleverness." She raises her glass and then narrows her eyes at her scruffy partner.
"You haven't answered my question yet."
"You do that too," he points out, taking a sip from his drink.
Kensi frowns. "Do what?"
"Change the subject to avoid answering a question," he responds. "Except you usually do it when it has to do with emotions or your shady, shady past, I only do it-"
"Right now?" Kensi interjects. "Come on, I told you mine. You owe me." She sips her drink and eyes him playfully, adding a flirtatious wink in just for fun. "Or . . . we could come up with another form of payback."
"And what kind would that be?" Deeks asks, eyes wide. Kensi reaches her arm over and traces her fingers down his forearm.
"The kind where-" she says, her eyes dark and alluring. Deeks could be drooling and he would probably not notice it. Her hand grips his wrist and twists it, making him squeak. "-you tell me where you would go on your honeymoon."
"This feels kinky," he wheezes, and she lets his arm go. "Knew that would get you off of me."
"Deeks. Honeymoon."
"You wanna get married first, Kiki?"
"Deeks."
"Oh, alright. You want to know? I'd take my wifey to Disneyland." Kensi's mouth parts in surprise and then splits into a grin.
"Wow Deeks, that's actually adorable. Why?"
"Never been." Kensi tilts her head to the side in confusion. "What?"
"You've never been . . . to Disneyland?" she asks, gaping.
He chuckles sadly. "Kens, you're forgetting that I shot my dad when I was eleven and my mother was too depressed to even leave her couch after. How would I be able to go to Disneyland?" His voice carries no malice, but Kensi can't help but feel guilty.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs. He shrugs.
"Don't worry about it." They sit in an awkward silence for a while before Kensi speaks again.
"Any other reason?" she asks.
"The fireworks," he says after a moment. "The characters we all know and love. The happy atmosphere- it's a nice beginning for a marriage, don't you think?"
Kensi bites her bottom lip and regards him for a long moment, hoping her long eye contact doesn't come off as too meaningful to her sappy partner.
"Yes," she says finally, "Yes it does."
If there's one thing that will keep you from happiness, Kensi muses, it's regrets. And at the moment, she knows that she has plenty.
She should have told him. She should have showed him in whatever way possible. She should have done something, anything. Maybe if she had acted on these feelings she hadn't seen coming earlier Deeks wouldn't be missing.
Kensi wishes she could have noticed the feelings that had slowly begun to mingle with the annoyance her partner inspires in her. She could have stopped them, stopped this. She wouldn't have to be so damn worried and would probably get a lot more sleep. Internal conflict can make a person slightly testy. Especially at night, when the silence and darkness is overwhelming and your brain refuses to shut the hell up.
God, she sounds crazy.
She had never expected to fall for him. In her mind, she would fall for some suave, sophisticated smooth talker or, she might as well admit it, someone like Jack. Polite, courteous, a strong and silent type. Maybe that's why he managed to sleep under her walls so effortlessly. She'd been unprepared.
He's far from what she expects. Every single time. She just hopes he can defy the odds this time and be alright.
How many times has she missed her chance? Has he ever given her an opening for something more? God, she knows the answer to that. Of course he has, because he's Deeks and in hindsight, he's probably been a lot more open to their thing than she has.
Would her fellow passengers think she was crazy if she slapped herself?
The boats are just coming ashore, where a rescue crew and several news cameras have amassed. Kensi takes a deep breath. Lonely, scared, beautiful women always get hounded by the not-so-sympathetic reporters desperate for a story. And reporters in Los Angeles are merciless.
The hatch opens and a young man wearing a bright orange vest pops his head in.
"Hey everyone, you ready to get out?" he asks. A chorus of yes's and cheers rings through the lifeboat, but Kensi can only bring herself to feebly pump her fist in the air once. "Okay, well, there's a ladder, so go on and just climb out one at a time. Don't rush, alright? I'll be here to help you the entire time."
Kensi stays in her seat as the couples all file out. The kind old woman and the skittish blonde and her fiancé are among the first to be allowed out of the now extremely stuffy boat.
"Miss?" She glances up to see bright-smile guypoking his head through the hatch. "You're the last one. Need help?"
"No, no, I'm uh, I'm fine!" she replies hastily. She stands up and brushes herself off before wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. She climbs up the ladder but her legs are extremely stiff, so Mr. Smiley helps her to get to the boat's roof or top or whatever it's called.
"You good?" he asks as he helps her onto the shore.
"Yeah," she says, giving him a small smile of thanks.
"Medical tent is set up over there-" he says, pointing to a bright red canopy farther upt he shore. "You should get checked out and then if you're up for it, give NCIS a statement." Kensi perks up.
"NCIS?" she asks, bewildered.
"Yeah, weird, right? Apparently they had some agents or whatever aboard, so they need statements," he replies with a shrug.
"Who did they send?"
"Some big black guy and a serious white guy with a bad buzz cut." This draws a small laugh from Kensi, who thanks the man one more time before rushing off to find Sam and Callen.
They're nowhere to be seen, so she concedes a quick visit to the medical tent, which is bustling with activity. A kind-looking woman with sandy brown hair pulled back in a messy ponytail approaches her.
"Any injuries?"
"No," Kensi replies.
"Could I give you a prelim check-up, just in case?" Kensi nods, and the doctor hands her a bottled water. "Drink this, you're dehydrated."
"How could you-"
"Your skin looks dry. Pinch it." Kensi does so. "See how it takes a while to settle back to how it was? That's a sign of dehydration. You haven't had access to much water all night, and I assume you had some alcohol last night?"
"Only a little-"
"Even a little needs water to balance it out. But that's not your fault. Drink." Kensi opens the bottle and takes a long gulp while the doctor examines her. "You come here alone?" she asks conversationally.
"No." It's a bit sharper than she needs it to be, but she did not need the reminder of her lost partner. The doctor regards her for a moment.
"Husband?"
"Partner," she replies shortly. The doctor looks surprised, but adopts a poker face.
"Ah." Wait, she doesn't think-OH.
"M-male partner!" Kensi affirms quickly, realizing what she sounded like. The doctor shrugs.
"You together?"
"Might-might not get a chance," Kensi murmurs, feeling the tears coming on again and inwardly cursing herself.
"What does he look like? I might have seen him." Kensi's angered by the cool calmness in the doctor's voice.
"Blonde, kinda like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Tall-ish, kind of gangly and muscular at the same time." Might have suffered from gunshot wounds.
The doctor thinks for a long moment. "I'm sorry, haven't seen him. I could ask around and-"
"Don't bother," Kensi snaps, allowing herself to lash out a little. The doctor takes a deep breath.
"I must seem heartless to you," she murmurs, "But I can't emotionally invested in things like this. I help you most by keeping a level head." The words are familiar, Kensi's said them countless times before the disgruntled families of victims. She hates being on the other side.
"I know," she murmurs finally. "Can I go now?"
"Get that bump on your head checked out. You didn't lose consciousness, correct?"
"Right."
"Good. I don't believe it's a concussion, then. Get it checked out soon anyways, just to be careful." She pauses. "I'll keep an eye out for your partner."
"Thank you," Kensi whispers, standing up and walking out of the makeshift medical center. The sky is completely gray now, the beautiful sunrise has faded into a bleak gray morning. The clouds vary in shades, and a crisp and unforgiving breeze bites at her skin. She pulls the blanket tighter around herself.
As she walks by a few Coast Guard men, she listens in to hear if they have anything new.
"Yeah, they found a body just floating. Male, mid-thirties, a few rounds in the chest. Little pool of blood around him."
"CGIS gonna investigate it?"
"Naw, apparently NCIS stormed in and took over."
"Weird."
Kensi's knees buckle underneath her and she collapses to the ground. "Oh my God, Deeks-" she whispers.
"Ma'am?" one of the Coast Guard men approaches her, crouching down beside her. Kensi ignores him, standing up.
"Deeks!" she screams desperately. A few people in the crowd near the medical tent turn and give her odd looks. "DEEKS!" Nothing.
She collapses again, holding back the tears.
"Ma'am, we need to get you to-"
"I'm FINE!" she shrieks to the poor man, running off, away from the men speaking to cooly about the dead body that belongs to her partner, away from it all.
She sits in a secluded section of the beach, staring at the dismal waves as they crash against the shore. Several Coast Guard boats have gathered where she assumes the ship was when it capsized.
She sees that nobody's around, so she allows herself to finally cry. She let Deeks down by not telling him, by letting him go. She let him down by not going after him. She let him down by never telling him.
The tears stream down her face and her entire body starts shaking with the force of her crying. She tightens the blanket and pulls her legs in, allowing her hair to fall in front of her face.
The self-loathing and misery come and go in waves. One moment she's sobbing and the next she is digging her nails into her palms as her hands ball into fists.
"I don't think I'll be able to surf today."
Kensi allows her mouth to fall open, but she can't bring herself to turn around, half-afraid she'll see nothing.
"You gonna turn around, Kens?" She desperately wants to, but she can't.
"No."
"Okay then." She closes her eyes and feels the sand move beside her. A hand brushes her cheek and then cups it, turning her face towards his. "I'm here, Kens. Open your eyes."
"You might disappear," she whispers.
"I'm not going anywhere." She takes a deep and shaky breath.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
So Kensi Blye takes a leap of faith and opens her eyes.
He's there, in the flesh. He has bags under his blue eyes and he looks a little banged up, but he's there and he's alive and-
She really wants to kiss him right now.
And she's tired of this whole will she, won't she thing. She's not going through this again, not having regrets. Never again.
So she closes the short space between herself and Deeks and brings their lips together, her hand moving up to gently cradle his face and her other hand tangling in his hair and pulling his face closer. His other hand grabs the other side of her face and cradles it gently, reverently as he deepens the kiss.
She doesn't want to pull away, but she does eventually, because she does have to sort of breathe. She pulls him into a tight hug instead, burying her face in his neck. His hands draw soothing circles on her back and he whispers sweet and soothing nothings into her ear.
"We'll talk about . . . this later," Kensi murmurs, "Not now."
"Cool."
"Cool? I've been thinking you were dead all morning and all you can say after that kiss is cool?" Deeks chuckles.
"Well Kens, not all of us can go into a long and angry rant."
"Unfair."
"Life isn't fair." Kensi grins and presses a kiss to his neck, savoring the shiver that elicits from him.
"So what happened, Deeks?" she asks, pulling away from the embrace but remaining in his arms (because it feels very nice). "They said there was a body . . . I heard gunshots before we lost conta-oh! I need to contact-"
"Sam and Callen? I already found them. Don't worry."
"You found them before me?" she asks accusingly, arching an eyebrow.
"In my defense, I was looking for you when I ran into them!" he says, "Please don't hit me."
"I'm not going to hit you. Go on." He studies her carefully for a moment before continuing.
"He started shooting at me. I pursued him through the hallways, and eventually we got to an empty deck. I shot him three times, I think."
"So he's the body they were talking about."
"Yeah. I went over to his body to see if he was carrying any information. Computer chips, files . . . and guess what I found."
"I'm in no mood to guess."
"Understandable." He winks. "He had this." Deeks pulls out a small leather pouch and tosses it to her. She opens it up and reaches in, gasping at what she feels. She pulls out a small yet undeniably high grade diamond, one of probably thirty or forty.
"Oh my God," she whispers. "They were-"
"Jewel thieves."
"Wow," she murmurs, handing the pouch back to him. "So why didn't you return?"
"I did," he says earnestly, "But I was too late. You were gone. I had to flash my badge to get information on whether you were safe yet." He leans in and gives her a quick peck on the lips. "I was on the last boat off, with the crew. The ship capsized probably fifteen minutes after we got off."
"Oh my God," Kensi mutters, pulling him in for another kiss, and loving the fact that she can do so. "If I wasn't so relieved you're alive, I would kill you now."
And of course, Deeks being Deeks, decides to push. "You know Kens, If I'd have known a sinking ship would make you come to your senses, I-"
"Don't push it." He regards her for a long moment.
"Don't plan on it," he murmurs before leaning in and capturing her lips once more.
Oh, come ON. Did y'all really think I would ever kill Deeks?
Thanks for joining me on this story, i love and appreciate every single one of you. :) All my love,
-Gab