Won't Fade Away

Chapter Two

So Far Away

AN- Thanks so much for the feedback! Keep it coming! I posted before going to bed and thought I had checked it as best as I could, but reading it this morning I realize I had two different names for 10.5 in there, and wanted to clarify that I had wanted him to use 'James'. I'm used to the John Smith stories, so clearly that was creeping into my train of thought while I was writing. Sorry!

There's a lot of talk about dimensions collapsing and such, and I know in series it was said that ALL the universes would implode. The events of this chapter are going to be explained over time so, please bear with me!

"Mum, did you want to take anything else?"

Jackie Tyler huffed as she heaved a box onto the floor of the Tardis, wiping her hands on the front of her pants. "I think that about does it, Rose, darling." She peered into the boxes and shook her head. "That Tony, turning out just like your Dad. Boxes full of nothing but books." The two girls shared a brief little laugh, and quieted as Rose looked back out onto their little planet. Their universe. Somewhere out of her eyesight James was at rest in this Earth, buried with a lock of each of the children's hair, and his wedding band. When The Doctor had first left him there with her she hadn't been certain that he was the same, and that she would love him the same way she had Her Doctor. But she had loved him more, in a way. She had been desperately in love with him, and her memories of that time were blissful and agonizing at the same time. She wasn't sure now. She didn't think she could leave him all alone in a universe that was very likely going to disappear.

Turning to the gathered parties in tears, everyone grew silent from all of the hullabaloo and stared at her. Jo and Michael linked hands and glanced at the Doctor, who was working on the controls. He stopped when he realized that he was being stared at, and glanced up past his hair at Rose, who at this point was visibly crying. "Rose," He breathed, dropping his screwdriver into his pocket and stepping over hurriedly to gather her shaking form into his arms. "Oh, my Rose."

"I…" She took several deep breaths to try and still her jaw. "I don't think…I can do this. I can't leave him out there in the dirt like he meant nothing. He was mine, he was theirs." She sobbed softly. "He saved us all, and he had a little shop, Doctor."

Inwardly he smiled, reminded all too well that this was indeed a piece of him that had died. Instead of mentioning that, he ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed her back until her sobs had quieted into little whimpers. Now that she was calm enough to listen, he bent his head so only she could hear what he was whispering into her ear. "I know this is hard. I have lost everything I ever loved, and I don't have a body to visit. But you've still got them. And they need you. They need their Mum to help them make this transition. James will always be with you, Rose. A living James, through them."

She clutched him tightly to her, and nuzzled into his neck, seeking the warmth of contact to soothe the cold of grief. It was unbearable, but he was right. He was always right and while he hadn't wanted to say it, she knew James lived on through him as well. And he had loved her the way James had. She couldn't forget knowing that had he not been cut off, he would have said as much. If she hadn't been trapped, perhaps, things wouldn't have changed from the way they were, but a part of her believed they would have. Finally calm enough to carry on with the task at hand, she nodded and stepped back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, not ever." He pulled the handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at the circles under her eyes, smiling tenderly at her. Above anything else, she was one of his dearest friends. Losing her had been genuinely distressing. More than he cared to admit. Straightening, he rubbed his hands together and glanced around to make sure everyone was there. "All right, role call! Rose, Rose's little ones, Jackie, Pete, Tony…" Once he was certain all were within the Tardis's walls, he went to shut the door and then hurried to the console.

"All right! We got here in one piece, the universe stayed so with any luck, it will again!" He started flipping levers and switches and turning bits. Rose watched with a pang, looking back to the door before she focused on him again. Taking a few steps over she began helping him enter coordinates, following his lead, learning a little bit like old times. He glanced up from the equipment for a moment to look at her, bent over the console with her brow furrowed and the corners of her mouth curved serenely, and he smiled to himself. That was his Rose, always keen to help out. She looked older, for sure. Her hair was quite a bit longer than the last time he had seen her, and her usually made up face was free of makeup. Little Rose all grown up, but still happy to go for a whirl in the Tardis.

With everything set, the Tardis began to make it's whirring sound as it was ripped from the universe that they had been in. The Doctor sprang from station to station, ending his marathon at the navigation screen that showed them their position, and he watched with baited breath as he steered them out of that dimension.

And he watched with horror as it crumbled behind them. All of those millions of people, lost. Originally he had not intended to bring Rose's loved ones, but he was relieved, suddenly, that he had. It was gone, and the rest would immediately follow as they ripped through the delicate fabric of time. The Doctor abandoned the controls for the little phone sitting nearby and he flipped it open and quickly dialed. They had to know, he had to tell them before it was all gone. Rose had caught on to his urgency and immediately dropped to the floor with the children, one under each of her arms, stroking their hair.

"Come on now, let's remember something about Daddy. Something you loved…"

"River!" His voice cut through the tension in the room and he sank back against the console. "River, I don't have a lot of time to explain, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about what's going to happen…"

"Sweetie?"

"River before everything ends, before we're gone. I want you to know that I…" A loud bang startled him from the call and with a heavy heart, he realized the Tardis had stopped. There was no more flying to be done and his wife on the other end…"

"Doctor?!"

He looked around cautiously, and managed a weak smile at the terrified faces all around him. Lifting the phone back up, he spoke softly, with a shaking voice. "River, how are you talking to me right now?"

Then, there were three loud, angry knocks on the door of the Tardis and the Doctor realized the line was dead. Standing, slowly, he looked at Rose as the children whispered to her, and their eyes met briefly. She nodded to the door, clutching them closer before he approached. Taking a deep breath, he reached a trembling hand and opened it, only to find River with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed, tapping a foot impatiently. "You. Landed. In. Mummy's. Garden."

Rubbing at the back of his neck, the Doctor smiled sheepishly. "Don't I always?" He gave a nervous laugh, which was immediately suppressed when he saw Amy Pond come flying out of the house with a large skillet in hand. He had never seen such fury on the little redhead's face. "Amy! Lovely to see you, you look…"

WHANG! She swung the cast-iron and it smacked into the side of the door as he ducked. Amy raised her arms and he flinched, turning his face and squeezing his eyes shut, one arm coming up to cover his self defensively. "You gave us a heart attack! River almost…" She lost her train of thought as she realized that close to a dozen people were huddled in behind him. The pan fell from her hands and the Doctor bolted from his place and onto the grass, immediately fixing a glance at the sky, which was blue and lovely as ever. Perplexed, he looked back at the Tardis, where Rose was emerging with Johanna wrapped in her arms and Michael following close behind.

"And who are you then?" No sooner had the words left her mouth than she froze in surprise, looking back at the Doctor. "Wait a minute. I've seen her before, in the Tardis' records."

"Amy, River, this is…"

"Rose Tyler." River murmured, beautiful green eyes fixed on the little girl wrapped in her mother's care. They moved to the boy, and then to her Doctor, studying him. Marking possible similarities before deciding there weren't any that were terribly strong. "It's an honor to meet you, the Doctor has had so many wonderful things to say."

"He never said anything about her t'me!" Amy huffed, crossing her arms with a pout. The Doctor smiled at her and tiptoed over to hug her, immediately releasing the tension in her body.

"I did, just not in many words. Never with her name."

Amy watched as people piled out of the Tardis and she sighed, rubbing at her temples. "Uh, you uh. Brought home a lot of your pets, didn't you?" She stepped away from the Doctor, trying to mentally sort who would go where for the time being in their home, and River caught her, as she stumbled. She was steadied by her grown daughter before the curly haired woman smiled gently at her. "The things I do for my son-in-law."

"Thank you, Mummy." Amy wandered off to the house to tidy up and make some room and River eyed the table nearby. "I'll get some chairs and we can spend dinner outside while she gets the rooms ready. Is anyone hungry?"

By the time they had put all of the children to bed and been assured of their sleep, Rose had had three glasses of Amy's favorite wine and was slumped in her chair listening to River tell stories of her adventures with the Doctor so far. She was glad that after her own time with him, he had not been alone. She was surprised to hear that the two had gotten married, and had quietly listened without displaying any reaction. River was intelligent and beautiful and Time-Lordy in her own right, he deserved someone like her.

And she missed James, desperately. The grief of losing him and losing his resting place was overwhelming in a way. She had previously decided to turn down more wine, but when Amy came over with the bottle, she smiled at her, eyes shining with tears, and Amy frowned sympathetically before filling the glass as much as she could without making Rose look like a lush. They shared a knowing smile, and Rose took a healthy swig of the wine before the conversation was turned to her.

"And what made you want to come back to this dreary old reality, hmm?"

Rose's eyes fell and the Doctor frowned. He turned to his wife. "James, Handy-Me, passed away."

River's hand flew over her open mouth and she looked positively embarrassed to have asked, and she looked as sympathetic as her mother had. "Oh Rose, darling, I am so, so sorry." She glanced at the Doctor. "He, you said he destroyed all of the Daleks there, so, was he…"

"A dud?" Rose asked sharply, her eyes narrowing as she finally looked up at River with teary eyes. "No. He was lovely. He just came about the wrong way for the wrong reasons. He needed to be balanced out and he was good to me. To our kids. As good as the Doctor himself."

Jackie reached over to cover Rose's hand with hers, and she managed a sad smile, looking at River, who was mortified at her own insensitivity. "It might seem strange to anyone else but it was just like having the real Doctor there. He knew things. And he cared. He loved her. He loved his kids. He always said he lost the other kids he had…"

The memory of that conversation made her heart ache in her chest and Rose involuntarily reached over to touch his arm, tears slipping down her face. "Oh you…he talked about the fires and how he couldn't save his own little girls. And I felt his pain with him."

His eyes were suddenly glassy with unshed tears; Rose's touch burned his skin with emotion he had not thought a human could reciprocate. Not with him. The pain of surviving when his family had not was all too real and still unbearable. Rose seemed to really feel it, even though her own children were fine. But his memories of that were unspeakable, he wasn't sure how Handy had opened up to her about it, because now in this moment, he could not. He had lost everything.

Seeing all of the raw emotion in his eyes, and the pain on his face made Amy frown, she understood now why he hadn't wanted to discuss whether or not he had children. And she felt bad for having asked him so many times. Lifting her glass, she drank deep. Her eyes shifted to Rose, who was seriously broken by the differences between her half human Doctor and this Doctor. She needed the familiarity of his comfort, and that wasn't something that their Doctor could give.

With the Doctor just sitting there, staring at her and everyone else awkwardly turned away, she realized she had truly broken down now. Sniffling, she excused herself and hurried across the lawn into the house, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die. A part of her wished he had never come for them, and that she was still mourning back in that other reality. Back where she was used to everything now. She didn't know any of these people, and here they were sitting around a table making judgments about a person they had never known.

Making her way indoors and straight up to the room she, Johanna and Michael were sharing, she checked on them, brushed a gentle finger over sleeping cheeks and then went to lock the door before she laid on the floor next to their bed, protectively close just to be safe. She had too many enemies to count in this reality, and right now she didn't want to rely on anyone else for anything. In the morning she would go and find work and they would only spend enough time at Amy and Rory's home to find an apartment or a house to share with her Mum and Pete.

The conversation carried on outside once Jackie and Pete too went to bed. And it bothered him. There was camaraderie between them and that was understandable, but he had hoped that all of his beloved family would get along a bit better than this. And he felt guilty for Rose, as usual. She had lost something truly wonderful with his half clone, and she had clearly expected that facets of his personality would entirely carry over to him. But he had never been open with many people about his prior family life. He and Susan had never even really talked about home and her mother and Aunt. Home had been a distant dream for too long now.

Eventually he grew tired of the chat, and wandered off into the house. He wasn't really brave enough to face Rose just yet, but he had to do something else. He closed the sliding glass door to the patio behind him and stepped through the kitchen in time to see Rory, come home from an errand, staring out the window at his backyard, where the Tardis was crushing the flowerbed. They exchanged wary glances, and finally, the Centurion was able to speak. "How bad did you get your head caved in? And how bad am I going to?"

"No need to worry, River's gotten her drunk!" Amy's loud laugh echoed through the windows, and Rory's shoulders immediately released a load of tension. "And uh, don't go peekin' in rooms tonight. Namely River's room and the guest room." Rory opened his mouth to ask why not, and he Doctor shushed him, instantly silencing him for the time being. "Don't ask questions, we're all tired tonight, we'll explain in the morning." With that, he traipsed off into the living room, lingering on the staircase as he gazed up into the top floor, wondering how to go about apologizing and explaining at the same time. Wondering if he should.

He took slow, cautious steps up until he reached the top, and then he inched his way down the hall towards River's room. The door was a beautiful oak, shining with a lovely varnish, and it seemed appropriate that Rose was hidden somewhere behind it. His stomach was in knots, but the idea that she was inside, suffering, it was unbearable. Rose had always been so lively, so beautiful and happy. She had been a wonderful distraction to the death and the mess and the pain that they had traveled through. He wanted her to have that fire back.

Reaching out, he took the doorknob in his hand and attempted to twist, but it stayed. Locked. Nothing the sonic screwdriver wouldn't fixed, but a painful reminder that she didn't want to see him, now. He thought about calling out to her, about talking her down through the wood so she could let him in and he could hold her. But he had taken her out of her world, taken her away from her grief and her life too soon after it had changed so drastically. Trying to help heal wounds, only to make them deeper, that seemed to be his legacy. He understood it all, and he could fix none of it.

He lowered his hand with a sigh and pressed his forehead to the door, shaking it softly so as not to bang against it. "Rose, Rose. I wish I knew what was going on in your head right now."

The first time they had really connected after that day on the beach, Jackie had sent them out for groceries, and they were walking down the road back home after picking some up. He was blabbering about his adventures before her time, and she was listening, contented for now. They had taken one of Tony's buggies to push the groceries in, and Rose almost tipped it over in fright when the Doctor…or James, suddenly gave a shout, pausing where he stood.

"Oi! I love this song!"

John Lennon was singing from a shop's window radio and Rose, calming down, gave a nervous laugh. "You scared me half to death!"

He swept over, grabbing her hands and swinging her all over the street until he yanked her closer, waltzing with her. "Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it beeee!"

She threw her head back, laughing, her fingers tightening in his as they swayed to a beat that did not match the music. But it was lovely, and light, and it was the first moment where things weren't serious between them. It felt more like it used to. "You're batty, James."

"You love that about me." He retorted, suddenly stilling as their eyes met. Rose realizing that he was right, she had always loved the Doctor's quirkiness, and him realizing that they could connect the way she had with the Time Lord. He released one of her hands and reached up with trembling fingers, brushing the pads over the softness of her cheek. She stared, wide eyed, open mouthed as he lowered his hand slightly to cup her chin. "You…you love everything about me."

She nodded, her eyes watering slightly, but her mouth curving into a smile. "I do. I always have."

Rose sat up from her makeshift bed with a gasp, it had felt so real. His fingers, the sound of the radio, the dampness of the street. The love. She suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness, and let out a soft little sob. There was the whirring of the screwdriver, and the door popped open and the Doctor dropped to his knees, scooping her up close to him. "Shh, I've got you. I'm here. I'm always here." Her anger from earlier was forgotten, she wasn't ready. She needed him, and she buried her face in his shoulder. He was so different from her James, and her Doctor, and yet his soul, if that's what it was, was the same. She felt safe with him.

For a while he held her, and she fell asleep again, her dreams peaceful now. He lifted her and settled her in the bed next to the children, making sure her head was comfortably on the pillow before he stood back. "We'll get you well. I promise." He turned to leave and paused, blinking past his own sadness at the sight of his wife in the doorway. She looked sad, sadder than he had ever seen, and it made his hearts thump oddly.

She didn't say anything, she just stepped quietly into the room and pulled him into a hug, soothing his own pain and sadness while Rose slept hers away for the time being.