Won't Fade Away

Chapter Four

AN- Thanks again for all of the reviews, faves and follows! Please keep reviewing! I love to hear what you have to say, and love when you ask questions, because then I know what to be clearer about and whatnot!

Italicized points in this story, even just small lines, are memories. Larger sections from Rose's POV are memories that she is dreaming about. So far she's dreamed about James and her goofing around and the day Michael was born.

He had come inside for food, and had been started to see that he wasn't the only one awake in the house. So much so that he had nearly fallen against the door leading into the backyard from the kitchen. Rose had glanced up briefly, and bit back laughter, shaking her head as she smirked and continued reading ads in the paper. He noticed that Pete was up and moving as well, hunting down a box big enough to stuff Amy's vacuum, which he had programmed into a cleaning machine. But no one else was up and in the kitchen. Rose had a cup of coffee and was dressed in a lovely dress suit, with her hair piled high.

"Hello," The Doctor managed, very quietly. He creeped over to the fridge and dug out an orange, then started hunting through the drawers until he found a crazy straw, glancing at Rose again, very appreciatively as he popped it through the skin. "What are you off to today?"

"Job interview," She said matter-of-factly. "Mum is going to get the kids up and feed them today, and I should be back shortly after breakfast." She noted his mussed hair and odd sleep attire, full length white pajamas. "You're up early."

"Always," He said, sipping at the straw, amazingly, getting streams of juice as if they were coming out of a glass. "Lots to do, even before the sun is finished rising." He toyed with what to say next in his mind, for a bit. She had gone back to her paper, and he couldn't help but marvel at just how grown up she was. His Rose Tyler, a Mum looking at job prospects in a newspaper, wearing a suit. His mouth was quirked oddly, and she looked at him again, raising her brows in curiosity.

"Sorry," He murmured, shaking his head. "Sorry you just…you look beautiful."

Rose blushed instantly, ducking her gaze as she tried to pretend she hadn't gasped in delight. "Oh I.. thank you, Doctor. That's lovely of you to say."

"I mean it." He fixed her with a 'this is my meaning it face' before he turned and left the room. Pete stopped pretending to still be busy and glanced over at his daughter, an eyebrow raised. "Oi, what sort of married man says that?"

"He's not just any man, it didn't mean anything," Her good mood was instantly gone, and she gathered her things and made her way out the door. Ahead, the Tardis was lit up, the door cracked, leaving a glowing gold pattern across the yard, and the Doctor was hurrying across the grass with his orange. River had her head peaked out from the doors, and Rose swallowed a sigh before going to catch her taxi. Somewhat convinced that seeing the Doctor with the other woman didn't bother her at all. The car wasn't there yet, and so she stood outside the front of the house.

Turning her head, she swore she saw James in the corner of her vision, and dropped her things with a gasp. But when she turned to face him, he wasn't there. He was never there. But the spring breeze was warm with his familiar scent, and she swore his eyes were on her. It made her chest ache terribly, and her eyes watered immediately. So much for that. Even his ghost would be welcome here instead of the gaping hole that her blood somehow managed to pump through every single day. She could live with a ghost. It certainly was easier than a Timelord and his wife.

The children were up and fed and bored, River and Amy had gone to the market and Rory was at work. Alone in the house with only Jackie (who was scrubbing the place clean, doing all the new laundry and the dishes) and the kids, the Doctor could only think of one thing to do with them all. That was why they were scattered around the control room of the Tardis, washing, tightening and following his instructions as he performed repairs and tinkered a bit. Tony was the tougher of the three, and helped with the heavier lifting, while Michael seemed to have a natural feel for the Tardis and the way she worked, and helped with the more mechanical and computer input areas.

When little Johanna huffed and asked why she didn't have a special job, the Doctor and the two elder boys all exchanged smiles before he looked at the little girl, who was standing on a stool with her arms across and her beautiful little face turned in a pout. "Of course you have a job, little darling, your job is to look smashing for us!"

That made her beam from ear to ear and she continued to do just that. Most of the new parts installed, Tony helped them finish the navigational repairs, as Michael adjusted the dematerializer. No sooner were they finishing up than River entered with some potted plants, and she gasped as she looked around. "It looks fantastic in here!" Her eyes leveled on Jo, who beamed at her. "Ah no wonder! A beautiful little girl to brighten the place up! What a lovely job you've done!"

She was tickled pink by this, and ran out of the Tardis yelling for her Grandmum to inform her of how pretty she was. Michael shook his head, finishing up the repairs on a little creeper under the panel, his tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth as he focused on what he was doing. The Doctor and River exchanged glances, hers a little more impressed than his, and he smiled back nervously. "How was the market?"

"We got a roast for tonight, it should be lovely." She checked her watched. "It's half one. Michael, isn't your Mum back yet?"

The boy finished what he was doing before he slid out to look at his sort of but not really stepmother. "It's not weird for mum to disappear when she gets…overwhelmed. I expect she went and got ice cream and a good read." He wiped his hands on a work rag and stood carefully. "Y- I mean, my dad, he used to rub her feet and tell her stuff when she got like this."

River made a noise of understanding and set a plant on the dash, earning a little glare from her husband. "Perhaps I'll surprise her with one later." Her voice was a little too sing-songy and the Doctor frowned. "What? I'm serious, I know what it's like, living here. I can relate."

"She likes you," Michael noted, not looking at either of them. "She said you were sweet." He didn't wait for her to respond to him, just nodded at the Doctor and grabbed Tony to take back inside and see about lunch. River watched him with moist eyes, and then she cleared her throat softly.

"He's something."

"He's her," He said softly, staring out the door as the boys marched off. Getting lost in his thoughts before he returned to finishing up his tasks. "Johanna is flighty and silly, like me. Michael is careful and he's got her huge heart."

River frowned, dropping her gaze before looking at him with concerned eyes. "Doctor, these are not your children. They aren't you. James created them, he helped bring them into that world, he raised them and made their French Toast. You don't even know them, really." She saw the pain flash over his face and moved to slip her arms around him. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying this because Rose will leave here eventually, and you won't see them every day."

"I know. I know it all, River, but they are mine genetically. I can't ignore that." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he closed up the console and fired it up, pleased to see that Michael's hard work had restored everything that had been damaged in the crash. He powered it back down and rubbed his hands together. "So. The Auterions. I can't seem to figure out what motive they would have for saving existence. They seem to do nothing but barter amoungst themselves and breed."

"Typical humanoids on an Earthlike planet," River tsked, smirking at the strange look he gave her, in turn making him smile. "Perhaps they just didn't want to be blinked out of existence?"

"Perhaps," He nodded. "I was rather reckless. I expect an angry letter from every species."

"There are thousands hidden in a bag somewhere, I'm sure."

Running his finger along the console he was lost in his thoughts again, and he looked over at her with a smile. "I was a Dad, once. Before. A long time ago."

She rubbed his shoulder tenderly, managing a soft smile. "No one in the universe has lost as much as you and not gone mad and destroyed a whole lot more, Doctor."

"I have though, I've ruined a lot of people trying to make things 'right'."

She smiled warmly at that, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You still have time to make up for that. Come on, Mummy's starting the roast. Let's tell the children about your adventures with their Mum. It'll be a good story to keep them from running amok before dinner."

Rose got in about an hour later, when the roast was popped into the crock pot and Amy was just sitting in the kitchen with a book. Everyone else was scattered through the house doing other things, waiting to be called to eat. The petite blonde smiled awkwardly as she slipped through the door, sensing Amy's eyes peering over her book, studying her intently. "'lo." She called once it was shut, smiling a little more over at the Doctor's other companion. "Something smells great."

Amy closed the book quietly, set it aside and went to peak into the pot, waving Rose over. "The most heavenly combination of meat and vegetables cooking in their own juices." They both took a big breath for a good, strong whiff of the contents, sighing blissfully as they exhaled. "You've been gone a long time today, then."

"Just needed to clear my head," She said softly, her head snapping up. "Were the children all right? Did something happen?"

"No, no, they're just fine." She motioned a thumb back toward the living room. "Doctor is telling them all about traveling time and space with ya. I have a feeling we'll have a hard time getting them to dinner." At that, she stepped a bit to the crock pot, peaking into the glass lid.

Rose tiptoed to the doorway to peek in and listened as the Doctor told them about the tellies being possessed before the Queen's coronation. It was strange, hearing these tales being passed down from a stranger, even though he was such a familiar spirit. The children, of course, were enthralled, and the sight of them, sitting on their haunches, mouths and eyes wide open, made Rose's heart swell slightly.

Her eyes moved up to the Doctor's left, and met River's brilliant gaze. She automatically smiled at his other companion, his wife, and she quickly looked away at the concern on her face. She evaded them quietly and slithered down the hall to the second stairway that led to the upper level. She darted up them two at a time, not pausing to think about what River's glance had meant, because it was wrong. River looked at her with concern because she didn't know where Rose's mind was at.

Then again, neither did Rose.

Stepping into the room she was sharing with the children, she was hit with familiarity. The warmth of James' smile, the silly way his glasses hung off his nose and the way he smelled when he wanted to be alone with her. It was a burning reminder that he was gone, pain that came back when she was just starting to cope. Like waking from anesthesia during a surgical procedure. The feeling hit her chest hard and she slumped to the floor, holding it, gasping for air despite the terrible pressure. She could almost see his shoes on the floor next to her, hear him asking if she was all right.

But he wasn't there to save her this time.

The door burst open behind her and she felt strong hands grasp her shoulders. "Breathe, Rose, just breathe, you have to breathe, focus." Soon she realized the pressure had passed and now only sobs were holding her back from air. She realized the voice belonged to Rory, and Amy was in the door, watching with wide, wet eyes as she witnessed the attack. The nurse, struggling to get her to focus, lifted her chin with two of his fingers. "You have to try and focus, Rose."

"He-he won't stop, he won't leave me be and it's so h-hard!" More wheezing gasps and Rory gave up trying to calm her down. She kept sobbing as he stood and went across the hall to the bathroom and retrieved a kit. River and the Doctor had since ascended the stairs and Jackie and Pete were right behind them, with Jackie yelling for everyone to get out of her way.

Rory shoved his way back in and knelt next to Rose, brushing hair from her eyes. "Rose, I'm going to make you calm down, okay? It'll be all right, I promise." Her sobs were frantic and he tsshed her, shaking his head. "I know it seems hopeless, just hang in there a moment."

"Poor girl," River breathed, clasping at the Doctor's hand as he watched with tears in his own eyes.

The last thing Rose saw before the prick was the small smile that the Doctor managed for her when she looked up at him. He and River caught the children as they ran toward the door and prevented them from seeing her that way, and the agony in her chest vanished. She looked up at Rory as he withdrew a hypodermic from her arm and he smiled at her the same way the Doctor had. "It's just a sedative. You're going to be fine."

She shook her head, losing grasp of consciousness as she fought to stand, but stumbled onto the rug. He and Pete lifted her and placed her into the bed. "Not so long as he hangs around here." She whispered, her eyes fluttering shut before she was out for the count. Jackie stayed at her side, stroking her hair and wiping the makeup and tears from her face.

Rory collected his things and, watching her sleep a moment, stepped into the hall, closing the door most of the way. The Doctor was standing just outside with Johanna in his arms, her big, beady eyes upset as she looked at him. "Uncle Rory, is Mummy going to die like Daddy did?"

He frowned at that and shook his head, reaching the brush a finger over her cheek. "No, little darling, she's just very, very sad. She's just going to take a nap for now." She looked at him hopefully and he smiled sweetly. "And when she gets up we'll be all washed up and have a lovely dinner ready, now, won't we?"

"Yes! Come on, Doctor, let's wash up!" She wriggled in his arms to try and convince him to steer them back downstairs and he laughed, nodding in agreement.

"And set the table!" Amy called as he carried her down the stairs making Tardis sounds. River and Michael exchanged a glance and he managed a brave little smile for her before he followed his sister and the Doctor down to wash up. River glanced at her parents, then her bedroom door and crossed her arms over herself.

"Can you imagine a loss that devastating?" She murmured, glancing back at them. Amy's eyes were glistening, but she smiled lovingly at the other woman. "Well, I don't suppose you have to, hmm?" She cleared her throat, trying not to let her own eyes well over. "I wish I knew what to do to help her."

"She has to take it a day at a time. I think she just lost her footing," Rory said gently, kissing the top of Amy's head. "We'll all just have to work to help her find it again."

Amy pressed into him for a moment, grateful for his presence after having lost him as many times as she had. But she had never lost him as permanently as Rose had lost her Doctor, the human one. It was an idea that the little Scot could hardly fathom at all. "Come on, River, let's get cracking on that dinner. Rory can keep watch until she wakes up."

Rose's eyes fluttered open and she sat up slowly. She had no idea how long it had been since Rory had given her the sedative, but it was quiet. Too quiet. No sooner had the thought been processed than the darkened room was suddenly lit by golden, shimmering light, and James' spectre, or image, or her own mad imagination was standing there watching her. He was wearing the same white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms that he had had on when she had brought him into the hospital with a fever and bumps sprouting.

Her joints went numb when he smiled at her and he bent so they could share eye level. He didn't speak, didn't move much except swaying slightly from time to time to keep himself balanced. And then, "Rose Tyler-Smith, you silly little nit. You haven't got anything to say to me?" His eyes were sparkling with life. He was smiling like someone with the whole world at his feet, and it made her heart ache for him.

"No, because you're dead. And if I start talking to myself, I'll know how mad I am." She muttered, scooting back on the bed and drawing her legs up against her chest, keeping her eyes to herself for fear that she might see more of that life in his. "You need to go away, it's not good for the kids, me being locked up in my room all the time."

He sat on the edge of the bed, now. "Well you got one thing right, Rose. I am dead." She could feel his cheeky little grin without even seeing it. "But haven't you realized yet, my love, that we aren't in the same room that you feel asleep in?"

Her eyes snapped in front of her, to the side, and all around and she realized it was true. The room was bare except for the bed, the walls were cement and the sheets were plain and itchy. It made her heart start to pound in her chest and she tried to jump away, but he grabbed her wrist, finally getting her to look up into his eyes. "What is this? What've you done?"

"This is a sort of visitation area, Rose, for Timelords." The thought made her huff but his face was honest, gentle, patient. Doctor. She sat up and he heard her whisper his proper name under her breath and he smiled. "I guess you might call this Heaven. Anyone with Timelord in their blood comes here when they die, they're all here. My family, my Susan…" He trailed off. "Our children and the other me, the proper me, they'll be here too, one day."

Her gut sank at that, and she felt tears overwhelm her vision. "So I'll really never see you again."

"There's something that we can do to change that." He pointed his hand and a little flame shot from his index finger, forming into a little ball of light and fire. "Follow this. And we'll be together again. I'll tell you what to do once you've got there."

She didn't even think to question him. Standing from the bed she followed the light, transfixed by it's glow. Down a hall first, then a flight of stairs and two more halls before she passed into a room that smelled different. Looking around, she saw strange plants sitting around a little shallow pool of water with a sign, "Please do not feed the pond-plants." She shrugged off the idea, and followed the light, which had paused in front of a door made of metal and latches. She reached and tried to pull it open, but it did not budge. "James, I can't get past this! What do I do?"

"Find the screwdriver. It's on the ledge just there." Turning she saw him leaning against a wall, watching her with a proud smile. She smiled back, and turned to the window nearest her, where the familiar blue screwdriver was sitting. Picking it up, she pointed it at the latches and pushed the button.

One of the plants shot up from the ground.

"Rose, what are you doing!?" The Doctor made a running leap from his seat at the table and all but tackled the petite blonde, taking his screwdriver from her hand. She called James' name a few times and battled against him like she was fighting for her life. "Rose!? It's me, it's the Doctor! What's the matter?" Her eyes kept moving to an empty corner of the room and he frowned, taking her head into his hands. "Rose I'm sorry." He pressed his forehead to hers and read through her latest memories. Waking up in the wrong room, her talk with her dead husband, following the light through the strange building that was really Amy and Rory's home, disguised by a nasty perception filter.

She came to in his arms, bared to his ancient sights, and she collapsed of the traumatic force that it left in her. Stroking her hair, he picked up closer to him and sat down, cradling her body. "I don't know what put those thoughts in your head, Rose, but that wasn't James. It wasn't real, there's no such place and you cannot change your DNA like that, I'm sorry."

Clutching him, she said nothing. She cried softly, and calmed down when the numbness took her over. Amy helped her crawl off to clean herself up and River hurried over to him, touching his hand ever so gently. "What could have done that? What happened?"

"Something made her believe her dead husband was trying to help her find him in a magical Timelord heaven," He stood up. "And we're going to find out what it was and make it stop before something much, much worse happens to her." He glanced to his wife, managing a tight smile. "I hope you're up for another all nighter, River. We've got a lot of research to do."