Chapter 5

Austin was rather annoyed at his fans who were crowded around the church that Ally's funeral was held at. If it wasn't for the fact that they cared about his emotions and were "kind" enough to clear schedules for her funeral, he would've thrown a few punches for them sobbing so loud and making such a fuss. They were being completely disrespectful, even If they were just trying to relate to his loss. She deserved better than a crowd of people who didn't even know her name at her funeral. This should be the day where she was surrounded by people she loved, people she knew, people she cared about. Not strangers.

But, Austin thought to himself, Am I any different?

Memories came like whirling tides, drowning him in a pool of bittersweet thoughts and painful regrets. He thought back to how they first met, when he overheard her singing on the piano and bravely approached her, giving her his own twist on her song. He remembered how he stole the song right after, thinking only for his career at the time and not knowing that he would met a sweet best friend.

"Come on, Ally. We could be a great team!" He assured with a smile. Austin could still remember that baby pink blush that she wore after she agreed, so child-like and innocent.

He thought back to the time when he pretended to be a lifeguard and decided to teach Ally how to swim. She was so nervous when she almost drowned that day, and she didn't learn how to swim, but Austin wished that she acted as if she was drowning...So he could act like he knew CPR...

He thought back to when he was trying to get Ally to lke his personal interests and dragged a reluctant Ally to the comic book store.

"Why don't you just go with Dez or Trish. They like these things more~" She complained. He shushed her up in no time and made her sit next to him as he read to her the whole Marvel collection. It was five hours since they entered the comic book store, and Austin felt some weight on his shoulder. He looked to his right and saw her angel face, eyes closed, and chin drown. She had rested her head on him for support. He smiled lightly, allowing her to anyway. He knew that the best to do was wake her up and be mad for sleeping when he had been reading all those books for her, but something kept him away from disturbing her slumber. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping, so adorably cute. Before he knew it, his head of blond swept down and his lips touched hers ever so slightly. He pulled back right away, immediately feeling guilt wash over him for poisoning her with his filth. Why did he do such a stupid and selfish thing? Her lips, her innocent lips, were for a man she'd really love one day, not for her best friend, who suddenly became attracted to her while she was sleeping. Was he really the type to take advantage of another when they didn't know it? Shame on him. He hoped that one day, she would kiss the man of her dreams. But then, he suddenly took back his intentions. The thought of Ally kissing another man was...unbearable. No, this was her first kiss. He took it, made it clear he claimed it. No one else can take it away, and, one day, he will kiss her again while she's unconscious. That's when he can proudly have her all himself, and himself only.

He thought back to when Cassidy overheard Dez threatening him that he would tell Ally that he had a crush on her because he was the one who made "Special brownies" for Trish. Overhearing the conversation and being the fun joker she was, she blackmailed him. For a long time, every time he saw the blond, she would make him do her a favor.

"Buy my a smoothie or I'll tell Als."

"Austin, you better not talk back! I'll tell your secret if you don't buy me ice cream!"

" AUSTIN MOON, I SWEAR I'LL THE MEDIA IF YOU DON'T DO MY LAUNDRY!"

He would try avoiding her every time she was near, hoping that he could find an escape route before she noticed his presence. It was ironic how the thing that made him scared of her actually caused him to like her in the end. It was her endless demands and favors that he found cute . He started to realize how pretty she was, and how kind she could be if she wasn't in need of something. He began to enjoy her company. And that was his biggest mistake.

He remembered when he had to shoot a movie for Dez and it had umbrellas, his worst fear, all around the set. He remembered how Cassidy was out of town, rocking out in L.A, so he didn't want to phone her and bother talking about a silly (well not to him) fear. He stayed up in the practice room, frantically trying to think of a plan to make himself seem brave. That's when the door opened, and little Alligator came to cheer him up. She tried her best to make him overcome his fear, even told him why she had major stage fright. Without her there, he would've practically gone mad in frustration and fear, but, thanks to her, he can now go near umbrellas without having to look up in despair that the whole thing would topple on his face.

He looked out of the church's window, saddened by the fact that these memories had been hidden in the back of his mind for so long. Why? Why had he forgotten? Why had he forgotten the nights that he couldn't sleep, and she was the first person he'd phoned? Why had he forgotten that she'd stay up and talk to him whether she was tired or not? Why had he forgotten the times where they snuck out of the dorms past curfew, doing things that they'd never regret, even when they were caught? Why had he forgotten the day he debuted, when she stayed up all night in a sleeping bag outside of a local store so she could be the first to buy his CD? Why had he forgotten all the nights that they went bowling together? Why had he forgotten how many pancakes they could eat together? Why had he forgotten all the times that their parents teased them, saying they'd be married one day? Why had he forgotten the butterflies that he felt when he hoped that his parents were right? Why had he forgotten how just the curve of her smile made his day brighter, better? Why had he forgotten her laugh, her walk, her voice, the way she walked, the way her hair seemed to flow flawlessly behind her back whenever she bounced a little? Why had he forgotten all their talks, their good times, their memories? Why had he forgotten about Ally?

Austin thought he held it pretty well. He kept himself composed when his heart ached as he walked through the church doors, reading the sign that said "Funeral in Memory of Allison Dawson." He closed his eyes tightly when he greeted the cloud watchers, knowing how important she was to them. She found all best clouds to see. It's a wonder how she had that talent that made him snore, but become excited in his dreams just by the thought of it.

He braced himself when Ally's father, her only family ever since her mom died, shook his hand and said, "Thank you for always being there for my little girl, Austin. I'm sure she died peacefully, knowing that she had someone like you to look after and care for her." Those words made him feel pathetic. He didn't deserve praise. He avoided her, spat in her face such cold icy words, and broke her heart. That didn't seem to fit the guy in her dad's description. Still, he kept himself composed on the way to the coffin.

But when he was at her coffin, looking down at her with a pink rose in his right hand, he lost it. For the first time since his father screamed at him for choosing to be a singer in his weak health, Austin cried. He no longer cared if there were many people watching. He couldn't keep it in anymore. He cursed himself a million times over when he looked at her face, her beautiful face, and saw that her eyes were closed. He studied her carefully through his blurred vision.

"How are you so beautiful even when you're not alive?" he asked her in a hushed voice, almost chokingly. Austin brushed his thumb on to her cheek and almost thought that it was a dream. That she would just wake up and be herself again, smiling and happy. However, as he stared more at her frozen face, not moving or blushing at his touch, he knew for sure it was for real.

"I'm sorry Ally," he finally apoligized. "I'm sorry for being so mean to you all these years, for being a terrible friend, for not being there for you when you were to me. I-"

His breathing was ragged, his tears coming faster.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." He bit his knuckles, whitened from being kept in a fist for so long. "Come back," he whispered. "Come back and I promise, I'll make up for all of those times that I didn't take up your offer on hanging out with you. I'll take you out for some pickles. I won't make a lame excuse, or question about Cassidy. I'll smile when I see you like I used to, and I'll call you every night to tuck you into bed. I'll drink with you whenever you're sad, I'll cry with you if you want me too. Just, please come back. Please..."

He was sobbing terribly now. He knew that he was probably making a fool of himself in front of his members and everybody else that was in the church, but he could care less. It was his turn to say goodbye to her, to put a flower in her casket and take one last look at her. Let him make a fool out of himself. He technically was a fool for treating her this way for so long anyway.

"You should have said all that when she was alive," a soft voice said barely louder than a whisper.

"He looked to his side and made eye contact with Trish, her small, sad smile made him feel a bit relieved for some reason.

"Trish, I thought-"

"That I wouldn't come? Dude I'm her best friend. Of course I would come." She placed a pretty red camellia over Ally's ear. "I'm here to say my last good byes too." There was a long pause.

"Camellias are beautiful flowers, aren't they?"

"Y-yeah they are. The red camellia...It suits her."

"They symbolize gratitude, admiration...perfection." Trish glanced at Ally's face, her eyes trying to hold back tears. "Of course it would suit her." Austin wondered how she knew that, but knowing that she's worked at a flower shop for a day, she would probably know some things about flowers. He thought for a moment about the symbolism.

Gratitude. There were many thing people owed Ally for. She went out of her way to do nice things for others, earning her a spot in their hearts.

Admiration. Along with the gratitude comes admiration for the fact that she could be so kind, as much as to put others before herself. She portrayed a certain selflessness that others could only wish they had.

Perfection. She was its definition.

He looked down to his pink rose, and wondered if it could surpass the Latino's choice of a flower. The symbolism of love.

Suddenly he remembered a thought that was one his mind before the surgery. "Trish..."

She tore her gaze away from the deceased girl, her brown eyes sparing him a glance.

"Remember when you told me that my donor agreed to share her identity with me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you never really...you know...told me her name," he said nervously, playing with his fingers.

She chuckled lightly and returned her loving gaze to Ally. She leaned down to touch something in the coffin and then looked back at him. "You are pretty slow aren't you Austin?"

If his emotions weren't so clouded that day, he would've retorted back and became angry. Now wasn't the time, however, and he just wanted to lighten the mood.

"And since I am such a near-sighted person," he played along, "do you mind just telling me her name rather than letting my stupid self hunt down for it?" He smiled weakly at her.

"I won't waste my breath, Austin," she answered as she walked away. "Why do I need to tell you? You already know her name.

Austin didn't watch her leave, but he heard her words clearly, hanging on to each one. His eyes traveled down hers. She looks as if she was sleeping. Oh, how much better life would be right now if she was only sleeping.

"I already know her name?" he asked himself.

Then, he saw something. He looked at the thing that Trish was touching when she'd reached into Ally's coffin. Around her neck, there was a silver dog tag necklace that read "I'm a Savior of Austin Moon and I'm Proud." Even more surprising was that, at the very end of that phrase was an extra carving of a heart; the heart he added for the person who wore this bracelet to know that he would take good care of their heart, the heart that kept him alive, the heart that beat so loudly inside of him at that very minute.

He touched the bracelet tentatively, tears streaming down madly. "Ally you...you..."

"She saved your life." Austin didn't hear her come up to him, but she was always like that; lurking around quietly like a cat.

"Cassidy." It came out as a hoarse whisper.

She didn't smile at him, she hadn't for the longest time. It was then that he realized that even all of Cassidy wasn't as beautiful as a bit of Ally so he returned his gaze towards the beautiful angel laying before them.

Cassidy laid her white lily inside her casket, her heart throbbing terribly. She wanted the songwriter to smile at her with her chocolate brown eyes again. It was even worse to be standing near the one who caused so much torture for her little Ally. "So you finally figured it out?" Austin couldn't say much in his state. He only nodded.

"The others don't know about this," she continued in a cold, monotone voice, "and one of her last requests was for me to keep this secret from them. Even her father has no clue that she donated her heart for you. They all think she had a heart attack of some sort." She laughed bitterly to herself as she looked at him. "Funny, isn't it? She gave her life up to someone who completely ignored her."

He was shaking now, anger searing through him like a knife. No, he wasn't mad at Miami's Barbie girl. She was telling the truth. He was rather angry at himself. Why? Why did he start ignoring his Alligator? Why did he always think badly of her? Why did he say mean things to her? Why did he choose Cassidy over her? His knuckles whitened from his tight grip on the casket.

"I thought you were the worst guy for her," the blond continued, mourning for the girl who always asked for extra pickles with anything she ordered."You never paid much attention to her, and you always treated her as if she was pest. In everyone else's eyes, she was beautiful, a goddess. I never really understood why she chose you when Dallas was courting on her for more than a year, being much more a a friend than you. I don't know why, out of all people, she chose the one person that didn't choose her.""

"I-I choose her." He was crying hard now. Cassidy scoffed in disbelief. Some nerve this guy had.

"You say you choose her when she's not even around to hear it anymore." The words came out just as bitterly as she'd intended, maybe even a little short of it. "If you choose her now, how come you didn't choose her when she was still alive and well? Why do you choose her when she's gone? Is it because of pity? Or maybe because you're just grateful that she saved your life. Is that it?"

"That's not-"

"Just save it Blondie," she snapped, her eyes shooting through like a silver bullet. "Go deny it to someone who will believe you." She stroked Ally's hair. "You can lie to anybody," she said. "You can lie to her father, your friends, even your own parents . . . You can look at me and tell me how much you regret everything, which I hope you do . . . " Their eyes met, and Austin felt a stab of pain in his insides from the hurt and sorrow that swirled like a hurricane in her face. "But you will never be able to lie to Als. You will also never have another chance to tell her the truth. You will never have another chance to tell her anything. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he realized that it was the first time that he's seen her cry. "She's gone. And there's nothing you can do to reverse it."

Austin reached down and brushed a few loose strands of dark hair out of Ally's eyes. God, why are you so beautiful. Cassidy's words kept ringing through him like an alarm, honesty and hatred in every sentence. "She has a bunch of dog tags necklaces that she begged me not to tell anyone about," the Barbie princess revealed in a much friendlier tone. "She's donated a lot of times, you know. She always became tired and dizzy whenever she'd be done giving blood, that's why she was so tired when you came to our dorm and informed us that someone offered to be your donor. She memorized your hospital schedule, and she'd push away whatever appointments and events she had planned that day just to give you blood. She even missed her own birthday."

Cassidy looked at the pickle loving friend's face, trying to find strength to go on without bursting into a waterfall of tears. "When she told me about donating the heart,I nearly collapsed. I had yelled at her, I had screamed. I'd cried so much . . . I'd even gotten on my knees and begged her to change her mind. When she didn't, I resorted to ignoring her. But eventually, I gave in. I took her out to her favorite restaurant and we ate her last meal together. Actually, we did everything together that past week, along with Dez and the group. It was a busy week, but YoonA didn't sleep very well, and she always bothered the others, asking them if they wanted to go for coffee or something. Once, Mindy even threatened to kick her out of the diner if she didn't stop blabbering. I cried a lot that week, but Als...She was strong. She smiled twice as much, she laughed twice as hard . . . she ate five times more too." A sincere laugh escaped her lips. "Probably because she knew that even Heaven didn't have this kind of food." A sad smile replaced her natural one.

She looked at him with a weary expression, no longer angry, just tired. She was too heartbroken to be upset with anybody. She said her last goodbyes to Ally, no longer having the heart to talk to Blondie, and left.

The tears had not stopped. He wanted to say something, anything, but he knew that whatever he says could not repay all of the damage he'd done. He bent down to give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. After some thought, he swept down again and touched his lips against hers. Though she'd been dead for weeks, her lips were still warm, soft.

The star failed. He'd wanted to kiss her once again, hadn't he? But this time, she wasn't only unconscious, she wasn't even alive. He apologized to her one last time, and said a prayer. He laid his rose down onto the part of her white dress that covered her chest. The flower lies where her heart would've been.

I write this message for the girl that gave her life for me. How are you? Do you think of me from time to time? In this long night, I close my eyes again, thinking of you. That's what I've been doing now a days. The night is especially longer tonight, this night without you. I'm regretting that day I let you go, that I just broke you completely without any warmth. This Midnight I can't sleep from my thoughts of you, this night that found me again, won't let me sleep. I know that you're up there, wanting me to stay happy...but how can I? It's so hard without you. Really hard...

But I'll keep my word. I will take care of your heart. And, for a while, I've made a promise. It's...It's a serious promise and I'll promise that I'll fufill this promise.

In another life...Like how you gave your life for me I promise you... I'll give my all to you, Ally.

The End

Last chapter was a little rushed, but I hope it's alright :D The last part was a little...I don't know. I was listening to sad music with some of the words and I decided to add it in. Don't know if it was a good edition.

Please Rate and Review. I would love your thoughts on this story. Thank you :)