Light to L~
2:00 a.m. 28 June 2010
Hey L...
Okay, I know there is no easy way to break this to you but well, I have some news to share with you that I really don't know how to tell you know. I mean it all happened so suddenly and before I could say anything, it just...I don't know and it is frustrating me L...A lot of things are. This...and well, okay look L, please remember that I will always be your friend okay? Calm down L, don't hyperventilate...I am not dying if that is what you are thinking of. Take a deep breath. You know my father is the chief of NPA right? And how his job requires him to move around? Well...apparently, the police headquarters in Shinjuku requires his assistance and he might have to move there...with his family. L, I am moving away from Tokyo. Please L, try to understand. My father, he is rarely home and he misses us when he is away so he wants my mom go with him, especially now that she is pregnant with their second child and they can't believe me behind. They are saying that with my grades, it wouldn't be a problem transferring...I mean it has only mean a month since classes started and well...this is it I guess...I will miss you L. Best friends forever right? You please take care of yourself.
P.S. I will send my address to you soon okay?
11:53pm 29th June 2010
"I cant tell you what it really is,
I can only tell you what it feels like,
And right now its a steel knife in my wind pipe
I cant breathe"
These lyrics by Eminem describe pretty much about how I feel. This thing about you going away in two months was the biggest shock of my life so far. On my ride home, I was 20% depressed and 80% angry. The truth started getting into my head and this depression increased and it was like 80% depression and 20% anger. And then I cried a little. I usually never cry for people but this was just too sad for me, I mean my best and only friend is going in 2 months.
What. The. Hell. I
I was completely out of my mind the entire day. I made errors in my math homework (eg.3 times 1 is equal to 6, and I also said "neither of these four" to Watari when he asked me to choose a cake from the platter). From 19th October 2009 my life always revolved around you and I liked it. But now it is like I don't have a sun to orbit. I seriously feel out of place. I have been weird the whole day. I just don't know what to do or think. The happiness which I had when you gave me that bracelet you made was neutralized by this shock. But I do appreciate your gift. Thank you.
P.S. You the most perfect best friend I have always wanted
P.P.S. Uf-oh
Heil Fuhrer
12:53am 12 July 2010
Hey there. A very good morning to you. Now, this letter may not be very interesting but I am writing this anyways. I just made a drink. Its Tropicana with soda...it tastes somewhat...carbonated :) These Monday mornings are becoming a little difficult for me.
I have lots of work and homework and your absence during the weekend, it kills me...The biggest problem with this Sunday night-Monday morning part of the week is that I have lots of time to think and when I think all that comes to my mind is you ...Damn it why cannot I go to school? I want to meet you Light. By the way there are dogs barking in the background. And when I think about expressing my feelings through a letter another problem arises. I do not want to bore you with a very boring letter so I try to control myself until I have something interesting in my mind. Now I do not know what else to tell you. I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you each moment of the day when I am not at school. During the summer vacations, when I was getting a haircut I kind of felt like I heard your voice but I guess it was because I was really really missing you. I do not think I have ever told you this but I think that your voice sounds very kiddishly mature and I find that very cute :).I am a little sad that in a couple of hours Watari is going leave for England but I am mostly happy that in a couple of hours I get to meet you.
You know when you said you were leaving; it wasn't because I am too innocent. It is just that I trust you too much. I figured there was a chance that this was all a prank but I tried to keep my mind open and well, somehow I couldn't think beyond the fact that you were leaving. Most people would say you were cruel to play this prank but I understand. Boredom. Which is what we have in common along with the other things. And well, I can guess where you are coming from. Sometimes we say or do things just to see how people will react to it...it breaks the monotony and the goddamn routine. People, while they bore us to tears, can be pretty entertaining with their predictable reactions. You know Light, with you, I tend to become almost normal...I feel emotions I generally look down upon...I guess that makes me the fool...fancy that...L the Fool. Hahaha...
Heil Fuhrer
9:45pm 13th July 2010
I wanted to see your reactions when you read the letter and today that was made possible thanks to you. The expressions on your face were so good and joy-filled and you smiled and grinned so much, all that made me blush (By the way Watari just mailed to remind me to "eat healthy" and "try not to get sugar poisoning in his absence"...The old geezer...always worrying so much). I thank you for giving me the honour of being able to be the cause of those cute expressions. While studying for Hindi I was imagining you being my actual brother. I was thinking that if I started to feel sleepy then like a good caring brother you would tell me to get up and study properly and if I did not listen to you then you would call me a dog and push me off the bed. Well I do not know if my imagination is correct so tell me what you think You asked me to tell you the things that I like in you so here it is. I am going to start from the outside and then penetrate deeper...that so sounded wrong...oh god...whatever.
First of all you are the best looking guy around. You have lots of features that just put me in a trance...like those deep brown eyes which have the power to melt me...then that big smile, your natural one, not the one you fake around other people to keep up pretences, which just lifts me high in the sky and puts me over the moon.
Well this was about your outer beauty.
But what I actually admire about you is your inner self. I mean you are somebody who is "more than what meets the eye" (Optimus Prime's line)
You are really warm and nice even with the people you do not like and I appreciate that skill. You are always so nice and fun to talk to and be with. You really are caring and considerate but you are "evil" and Satanic at times. You are so good at making me suffer in ways that I could never think of...this contrast in you makes you warm-hearted, caring and full of life...on the inside you are the kind of a person who...umm... In all honesty, I do not know what to say but I think that you are full of surprises.
I admire one thing about you a lot. You have the ability to keep your feelings, emotions and personal life separate from your professional life.
When we go deeper into your mind you are one tough nut to crack. It took me 6 months to convince myself that whatever you say or do is not always what's on your mind. It is really difficult to understand your thoughts at a point of time and I feel like it is a crime mystery for me to solve...the clues are there, I just need to look for them...You are a mystery and I thank you for all of that because I cherish all the moments I spend by your side.
11:00pm 20th July 2010
Hey. I was trying to read some literature but I could not concentrate because I had too much to think about. So I thought it is better to pour my emotions into a letter and then study. Congrats again on your appointment as the Cultural Secretary. You are the only person in this school who actually deserves it. I am really happy for you and I was grinning when the principal announced your name. Best of luck (I hope this one also works) for whatever tasks you may have to do as the Cultural Secretary. You will always have my support for any difficulties you may face but I know that you are much more capable than I am in this field and I am pretty sure that you will own this. Oh, by the way you find Mikami cute right? So have fun working with him in the student council. On Saturday you gave me that evil smile when we were on our way home. I found it to be really evil and cute at the same time.
Added at 7:15pm 21st July 2010
I am excited about tomorrow not because it is my birthday but because I will get to spend two whole periods playing tennis with you. What I meant by "I do not want a gift from you but if you still want to give me a gift then you can give me yourself" was that I want you to be my best friend and brother forever.
Added 9:49pm 22nd July 2010
I guess this was the best birthday of my life because you gave me such a nice and cute card. You know something? That card is the first birthday card of my life and I am happy to know that you are the person who made it for me. You woke up at 4:30 a.m. just for me and made it even though I know for a fact that you Love sleeping..yup, Love with a capital L. That is so very sweet of you. Well your card is like something that I would write for you - plain and simple but made purely by the care and concern we have for each other. So I really like it.
What you made was a masterpiece. So simple and yet so beautiful. It is something that you did solely for the purpose of putting a smile on my face and that is very sweet. The best part is that your card is uniquely designed for my tastes (I like being pampered by you once in a while although I just love pampering you all the time). I really liked that dragon on the day you showed me the tattoo and thus it was so kind of you to remember that and make the dragon on the card :). After reading the card I felt like hugging you real tight and about the gift thing: the pen you gave is one sexy piece of plastic. So thank you for the card and the pen andmost importantly your care and concern. I was seriously heart-broken when you said that you could not play tennis with me and also when you told me that you did almost nothing in the Art Room. I felt like getting angry at you but I could not...not at my first ever friend.
P.S. I wrote this letter with the white pen you gave me :)
Heil Fuhrer
A/N: This has now been beta-ed and replaced.