November 14 2010 21:37 p.m.
Hey L,
How are you? I am fine here and I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry. The last History Text I wrote, I didn't mean that. I hope you know that. At that time, I was lost, and I was angry and I was scared. I would never admit to that to anyone but you. Sayu, my father getting transferred to Osaka, the possibility of losing you…Please forgive me L…I thought if I pushed you away hard enough, I would be able to let you go…if you hated me, it would be easier to forget that I loved you…but you never once let go of me, you held on no matter how hard I hit you or hurt you…you were always there, looking at me with those eyes of yours, pulling me into obsidian bliss where I could forget my own darkness, if only for a moment… You are my light L. (Ironic isn't it?) But I guess are very existence in each other's life is ironic; I push, you pull me back with equal force. I am the darkness and you are the light our world. I hit you, you kiss me…why L? Why? Why do you make this so hard for me? I am evil L, I hit the guy who hurt Sayu, and you only held me in your arms. You should have yelled at me, screamed at me…the way Sayu did. I think she is afraid of me now, seeing her calm and composed brother angry like that... Though I would never hurt Sayu. But I think she sees me better than you do I think…or maybe not, I can never really tell with you. When I wanted to hurt the man, you held me back; I pushed you away and when I did hit him, you took me in your arms and told me I had probably saved more people by hitting him. I wonder why you did that but that is just another one of things about you… No matter how much I try to unravel the man behind L, the deeper I fall and I can't get back up. And what scares me the most is that I have come to need things like love and challenge. But I don't want to talk about it. I am leaving it up to you to figure me out.
All I want to say is this, I am leaving, L. And I will be back in the December holidays though…I hope to see you then.
I think I will be back by the seventeenth of January
8:10pm 30th December 2010
Hey, Light, it has been a long time since I have written one of these. But I guess I will not be able to write too many history texts now that my day to leave is closing in (I have tears in my eyes...kind of surprising though…)
By the way this is the first thing that I have started to dread before it has actually happened. Usually I realize things and am sad after they happen. You know, it's only while writing History Texts that I have the clearest possible flow of thoughts. It feels as though these History Tests write itself. But I guess I need lubricants like Nutella and Nestle Milkmaid once in a while. Well I wonder how things are with you and Sayu. I am excited to hear about it on the third of December. There are a lot of chances that I may not be coming back to Tokyo. I really wish I didn't have to go. Sorry for writing in such unconnected sentences but I am sad thinking about all this. Well Merry Christmas Light-kun. These holidays seem pretty long you know. I look at the calendar and realize that just one day has passed since I last looked at it. I miss you so much. Not a day passes by when I do not wish that you magically walked into my room through the door. Whenever I watch some nice action scenes of a movie or those shows about sexy weapons on Discovery Science I look at the other side of the bed and start thinking about what your reaction would be to that particular weapon. I just wish so bad that you were there beside me. Crap...I am getting emotional. I looked at your pic from the bus during the excursion (your ex-profile picture) and I started missing the waterfall so much. It is so lovely and beautiful. All those layers and curves and sharp edges and curls and the way it comes under your ear, just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster. I just love it you know. I miss the way your big gorgeous eyes look at me in the mornings and during classes. And I am glad to know that you like the "hi-s" too :). Hey, thanks a lot for that list. It is very sweet. That seal you put on it just added a nice essence to it. I would never be able to even think about something like that. I miss the curve of those rosy lips making up your cute smile. (I kind of feel like kissing you now)You know something? I have never been able to get a perfect mental image of your smile when you are not around. It's like whenever you smile I am just so elated that I cannot capture an image. (I need a pic of you smiling then; before I leave). There are a few days when you say "Hey ya" it is really cute you know. It rings in my head sometimes when I miss you (and brings a smile on my face). I just keep thinking about the excursion and the day of career counselling so much nowadays. I tried not to but I guess I wrote a letter pretty close to the one you are going to get on farewell. Sorry.
P.S. I love you
P.P.S. I miss you so very much
Heil Fuhrer
1:02am 31st December 2010
Hey Light,
This is really tough. I miss you so much. I feel really sad that I have to wait for so many more days to see you again when you return from Osaka. I guess this is the second time I cracked. Well I just kept staring at your picture (the only one I have of you).That's all I can do for the moment. I have wanted to tell you this for a while. I like your nose. It has a perfect shape and is slightly curved at the end which makes it cute. (I hope I could kiss it again) I might sound very weird right now but I am being completely honest about how I feel. I just keep thinking about what is going happen after I leave. I love seeing you. I love talking to you. I love sitting next to you. I love listening to you about your life. I love telling you about my life. I love the comfortable silence. I love those looks we share during classes. I love the expressions we share when we see cute guys. I love to have somebody I can give Polo to. I love walking with you during dispersal (Did you know, it's usually my favourite time of the day because there is nobody around and our minds are kind of relaxed and it is like just you and I for a time. How things go during dispersal sets my mood for the rest of my day). I love being a part of your life. I love catching the tiffin box when you throw it. I love knowing that my best friend/brother is the sweetest, most caring and wonderful person that God could create. I love feeling your heavenly touches. I love being slapped or hit on the arm (only by you of course). I love knowing that you will always look out for me and help me out whenever necessary. I love writing history texts. And I love you of course. I do not want lose the things I love. But why do things have to end in Farewells and Tokyo. Heck(ler)! I just cannot stop my eyes from being moist. I really do not know what else to say. I think you can read the feeling behind these words.
P.S. My phones battery is low. I have seen it go down from 7 to 3 bars. It feels like it symbolizes the time left before farewell.
1:01am 2nd January 2011
Hey, Happy New Year, Light. Well, in the last History Texts I got too emotional. Second emotional crackdown in less than 2 months of the first one I had. You know those two days I so badly wanted to talk to you. And then when you called it was as though that the Goddess can read my mind. Well it was really nice talking to you. Thank you, Light-kun for calling. You probably saved me from some more sadness. When I first saw "LY" flashing on my phone screen I was like 'shit man this isn't happening. Am I still asleep or something?'
So there is good news huh? I am curious. I hope you are going to share it with me soon. But I wondered for about ten minutes flat about what this might be about. But all my percentages are going haphazard. Guess this is revenge for those times I have left you with mysteries.
You know yesterday when I half woke up, the first sentence that came to my head was "What if our lips had touched (on the day of Career Counselling)" and then the first thoughts of my day while I was waking up were of you and I kissing. Such a nice way of starting the first day of the year, ne? :) Well, I do not really have much to say. I just wanted to thank you for calling the day before yesterday. You helped me just when I needed you even without knowing it.
P.S.I used the word 'love' a lot in the previous Texts. I do not use it very often. But I thought that it expresses me right and so I should use it while I still can.
Heil Fuhrer
6:07am 16th January 2011
Hey, Good morning.
I did not just wake up. I was working on the cases the whole night. I just feel guilty for all the times I have made you cry, Light. Sorry does not really do anything. But I am sorry. I just saw this girl cry on a television show. So it just made me think about a lot of things. You know I think that I say a lot of things. A lot of these things turn out to be right. At the point of time when I say these things either to people or to myself, I do not really try going deep finding the reasons. I just kind of feel they are right. And when the right time and circumstances come along I am faced with the reasons that satisfy my brain. All this may sound weird. But I figured there is just you, that I can share it with. By the way I am a weirdo after all. At this point of time I just cannot stop saying I love you to you in my head. I do not know how to express myself but I just guess I feel like I love you so very much. Relating to the earlier "feeling right about things" thing, I guess I am not that scientific after all. I am as much of a believer as I am a non-believer. It is like being as much of an orthodox as an atheist. I do not like being led by only that right feeling or only reasons. I like to have both of them in the due course of time. When I think of you, keeping the earlier stuff in mind, I just realized that I have both of them. I am sorry but I just feel like saying I love you again and when I say that I love you I mean it in the entire 3 ways okay? I am really lucky to have been able to know you so well, understand you. There are like so many things about you which I completely love. All this would not have been possible without your consent. So thank you. On Wednesday when you were playing with your lips with your fingers while reading the newspaper, I felt like kissing you. Well considering the fact that we won't ever be together, there are not really many chances that we ever kiss. But hey, it is nice thinking about kissing you. (Career Counselling's flashing in my head).Thank you for that kiss on the neck. It is the most wonderful thing I have I ever felt on my neck. You know I also got this picture from Sayu and I really must thank her. So now there are like two pictures. I think that in that picture you look completely adorable with those two ponytails and your cute scowl at seven years of age, at the camera. And then in the other excursion pic you look completely gorgeous because you are looking into the camera with deep thought in your big eyes and your hair is coming on your face and under your ear and also covers a part of your neck. Picture 1 to Picture 2 is something like Cutie to Beauty. There was this time on the day of Career Counselling when I thought you looked pretty hot because of the way your hair was parted and gelled to perfection. And the way you wore your bag. Now that is not a word I use very often but I am just speaking my mind. By the way every night before going to sleep I say "Good night and I love you" to you in my head.
P.S. I love you
P.P.S. I hope I could play Halo: Reach or Splinter Cell: Conviction with you on Xbox Screen Split.
P.P.P.S. I am leaving by the twelve o'clock flight…I hope to see you once before I leave.
"You came Light-kun…"
"Of course I did you idiot, you think I would let you go to England without seeing me? " Light smirked and before L could respond, He crashed his lips against L.
you kiss me
and slowly trail your hand from my cheek to my shoulder
and trail it down my arms and hands
you circle my wrist with your hand and use to pull me on top of you
all the while without breaking the kiss
it is slow, sensual and the way I like it
your hands are my waist now…cupping the sides
and I sit up with my knees on either side of your waist
and slowly unbutton your white shirt
you gasp
and you are surprised
but I have this haunted look on my face
so you stop and ask me if I really want to do this…while caressing my cheek with your hands and I nod
you give me a sweet kiss on the lips and run your hands through my hair
the kiss gets a little heated and I moan so you take control now and turn us over so that I am pinned under you
the sunshine is streaming into the room
and we can smell the fresh smell of roses from my garden
from the open window
there are thin beads of sweat on your forehead and mine
and you fumble with the buttons on my shirt
with some effort you manage to pull it off
we both pause to look each other in the eyes and I see nothing but pure adoration in your eyes
so that gives me the confidence to carry on, we feel each other and get lost in the passion
and we lose ourselves in the heat of the day and our bodies
You lay small butterfly kisses on my head, neck, throat, nipping and biting and then running your tongue over the sensitive skin to soothe the sting
I moan and that turns you on to carry even further
you go lower, kissing my stomach and rubbing soothing circles on the side of my waist
your hands trail down to my thighs and you take my thigh and wrap it around your waist
it is like we are worshipping my body
and you whisper in my ears, sweet nothings
Light-kun, Light-kun, Light-kun you mumble
while biting my ear gently now and then
when we finally do it, it is like a whirlwind of emotions, heat, passion, love, lust, adrenaline coursing through our bodies
there is pain, but so much more pleasure, heat and goose bumps
and frenzy yet a certain type of calm prevails over us
my eyes closed to feel every bit of the emotion I can
there is calmness in our minds even when our bodies are still brimming with heat because this feels right, this feels amazing
and we just somehow know that this was meant to be.
L got up and quietly got dressed, taking one last look at his sleeping lover. Placing a final kiss against his temple, bathed in golden light, Lawliet walked out of the room to become what the world recognise him as. L.
I would like to thank Ethan, for inspiring this one, and his kind reviews, my co-author and KennedyHarlow for all their support. You guys mean a lot to me :)
Any, wow, I am astounded by the number of hits I get for this story. Thank you all of you! and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This is my first attempt at a lemon. So please be sure to tell me how I faired..Good? Bad? Sucked? Also, thanks to Blaise88100 for taking time and helping me with this lemon! I love you guys :)
Kindly review~!