Edward is going to tell the story talking to Bella, as far as I'm aware he isn't writing to her in a journal or anything just spending some quality time with his wife mentally. And remember Edward is new at this so cut him some slack, I know he is doing some of it wrong.

Warning: there is talk of infants and things infants do plus some unfortunate events for Edward (you know: burping, pooping, etc) so if this bothers you...well you probably shouldn't read the entire story. lol.

EPOV

Today was the most trying day in my entire life.

Raising a baby was harder than I could have ever imagined. On a good day Alice wakes up every 3 or 4 hours to eat and needs a diaper change every 2 hours. When we read the books about this, preparing for her to come it had all sounded so cut and dry. Babies need to eat, babies don't like to be dirty, babies like to be held and wrapped tightly.

It takes a good 10-15 minutes to make a bottle, what with mixing the formula and heating it to the right temperature. Don't forget another 5-10 minutes to burp the baby which doesn't allow time to clean any spit up from your shoulder, or arm. To change a diaper can take another 5-10 minutes to unwrap, wipe, put on diaper cream if needed, and then rewrap. After all of that if you swaddle your baby you should have a blissfully sleeping child.

What I want to know is who the hell writes these books?

It always takes me much longer to make a bottle, I suppose because I am still new to the whole process but it is either too cold or there is an inevitable hot spot in the formula and I have to wait for it to cool. By that point Alice is raving mad, her face red from her crying. I also discovered she is picky about the nipple she has on her bottle, which lead to about a day and a half of her refusing to eat and crying profusely while I frantically tried everything short of taking her to the hospital to figure out what was wrong.

Boy is she stubborn when it comes to burping. I could pat her back for what feels like hours, rub it, place her on my knee, bounce her up and down, and it seems that the moment I stop moving for a minute to rest my hand she will burp. She may just be stubborn, but I feel as though I'm doing it all wrong.

Diaper changes are fairly easy. Well that was until today.

Alice woke up only an hour after her last bottle feeding so my natural instinct was to change her. When that didn't work I wondered if maybe she hadn't burped enough so I began patting her back and trying, in my worst singing voice possible, to sing her to sleep. My singing seemed to only make it worse and at this point she was screaming her head off.

I went to heat up a bottle for her, leaving her in the middle of our bed surrounded by pillows. Sticking her bottle into the fridge I squinted to see the time: 3:54am. I rubbed my fingers over my eyes trying to get the sleep out of them enough to pay attention when I heard a crashing noise. My heart stopped and I don't know how but the next thing I knew I was in our room beside the bed.

Alice was still nestled into the pillows I had surrounded her with, wailing diligently while she waved her arms and legs around. Sighing I hurried back to the kitchen and yanked open the microwave door to find it empty. Had I already grabbed the bottle out?

Dashing back into our room I looked around at the night stands to see no bottle, but I did catch a glimpse to see that a picture had fallen off the wall by our dresser. My heart clenched seeing the glass cracked across your beautiful face, but Alice's incessant crying didn't leave me time to dwell on it.

Rushing back into the kitchen I pulled open the microwave door again, examining it like it had somehow eaten the bottle; it was still empty. Slamming it shut I began searching the countertops, and even going into the living room although I knew I hadn't been in there at all. Where the hell does a bottle disappear to?

Going back into the kitchen I began yanking open cabinet doors, but not finding anything but dishes. I growled in frustration, my nerves on edge with Alice screaming in our room and my lack of sleep. Tears began to well in my eyes again and I felt myself nearing hysteria. Grabbing the fridge handle I tore the door open in one last attempt only to be met with that damned bottle staring back at me.

"Shit," I mumbled, making sure to stick it in the microwave this time. I shook it gently, checking it against my wrist to make sure it wasn't too hot.

"Sorry baby girl," I murmured, holding her tightly in my arms rocking her while she greedily sucked on the bottle. Sitting back against my pillows, Alice and I must have dozed off together because the next thing I knew she was crying again still in my arms.

Glancing over at the clock by the bed I noted that it was only 4:33am. We had slept for all of 30 minutes even though it oddly felt like it had been closer to almost two hours. Cradling her neck in my hand I patted her back until she burped. It wasn't long before she was fast asleep again. Tucking her close to my chest I scooted down, hoping to get some sort of sleep.

Alice's wailing once again woke me and I felt like I could cry from my exhaustion, except that I was too tired to do even that. 5:42am. Tonight felt like it was never ending.

I unwrapped Alice to find that she had a wet diaper. In a lapse of judgement I realized that her diapers were 5 feet away by her crib. Figuring she would be fine, I left her naked with no diaper on her receiving blanket to grab one. Turning around for one moment I reached for the tiny diaper to turn back around to find a mustard colored substance being emitted from my child. Realization hit me as I rushed over.

"No, no, no," I chanted like she would somehow know what I meant and stop it.

My first instinct was to push the diaper over her in an attempt to catch it, only to realize I hadn't opened the diaper and had just ruined one by doing so. Throwing it into the trash I had just for diapers I grabbed another one from her bag with another receiving blanket. Making sure she was done I bundled up the receiving blanket pushing it to the side as I cleaned up Alice and put a fresh diaper on her.

I tried to swaddle her in the new receiving blanket but it was literally, new, and had never been used before so it wasn't as pliable as the one I had been using before. Multiple attempts were making Alice frustrated and soon she was sobbing and so was I.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, rocking her back and forth. It wasn't until I realized that she was quiet that I looked down. We were skin to skin since I hadn't put a new onesie on her, her chubby little cheek pressed up against my chest making her lips form a tiny 'o' shape when I heard the first tiny snore escape her. My body continued to shake from tears, but now they weren't from frustration.

My heartbeat had lulled her to sleep.

Bella, I am sure you are laughing at what happened because as I am retelling it, the story sounds much funnier then it was at the time with so little sleep. But Bella I just want to tell you in that moment of extreme frustration and exasperation seeing that I could be what she needed even though I wasn't you made it all entirely worth it. It makes me think that maybe I can be a good father to her afterall.

Alright mommy's you know you've ALL had times like this, that night that just never seems to end for whatever reason and then they do something oh so cute and you know you'd do it all over again (and we have) just to have a moment like that again.