Disclaimer: the only one for this story. I don't own Bleach or Harry Potter.

Warnings: Cross Dressing! Harry. Non-graffic Yaoi and Yuri. Mainly Fluff / Vampire! Harry, Draco and Ulquiorra, Werewolf! Toushiro, Twins!Werepanther!Ichigo and Hollow Ichigo, Demon (Cat)! Byakuya, Witch! Soi Fon.

Pairings:

Bleach: Chad x Rukia, Renji x Anyu (O.C.), Orihime x Ulquiorra, Ichimaru (Hollow Ichigo) {I call Gin Ichimaru, Gin} x Keta (O.C.) x Ichigo, Toushiro x Rangiku, Souske x Hannavera (O.C.), Gin x Anathema (O.C.)... other minor ones.

Harry Potter: Harry x Voldemort, Ginny x Theodore Nott, Draco x Blaise, George x Fred, Luna x Neville, Remus x Sirius, an open relationship of Lucius x Severus & Narcissa x Lucius.

DarkMatterKumos: Lol. There will be many more Matryoshka and the Toad instances.

Guest: I highly doubt this is the strangest. It hasn't even reached it's climax. And Grimmjow is in this chapter. He's been hiding for the very reason your going to see.

Review, guys. Now!

Love, Keta-chan.

Key: Parseltongue

Two people (usually Keta and Ulquiorra/ or George and Fred) talking together.

Chapter 4: The First Class

Welcome to the gun show

Tonight we get wild

Welcome to the gun show

Where the dead come alive

-The Gun Show (In This Moment)

Keta's POV

Acid green glow as they stare back at me, and pearly white fangs gleam as he opens his mouth to huff. A blue bird, all tied up and helpless, hangs on a sting overtop of Grimmjow's head as he sleeps. Unfortunately, it refuses to chirp.

So Ulquiorra jerks the string.

It lets out the bird version of a shriek, and the blue haired arrancar jumps, falling off of his and Anita's bed. We haul the poor creature back up and leave to find more victims.

I slide up onto the countertop next to my brother as we watch Ichigo cook. "Can my pancakes have marshmallows in them?"

"Yes, Ulquiorra," he whispers, bringing down yet another bowl and filling it half way with pancake batter before passing it to him. "Mix in how many you want."

"Cool!"

"You shouldn't have done that, berry-chan." Nnoitora and Grimmjow waltz out of the living room, bags heavy under their eyes.

Ichigo growls at the nickname before looking over at them. "What the hell happened to you two?"

"The demons sitting on the counter."

"The bird was Yakuya's idea," I supply, mixing my own bowl of peanut butter and chocolate chip pancakes. My finger slips in to catch some and bring it to my lips. "How delicious. What do you thing, U'ra?"

He takes my finger into his mouth and cleans it gently. "Needs more peanut butter."

"Kay!" The other three males stare at us with open mouths. "What?"

"Nothing…" Ichigo answers, shaking his head. "I should be used to the two of you by now. You never do anything without each other. For Christ's sake-"

"Watch it, Kurosaki," U'ra growls.

"Sorry, did think. As I was saying, I finally got Keta to sleep without you like a month ago."

"Are you jealous," Grimmjow asks.

"No. It's just kind of awkward when you have to explain to your younger sisters that your girlfriend can't function without her younger brother."

"It is not so weird. Grimm-kitty and Anita are together. Just in a different way. Let us all be thankful that Anita is sterile… If not we would have miniature versions of them running around, and the world as we know it would cease to exist." We snigger until he continues. "It is bad enough that two miniature versions of Ichigo, Ichimaru and my sister exist."

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with our cubs," Ichigo interjects. "They're perfect, sweet and kind."

"Frier froze my face to my hand and my ass to my seat," Nnoitora growls, "and Garra set me on fire."

"They did such a good job. It was beautiful."

They stare at us incredulously and my brother and I can't be bothered to care. "Any who, my first class is tonight."

Harry's POV

I nod over at the Weasley twins, who take up my arms and walk with me to the girls bathroom, Myrtle's bathroom. "So," they say together, "why does you godmother want us all to meet in the Chamber of Secrets?"

"It's unplottable and impossible to get into unless you're a parselmouth or accompanied by one."

"So then how's your godmother getting in?"

"She's a parselmouth."

"Really?! That's so cool!"

"I know."

As we walk inside the others are already there. "Hey, Harry, let us in!" Ron cries, looking unnerved at being in the bathroom.

"Fine, whiner." I lean down to one of the taps, the one with the snake engraved on it. "Open." The tube opens up, and I gesture for them all to go down first. I go last, hissing a 'Close' behind me.

The path into the centrum is open and as we enter it, I see the figure of Keta standing with her back to us. "It's about time," she whisper, somehow still making it loud enough for us to hear. "I expect you all to get here faster next time. I don't have very much patience."

"It's my fault."

"I know, Tandafir, and you'll do better. Now prepare yourselves, for Salindra."