Apparation is never my favorite form of travel, but I was a considerable distance away from Hogwarts, so it was necessary. I landed on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest near the lake. Even when I was a student at Hogwarts, the lake was my favorite part of the grounds. I would sit propped against a rock for hours just staring into the lake and thinking. During the summer holidays, I still sat by the lake. It gave me a sense of calm. My life never seemed to go the way I would have liked it to, mostly from wrong choices and actions in my youth, but I could always count on the serenity of the lake. Before walking up to the castle, I stood at the lake's edge holding a sleeping baby. Holding this child was the strangest sensation I had ever experienced. I have never been an extremely affectionate person, even toward Lily, but at this moment, I could feel the need to nurture this small child. It is strange to realize that infants cannot care for themselves, and that they need your complete care and attention all of the time. The lake was glistening from the sun and there was a cool breeze blowing. I could have stood by the lake just holding Harry for hours. However, I needed to speak with Albus. So, I started my walk into the castle and the ascent through the hallways to his office.
"Ah, Severus. I have been waiting for you. I see that you have brought young Harry safely." Albus Dumbledore was a very kind and gentle man. In my youth, he was a mentor to me. I believe that he understood me in ways nobody ever had, in ways I did not eve understand myself. His eyes were twinkling under his half-moon spectacles as he spoke to me.
"Yes, Albus. I am very sorry. I was down by the lake with Harry for a while. It is, as you know, very calming for me down there. Harry has been sleeping soundly ever since we left Godric's Hollow. I have something that I wish to ask of you."
"And what would that be, Severus?" Albus's looking was inquisitive. I sensed he already knew what I was going to ask. The headmaster of Hogwarts seemed to know all things. He seemed to know that certain events were going to happen, even before they had been thought up. He also seemed to understand what the outcomes of every event were going to be. No doubt, he knew that I wanted to keep Harry with me.
"Albus, when I was in that house, I realized all the things that I have ever done wrong in my life. I know that I was never the best friend that Lily wanted or needed. I also realize that I was never kind to any of my peers. I so desperately wanted her to be a part of my life that I let everything else slip through my fingers. Even after she married Potter. When I walked into that house and heard Harry crying, something flared inside me that I never thought possible. I walked into his demolished room, to see Lily dead on the floor protecting the one thing that she held most dear in her life. He is the last remaining link I have with Lily and with my former life. I want to start anew. I wish to take care of this child myself. I desperately want to prove to myself and to every person I have ever met that I can be a different person. I understand that you want Harry to go and live with his family in Surrey, but I can't allow that to happen. I can't, with a good conscience, leave this little boy to anyone else. I know that Lily would want me to protect him. Please, sir, I would love nothing more than to raise this child as if he were my own." It felt good to release some of my inner feelings. Albus seemed to have that effect on me. I would always find myself at the end of a long story or telling Albus exactly how I felt about anything and wonder how I could admit to him what I could not admit to myself. I was truly grateful and blessed to have this man in my life, and I hoped that he would understand the need I had to take care of Harry.
"Severus, I do understand that this is Lily's son. Staring into his eyes is like staring at Lily. But, alas, I am afraid that I cannot let you take him. I sense that Harry is in more danger than any of us could ever imagine. It would be for his benefit to take him away from the wizarding world to grow up. This would be a tremendous burden to place upon a child. I also have a feeling that Voldemort will be back and attempting to find Harry in a much shorter time that we believe." There was concern in Albus's eyes. I noticed that Albus looked older and more tired than he ever had in his entire life. His worry for Harry's protection was obviously very immense, but I was sure that I could do anything Harry would need to stay safe.
"Albus, I don't know if I'll be able to let him go now. Please, I can do anything necessary to take care of him. I can move anywhere in the world and I can place protection charms around us, just as you would in the muggle's home. I can raise him outside of the wizarding world, and he will be just as safe with me as he will with any muggle. I have the power to protect him, should the need arise. Muggles would not be able to do anything to protect him." My face contorted in pain as the thought of giving Harry to his muggle relatives crossed my mind. I was becoming distressed, and if Albus said no to me, I planned to run away with Harry. I could make myself disappear and Albus would be able to do nothing. I could not lose the last link I had to the love of my life.
"That is a very good point, Severus. But that would require too much of you and I cannot ask you to give up everything to do that. I'm sorry, Severus my mind is made up. Harry must live with his relatives in Surrey." Albus's face was set and I could tell that if I pressed the matter once more, he would not be happy with me. Albus was never a man to express his anger, but he was not a man that you wanted to disappoint. I swallowed hard and then sighed.
"Okay, Albus. If you believe that it is necessary. I trust your judgment. If it is possible, can I at least keep him with me until he actually needs to go to his relatives' house? I'm sure you will need a few days to sort everything before you can take him there." This was the best excuse that I could come up with. A lump formed in my throat, because I was scared that Albus was going to take him now and my plan would fail.
"That seems reasonable, Severus. I trust you to take care of young Harry until the time comes to take him away. I do trust that you will not take advantage of these last few days with him. You will see him again, Severus. I am sure that he will be one of the greatest wizards Hogwarts will ever see." He paused and looked over his glasses at me, the twinkle in his eyes reappeared. "Hogwarts will always have a place held for our small hero." I sensed that his last words had greater meaning than he was letting on. But, I was so relieved that he accepted my request that I gave it no more than a fleeting thought. I was now planning everything that I needed to do in a short amount of time so that I could flee from Hogwarts and the wizarding world in London.
Over the next few days, I quickly packed all of my belongings from the dungeons and ran many errands to prepare myself. Harry was the best-behaved baby I had ever met. He was so full of excitement and joy. I found myself enjoying every minute of peek-a-boo, talking to him, playing with his toys, and singing to him. There was no way I could picture my life without this small child.
My last errand before I fled was to Gringotts. All I needed to do was withdrawal all of money and close my account and I would be set to start a new life. I was apprehensive when I entered, because I was afraid Albus would be there to stop me or someone else I knew would let him know that I was planning to run. I was supposed to return Harry to Albus at around 10 o'clock this evening, but I would be long gone before then. As the goblin took us down to my vault, I was running through all of my plans one last time. I had packed everything that I own into an enchanted suitcase. I had also gone to a muggle baby store and bought every necessary item to take care of Harry. I ditched all of my wizard robes and bought a new, muggle wardrobe. After I close this account, I would go to the muggle airport and fly to our destination. My worries subsided as I exited Gringotts unnoticed and made my way back to muggle London.
The muggle airport, London Heathrow, was enormous and I had a hard time finding my way to the correct terminal for my flight. I was now glad that I arrived two hours before my flight was scheduled to take off, because it took me an hour and forty-five minutes to find my way to the waiting area for the flight. I was relieved when they finally called the flight to board the plane. I found my way back to my seat and held Harry close to me. "Hey, buddy. We're off to start a new life. No one will ever be able to hurt you. I will always be here to protect you." He fell asleep in my arms and I was at peace. As the flight took off, I finally realized that I was actually going to be able to take care of Lily's child and start a life as someone other than Severus Snape.