"What is she doing here?" Jane repeated, enunciating each word with an icy clearness. Her hands had curled themselves into fists automatically and she was balanced on her toes, ready to spring into motion at any moment. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her ears, her pulse counting the beats of the silent seconds that were passing as they all stood frozen in the kitchen. Maura was staring at the floor now, a blush rising up her neck the longer no one moved and Jane was glaring daggers at her mother, but Angela Rizzoli was staring at her just as angrily in return. Frankie stood in the doorway, unsure how to ease the growing tension.
Finally, a shout echoed from the living room as TJ check mated his father in their chess game, and the spell was broken. Angela moved quickly across the old linoleum, ignoring her daughter's eyes, and instead focusing on the new guest.
"Maura, dear. I was afraid you weren't going to make it! You're just in time for presents!" Angela swept the silent woman into a huge hug, not letting go until the doctor relaxed into the embrace.
"Don't you look absolutely lovely. Doesn't she, Frankie?"
"Uh, yeah. Yes. You look nice, Maura."
She smiled at him shyly, "Thank you, Frankie. I'm sorry I'm so late, Angela. There was a case," but she trailed off as the older woman waved off the excuse happily.
Jane rolled her eyes. "What the hell is going on here?" She refused to be ignored.
"Well," her mother puttered, leading Maura by the arm into the living room. "I thought Maura might like to spend Christmas with us!"
Jane wanted to hit something. She wanted to stamp her foot on the floor like a pouty child and demand that her mother give her a full answer, that this was her family Christmas. Her first one in years. That she didn't want the doctor there. She wasn't part of the family. What right did she have to come in and ruin Jane's Christmas? No right. No right at all.
So when she heard Maura's soft voice whisper to her mother that perhaps it would be better if she left. She didn't want to cause any tension. Jane almost jumped in with an extremely rude Yes! Leave. But Angela beat her to it, and announced, loud enough for everyone to hear, that, Of course! Maura was welcome. She was just as much family as the next person. She would stay. No arguments. This last statement was directed at her eldest daughter who was still standing in the kitchen, unable to fathom the turn of events.
She grabbed Frankie's arm as he tried to scoot past her. "Frankie," she said warningly, but he shook her off.
"Not now, Janie. Okay? Not now."
Jane's lips were gasping for air like a fish out of water. She didn't know what to do, how to act. Was she just supposed to pretend that the woman who had single handedly turned Jane's world upside down, who had, for all intents and purposes, broken her heart, the woman Jane had tried to forget for an entire decade, was not sitting on her mother's raggedy old couch with a laughing six year old dancing in front of her? Was that was she supposed to do?
"Presents!" the matriarch exclaimed, and Korsak donned a ridiculous Santa hat and started rummaging under the tree for the first gift. "Jane," she said sharply, pointing her daughter to a place on the floor, under the window, far from the couch. "Sit," she ordered.
Apparently pretending was exactly what she was supposed to do. So she sat. She couldn't argue in front of everyone, not when Maura was so studiously avoiding her gaze and all the other adults were giving her such sympathetic looks. She sat and tried to focus on the gifts that were being passed around instead.
Her niece was positively overflowing with excitement and, even TJ had cracked a smile, and Jane tried to let their energy pull her in. Laughing along when Tommy pulled on the new socks his mother had bought him over his old, ratty ones. Helping Annie unwrap an especially large box from Korsak that turned out to be a miniature stable set, complete with little animals. She waved away Frankie's wolf whistle at the new kit belt she'd purchased for Frost, and gamely donned the knitted scarf...thing Lydia had made for her.
But, the entire time, she couldn't stop glancing over at the medical examiner who was sitting quietly and primly on the sofa. When she wasn't looking over surreptitiously under her brows, she could feel Maura's hazel eyes on her, but they managed to avoid making eye contact. The doctor looked good, Jane had to admit. Thinner than the last time she'd seen her, softer almost. Some of her angles had been worn away, her curves were more pronounced than a decade ago. Her face was a bit more lined, and there were dark circles under her eyes that not even her makeup could completely conceal. She looked tired, older, more careworn, and there was something in her eyes that hadn't been there before.
Jane thought that at first it was just tiredness, but then she realized that it was understanding, knowledge. Maura had always been intelligent; she was the smartest person the brunette had ever met. But she had also been strangely innocent, constantly positive, an optimist, even surrounded by her science and death all the time. It wasn't that she looked cynical now, no, that was Jane's roll to play. But there was a hint of something in her hazel orbs, a touch of sadness that hadn't been present those many years ago. She'd lost that wisp of naivety that Jane had loved so much, that fairy like grace she'd carried with her always back then. She'd grown up, just as Jane had. They'd both gotten older, seen things that had pulled on them, worn them down.
Jane was pulled out of another reverie when Annie plopped herself down into her aunt's lap, her little limbs askew. "Look what Amie got for me, Auntie Jay," she said excitedly.
"Amie?" Jane asked stupidly.
"Amie," Annie pointed at the perfect form on the couch, now leaning towards Sarah ever so slightly, engaged in a quiet conversation.
Frankie, listening, jumped in at Jane's confused look, "Annie couldn't say 'Aunt Maura' when she was little. So it became Amie."
"Amie and Annie!" the little girl giggled happily, and Jane had to close her eyes against the onslaught of emotion the nickname brought to her mind. Of course her niece would have a relationship with the doctor. It looked as though Maura had been more active in her life than Jane had been. She was here with them all, in Boston, while Jane had been holed up in Virginia, hiding behind her work. Of course her mother wouldn't have let Maura slip out of the family after Jane left not. Of course not.
"See, Auntie Jay! Look!" Her niece's little pudgy hands, were pointing at the book held in her lap. "A whole book on the oceans! Look at the dolphins!"
Jane forced herself to choke back the lump in her throat and focus on the little girl in her arms. "Oh, mhmmm." She let the six year old ramble on for the next few minutes, helping to turn the pages carefully, tracing the outline of the sea creatures pictured.
But, she could feel Maura looking at them, studying them in that inquisitive way of hers. She forced herself not to look up, not to meet that gaze, not to engage in some sort of strange staring contest. She focused all her energy on her niece. When she felt the eyes leave her, she let out a breath and relaxed ever so slightly.
"This one's for you, Janie," Korsak said gruffly, tossing her a little package.
The detective unwrapped the package curiously. She'd already opened the ones from Frost, Frankie, Tommy and family, and her mother. She opened the box and lifted out a silvery white snowflake, glittering joyfully in the lights bouncing off the tree, hanging delicately from a golden thread. Jane caught the gasp trying to make its way out of her throat and looked up automatically, searching out the eyes of the one person the present could be from. Maura was staring at her cautiously.
The ME didn't say anything. "I-" Jane tried. But her brain wouldn't work, wouldn't form words, so instead, she gave a curt nod, and replaced the lid on the little boxing, tucking it away with her other presents.
The two went back to studiously ignoring one another after that. Jane had seen the tears well up in Maura's eyes at the nod, and her stomach muscles had clenched in agony at the sight, but she turned away nonetheless.
Jane escaped as soon as she could, making a beeline for the front porch as soon as Annie had been swooped up into Tommy's capable arms and carried upstairs to lay down in Grandma's bed until it was time for them to go home. As soon as Sarah and Lydia started picking up the wrapping paper spread all over the room and Frost had gotten TJ to set up his brand new chess set, she bolted out of the living room. She needed space, needed air, a place to breathe away from the watchful gaze of her mother, her friends, Maura. She needed a minute to herself.
The night was bitingly cold. The snow was coming down faster now, quick, sharp flakes, coating everything it touched in a white blanket, muffling the noise of cars passing on the busy street at the end of the neighborhood. Jane was thankful for the cold. She'd left her jacket inside, and was wearing just her light sweater and jeans, and the scarf from her sister-in-law, which she tugged tighter around her neck. She welcomed the uncomfortable numbness that spread quickly through her fingers, the pain that immediately began throbbing in her palms where her scars were located. The pain grounded her. It was better to be feeling physical discomfort than all the emotional shit she'd been under in that house. Physical pain she could deal with.
The door opened behind her, but she didn't turn for several moments. Whoever it was stood silently on the porch, waiting for her, and finally, she let out a growl and spun around. Frankie was standing there looking up at the sky, at the stars faintly visible through the thin cloud cover. Jane glared at him, but he didn't bother looking at her. He knew his sister too well. She was just waiting for an excuse to pounce, to tell him off.
They stood there, frozen, locked in a silent stalemate, and finally, Jane's shoulders relaxed in defeat, Frankie's cue to come down off the porch and approach. He wound up next to her, patted her once on the arm and then let his hand fall back to his side. Jane didn't do well with physical affection, especially not when she was feeling betrayed and trapped. They gazed up at the stars together, until Jane's teeth started chattering and Frankie shrugged out of his coat and placed it gently over her shoulders. She tugged it gratefully around her thin frame, and let the silence settle around them again.
"She was all alone, Janie," Frankie's gruff voice shatters the stillness.
She doesn't bother interrupting. He's going to tell her whether she wants him to or not.
"It was bad at first, right after you left. We all took it pretty hard. It was so sudden. One day you were here, and then, out of the blue you were gone. Ma had a rough go of it when you wouldn't return her calls."
"Frankie-" but it isn't her turn yet.
"But. Well. I think that she, that Maura had it the worst out of all of us," he lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his thick brown hair. "You should've seen her, Jane," and it's her name, not the fond Janie, which lets her know that he is being serious. "I thought we were going to lose her there for awhile. She started pulling away, going back to way she was before. Before you, before the two of you..." he trails off, and they stand side by side, not looking at one another.
"Ma would come into the café all worried about her. She was living in her freaking guest house and she said she'd only see the Doc once a week. Tops. Maura was always working, always in the morgue. She got pretty thin, even Stanley would try and force her to take some food when she stopped by. Stanley. That rat bastard even noticed."
Jane can't help the whimper that escapes her.
"Ma was making her meals, putting them in her freezer. But, I don't know if she ever actually ate them, or if she just let them pile up there. I don't know. They started calling her Queen of the Dead again, around the precinct. Frost and I stuck up for her," he sounds a tiny bit proud of that fact. "I'd just gotten promoted, and we made sure to shut down anyone who tried to talk about her that way."
Jane glances over and grabs his arm quickly in gratitude. He understands.
"But they weren't wrong," and he sounds apologetic now. "She buried herself in her facts, in her science. She shut down, Janie. She wouldn't come to Sunday dinner or go out to the Robber with us on Friday nights. Ma said that Thursdays were the worst. That she'd go over and find the doc passed out on the couch, a bottle of wine next to her, still in her work clothes."
Jane nods. "Thursdays," she clears her throat, "Thursdays were our days."
"Yeah. Well, it got pretty bad there for awhile. She kind of went off the deep end, ya know? We didn't really know what to do, how to draw her out. You were always the best at that. And none of us could reach you either. You were just gone, and we didn't really understand what happened and Maura refused to talk about it. Anytime someone mentioned your name, she would just get all angry looking and walk away. I thought she was actually going to kill Crowe one day when we were down at autopsy and he was running his mouth off about you. I nearly punched himself. The jackass."
Jane can't help but laugh at that and it helps to break the tension. Oh, Crowe. He'd always be a dipshit.
Frankie looks slightly pleased that he got her to smile, but he frowns again and looks back towards the door, making sure no one is there to overhear them.
"She refused to take time off though. We all suggested it, but she refused."
"The distraction. She needed the distraction. Me, too," Jane's husky voice breaks a bit on the words.
"I suppose. But one day, about six months after you left, her ma showed up, just out of the blue. She appeared in the café and I think Maura was more surprised than all of us. Mrs. Isles said she'd gotten a call, that she was going to stay for awhile. None of us could figure out who called her."
"I did," Jane admits quietly and her brother doesn't look in the least bit surprised.
"Korsak and I thought maybe..."
"I kept tabs...after I moved," Jane is finding it hard to think about that first year, let alone talk about it. She'd tried to bury those memories. The silence of her apartment, unpacked boxes still scattered around, empty beer bottles everywhere. The hours spent in the gym attempting to forget. The overtime at work. "I was still in touch with Cavenaugh, and Korsak now and then. I made him swear not to tell you all," she says quickly when Frankie opens his mouth to object. "Don't be mad at him. I just, I needed some space. And if Ma got wind of it all, she'd have come down there. And I-I just couldn't deal with it. Don't be mad, brother. Please."
And he isn't. Solid Frankie. Always the good one.
"So, I had them keep me in the loop. Check up on her for me. Since I couldn't do it, wasn't welcome to - well, because I couldn't. And I called Constance. She needed someone to talk some sense into her. Someone who was a third party, removed. Who didn't necessarily care for me. Someone who would just take Maura's side."
"We did," Frankie is quick to interject. "She's family."
"I know," Jane looks at him lovingly. "But Constance understood. I knew Maura wouldn't call her on her own, even after all that business with Paddy Doyle. So, I called her. I'm not sure if Constance will ever speak to me again after what I told her. Not sure if I want her to," Jane is staring at the ground with a hard expression on her face now. "But Maura needed her, so I made the call."
"Well, it worked," Frankie assures her. "I think Mrs. Isles was here for a month. And after that, Maura started coming out with us again, started coming over for dinner, babysitting TJ, warming up to Ma again. It was never really the same after that. She'd always disappear when you came back to visit. We couldn't get her to come to dinner for weeks after you'd gone. But, once Annie was born, she and that little kid. I don't know what it is with the two of them, but," he breaks off, looking apologetic.
"It's alright, Frankie. She needed an aunt. I get it."
"She loves you, too, Janie. They both do."
"I know. It's okay."
"She's really good with them. I think it kind of surprised her, how quickly the two of them latched onto her."
"Yeah," Jane looks a bit wistful now. "Yeah, I knew she'd be great with them. Well, she was good with TJ when he was just a baby."
Frankie agrees. "Anyway. I'm sorry we didn't tell you she was coming over tonight. But Ma invited her weeks ago. Constance always spends Christmas abroad since - "
"Since Maura's father died," Jane finished.
"Yeah," he is surprised.
"I told you," Jane is embarrassed. "I kept tabs."
"And then we found out yesterday that you were coming. It was such short notice, and Ma didn't want to cancel on Maura, and she was afraid if you knew that you wouldn't come. She misses you so much, Janie. I know she can be overbearing and ridiculous-"
Jane snorted. That was an understatement.
"But she talks about you all the time. Her daughter, the big FBI Agent. She's proud of you. In her own Ma way. We all are. But, we had a heck of a time convincing Maura this morning at the station that she should still come, was still welcome, even though you'd-well, even though you'd be here. She didn't want to. But Frost and I, we practically forced her. No one should be alone on Christmas, Janie," and her brother sounds hopefully. He's asking her to understand.
"It's okay. I get it." And she does. She knows what it's like to spend the season alone on your couch, just the alcohol for company. And she wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even Maura, especially not Maura.
"It was just a shock is all. It's been awhile," she gives a frustrated laugh and scrapes at the ice with her shoe. "I tried to forget," her voice is so low that he has to lean forward a bit to hear. "After it all happened. I tried to forget her."
She has tears in her eyes, which she wipes away angrily. But her brother pulls her into a firm hug, holding her tightly. They usually don't do this: have these heart to hearts. But it's nice to let it out a little bit, to have someone who cares, and is willing to listen. To feel supported again. Frankie has grown up since Jane went away. He was a good cop, an even better homicide detective, and he's a good brother.
The door opens behind them and the two break apart, turning to face the newcomer. It's Maura. Looking apologetic and unsure, a coat wrapped tightly around her. "I didn't mean to interrupt," she rushes to head back inside.
"No!" the word is harsh, louder than she intended, but it has the desired effect because the doctor freezes.
"I'll just, well, I'll be inside if you need me," Frankie claps his hands awkwardly together. "Okay?" he asks his older sister and she gives him a nod. When he asks Maura the same question, touching her on the arm gently, waiting for her response, Jane wants to be jealous, wants to be angry, but instead she is touched. And then she is furious with herself. She isn't supposed to care anymore. What's it to her if her family cares for the doctor. But it does matter. She is so thankful that they love the smaller woman, that they've picked up where Jane left off. So goddamn thankful.
Maura assures Frankie that she's alright and he shuts the door behind himself, taking the warm light that had spilled out onto the snow with him. Leaving the two of them behind, alone, out in the cold, for the first time in a decade.
AN: Should I continue, y'all?