AN: No time for editing on this one, y'all. Sorry 'bout it. Enjoy! Happy holidays!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles. Not for profit, etc., etc.
The clank of silverware on dishes provides a cheery melody as everyone digs into the second Christmas feast in as many days. "Oh, Ma. This is delicious," Frankie moans in appreciation as he takes a bite of her famous turkey meatballs and potatoes.
"Pass the rolls?" Annie calls down the long table that has been set up in Maura's spacious dining room.
"Don't talk with your mouthful," TJ nudges his little sister.
"Sorry," she mutters back through a mouthful of cranberry sauce.
"This really is good, Ma," Jane echoes her brother, and a chorus of agreement rings out.
"Well, I wouldn't have been able to do it without Maura," her mother blushes happily, reaching across the table and clasping the doctor's hand quickly. Jane chokes back a gag. Jesus. She's managed to remain civil throughout the entire day. Well, actually, she's basically been a whiz at avoiding the honey blonde all afternoon, but now, they are at the table, sitting directly across from her, and it's taking all her concentration not to meet the doctor's hazel eyed gaze. She absolutely cannot risk it.
She'd woken that morning, grateful that her body's internal clock seemed to have shut off for the holiday, letting her catch a few extra hours. Since moving South, she'd trained herself to wake up at six am every single day and hit the gym: a lesson in self-control and dedication. But, seeing as it is Christmas, she's managed to sleep past her usual internal wakeup call. She stretches her long body like a cat, practically purring in the cocoon that is her bed. It's already eleven by the time she rubs all of the sleep out of her eyes and stumbles downstairs.
Surprised not to find her mother in the kitchen, she puts the coffee pot on and glances around curiously. She sinks down into a chair at the table and it's then that she spots the note.
Off to Maura's to start dinner. I had Frankie drop me off so you've got the car. I expect you there by two. Dinner's at four. I expect that you don't need directions. Don't be late! Merry X-Mas. XOXO - Ma
"Yeah, yeah," Jane mumbled aloud. "Directions. Hell." Just then, the coffee finished brewing and she poured herself a cup gratefully. She took it into the living room, and peered out the window. The snow came up to the window ledge now. "Shit," she muttered. There was little to no hope that her brother had shoveled when he picked her mother up, which meant she had her work cut out for her that morning. Damn.
After finishing her coffee, and skipping anything more substantial. She was going to feast again that night after all, Jane headed over to the door and shrugged into her coat and boots, slipping a pair of Tommy's old mittens on. They dwarfed her long, thin hands, but she didn't care. They'd keep the chill out. Stepping outside, Jane had to cover her eyes for a moment: the sun was blinding off the newly fallen snow. She made her way to the garage and dug around until she found a new, green shovel.
Looking around at the driveway, she groaned. They'd gotten at least eight inches the night before. She hadn't had to shovel in years, and her back muscles yelped in protest at the motion for the first few throws. After several moments, she managed to find a solid rhythm and set to work, actually grateful for the physical labor.
Back when she and Maura had first started hanging out, the doctor had often roused the then-detective from her warm bed early in the mornings to go for a run. Jane had whined about it at the time, bitching and moaning the entire way. But, she'd always appreciated that the exercise woke her up for the day, allowed her to process her thoughts and set them in order. It centered her. So, when she moved away, she'd continued the tradition, always alone though. She hadn't wanted any distractions. Not having run that morning, the shoveling was a welcome chore.
Jane reflected on the day before. It'd gone well. Almost better than she'd expected. Annie and TJ were getting so big, growing up, and Jane shook her head at how much of herself and her brothers she'd noticed in the siblings. And Korsak looked the same as always, just as sarcastically sentimental and ridiculous. Jane was pleased that Frost and Sarah had shown up. They were spending Christmas Day with Sarah's family, so Jane probably wouldn't see them again on her visit. Frost had made her promise to spend an evening with them at the Dirty Robber on her next run through town. She'd heartily agreed.
She tried not to think about the honey blonde, but it was a losing battle, and, eventually her thoughts turned to the medical examiner. She pictured Maura in her mind and had to admit that the doctor had looked absolutely stunning the night before. She'd gotten older, softened her sharp edges. Hell, they all had. Jane had even found a grey hair a few days before. But, Maura still looked just as beautiful as she had last time Jane had seen her. That hadn't been a good day, and Jane forced the image out of her mind.
Maura. Jesus. The detective didn't really know how to process what she was feeling. She'd never been that great at all the reflection crap. She preferred to trust her instincts and then move on, drowning any lingering emotions in work or beer. After their - fight/talk/thing - the night before, they'd managed to be perfectly civil, wishing one another a good night and merry christmas when Maura left. But the Agent wasn't sure if she could keep up her cheerful façade for much longer. Maura had always been better at putting on a good face. All those years of her parents' high stakes charity events and parties. But Jane wore her heart on her sleeve, and her emotions were often clearly visible on her face for anyone who was the least adept at human interaction. Maura may not have been the most comfortable in a social gathering, Jane snorted, but the doctor was an expert at reading facial indicators.
The brunette paused in her task to take off her coat and throw it aside, wiping away the sweat that had accumulated on her brow. It was only about 20° but the heat of the exercise was getting to her. She rotated her shoulders, pleased at the way her muscles stretched and tightened in response. At least she was still in shape. Lots of agents let themselves go by the time they hit 45. But, Jane had refused to give in. She expected a lot out of her body, and she wasn't often disappointed.
It appeared, that Maura felt the same. Jane wondered idly if the doctor still did yoga. The blonde used to love all that mediation crap. Jane much preferred a punching dummy to some scented candles and a yoga mat. Jane caught herself smiling fondly at the image of a focused Maura Isles, holding some fancy pose while Jane tried desperately to make her laugh and break posture. It never worked, but she always kept trying, until Maura would finally decide she'd had enough and lose concentration in order to swat her annoying detective. The brunette ran her tongue across her bottom lip, remembering how those play fights usually ended with a sigh.
Her shovel suddenly scraped on the pavement and she jerked out of her daydream, realizing that she'd finished the job and reached the plowed road. Well. That was interesting. Jane put her shovel away and headed back inside, stomping the snow off her boots on her way in, and shaking her head simultaneously to clear it. She'd given up the right to remember Maura that way long ago. It was part of the deal she'd made with herself. No happy memories meant no sad memories, which meant, really, no memories at all. And that was fine. The way she liked it.
Glancing at the clock, she let out a swear that would have been inappropriate if anyone was within hearing distance. It's already one o'clock, and she still has to shower. The detective pounded up the stairs, stripping as soon as she hit the bathroom, and hopping into the spray before it's had time to fully heat up. "Fuck, that's cold," she grumbles, hopping around until the water finally starts to warm. She took her time getting clean, letting the water wash away the salt of her sweat from her shoveling endeavor and ease the tension in her muscles. She clears her mind as well, grateful for the steam and the heat. Jane turned it up until it was almost uncomfortably hot, riding the line between soothing and burning, enjoying the way her skin turned red under the pounding spray, and her brain cleared of the Maura-fog it'd been under since the night before.
She emerged feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on her family once again. But, when it came time to get dressed, she stared forlornly at the clothes laid out on the twin bed. She hadn't brought that much; it was only a quick visit after all. Unbidden, an image of Doctor Isles came into her mind. The blond had looked...hot...in that little black dress the night before. Jane doesn't have a dress, she doesn't even wear dresses all that often, but now, thinking back to that sight, she can feel her core heating up. Shit. She isn't supposed to feel that way about the good doctor any more. That was supposed to go away, too.
Jane finally settles on the only nice pair of slacks that she packed and a deep purple sweater that highlights her olive skin tone and dark hair. She is pleasantly surprised when she looks at herself in the mirror. It'll do. It's the dressed up she ever gets, and who's going to see her besides family and Korsak? Maura. Shit.
Time check. 1:50. Shit. She was going to be late. The agent headed for the bedroom door, but paused on the threshold, tapping her finger against her thigh in deliberation. Finally, she swung around and headed back to her suitcase, pulling a delicate silver chain from an inner pocket. She clasped it around her neck and surveyed the effect in the mirror. The small pendant glittered when it caught the light and Jane reached up to touch it. It was the only piece of jewlery Dr. Isles had ever given her, for their two year anniversary. She never wore it, but, for reasons she couldn't explain, the agent hadn't been able to resist packing it with her things. With one last look at herself, remarkably pleased at the outcome, the brunette turned on her heel and headed for the stairs. It was time to face the music. Merry Christmas.
When Jane pulled up outside of the large house, she took several calming breaths before opening the door of her mother's old Buick and stepping out into the street. It wasn't the first time she'd been to Maura's house in ten years. Jane had made a point to drive by whenever she was in town, just checking up on things she'd assured herself, but she'd never swung by when the medical examiner was home. So, she wasn't surprised to see that the exterior at least hadn't changed much in the past decade. It looked much as it always had, besides the lights strung up along the roof and the new basketball hoop installed up on the garage. That must be for the kids, Jane mused. She'd never been able to convince the doctor to put one up.
Steeling herself, the agent rang the doorbell, but jumped slightly when it swung open almost simultaneously. "Auntie Jay's here!" her niece announced loudly to the rest of the house, jumping straight for her aunt's arms. "You're late," she accused.
Jane laughed. "Sorry, munchkin. Did I miss anything?"
"Nope! Momma and Amie are letting me help with the cookies. But nana's been asking about you." The little one lowered her voice, "I think you're in trouble."
"Probably," Jane sighed. "Let's go see what I've done now. Lead the way." Jane let her niece grab her by the hand and pull her inside. It didn't appear that much had changed on the interior of the house either. It looked much the same as it had all those years ago. There were more photographs up now. The agent spotted several of her niece and nephew, smiling cheekily into the camera, as well as some of her mother and brothers. Even Frost and Korsak made an appearance. Jane ran a finger lightly along one of Frankie and Frost, arms over each other, grinning happily at whoever was taking the picture. Jane noticed sadly that almost none of the pictures actually had Maura in them. She'd always preferred to be behind the camera.
She forced herself to refocus on her niece, just as they stepped into the kitchen. "Santa brought me lots of goodies," the six year old was saying. "Books and a new movie, and pajamas," she rolled her eyes and Jane chuckled. The Rizzoli siblings had each received a brand new pair of flannel pjs from the big man in red on Christmas morning. It was tradition.
"Sounds like a good haul," Jane smiled at her and Annie smiled back.
"Sweetheart, come and help with the dough!" Lydia called just as Angela Rizzoli turned and spotted her daughter entering the kitchen.
"Jane! You're late!" she squawked, wiping a hand on her apron and advancing on her daughter.
Annie gave Jane a questioning look and the brunette gave her a conspiratorial smiled. "Go on, munchkin. I'll handle the hurricane."
"I told you 2! It's almost half past!" Angela grouched, but her daughter merely smirked and kissed her cheek.
"Merry Christmas to you, too, Ma. Lydia," Jane nodded to her sister-in-law.
"Hmph," her mother grumbled. "Well, now that you're here, can you please start the salad?"
"Sure," Jane agreed, rolling up her sleeves.
"Oh. Hi, Jane," came a quiet voice from behind her. "I didn't hear you come in."
Jane turned, and caught her breath. Maura was wearing what were probably $400 white jeans and a red shirt that perfectly highlighted her delicate breasts. Jane gave herself a mental shake. Get a grip, Rizzoli.
"I rang the bell," she muttered.
Maura nodded. "Well...I- Merry Christmas."
"You, too," Jane mumbled and refocused her attention on the vegetables scattered over the countertop.
She felt the doctor move next to her and couldn't help herself from taking a step away. No one else seemed to notice the tension that had suddenly entered the room. Her mother and Lydia were teasing the munchkin, too focused on their conversation to notice the other two women. Out of the corner of her eye, Jane could see Maura twirling a ring on her finger, a nervous habit she'd been prone to. Good. At least she wasn't the only one feeling the pressure.
Suddenly, the twisting stopped. "Is that-" Maura's voice shook slightly. She'd seen the necklace. "I bought that for you." It's almost a question.
Jane fiddled with the lettuce in her hand. "Yeah," she finally admits.
Maura reaches out and runs a hand along the pendant, and Jane can't help the shiver that runs up her spine. She can feel the doctor's breath on her neck because the doctor has moved closer and is leaning forward. "You kept it?" this is a question.
"So?" Jane slides away, not being able to be so near to the blonde. "So what?" She finally looked up and met Maura's gaze. The doctor appeared, suddenly, very sad.
"Nothing. I- I just- it looks good on you."
Jane shrugs and looks away. "Thanks."
And then they're back to ignoring one another. Maura moves over to look at the cooking Annie has just pressed out of the dough, and Jane takes the lettuce over to the sink to rinse it off. The moment has passed, but the brunette can't get it out of her head, the way Maura'd just reached out like that. What was she thinking? And then her face, she'd looked so sad, melancholy. Lost in the past. The agent attempted to shake it off and focus on her task. It was easier to make a stupid salad and listen to her mother ramble than it was to think about the doctor not ten feet away. Much easier.
The boys had tramped in eventually and managed to pull both Jane and Annie away from the women in the kitchen to head outside and make a giant snowman in Maura's spacious backyard. Tommy donated his hat and Frankie, his mittens. And Annie had begged a carrot and some radishes from her nana for the face. They spent the hour leading up to dinner rolling giant snowballs, and eventually ended up making an entire Snow Family. When Vince arrived, they staked out the front yard and bombarded him with a blitz snowball attack, which morphed into a free for all, and when Lydia called them in, they were all red-faced and panting, but pleased with their afternoon's efforts. Even TJ, the moody teenager was grinning. Jane managed to tackle Frankie in one last flying leap right before they head in, giving him the perfect whitewash, which he threatened would be repayed in full sometime after the meal.
"Bring it on, brother," she taunted and he grandly flipped her off behind their niece's back. God, it was afternoons like these that reminded her how nice it was to be home.
Once they were all finally dried off and settled around the candlelit table, Angela led grace and then urged them to dig in. And here they were, stuffing their faces and praising their mother's and wife's and friend's mad cooking skills. It really was too delicious. Jane was used to take out and television dinners for one. Home cooking was a welcome change.
"So, Frankie, tell us about this new girl of yours?" Angela asked her middle child, passing the green beans to Korsak.
"What girl?"
Jane knew her brother well, and he was playing dumb. She hated it when her mother tried to get involved in her own love life, but her brother, that was a different story. "Yeah, Frankie. What brother?"
He glared at her across the table, but now all of the adults were focused on him.
"We went on two dates, alright? Jesus. You'd think we were getting married."
"What's she like?" Tommy inquired innocently and Jane smirked at him.
"What's she like? I dunno. She's.." Frankie glanced at all the interested faces turned in his direction. "She's nice."
"How'd you meet her?"
Frankie shrugged. "The store."
"Ooooh, how romantic," Jane teased.
"Shut up, Janie. It's not like you've got anything better."
She kicked up under the table and he grunted, but their mother ignored the jab. "When are you going to bring her around to the station? I'd like to meet her."
"Jesus, Ma! Are you kidding me?"
His mother merely looked at him, taking a bite of her turkey.
"You know," Maura suddenly cut in from her position next to Angela, "I read that meeting a significant other's family too soon in a new relationship can be detrimental to it's sustained longevity."
"Thank you, Maura," Frankie said.
"And, in fact, a relationship is often most successful if a couple creates their own private identity before becoming a family affair."
Jane snorted into her plate. "What are you? The dating expert now? Because you've had so much success in that department." The temperature in the room took a sudden nose dive. It was Jane's turn to get kicked under the table.
Maura had immediately blushed and looked down at her plate. "No I- that's not it at al-"
"More wine?" Vince asked quickly glancing around the room.
"I'll get it," Jane stood from her place and headed for the kitchen avoiding the death glare her mother was shooting her way. She grabbed another bottle off the wine rack and began twisting out the cork, trying to control her shaking nerves. She hadn't been able to keep the comment from slipping out. That jab from Frankie had hurt more than she'd have liked and than Maura just had to jump in. She popped the cork out and poured herself a glass, spilling some onto the counter in the process. "Dammit," she swore angrily.
"Here," Korsak had come up behind her from the dining room and gave her a napkin. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. Fine. I-Shit!" She noticed a stain spreading on her sweater. "Fuck."
"Janie."
"What?" she glared at him.
"We know it's hard on you."
"I'm fine, Korsak."
"Alright," he held up his hands in mock surrender. "But, we know it's gotta be tough, coming back here after all this time. Just try and understand that she's trying just as much as you are."
"Yeah. I get it alright. Perfect little doctor can do no wrong."
"Jane," he warned gruffly. "That's not it at all. We all love you both. But, when you went away-"
"Jesus Christ. Here we go again," she swore under her breath, dabbing at the stain.
But Korsak continues over her, "You told us to look after her, Janie. So we did."
"I know that, alright. I get it. I was the one who went away. It's my own damn fault."
"You asked us to protect her, to make sure she had family."
"She has family. She has Constance. Freaking Paddy Doyle. Why does she need to be here?"
"Janie." It wasn't a fair comment, she knows that.
"I just, I mean, jesus, Korsak. You know her. She's so freaking cold. I feel like I'm barely hanging on over here, and it looks like she's hardly phased by it all."
"You know that's not true."
Jane is raising her voice even as she tries to remain calm, "Just look at her. Inviting us all over here like she's one of us, but all the while staying removed. Frankie told me what it was like after I left. And I kept tabs. She pulled away, closed herself off."
"Janie," he is being sharp now, but she doesn't care.
"Maybe you all should have let her go, Vince. What did they used to call her? Queen of the dead? They're right you know. She's the freaking ice queen," Jane drops the towel into the sink in disgust and spins to face her old partner, her hands outstretched in disgust.
But Maura is standing in the doorway, coming for refills on the mashed potatoes. Her face is pale and she is staring at the agent, shock and hurt playing on her delicate features. Jane open and closes her mouth dumbly while Korsak stares at the floor.
"Maur, I-I didn't mean-"
"It's fine, Jane. If you'll excuse me," she handed the potatoes off to Vince and rushed towards the stairs.
"Dr. Isles! Maura!" Vince called after her, setting the bowl down on the counter and moving to go after her.
"Shit!" Jane swore, and she held out a hand to stop the man. "Let me," she said grimly. "I'll go." He gives her a dubious look, but she is already heading for the stairs. She's the one who put her foot in her own damn mouth. Maura has been nothing but welcoming, and she had to go and be the bitch. That was her though wasn't it? Big bad Rizzoli, always getting herself into trouble. Dammit. She flew up the stairs and then paused outside the master bedroom door. The door Maura disappeared behind just as the agent was hitting the landing. Jane growls, rubbing the scars on her palms. Shit. This isn't going to be pretty.
AN2: Thoughts?