There's a bit of repetition from the last chapter, I tried summarizing but felt that a lot got lost in the translation and Sam was going to need some motivation for his actions later in the chapter. I hope you agree that it was effective; you'll see when you get there.

Thanks again to SairsJ for taking an extra look at this.

Neither one of them spoke for a few minutes each one caught up in their own thoughts and trying to figure out how to form the question that was weighing on their mind.

Sam apparently decided direct and to the point was the way to go. "Nash?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you uh, have the keys to McNally's place?"

"Sam," She cautioned, the motherly tone shining through.

"What?"

"You do realize that if Jerry was involved in that somehow…" She blew out a slow breath trying to calm her racing heart and also buy her some time to figure out the best way to put it. "It's been awhile Sam; if she asked you to do something…"

Sam held up his hand. "I know, okay. I know."

"Do you?" Traci looked skeptical. "What did she ask you to do?"

He didn't really want to tell her he was curious more than anything. And he wasn't sure she would even agree to it if he told her the truth. He dropped his chin and fell back on his old standby, intimidation. "Do you have the keys or not?"

Tracy stared right back at him seemingly unaffected by his bravado. "Not."

Sam's shoulders sagged as the air went out of his sails. He rested his forearms on the desk and stared at the picture.

After a few seconds of silently watching him watching 'her', Traci had to say something. "It's a great picture."

Sam simply nodded.

"I remember the night Dov took it..."

"Nash," Sam managed to croak out.

She knew he wasn't much of a talker; Andy had told her as much and she'd certainly seen evidence of it more than once over the last few months. But if they were going to work together, she didn't want to have to tiptoe around everything either. Both Jerry and Andy were big parts of her life and although it hurt sometimes to think about them; there were a lot of good memories too. She refused to forget that.

"Jerry…" she started again quietly.

Sam's head snapped up; he couldn't do this, not now. He was desperate to change the subject and she had supplied him with the perfect reminder. "Why did you think it was from him?"

It was something at least. "A couple of weeks ago I met Jerry's family at his house. They felt like they were finally ready to clean it out and get it ready for sale."

"That's why you looked so tired that day," Sam recalled quietly.

"Yeah," she agreed. "It was… draining."

Sam nodded in understanding and they both remained lost in thought for a few seconds before he cleared his throat. "So you, uh, found the present there?"

"Jerry's sister found it in one of the closets. She pulled the present out of a plastic grocery bag and there was no name on the envelope or the package."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Why wouldn't she…"

"I don't know." Traci was already shaking her head. "Maybe she was afraid you'd find it before she gave it to him to hold. Anyway, we thought we were going to have to unwrap it when she noticed a sticky note stuck to the inside of the bag. It just said Andy and then underneath For Sam's Birthday. It was in Jerry's handwriting so I assumed that maybe he was going to give it to Andy to pass on to you."

"But I told you she didn't know."

"I know," Traci shrugged, "still, I just figured it was from him. Wishful thinking maybe…"

Sam understood completely. Seeing something from Jerry, especially now, would mean a lot. He still took the watch out almost every night to look at it. He wondered if Traci did the same with the knife or something else Jerry had given her; he knew she still wore the ring. He cleared his throat. "So you get it all done?"

"I think so. They were going to do some more cleaning the following week and put it on the market. I, uh…" She paused to take a deep breath. "I haven't had the guts to go online to see if it's listed."

Sam could see how hard this was on her; it was hard on him too but his protective instincts were second nature. "You want me to…"

She brushed him off right away. "No, it's okay."

She knew it had to be done and seeing it listed wasn't going to help anything; she was just going to miss it. She missed everything about him.

"If you change your mind…"

Traci knew she wouldn't, well couldn't. It would be too hard. She looked up to see Sam staring at her with so much care and concern and she figured now might be her only chance. "Can I… look at the picture?"

Sam picked it up and handed it over wordlessly. He watched her study it almost as reverently as he had and his heart went out to her again. At least he still had some hope, small as it may be.

"You know what Jerry said to me the night Dov took this?"

She wasn't even looking at him when she started to talk so he didn't have a chance to stop her this time. His eyes drifted closed; he really didn't know if he could take any more today.

He cleared his throat and picked up the cup she had set down for him earlier. He took a long slow drink.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, uh, I don't know if…" He rubbed his free hand along the back of his neck.

"I know." And she really did, but the cork had been popped and she really didn't want to try and push it all back down. "He said he wasn't sure if he had ever seen you that happy before." She started to chuckle, "said it was nice to see a genuine smile on your face instead of that smirk you try to disguise with the dimples."

Sam chuckled. It was a little strained but it was enough for Traci. She stood up and handed him back the picture. He started to tuck it away in the box.

As he was securing the lid, he realized that Traci was watching him. "What?"

"You're not going to leave it up in here?" She asked expectantly.

"No, I don't really think... and she said to…" He shook his head. "I thought I'd put it up at home."

Detective or not, nothing much got past her. Her gaze landed on the card. "What else did she say?"

Sam looked down at the box and then picked up the card that he had not yet tucked away. She said everything he wanted to hear and he could only hope that she still meant it. He knew it was his own fault if she didn't, but it hurt to think that may not be the case. He looked at Traci's hopeful face and knew he needed to give her something. But he wasn't good with words even if it was just saying what Andy had put down on the paper. Shit, he couldn't even read it through to himself without losing it; there was no way he could tell her about it.

Traci tilted her head and waited; she could see the war going on in his head. When he stood from his chair and handed the card to her, her eyes widened. "Are you sure… I mean you can just tell me the gist…" she offered feeling a little guilty.

He nodded his head at the paper. "Just… read it before I change my mind." Andy had probably told her everything anyway.

She pulled the card away greedily and started to skim through the writing.

Happy Birthday, Sam!

(Traci could feel Sam's eyes studying her every movement and she hadn't even started yet. Normally she would call someone on it but he had been more than generous with her.)

If you're reading this, I'll thank Jerry later. I can't believe you wouldn't tell me when your birthday was. (She nodded as Andy's words confirmed what they had had already figured out.) I get it though, birthdays weren't all that happy for me either, but I'm hoping we can change that…make new, better memories together.

I have to confess I almost looked it up in your personnel file; I came this close. (Traci smiled; she could just picture Andy bored out of her mind on desk, hand guiding the mouse over to the personnel folder, fighting with herself not to click it until the phone saved her from herself... either that or scared the crap out of her.) But I didn't want to go behind your back; I want you to want me to know these things and I hope someday that you will. But at least I found a way right? (Traci shook her head. When Andy got something in her head, especially when it pertained to holidays or celebrations, there was no stopping her.)

Anyways, I hope you like the present; you know you're not an easy man to buy things for. And I won't be asking the guys again anytime soon. Dov just says 'get him lingerie'; you're all he wants anyway. (Traci had to chuckle; she remembered the conversation as if it were yesterday. Andy had shot Dov down completely but not before Traci saw a little sparkle in her eye. Yep, wasn't such a bad idea.) But you already have me Sam and you always will. (Traci stopped, took a deep breath and sighed. In that moment it truly hit her. Andy had told Traci what happened with Sam and how much of a shock it was, but reading through her friends words she could see that Andy really and truly never saw it coming. She knew no one could have predicted what happened – though she ignored the distant voice in her head that echoed "you're not gonna marry that guy" - but even after Jerry died she's sure Andy would have been adamant that they would get through it. And truth be told, Traci would not have bet against her.) Still it wasn't the worst idea. Maybe if you're good, that's what you'll get for Christmas ;) (Traci huffed out a bittersweet chuckle; I knew it.)

In the meantime, I got you 'us'. It's the best thing that ever happened to me and I hope you feel the same. I know it's just a picture but I really want you to know that it's a thing, at least for me. You and me? We are an 'us' and I don't want that to change. (Traci could feel her eyes glazing over and she looked surreptitiously at Sam who was still studying her. She tried to offer him a small smile but he just shook his head; he didn't think he deserved her sympathy.)

I'm hoping that you'll put it up with the rest of the pictures at your place. No rush though, just whenever you're ready. (She looked at the picture again and this time the smile did come. She nodded her head; that's why he was taking it home.) It's one of my favorite pictures. You know I didn't even know it was being taken. But that's the best kind. That way you can really see how people feel about each other. I hope you can tell that I love you. (Traci's eyes shot up to Sam and this time he was looking down at his hands, clearly running himself through the ringer again. She really didn't get it; they had all known for months, if not years, how Sam felt about Andy and yet he just let it slip away. She knew he wasn't a feelings kind of guy, not like Jerry she thought. He was so happy to share his feelings he even wrote it on a damn knife. A half sob half chuckle escaped her mouth as a tear slipped down her cheek. Sam was pulled out of his reverie by the pained sound and she could see the look of panic in his eyes. She did her best to pull herself together for him; she knew he was trying to make her feel better not worse. She watched him fidgeting in his seat like he didn't know what to do. This time she shook her head; there was nothing he could do. She took the defeated nod as consent to go back to reading.) I hope that's not a surprise; I hope that by the time your birthday comes that I've had the courage to say it so this doesn't feel all awkward; though I'm pretty sure you'd find any 'feelings talk' awkward. (Traci's chuckle was a little more genuine this time. Of course it was awkward; this was Andy they were talking about. Awkward or not, though, she could still see the smile light up Andy's eyes when she told Traci that she'd finally said it. She really missed her friend's smile.)

I know; I'm rambling. I also know you're either smirking or rolling your eyes right now. Jeez, even in writing, I'm allergic to silence. Anyway, you're probably getting bored and hopefully coming to find me to thank me 'properly' ;) (The word 'heavenly' flashed uninvited through her mind.) But knowing you, you'll probably wait a week or two… not to, you know (because you're a pretty thankful guy) but to let me know that you got the present without giving away the day. Unless it just appears on your wall one day, which would be okay too. (She could just picture her shrugging her shoulders. God, she missed her.)

Anyway, I hope you had a great birthday and I hope you know how much you mean to me. Hopefully as we get to know each other better, and I really want to, I'll get better at picking out presents. I even have a few ideas for Christmas already… besides the lingerie I mean.

I just want you to know that you make me happy and I'm thankful for you every day. I can no longer imagine my life without you in it, and I hope I never have to. I'm not sure what I'd do. (Traci sighed again. She knew Andy had tried to put on a brave front for her, tried to act strong and unaffected. But detective or not, she was her friend, her best friend, and she saw right through that, saw the dark circles under her eyes and heard the hoarse voice that could only from prolonged yelling or long stints of crying. She could deny it all she wanted, but Traci knew.)

Love, Andy

Traci blew out a long breath. "Wow... that was…"

Sam twirled his finger in the air. "There's more."

She flipped the card and looked up at Sam with wide eyes. He just huffed out a half chuckle and shook his head.

PS: My birthday is January 27th if you didn't know already. And if it's not too much to ask, breakfast in bed would be great. Maybe you and Jerry could meet later that day? (Traci's eyes got misty again, and she was certain that Sam had a similar reaction when he first read it. God, she missed seeing Jerry's face every day. She choked back a sob and remembered the smile he always had when he left in the morning to meet his best friend. She loved seeing him happy. She dared another glance at Sam who was looking anywhere but at her. She could see the shine off his eyes though and her heart went out to him. She didn't condone what he did to her friend, but she knew he was hurting and she knew he was struggling with how to make it right. She lowered her eyes back to the card.)

PPS: I've already started our Christmas shopping. (Traci's eyebrows shot up. Wow! Our? Her eyes flitted up as she wondered how that had settled around his heart.) There's something else you now know about me. I know you knew I was a planner but maybe you didn't know how bad it was. It's just when I see something I like, I get it; I save a lot of money that way and it helps to spread out the spending. Plus you know how crazy shifts get around Christmas; you never know when you're going to have time. Anyway, I'm guessing you're a last minute kind of guy when it comes to Christmas so I'm hoping this is a good thing. (Traci nodded in agreement; she would bet money on him being 'that guy'. If she thought about it, they actually did complement each other quite well, even though she could tell from Andy's words that her friend was uncertain how he might feel about that.) It's why we make such a good team. I know we're different but I like to think we complement each other. I hope you do too. (Yep, she was right.)

PPPS (and yes this is the last one): If you're wondering, which you probably aren't, it's not just Christmas. If you need a birthday present in the next couple of months, ask me before you go shopping. (Traci rolled her eyes; Andy had bailed her out on more than one occasion with her stockpile.) Fine, before you go to the liquor store and buy them a bottle or call your sister to ask her to buy something and put your name on it. What I'm saying is let me check my stash first; you'd be surprised how much I can fit into a closet. (Traci's thoughts were pulled back to Leo's last birthday party. With Andy's attendance being a given, Jerry asked at the last minute if Sam could come too. She had of course agreed but Sam seemed a little reluctant especially without a gift - and the aversion to shopping that she was now more fully aware of – but both she and Andy had assured him it was okay. She remembered her surprise when Leo pulled out the next present and announced that it was from Sam, or apparently from someone who appeared to be well acquainted with Sam's signature. Leo had been thrilled as had Andy, Sam had been momentarily shell shocked but held his poker face well as he told Leo he was glad he liked it. Trust Andy.) But don't get any ideas and try to peek when I'm not around; there's nothing for you. Don't want you to ruin the surprise. Speaking of surprises, you know, it's too bad I can't keep cake in there – would have come in handy for Dad's birthday. Thank you again for understanding and for coming with me that night. (Traci still couldn't believe it when Andy had told her that Sam went with her to her father's in the middle of the night. And when she giggled about the party hats, Traci demanded proof which unfortunately she didn't think to get. Traci shook her head; only a man in love...) After that day, I made sure I was extra prepared. You… well I tend to forget a lot of things when I'm with you… Not that it's a bad thing; at least I hope we never let it… No, it won't. Happy Birthday, Sam. I love you.

When Traci finally looked up, Sam seemed to have composed himself and was able to hold her gaze. Now, she got why he wanted the key, well sort of. Andy had said there was nothing for him there, but maybe it was just wishful thinking, or just needing that little bit of Andy, a reminder of what might have been and for him, what he still hoped would be.

Traci cleared her throat to try and get the emotion out of it that was already threatening to overpower them both. "That's why you want the keys? To get a peek in the closet?"

Sam nodded quickly, but held her eyes expectantly.

Trying to be the voice of reason, she attempted to warn him against getting his hopes up. "It says there's nothing there for you."

She could see the hope dim a little when he realized that she wouldn't be as accommodating as he thought. He swallowed hard before trying another tactic. "But she did say 'our'..." His voice faded off a little. "They were supposed to be from both of us..."

Traci tried to keep her voice soft as she told him what she was sure he already understood. "That really doesn't apply anymore."

He nodded again before his eyes locked on hers. "I don't care."

Traci contemplated for a moment. She could do it herself, someone should. Andy would want everyone to have the presents she meant for them. And Andy always bought great presents; it would be fun to look through them and Lord knows she could use a little fun. She glanced back at Sam and was reminded again that she wasn't the only one. She couldn't say no.

"Have you asked Tommy?" She wondered aloud.

The life returned to his eyes briefly before his face fell again. "He's away."

Traci furrowed her brow. "How do you know that?"

Sam muttered something that she didn't quite hear. "What's that?"

Sam turned back to face her and then grumbled. "Oliver told me, all right?" He didn't add that he had asked Oliver to keep an eye on Tommy while Andy was gone. He would have done it himself but under the circumstances...

She looked at him skeptically. There was definitely a lot more going on there than he was saying, but from his tight lipped expression she knew he wasn't going to elaborate.

She thought for another moment. "What about Clare? You could ask her."

Sam huffed out a monosyllabic chuckle. "Yeah, we're not exactly on each other's speed dial there, Nash."

From what Traci heard, that was a bit of an understatement, both having difficulty forgiving the other for the pain they brought into Andy's life.

Before she could voice her next suggestion, Sam came up with one of his own. "She'd probably talk to you."

Traci couldn't dispute that. The two women were not close by any means but they were at least civil to one another during the few contacts they had. And they didn't have a lot of options if she wanted this to happen, which she did. "Get me a number," she groaned.

Sam bolted up in his chair and started to scramble a little. He reached for his phone but quickly dropped it back on the desk. He tried to recall if she had ever had to call him for Andy's sake but he was pretty sure she hadn't. And there was no way he was putting it in there by choice; he still didn't have high expectations for her sticking around. He turned to the computer to look up the social services numbers they had on file.

He stopped fumbling when he heard Traci on the phone with dispatch asking to be patched through to Family Services. He listened to her polite inquiries before she reached for a scrap of paper and started scribbling something down. When she hung up, she flashed the paper at Sam. "She wasn't in but I got her cell number."

She could feel the anxiety radiating from him and she had no idea what possessed her to poke the sleeping bear but she couldn't resist. "You sure you don't want to…"

His menacing glare and accompanying grumble had her following his instructions to 'make the damn call'. She tried to hide the smile from him as she punched the number into her phone.

She kept an eye on him as he listened to her inform Andy's mother that everything appeared to be okay and that there had been no word. He leaned forward in his seat when she finally got the chance to ask her own questions, but his face started to fall when the responses clearly indicated that Clare did not have a set either.

When Traci finally hung up, Sam already knew the answer but needed to hear her say it. "She doesn't have them; does she?"

Traci shook her head. "No. She said that Andy asked for them back after her housewarming party. She thought Andy might have given them to you…" Traci let the thought trail off clearly uncomfortable with what came next.

"But?"

"I told her I didn't think you had them."

"Na-ash," Sam warned knowing she was leaving something out.

Traci could tell by his demeanor that he wouldn't let it drop. "She said she figured Andy had given them to you at some point, but after what… you did, she was pretty sure Andy would have gotten them back. She said she was sorry she couldn't help."

Sam was pretty sure 'you' was not the word Clare used to describe him and was glad Traci was the one to call. She definitely got more than what he would have. Unfortunately, it was not what they wanted and he slumped back down in his seat again.

Traci knew that Sam didn't have them; he wouldn't have asked her otherwise. But she had no idea if… "Did you ever… I mean did she ever…" Traci stopped midstream when she saw the look of despair on Sam's face. She still had no idea if he had ever had them, but at this point, it didn't matter.

Sam was crestfallen. She had never even offered the keys to him, but he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Traci. Because that was almost worse than if she would have given them and then asked for them back. He remembered the look on her face when he had done just that. But at least he had given them to her… well had let her keep them anyway.

Traci was trying to decide what the next step might be and wanted to ask Sam but before she could, he jumped up from his seat and scooped up the picture and card. "See you tomorrow."

He didn't stick around long enough to hear her echo his sentiment.

Sam walked into his house about twenty minutes later and slipped his keys onto the hook just inside the door. He did his best to ignore the second set that dangled right beside them. The ones that had hung there ever since he asked her for them back; ever since he told her he should probably get them back seeing as it was the only other set he had. Yep, good thing he'd gotten them. Who was he kidding? It was stupid; they hadn't moved an inch in weeks. He obviously didn't need them, or was it just that he couldn't bear to use them. Either way, all they did was taunt him and remind him what he'd let slip away.

He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and came back to stand in front of them again. At least he had given them to her though; okay fine he let her keep them after she used them, but it was the same difference. He never asked for them back, told her when she said she'd been meaning to that she should just keep them. So why couldn't she… His mouth dropped open. Damn it. How could he be so stupid?

Andy had let him use the extra key to her house many times, suggested he take them more than once, and each time he had returned them dutifully no questions asked, just dropped them back in the tray by the couch where she kept them until she again told him he should use them. Was he supposed to… Was she hoping he would… Damn it!

He took another sip of his beer as he yanked 'her' set off the hook. His fingers filtered through the group as the regret washed over him. And that's when he found it… fitting in seamlessly with his... the key to her house.

He didn't even remember walking back to the sofa but that's where he found himself as he ran his finger along the edge of the teeth. There was no doubt about it; it was her key. She had actually put it on the set he gave her, like it all belonged together.

He quickly downed the rest of his beer, grabbed his jacket and slipped out the door. 'His' keys remained on the hook; she had everything he needed.

Sam sat in his truck outside his house. He had been sitting there for more than five minutes, but he couldn't make himself leave. He didn't know why he felt so damn guilty, and not even for the reason he would have thought. It's not like he had promised Nash she could go with him. Hell, she hadn't even asked to come along.

He had seen her face though as she read through the letter, as she tried to figure how they could get into the Condo. And he knew that she really wanted to be there, expected to be there, maybe even needed to be there. Why did he have to bring her in on this because now he felt obligated. Hell, he preached it to McNally over and over: 'you always have your partner's back'. And that meant when things went sideways and when you caught a break. Didn't matter who cracked the case, if you worked together with someone, you both reaped the benefits. He had lived it and breathed it and now, even though it had nothing to do with work, he just felt like if he didn't bring her along he was going against everything he was supposed to stand for. Shit! Damn moral code.

Sam was just pulling out his phone when it buzzed in his hand and he saw her name flash up on the screen as if the universe was taunting him. "Swarek," he growled.

"Sam, hey I was just thinking that maybe I could talk to the super in the building. I don't know him well, but he has seen me there and he knows I'm a cop and her friend. Hell if I didn't think I could get in trouble for it, I'd just flash my badge and make him do it."

"It's okay, Nash," Sam answered quietly.

She paused in confusion. He wouldn't give up; would he? "You, uh… you're not going to go over?"

He could hear the disappointment in her voice. But there was no way he wasn't going and as much as he didn't need someone else to bear witness to his fall from grace, he knew he couldn't say no. "You busy right now?"

"What?" She was definitely not expecting that.

He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and blew out a long breath before finally putting the truck into gear. "Meet me at McNally's in fifteen."