Anyway, I don't own Obama, Romney, Star Trek, or Gilligan's Island. Also, please review!

Kirk's eyes flew open. All he could remember was accidentally breaking the Prime Directive? Were these Federation officers to come after him and his crew? From his position on the ground he could see a pair of what must've been white sneakers. Then a butterfly net. Then a red tee-shirt, and finally a face.

"Hello? Are you awake? Are you alive? Hi, I'm Gilligan. What's your name. PROFESSOR! Sorry to yell, but where are you from. PROFESSOR COME HERE! I FOUND PEOPLE! Alright, bye."

Kirk shut his eyes again. All he needed was to be woken up by an annoying, little, prepubescent brat and-

He jumped up, quickly extracting his phaser. The others around him were doing the same, and Autumn Sermons was brandishing a stick, along with Mr. Obama.

Mitt Romney shielded his eyes, trying to get a good look at the boy. "Were you almost assassinated too or just marooned here like the rest of us?"

The boy's eyes widened, "Wait, you're marooned here too? SO ARE WE! We've been here for almost 3 years after our ship the Minnow crashed, and-"

A rustling came as another man- this one older- emerged from the bushes.

"Gilligan, I told you not to call me unless it's an emergency and, GOOD HEAVENS!"

The man jumped about 4 feet in the air after seeing the party.

"We're not armed, I promise you that. May I ask who you are?"

The man was bombarded with 3 different answers as Mr. Obama answered "the president of the United States," Mr. Romney said, "The future president of the United States," and Chekov said "Vee are the keptin and krew of the starship Enterprise."

The man muttered another "good heavens," and, turning around, Kirk could finally see his face.

He practically had a heart attack.

And so did the man.

"Keptin," whispered Chekov, "do you heev a long-lost brother? Because thees man looks EXACTLY LIKE YOU!"

And across the way Kirk heard the young boy, Gilligan, say "gosh Professor, I didn't know you had a brother!"

Kirk decided to be the first one to speak, "I'm sorry for the confusion, it's quite a long story. If there's somewhere where we could sit down, I can explain almost the whole thing. But one of us is injured, and we need immediate attention. We're not asking for much, but if there's some basic medical supplies, our doctor can make do with that. But it's urgent."

The man seemed to regain his stature, "Of course. Follow me."

Kirk beckoned for the others to follow close behind, as Spock and McCoy took up the rear, carrying Chapel.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, until they came across what seemed like a small village, or a collection of huts.

"Mrs. Howell, Mary Anne, we've got a patient coming. I'll explain later. Ginger, Mr. Howell, Skipper, everyone, come on out!"

5 more people emerged. And then there was chaos, as Kirk's men were bombarded with questions and McCoy rushed Christine inside to one of the huts, with Spock following close behind.

He didn't notice any of it. All he saw was her. If he thought Leah and Caitlyn were beautiful, then she was a goddess. He was helpless- all he could do was stare at her- her perfect body, her red hair.

His trance was interrupted by Scotty beckoning for him to sit down. When he turned, she was gone.

The president beckoned all of them to sit down, as he began to tell his story, with the help of Autumn.

But he couldn't concentrate. All he could think of was her, back in that hut with McCoy and Spock. For once, he envied them- they were the ones who got to look at her the whole time. But no, he had to stay here, along with the rest of them.

Sulu must have noticed his helpless look, and he turned to Kirk. "I saw her too- what a piece of art!"

Kirk nodded, barely listening to the president and Scotty's explanations. Instead he looked around at the rest of the motley crew. There was the young boy- Gilligan, he thought- who was always bouncing around- he had just tripped over a chair while bringing them some fruit, and had now returned to what Kirk assumed was the kitchen.

He wasn't as bad as he seemed this morning, though. He was polite, even if he was a bit clumsy.

At the table were 3 men- someone called "Skipper," Mr. Howell, and "Professor." From where Kirk was sitting, Skipper seemed to tower over (both vertically and horizontally) the others. He wore a blue polo and seemed to be a decent man- he had voiced his opinions on their stories honestly, but was now beginning to believe them about the time traveling business. He, like Kirk, had learned to believe even the incredulous.

Sitting on his left was the older one- Mr. Howell. And he didn't seem to be a decent man, not at all. It was something about his smile and the way he smacked his riding crop that made Kirk unable to trust this man.

The president seemed to feel the same way and, judging by his glances over at Howell, wasn't to keen on letting any secrets slip around him either. In the 2 hours they'd been talking,Howell had first called everyone a liar, and, once giving into the suspicion that they were telling the truth, had wanted to buy their stories from them. He had made nasty remarks to Mr. Obama and Uhura about living in the slums, had called Scotty a drunkard more times than Kirk could count, and refused to talk to Chekov, since he hated the "commies."

Actually, all of them seemed especially wary of Chekov, and looked at him like he might blow up any second. Kirk recalled that for much of the middle of the 20th century, the Russians were at odds with the Americans, resulting in something called the "Cold War." It seemed pointless- why have a war with no fighting, let alone a war at all.

And finally, there was the Professor, who, despite his handsome looks, reminded him so much of Spock, it made him chuckle. Honestly, if there was a pair of long lost brothers, it would be them. Both of them, fixated on logic and science, when did this one ever have fun?

He was hard to convince, since he kept balancing the scientific and logical possibilities of what happened. But once he believed them, he was ready to help. He finally left to join McCoy in the "operating room," since he apparently had some medical experience.

Kirk smiled- he would at last meet Spock, which would either be very boring or very entertaining- Kirk hoped the latter. And he would get to be with her. Lucky bastard- they all got to be with her 24/7.

Kirk was shaken awake by Sulu's bad attempt to hide his laughter. He looked around, only to see that Mr. Romney, Mr. Howell, Sulu, and himself remained.

And Mr. Romney was pinned to the table by Howell, who had a tight grip on Romney's tie.

"I've told you 30 times, I have no idea what this Bain Capital is, but it's rubbish compared to Howell Enterprises!"

At this, Romney yelled while trying to kick Howell, resulting in more laughter from Sulu.

"Howell, no one's ever heard of Howell Enterprises in my day! Which, may I remind you, is AFTER your time. So it either was insignificant, or DIDN'T EXIST. I hope you never get rescued, you fool!"

"IT'S MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN YOU'RE FAILURE OF A COMPANY! I BET THIS BAIN CAPITAL IS ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE EVERYONE'S TREATED EQUALLY AND GETS FAIR PAY!"

"Excuse me Howell, but are you calling me a DEMOCRAT?"

"I bloody well am!"

Romney finally made it out of his chair, tackling Howell to the ground.

"You deserve to have your mouth washed out with soap like my good Mormon mother did to me! DON'T YOU EVER USE THAT WORD AROUND OR ABOUT ME, YOU SICK BASTARD!"

"Well at least I knew who my mother is! I wonder which wife you're actually related to, eh Romney!"

This was all too much for Romney, who made an attempt to bite Mr. Howell's ear off. Kirk and Sulu both jumped up, trying to pull the pair apart. Checkov and the Professor, who had just emerged from the hut, joined in the effort as well.

"Curse you Romney! My best shirt's been ruined by your tom-foolery, you-"

"Best shirt, Howell? That style hasn't been around since 1960-"

"Well, maybe it's vintage!"

The Professor rushed over to Howell, whispering something in his ears- Kirk made out the word "Teddy-" and Howell, with a dramatic whip of his tie, exited down one of the dirt paths.

Romney was barely on his feet before Kirk grabbed him.

"Mr. Romney, what was that? I made it CLEAR that we have to be on good terms with these people- they're the ones feeding us, after all."

Romney gave him a disapproving look. "He insulted my family's honor," was all he said, before retreating back to the table, where one of his hookers (at least that's what Kirk thought they were, the lucky man) began to give him foot massage.

Kirk finally turned to Chekov, who was lying on the ground, covered in sweat.

"The operating room proved to be too much to Mr. Chekov," the Professor explained.

On the ground, Chekov nodded, shuddering.

"So was the strain of the girls ducking behind the table every time he moved, talked, or breathed. I am sorry that others are so unaccept-"

Chekov gave another strangled cry, and the subject was immediately dropped. Professor turned to the remaining men.

"Anyway, I now need an extra hand in the operating room. Captain, Dr. McCoy suggested that Sulu-"

"I'll do it."

Sulu looked at Kirk. Kirk hated doing anything that involved the sick or injured (partly since it was usually him who was injured). Kirk surreptitiously moved his hands, tracing the outline of a woman in the air. Sulu understood.

"Actually, Professor, I don't have the best stomach when it comes to blood. I think Captain Kirk would be much better in this type of situation."

The Professor seemed skeptical, "Yes, but Dr. McCoy specifically asked for you , Mr. S-"

"No, seriously, I think I'll faint if I even see blood. Also, I vomit when people talk about-"

With a shake of the Professor's head, he beckoned for Kirk to follow him into the hut.

And that's when Kirk wondered if losing his lunch was really worth getting the girl.

The room was a mess, and the acrid scent of blood and torture hung in the air. McCoy was bent over what seemed to be the operating table. His gloves, shirt, even his shoes were covered in bloodstains. It was on the dirt floor, on the once-white sheets, everywhere.

And there she was, wearing a doctor's coat and glasses (which, Kirk noticed, were missing the lenses), holding a bucket of water and a sponge.

Scattered around the room were Spock, a short but pretty brunette, an older yet sophisticated woman, Uhura, and Romney's assistant, Martha. Each of them had a worried look on their face, and were holding a tool.

"Bones, are you alright? Do you need me in here, or...?"

CMO Leonard McCoy turned around, wiping sweat from his brow. "Jim, run over there and pumping that machine- no, to the right. That's it. It's a contraption that the professor or whatever the heck his name is came up with. Pumps oxygen into that there mask. Hurry, goddammit!"

Kirk looked warily over at the contraption, made of bamboo and some rubber casing. Like everything else, it was dirtied with blood and dust. All he wanted to do was run, but one look at Bones' sweaty yet determined face, Christine's limp body- even Spock had what seemed like a determined grimace on his usually expressionless face- and he knew that he belonged here, suffering with his crew.

He began to pump. It didn't matter what happened with Ginger, not at this moment. Kirk was confident that he'd get her in the end- after all, he always did.

And pumped, and pumped, and pumped. What seemed like 4 hours in, his feet felt like they'd fall off, his arms were numb, and he was just as sweaty and disgusting as the others. He felt fortunate that he wasn't the only one who felt a bit sick to the stomach. Even Mrs. Howell- that was the sophisticated woman's name, he had learned- who had been strong throughout almost the whole ordeal had thrown up. Bones had been sick at least twice (once vomiting on Spock- Kirk wondered if this was on purpose or not- it definitely wasn't out of his character), but had refused to leave Chapel's bedside. Even Spock hadn't been fazed by this and was too focused on Christine.

It wasn't a secret that Chapel had always felt something for Spock, who never returned the feelings. Kirk had unfortunately found this out after an unsuccessful attempt to woo the blonde nurse. (Not that anyone needed to know this- it if ever got out, well...).

It was a shame that Christine wasn't conscious to see Spock kneeling by her side, holding her hand while sponging her down. Apparently McCoy had recommended both of these gestures.

Finally, after what must've been an eternity, McCoy turned around, sinking to the ground, burying his head in his hands.

It seemed like everyone was holding their breath. something illegible came out of McCoy's mouth.

"Bones, what was that?"

Peeking through his dirty hands, McCoy whispered something.

"I'm done."

"Is she...?" Kirk feared he'd say those fateful words.

"She-She's...she'll make it Jim."

The pretty brunette- Mary Anne?- let out a whoop, and Mrs. Howell began to cry tears of joy.

"N-now don't start getting all excited. She's okay, for now, but I don't know what'll happen later. It's a shaky path from here, but, erm, thanks for the help, and.."

He caught his breath, "Is there anywhere to clean up from here- Jim, don't stop pumping!"

Kirk felt a tap on his shoulders, and turned to face a sweaty Spock.

"Captain, it would be the more efficient and thus more logical if I were to do that. Considering that I have greater strength and have the sta-"

"Take it, Spock. I don't need convincing, I'll just go and..."

He trailed off- he knew where he was going, and it involved a certain redhead in lensless glasses. With an eyebrow raise in her direction, Spock took the pump from Kirk's tired arms. And with that, Kirk ran out of the hut, away from destruction to paradise once more.