*Disclaimer: The idea for this chapter came from hermione-of-vulcan.

William Riker was bored. Nay, he was very bored. He and the rest of the bridge crew had been waiting for Counselor Troi to arrive for the past half hour. This would be the second of her weekly cinema viewings with the crew. Earlier that day, she had told him how excited she was about the next installment of her "counseling by film" saga. What could possibly be keeping her?

As if in reply, Deanna chose that precise moment to make her entrance. Well, at least he thought it was Deanna. The normally perfectly dressed counselor was wearing a rather wrinkled uniform which resembled those worn by late 20th to 21st century children enrolled in private schools. Her hair was pulled away from her face into a messy bun, revealing a drawn-on lightning shaped scar. Resting on the tip of her nose was an overly-large pair of round spectacles. To top it all off, she was carrying a ratty old hat with a very well defined point.

"Whoa, Deanna! Are you going for the teenage zombie look?" He asked, only half kidding. Deanna shook her head indignantly. "No, I am going for the teenage witch look, for your information." Wesley groaned. "Oh no. Oh no. Please say we are not watching what I think we're watching." Deanna smiled. "Oh, yes. We are watching Harry Potter."

"Forgive me counselor, but what is the hat for?" Doctor Crusher asked. "I have programmed this hat to choose which Hogwarts house we will each be placed in based on the psych evaluations provided by Starfleet Command. When you put on the hat and say your name, it will tell you your house. For example-" at this she placed the hat on her head, "Troi, Deanna."

There was a grumbling sound from the hat. Then, " Ahh. An excellent mind, I see. Also a desire to serve your fellow beings. What house to place you in... RAVENCLAW!" the hat's automated voice shouted.

Doctor Crusher went next. "Another excellent mind. Real drive and ambition. However, you care more about others than your career. Better be... HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Well, who's next?" The doctor asked. No one volunteered. "How about you, Jean-Luc?" The captain looked up in surprise. "Oh, come on. If I did it, you have to."

It only took a minute for the hat to shout, "GRIFFINDOR!" Geordi was placed in Hufflepuff, followed by Wesley in Griffindor and Data in Ravenclaw. Worf glared up at the hat before in bellowed, "SLYTHERIN!" Riker laughed. "You do know that Slytherin is for betrayers, don't you Mr. Worf?" He teased. "Alright Deanna. Let's see what house I'm in. I bet its Griffindor." The hat hadn't even touched his head before it pronounced him "SLYTHERIN!"

Deanna stifled a giggle as Will's face turned from his normal shade to an unattractive radish color. "What was that you said about Slytherin, Commander?" Worf remarked smugly. Well, as smugly as a Klingon can sound. "Don't worry, Commander Riker. We can't all be Griffindors!" Wesley quipped and then dashed away. Will was considering what the ramifications would be if he clobbered the boy genius, when Deanna started the movie.