Old Flowers
/2/
Blaine had come here hoping for, for closeness, caring touches, love.
Instead, lying here now in Kurt's arms - Adam long gone home, Kurt had asked him to give them some time to talk, hours ago now, after a quick lunch for all three of them - Blaine feels that pain again, the pain he had first grown to know that night he threw up again and again, over hours, feeling sick with himself, after sleeping with that other man in his life. He is the other man now. And in the strangest way Blaine loves Kurt only more for not allowing him to be that, that something, someone on the side.
Kurt is with Adam, Adam alone.
And Blaine, Blaine needs to learn to accept that, 'You are with Adam.' Blaine tries to turn it into a mantra, tries to memorize the thought that just will not stick to the inside of his skull, too foreign, too scary. 'I'm not the other man.'
He really is not, has not been in a time much longer than he realized, until today. Because ever since that week after the wedding, the week Kurt must have gotten together with Adam, Blaine only realizes now, ever since then the flirty texts have stopped.
And Blaine had thought it was Kurt trying hard not to give either of them false hope. 'Well, fuck,' it is all Blaine can think now. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck! I destroyed us, and now I have lost you.' "I … I have lost you," Blaine chokes out.
And Kurt only holds him tighter. "Don't be silly," Kurt says, trying to sound playful, failing, "You will never lose me. You are my best friend, Blaine. Who could take that spot from you? Who? Mmh?"
"Rachel," Blaine chokes out.
Kurt has to laugh, "Not in a million years, Blaine. She will never get me like you do. Never. Come on, Blaine, we have talked about it tons of times, even being in New York together, where everything should be so much easier, in the city of our dreams, Rachel and I fight more than ever. Ever! Blaine."
"I love you," Blaine sobs out against Kurt's chest. Face buried deep in Kurt's soft shirt.
Then Blaine's lips find Kurt's in a needy, urgent, desperately sad and longing kiss, that feels as broken as the boy himself, and ends with Blaine falling into sobs against Kurt's lips, and a moment later scooting away from the headboard of the bed, quickly, curling up on himself, the boys losing all touch.
Kurt had not kissed back. For the first time in their lives shared, Kurt has not kissed back.
And something in Blaine is crashing, breaking, and cutting open all of his insides.