The Ultimate Parodies: Chapter 3
Please don't get me! I'm a terrible, terrible author! I've been concentrating on my other story and forgot about these until I was reminded by a favorite. So, yeah… Plus, it's been busy since my last update A WHOLE FREAKIN' MONTH AGO! Anyway, let me give my month's worth of pitiful excuses. PLEASE SKIP PARAGRAPH IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO HEAR MY (pitiful) EXCUSES FOR NOT UPDATING.
Well, first, as I said, I was concentrating on another story, Happy Holidays, and completely forgot about this story and Epic Mario Fails. I had a MAJOR, MAJOR project worth 20% of my grade, right before school let out, on June 6th. So, that took up most of May. In the first part of June, my aunt from Wisconsin came down to spend time with us for 3 weeks! So that took up most of June. And when she fell asleep, and I had not been worn out, I wanted to write. But, I couldn't because my computer mouse moved on its own! I can't do anything on it, but I decided to wait for a few days. Days turned into a week, but at least it got fixed! So I had to write, PM, and review off the (slower) family computer, instead of my laptop, for a while... Yeah… But I still should've updated sooner, and I take full blame for my… incompetence.
Okay, first and foremost… Well, most importantly, thanks go out to all who reviewed, favorited and/or alerted. I wouldn't be an author without you guys, as bad as I may be… For not updating… As always, remind me if I didn't mention you!
Okay, we have ChristinaWakaenski02- Thanks! I'm trying to make sure it doesn't get deleted, for the lyrics, if not just to see how much I've improved!
FFWS- I know, I know… I'm working on fixing it…
nene1234- I wouldn't do that… That'd go against my beliefs, punishing a majority because of a minority's stupidity. And, those are important, so… yeah. It'll be answered soon! And I will!
redafromidget- I know it's been a loooong while, but I'm out of my slump! So here it is!
L van Am- I'm actually not sure about the ADD or ADHD… Which one… But I'm good with working around it! …Most of the time…
Epicyoshi39000- No they don't. Practice makes perfect! :D
Fezzes64- Here's more for ya!
Also, special thanks to Bookwormvideogamer, who checked to see if this made sense, because my last chapter on Happy Holidays did not, and will be replaced soon. Same storyline, more sense.
Also, more special thanks to my Beta Reader, Redafromidget, who checked the spelling and grammatical contents of this chapter...
I got the idea for this story, and Epic Mario Fails from quite a few sources. I named one to MarioFan3000, an awesome author, but I was wrong… I can't remember the names or authors, but thanks!
Anyway, expect an update very, very soon, as I do not have plans and have my laptop back!
Please read and review, but no flames, as you will be erased or reported, as was the last flame. Plus, Mario will chuck his fireballs at your favorite fictional character of all time and burn them. Thanks you.
I can take criticism, but not a flame. I want to know what I did, right and wrong, but I DO NOT wish to be flamed, and have someone say they don't like me/ my story without any actual cause, or thing I can fix. Plus, who says they don't like someone without knowing them?
I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!
Wow… that was a long author's note… We shall begin, now.
The Ultimate Parodies: Chapter 2
A 'Joy' Ride
Daisy woke up at an early time for her, 10 o' clock in the morning. 'Early?' you may ask, but she had nothing better to do than play video games all night. ALL night. In fact, she fell asleep at 5:30 in the morning, eating cold pizza, drinking ice-cold Coca-Cola, chewing gum, and, of course, snuggling her Pillow Pet, on her break from Mario Kart: Double Dash.
So, when her phone went off, alerting her of her date with Luigi at noon, she went crazy. ESPECIALLY once she looked in the mirror. She was a total mess. Completely out of it! I mean, she had dried Coke in her hair, gum EVERYWHERE, accumulating in her hair, pizza all over her face and skirt, because she hadn't bothered to change, and nearly stepped on a razor. Did I mention she had been shaving? No? Well she was.
But, as bad as Daisy looked, she did not even begin to compare to her Pillow Pet. It was still wet and sticky in some places, and in others, it was dried out. Pizza sauce was everywhere, gum had seemed to wrap around it, and the razor had cut it, right in half. It was undeniably ruined, beyond repair. So, Daisy threw the Pillow Pet away, not realizing the others watching her… (Foreshadowing much?)
Knowing Daisy, you wouldn't expect her to have to wake up 2 hours early to get ready. Well, if you were thinking that, you would be correct. She wanted to beat everybody at Halo 3, duh! (Don't own game or system, never will…) She would beat them down, and then brag about it to everybody, whether or not she was online. Then she'd beat the aliens!
I wonder why it's called Halo, anyway… It's not like angels came up with the idea… Or did they? *Gasps*
Anyway, as she was heading toward the shower, she tripped over a Pillow Pet, being a klutz and all.
"Hmmmmm… I wonder how this got here? I don't remember putting that there… Ha! Peach would use 'recall' in that sentence. What a funny word, recall…" Realizing she was mumbling to herself, a wall, a toothbrush, deodorant, and other inanimate objects, she stepped into the shower, humming… Well, singing, 'Barbie Girl' to herself.
Meanwhile… With Luigi
Luigi had finally awoken from his slumber, at the early morning hour of 10:30.
"EARLY MORNING! I haven't slept this long since I stayed up with Princess Éclair on Yahoo! Messaging service." Yeah, Luigi totally broke the 4th wall, that he's not supposed to know about. I wonder if someone is controlling us, too… Did I break a 5th wall? Anyway, as he was reminiscing on the time, a ripple in space-time allowed you to see. Y'know? So he wouldn't look weird or something…
Here it Begins…
"Hey baby, what's up?" asked Éclair149.7
"Eating delicious sushi," replied Luigi131.
"I'd rather you eat an Éclair, darling. Better than that stupid Daisy."
"Oh, I got rid of that a looooong time ago… Stupid thing."
"Well, I've already eaten that juicy Éclair, remember? Best day of my life."
"Really?"
"Well, that may have been overstated…"
"Yeah… Anyway, what'd you do to that… Daisy?" Éclair149.7 asked, literally shuddering in her seat as she typed, 'Daisy.'
"Buried it."
"Really? Where?"
"Are you sure you want to see that, pathetic, wretched excuse of something called a flower?"
"Yes, I've seen worse."
"Well, it's hidden deep within the jungle. If someone found that I might be arrested."
"Oh, I see."
10 Hours Later
"Luigi, I saw it, it's utterly disgusting, as it always was." Éclair149.7 FINALLY typed.
"I know, right? :D" Luigi131 replied. "Anyway, I g2g, I have a call, ttyl."
On the Phone
"Hi Luigi!"
"Oh, hey."
"Soooo… What's up?"
"Nothing much, just talking to Éclair about that disgusting Daisy."
"Ewwww, that was gross."
"I know, it was all wilted and stuff. Well, bye Daisy!"
"Bye Luigi! Love ya!"
"I love you too!"
Haha! Hope I tricked ya! Back to main plot.
Then, the space-time ripple began again, bringing him back to the present day. Yeah… Like have you ever seen Hannah Montana or Phineas and Ferb? Like that… Anyway… He had somehow taken a shower during this time. Yeah. No laziness from the author there. Definitely.
Ahem. Anyway, he was traveling in his new vehicle, a Ford F90210, only for the richest in the Mushroom World. He didn't want it… but it took less Darklands lava to fill it. He also had brought new insurance, Geico! It had a cute little, and not to mention, free, stuffed gecko. Y'know, their mascot. Yeah, the one with the accent.
He was dressed in a casual attire… That happened to not be his normal outfit. *Cue gasps* Anywho, he was in a baby blue and white-striped collared shirt, with some khakis. Of course, he brought his normal clothes, and a suit. The nicest suit he had… 10,000 coins worth. I mean, all he had to do was hit blocks, so it wasn't THAT difficult. But still, outrageous pricing. I mean, was it that necessary.
Anyway, you may ask, 'why did he bring all of those? What in the world would he need those for?' Well, you just never know with Daisy. You should know how random she is. One day, she'll want to use that cannon to the moon, the next, she wants to go NYC, the day after that, she may want to relax at home. She's just… random.
So, dressed semi-formally, he walked up to Daisy's house. Daisy's house is just a warp pipe away from his and Mario's house, as was Princess Peach's Castle. Well, in all honesty, she had
many houses, largest of all, her magnificent castle. But, she resided in the MK, for foreign relations reasons, and, as such, had a brick building on the outskirts of the lovely capital city, Toad Town. It was just a short walk from a pretty large park.
So, he walked towards her house. Smelling the daisies, roses, venus fly traps, peach trees, sundews, and of course, a poisonous mushroom. He was about to knock on the door, when he saw what appeared to be a cute little lizard.
"Hello chap, how would you like to save 15 percent or more on car insurance?"
"Uhhhhh, am I being recorded?"
"Pssst," the adorable little lizard-gecko thing whispered to him. "Stick to the script!"
"Uhhhhh," Luigi ever so smartly replied to the Gieco gecko. "What script?"
"Oh for God's sake! You see this commercial all the time! Unless you're a hermit, living under a rock."
"Oh, totally. That's why I'm here; so I can terrorize the surface-dwellers."
"Really?"
"You seriously did NOT catch that sarcasm?"
"Ohhhhh, sarcasm makes much more sense… Anyway, would you like to save?"
"I already have Gieco…"
"Of course." The lizard calmly waltzed away, only to be horrendously beaten down by a barbaric caveman… With a beard and a business suit on… Yeah…
"Well then… I'm just going to knock on her door now… Just… ignore that… Why am I talking to myself, exactly?" Luigi walked up to the doorstep, wiped his shoes on the mat, and knocked on the door.
HI I'M DAISY!
As we switch to our favorite brunette princess of Sarasaland, we ask you to remain calm, unlike some of our characters… Like Luigi, who is breaking a nervous sweat on Daisy's doorstep. Oh, right, we're on Daisy… Still, remain calm.
Knock knock knock, a repetitive knocking sound was heard, waking her from her slumber in the shower. She had all the necessities; a blow dryer on the rim of the shower, a TV, mounted on the wall above her feet, a Volt Shroom near her, for protection. If she was going to lie down, why not take a bath? Well, she needed the flowing water to drown out some very loud thunder.
Aside from Daisy's odd and dangerous bathing habits, which she thinks are safe… probably. Anyway, she stumbled out of the tub, nearly hitting the Volt Shroom. She shuddered at the thought, thinking, Jeeze, that would hurt!
But, while thinking to herself, she had stubbed her toe on the cabinet. "Crap crap crap crap crap!" she said loud, but not loud enough for Luigi to hear. "COMING HONEY!" At this point, she was getting dressed for her afternoon with Luigi. She had something planned, something planned alright.
Well… Uhhhhh… Both
When Daisy walked out, she was dressed… Well to say the least, shockingly. She had a bright orange T-shirt on, with a large flower on the back. A beautiful flower, with bright white petals. It had a smaller, identical, flower on its front side. It was snug-fitting on her, not too tight, but not too loose. And she had on one of her athletic-wear shorts. Like the ones she uses in tennis and stuff. She was… gorgeous.
"Soooo, uhhhh… I should get on my normal clothes, huh?" Luigi asked. He was, to say the least, stunned at the sight of her. Well, he almost always is, but this was… wow. Just wow. He almost fainted, no joke!
Aside from, that, Daisy looked at his flustered and cuuuuute face, she just wanted to pinch its adorable cheeks. But, instead of that, she settled for a bear hug and her usual greeting, "HEY SWEETIE!"
"Uhhh, hi! But could you speak into this ear, I think I lost hearing in this one?" He said, pointing to his left and right ears, respectively.
"Awwww, why? What happened? Do I need to beat the living daylights out of that guy for you! HOW DARE HE!"
"Ow, Daisy. You just screamed into it… again! Not to uhhhh, make you mad, but you caused it."
"Heh, heh, whoops, sorry 'bout that, babe! But the last time I got mad at you/about you, we got together!"
"Only because you pushed me against your locker, and yelled 'GO OUT WITH ME!'" Luigi mumbled that, but Daisy looked like she was getting angry, so he quickly recovered. "I was just too shy to do it!" Then, realizing he had an opportunity to turn things into his favor, he gave a puppy-dog look and sadly mumbled, "Afraid of rejection." Not that the previous statement was false, he was deathly afraid of rejection, of being abandoned by friends and peers alike.
"Not like I'd ever reject my sweetie-pie! You're just too sweet, adorable, cute, and kind for your own good!" That comment made Luigi blush furiously, becoming redder than his brother's cap.
On a side note, Luigi was not the only one who's afraid of rejection, or abandonment. Daisy, through her carefully crafted façade, secretly worried about her and her friends. What if Peach thinks I'm too much of a tomboy? What if she thinks I'm annoying, or unpleasant to be around? What if she only puts up with me for formalities, and is secretly leading me on? What if dad takes me away, to be replaced by Princess Hibiscus or Princess Flora? What will I do? What if Birdo thinks I'm not in touch with fashion, or if Toadette believes I can't run fast enough? Or, worst of all, if Luigi stops believing in me? What if he doesn't think I'm pretty enough? Or what if he thinks I'm too strong? What if my hair is too short for him? What if….
Even though she knew these weren't true, she still had to worry and second guess herself. Although, when push comes to shove, she'd be willing to do anything for her friends, and knows they won't ever let her down.
"Daisy… Daisy… Princess Daisy, her Royal Highness of Sarasaland?" Luigi waved a hand in Daisy's face, capturing her attention. In other words, he snapped her out of a mind-rant, at the best possible time. Luigi had somehow changed in the time she was thinking to herself.
"Oh-uhhhh, how long was I zoned out? Obviously long enough for you to change."
"Well, I just got back from changing. Since I never did quite get an answer, I assumed I would have to change. Oh! And I almost forgot, about 7 minutes and 12 seconds… Not that I counted or anything."
Daisy, laughing at this, smiled a smile bright enough to light up the room, and in fact, if it was dark, it would light up the sky. That's how beautiful it was. She looked at the time and gasped, it was only a few minutes from beginning.
"Daisy, I still haven't been told what we're doing…"
"And you call me impatient, honey," Daisy teasingly replied to his somewhat impatient remark. "It's a surprise, and we have to go right now." she stated. Then, turning on her heel, she walked toward the door. En route to the door, she was tripped and fell flat on her face. Luckily, it didn't hurt too much, as her floor was covered by thick, tan carpeting.
'What tripped her?' you may ask. Well, a Pillow Pet had made its way to the narrow space between her couch and door… What she didn't realize, was that this particular Pillow Pet had already messed with her. Earlier that day, in fact.
But, quickly dusting herself off, she ran out the door, followed by an out-of-breath Luigi. "Hey babe, out of shape? Maybe you need to rescue a beautiful princess from an evildoer's clutches."
"But Mario doesn't need help rescuing Peach…"
An awkward silence ensued, where the radio, playing 'Misery' by Maroon 5 was the dominating force. Soon, the 2 of them began singing together, with Daisy driving and Luigi… not.
PLEASE NOTE THAT I DON'T, AND I NEVER WILL, OWN THIS SPLENDID PIECE OF MUSIC.
"Misery"
"Oh yeah
Oh yeah
So scared of breaking it
But you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters
I will never send," Luigi sang along in perfect harmony.
"Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem
You'd rather cover up
I'd rather let them bleed
So let me be
And I'll set you free," Daisy harmoniously kept in tune, Luigi making motions with his hands to represent the music and lyrics. Daisy was dancing around to it.
[Chorus:]
"I am in misery
There ain't nobody who can comfort me
(Oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me
The silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back," Luigi diligently sang the chorus.
"Your salty skin and how
It mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be
Completely intertwined
Not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show," Daisy sang dutifully, in-sync.
"So let me be
And I'll set you free." The both were singing in perfect harmony, not a step, line, or beat off.
Daisy and Luigi both continued their perfect routine in the chorus. "I am in misery
There ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me
The silence is slowly killing me."
Daisy thought, I wonder if our silence really did concern him.
Meanwhile, Luigi thought, I wonder if our silence was as uncomfortable to her as it was to me…
"Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back," Luigi sang on-cue, much to Daisy's chagrin.
"Say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and
Waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused
So far away from you
I'm getting there
I don't care where I have to go," Daisy sang, with great compassion.
"Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah
Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah?" They both got into a… competition of sorts.
Daisy continued to sing, the chorus, in a pitch-perfect tone. I am in misery
There ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh yeah)
Why won't you answer me
The silence is slowly killing me (Oh yeah)"
Since the competition was slowly coming to an end, and comfort replaced awkwardness, they both daydreamed of each other, in a meadow, gazing deep into the other's eyes.
([x3]
"Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back]
Gonna get you back." Luigi concluded, an air of finality in his voice, as the music slowly lulled away.
End of song.
"Great job!" Both of them said at the same time."
"No prob!" Both repeated, again, at once. Then they began to laugh at how creepy that was.
"And guess what, Weegie?" Daisy asked, not waiting for his response, before she answered, "We're almost there!"
"Great! And by the way, what I said about Peach, is because… Well, you have to admit she's pretty, but not as much as you, by any means. Plus, didn't you make sure that you would never got kidnapped again?"
"Yeah, my bad, just my jealous side coming out."
They both said "I love you," to the other, before Daisy stopped on a grassy knoll, near other vehicles. But, being Daisy, she picked the space that was between the 2 bomb cars. She was very smart; she just had NO common sense. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
It was then that Luigi looked over to the competition area. "Uuuuuhhhhhh, really?"
"Huh? What about?"
"Really? The 17th annual potty race?"
"Pffft, no of course not. We're too mature for that. Instead, we're partaking in the 11th annual bathtub racing festivities! That means we'll be driving a bathtub…"
"Mama mia. Who's driving?"
"You, of course! As the passenger, if we win, I get half the credit, if not, you take all the blame!"
"Thanks for your support, dear."
"No prob. Be prepared, the race starts soon."
It was then that Luigi looked at his tub. It was green, mixed with orange, in a swirl that looked like a hurricane or whirlpool, lengthwise, on both sides. Elsewhere, on the green tub, a large amont of flowers and fireballs were painted on.
Time skip! (Not because the author was sleepy and rushed for time at 5 A.M. Or because he was simply too lazy to write it down.)
Luigi and Daisy looked at their competition. There was a random cactus, that caveman that beat down the Gieco Gecko (and gave Luigi a few bags of Doritos to keep quiet on the... incident. [So much for a NORMAL PERSON.]) on one team, a loudmouthed American and a stuffy Brit on another, Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus on another, some Pillow Pets on a team, and some broccoli on another. The final team had 2 bowls of cheese.
When the race began, a perverted Frenchman tried to get in the tub with the American and Brit, but the Brit pushed him off, shouting insults like "Bounce away Froggy!" Meanwhile the American insisted they would win, because "I'M THE HERO!"
As we passed the dysfunctional trio, finally going fast (Sorry, best I can give you, never seen that.), Daisy noticed the Pillow Pets ahead. She took over the wheel, slamming her tub into them, causing them to fly into the ditch. They forfeited then and there.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were in first, keeping everybody away with their terrible singing. The bowls of cheese were in a close 2nd, not being able to hear and all. But, their bowls cracked, and cheese poured all over the broccoli tub.
Luigi and Daisy passed the caveman's team, in which the cactus was poking holes into the caveman's seemingly newly acquired T-Shirt, to which the cactus received grunts of displeasure. Then, the caveman backhanded the cactus, to his immense pain. He careened off the track, flipping the tub over, then ran off, cactus behind him.
Soon, Miley and Justin's singing got the best of them. The outer walls of the tub cracked, the wheels fell off, and the whole thing splintered apart, leading to an argument. Over, ironically, who was the better singer, and why the other sucked, and how the other crashed and splintered the tub.
The broccoli then flew back, narrowly avoiding the lovely duo. They were a shoe in for first, the only other remaining team just passing the wreckage of the Pillow Pets.
"Bloody git," Arthur, the British guy said. "If you had begun earlier we'd be ahead."
"No dude! The hero has this under control. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He then choked on a leaf…
"Sure…"
Then the broccoli hit their tub, speeding it up tenfold. They quickly passed the finish line, beating Luigi and Daisy, our dynamic duo.
"Hahahahahahahah! The hero had it under control this whole time!"
"Sure…"
"Awww, we lost. Unfair!"
Then, the two winners addressed Daisy in a zombielike tone, getting louder and louder. Then, a Pillow Pet wrapped around her, flipping her out enough to wake her up. When she did, she promptly hit Luigi's head with her own. It was then she realized she had been dressed, and fallen asleep on her couch… And Luigi had only just gotten there. She invited him in, and they decided to go to the movies instead. See, 'Life of the Living Toad 2: In 3D.' So, off they went, free of worries, oblivious to the watching eyes of the Pillow Pets, and their BFFs, Snuggies.
Author's Notes: Uhhhhh, so the ending would be longer, but I'm leaving for Orlando tomorrow, and I can't bring my computer.
As always, reviews are appreciated, and feel free to spout off ideas, I'll be sure to incorporate those! Sooner or later… In someway…
And I just got an idea log for my writing. :D
The Brit, American, and French guy were from Hetalia: Axis Powers, which is full of stereotypes! It's actually pretty funny. I'm American, used to live in Britain (My 2nd favorite country, and like France as well .
R&R Please! And be sure to remind me if I neglected to mention you/ use your idea.