"And so you see, Alice, nobody can guess what you're dreaming in your faraway Wonderland," murmured Tetch. He was seated by her bedside in the hospital. Dr. Leland had granted him permission to visit her, and had personally escorted him there to ensure his return. She was allowing him five minutes alone with Alice, which, if discovered, would probably cost her her job. But she liked Jervis, and she knew it wasn't him who had harmed Alice, not really. The least she could do was grant him a brief time alone with her.
"Tweedledee tells Alice that the Red King is dreaming about her, and that if he were to wake, she'd be nowhere, because she's only a thing in his dream, you see, and not a real person at all. Alice doesn't believe him, and neither do I. There is no one more real than Alice. But she's lost now in her Wonderland, lost and late, terribly late, you know…"
He touched her cheek gently. "Alice, I'm so sorry," he whispered, tears in his eyes. "I would never have hurt you, you must believe that. I wasn't in control of my actions, but I will still never forgive myself. You shouldn't either, if you ever return from Wonderland. You should never forgive me. You should go, go with your young man and live happily ever after, and never return to Wonderland. It's a mad place, and the mad are not happy, you know. And you must be happy, Alice. That's all I want. That's all I've ever wanted."
The door opened. Tetch sighed deeply, expecting Dr. Leland. But it wasn't Dr. Leland who entered the room. It was Billy.
They stared at each other for a moment, not saying a word. Then Billy took a seat on the other side of her bed. "Dr. Leland's…explained what happened," he said quietly. "That it wasn't you who attacked Alice. I'm…sorry for the things I said and did. I was upset…"
"Please, there's no need to apologize," murmured Tetch. "In your place I would have done the same. Shooting me would have been better than I deserved for touching a hair on her head. It still is."
Billy avoided his gaze, staring at Alice. "She…um…she said I was jealous of you," he murmured. "She was right, as usual."
Tetch stared at him. "You? Jealous of me?"
He nodded. "Yeah. You…um…knew her before I did. You were friends before I came along. And then I…ruined everything between you. I'm not sorry for loving her, and I'm not sorry for our relationship. But I am sorry that it came at the cost of your friendship with her. I never wanted to cause her any pain. And she valued your friendship very much. I think losing you would have hurt her very deeply."
He stood up, pacing. "But I was jealous, I admit it. I don't like the thought of any guy trying to steal Alice from me, or being in love with her, and you are a real smart guy, y'know, not like me…"
Tetch stared at him. "Smart?" he repeated. "What do you think that matters? I can't use my brain to force her to love me. I could, theoretically, I could have controlled her mind, but I never would have. It's a dreadful thing to do to another human being."
Billy nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I thought…maybe you were the kinda guy to do that. Someone so obsessed with…well…having her that you'd do anything. I was afraid of that. She admitted she'd been visiting you in the asylum, and I just panicked. We fought. And then she was…attacked. If it turns out the last words I ever said to her were vile and accusatory, I will never forgive myself."
He sat down. "I'm not a perfect guy, Mr. Tetch," he muttered. "Maybe you are. Maybe that's why I'm jealous. Maybe you would honestly treat her like an angel every single day of her life. Maybe I'm afraid that's what she wants. And me…well, I got a temper. I ain't really smart. Maybe deep down I secretly think she deserves better. Maybe I think she deserves a guy like you. But I just…couldn't bear to lose her."
He buried his face in his hands. "If she…wants you," he whispered. "I will let her go. If that'll make her happy, that's what I'll do. If she just lives through this, I'll do…anything for her."
Tetch gazed at him. Then he stood up. "No, Mr. Dodgson," he murmured. "She does not want me. She wants you. And I finally understand why. You love her as I do. You love her so much you would be willing to let her go even though it would destroy you. You would sacrifice everything for her happiness. I didn't know that before, but I know it now. You love her, truly love her. And so I know you will make her happy. That's all I need to know."
He looked down at Alice. "Have you ever read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Mr. Dodgson?"
"No, I can't say that I have," he replied quietly.
"It ends with Alice's sister recalling her own childhood, and sharing in Alice's vision for a brief moment," he murmured. "It ends with her sister seeing Alice's future, as a mother to her own children, and sharing with them her simple joys and sorrows and her tales of Wonderland."
He took Billy's hand. "I hope, that when she wakes, you will have many happy years together. That you will have children of your own, and perhaps tell them about Alice's adventures with a certain Mad Hatter. If you do, I only ask that you be kind, and try to make them understand that he was not all bad. Perhaps he was not even all mad."
He put his hat back on his head. "Goodbye, Mr. Dodgson," he murmured, leaving the room without looking back.