Pre-Reading Notes: Might be somewhat scary

Hypothetical Voice Cast

Numbuh 108: Brad Swaille

The Spider: Takahata101

The Groundskeeper: Scott McNeil

The Mystic Elevator: Eric Vale

Now Loading: Kids Next Door Mission
Operation: HILL

House
Infinitely
Lives
Longer

Writing Operatives: Lieutenant Darkton
Original Mission Director: Mr. Warburton

As the C.O.O.L.B.U.S. flew off to the abandoned town, the passengers, Numbuh 2, Numbuh 5, and Numbuh 108, a boy with a green shirt, jeans and a black baseball cap, lounged about the ship.

Numbuh 5 was talking on the phone. "Yeah. Dat's where we're gonna be. Think ya can get dere soon?" Numbuh 5 paused. "Great! See ya soon, Numbuh 86. Bah-bye!" She hung up.

"What did they call this thing again?" Numbuh 2 asked.

"The House over the Hill," Numbuh 108 said. "I tend to visit the place sometimes. My relatives lived here and keep a lot of cool stuff."

"What could possibly be cool enough for a bunch of old guys to keep?"

"Mostly old comics and some of the prizes that came with them."

"So why are we going here?"

"There's this piece of junk I wanna sell on eBid. It looks cool, but it's totally lame. I want you guys to look around for it with me.

"Sounds easy. It'd better be worth it. Do you know how long we've been gone? I wonder if the other guys miss us. Numbuh 4 said he was going to Toys Be We. That would've been so much fun."

"Hey, uh, Numbuh 108," Numbuh 5 said, "can Numbuh 5 ask ya somethin'? It's really important."

"Oh, there's our stop," Numbuh 108 said. "Let's land this thing."

The C.O.O.L.B.U.S. landed in a featureless field overlooking the two-story House over the Hill. Numbuh 2 decided to bring a steak with him, in case the mission was as long as the flight. As the passengers left the ship, a strange fog rolled in and a far off siren could be heard.

Numbuh 2 started to panic. "Uh, oh. I've heard stories about this fog. They say it leads to a land of nightmares filled with monsters and that nobody who's ever gone through it has left without going mad! We should really go back now."

Numbuh 5 looked around, and found a pair of items nearby. "Or," she said, "it could jus' be a smoke machine n' a CD playa. Like what's happenin' right now."

Numbuh 2 breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I'd hate for it to be that kind of fog. That'd be bad."

"Numbuh 2, are you alright?"

"I'm fine! Nothing to worry about, no siree! Why would I get scared by a bunch of…smoke and mirrors?" Numbuh 2 giggled.

Numbuh 5 groaned. "This is gonna be a loooong mission. Numbuh 5 can tell."

The door was opened by Numbuh 108 as he, Numbuh 5, and Numbuh 2 entered the House over the Hill. It was a rather old house, rickety, dark, and wooden. "So," Numbuh 2 asked, "what're we looking for?"

"A medallion," Numbuh 108 said. "Gold. Star on it. Probably worth a kajillion dollars on eBid."

"So where do you think it is?"

"Beats me. That's why you're here: to help me."

"Okay, that's nice Numbuh 108," Numbuh 5 said, "but there's really somethin' Numbuh 5'd like ta know. Somethin' 'bout-"

"Hey, I got an idea!" Numbuh 108 interrupted. "Maybe we can find that thing quicker if we split up. I'll go this way." Numbuh 108 entered the front door.

"So," Numbuh 2 said, "I guess we'll go another door?"

"Uh-uh," Numbuh 5 said. "We're gonna follow 'im. Been meanin' ta ask somethin' 'bout 'im."

"Okay, but let's go together. I'll be there in case you get scared or something."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Less go!" And thus the two entered the front door in pursuit of Numbuh 108.

Behind the door was a kitchen of sorts. It had everything a kitchen you would expect, including a sink, cupboards and a table. However, the metal in the room was rather rusty, and the surfaces were covered with dust. Another door stood in front of them, leading off to the side. The room was fairly quiet, except for a constant noise…

Drip…Drip…Drip…

"Do you hear that?" Numbuh 2 asked.

Drip…Drip…Drip…

"'Course I hear that," Numbuh 5 replied.

Drip…Drip…Drip…

"What do you think it is? …what if it's a body, hidden behind the walls, dripping with blood?"

Drip…Drip…Drip…

Numbuh 5 sighed with disappointment. "Take a look ovah there. What do ya see?" Numbuh 5 pointed.

Numbuh 2 looked at Numbuh 5's hand. "A…sink?"

"So…if there's a drippin' noise comin' in a room with a sink… where do ya think the noise could come from?"

"The…sink?"

"Exactly! Now less get outta here befo' that thing drives both o' us nuts."

"Uh…okay." And the two moved towards the door in front of them.

The floorboards creaked as the two passed through the hallway. Then they opened the next door in front of them to find a game room. There were very few games left by now. Nothing other than an old checkers board and what looked like a wooden game console.

A phone somewhere in the room began to ring. Numbuh 2 instinctively walked over to it and picked it up. "Hello?" he spoke to the receiver.

"BAD LITTLE CHILDREN DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!" a voice on the other end said. Numbuh 2 almost turned white. "WHO IS THIS?"

"Uh…this is Numbuh 2…" Numbuh 2 nervously said. "…as in Hoagie Gilligan…Jr."

"Oh! Wrong number. This is your homeroom teacher. Someone's been skipping class lately, but it wasn't you. My mistake. Bye!" the other end went silent and Numbuh 2 breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey, Numbuh 2," Numbuh 5 said, "less split up. Dere's four doors around the room, maybe we can find Numbuh 108 in one of 'em."

"Uh…" Numbuh 2 said nervously, "won't that be dangerous? I don't want you to get scared or anything."

"Oh, please. Whas the worst thing dat can 'appen 'round 'ere? Less get a move on." Numbuh 5 entered the next door in front of her.

Numbuh 2 slowly and carefully entered the door to the left, nervously squeaking along the way.

Numbuh 5 came across a garden in the loosest possible sense of the word. The flowers were shriveled, the trees were leafless, and even the grass was brown. It appeared that someone had not been taking good care of the place, but then again, considering what the rest of the house was like, it made sense.

Numbuh 5 poked through the shriveled foliage looking for the medallion, but found nothing.

All of a sudden, a Scottish voice could be heard. "'ey! What're yoo doin' 'ere?!"

Numbuh 5 tried to trace the voice, and found a groundskeeper with red hair, wearing a plaid shirt and overalls holding a rake. "Well, uh," Numbuh 5 said, "Numbuh 5 was lookin' for a medallion thingy? Heard of it? She kinda needs it."

"Oh, goin' aboot the house takin' things that aren't yoors, eh lass? Well, dat simply won't do! Meybe I shood straighten up yoor attitude! YAAARGH!" The groundskeeper charged at Numbuh 5, but before he made any contact he disappeared into nothing.

Numbuh 5 looked around for him, but couldn't find any signs of him anywhere. "Huh. Dass odd. Least he's gone." But when she turned back to the door, the groundskeeper was right behind her again, lifting up his rake.

Anyone remaining outside the door would overhear the sound of horrible pain and suffering. Eventually, Numbuh 5 exited the room, badly bruised.

"Numbuh 5 'n her big mouth…"

Numbuh 2 slowly opened his door and entered the room in front of him where he found a musty organ, covered with cobwebs.

"Hello?" Numbuh 2 called out. "Is anybody there?" Numbuh 2 turned and started to look around. "Seen a medallion around here?" he asked, unconfidently. Numbuh 2 continued his search. "Gold? Star on it?"

He then took a closer look at the organ, and sat down at the nearby seat. He pressed a key and a loud note of music shrieked out. He pressed another key and a different note played. Numbuh 2 looked to the left, looked to the right, and smiled. He cracked his knuckles and then proceeded to play a song he had heard on the internet somewhere. He couldn't remember the exact video, though he was sure it involved a cat keyboardist.

However, as he played on, he failed to notice a spider the size of his head crawl out of one of the cobwebs. The creature lowered itself on a web right above Numbuh 2's shoulder, dropped down onto it, and crawled up to the top of Numbuh 2's head. Numbuh 2 instinctively looked up.

"Hi!" the spider said.

As Numbuh 5 re-entered the game room, she could hear Numbuh 2's frantic screaming. In short order, Numbuh 2 himself ran out of the Organ Room and jumped into Numbuh 5's arms.

"Numbuh 5! It was terrible! It was terrible!" Numbuh 2 cried. "I was in this room, and there was an organ, and then there were a bunch of cobwebs, and then a ginormous spider came out, and then it landed on my shoulder, AND THEN IT CRAWLED UP TO MY HEAD-"

However, Numbuh 5 simply couldn't bear the weight of Numbuh 2 anymore, and fell to the ground.

Numbuh 2 weakly smiled. "Aha. Sorry."

"Ya know what?" Numbuh 5 said as she stood herself up. "Skip da whole splittin' up thang. Less go togetha fo' the rest o' the trip."

"Y…yeah. That sounds good."

The two immediately walked off, opening the remaining door. They came across a four-way division between three rooms and a closet. The handle of the closet was rusty, and the floorboards felt exceptionally loose.

Suddenly, a scream could be heard from somewhere. It started off quietly, and then became increasingly louder. Numbuh 2 almost let out a scream of his own, but he was stopped by Numbuh 5 clamping her hand over his mouth. Shortly afterwards, a new sound could be heard, this time a low-pitched laughter. Fortunately, Numbuh 5 could trace where that one was coming from, and opened up the closet to reveal the terrible secret that lay inside.

It was a cassette player.

Numbuh 5 popped the tape out and read the label. "'Creepy Sound Effects Collection: Volume 3.' Huh. Dis is old."

"R…really?" Numbuh 2 said quietly.

"Yeah. Dey're already out wit' Volume 10 dese days. Well, nuttin' ta see here. On ta da next room."

"Um…which room?"

"Less try da one to da left."

"A…alright." And so they did.

They found themselves in a hall, the floor and the walls patterned with stone. Ancient paintings lined the walls depicting events from days long since passed. In other words, you couldn't get any more boring.

"Uh…why don't you go first, Numbuh 5?" Numbuh 2 said meekly.

"No way. You go," Numbuh 5 replied.

"But…but it's so scary!"

"Dere's nuttin' wrong wit' da place."

"But…but every time we've gone into a room, something bad has happened!"

"Look, Numbuh 2: Ah know that things've been a lil' creepy, but every time somethin's gone like dat, it's always been somtin' normal. Maybe you should just look around and see dat dere's nuttin' wrong."

"O…okay…" Numbuh 2 forced a determined look on his face. "Okay!" He stepped out into the hall, suppressing his fear, reaching to the other side for the next door. He was going to make this work. He would not allow a bunch of cheap tricks to overcome him.

And then the floor under him promptly collapsed.

Numbuh 5 looked on dumbfounded "H-how did…but dat's a…and stone doesn'…oh, nevah mind!" She immediately turned on her J.E.T.T.A.B.O.O.T.S. and flew down to where the hole lead to. "You doin' fine, Numbuh 2?"

"Ow…I've had worse," Numbuh 2 said. "This is kind of a close second, though."

Numbuh 2 got up on his feet, and then noticed something very odd. Numbuh 5 noticed the same thing: the room was decorated with all sorts of stars, including a large star embossed on the floor, and in the center of this star was an adult-sized skeleton.

And in its hand was… "The medallion!" Numbuh 2 called out.

"Aww, yeah! Numbuh 5'd say we're juss about done here! Now we find Numbuh 108 and…wait." Numbuh 5 looked closely at the skeleton's other hand. Inside it was a S.C.A.M.P.P., which is not a weapon adults are known to use. She then looked at a piece of paper laying near the body. "'Turn back the clock?' Sometin's not right."

Numbuh 2 snatched up the paper. "This looks useful. I'll keep it with me."

"Dere's sometin' Numbuh 108 isn't tellin' us, and it's probably a lot worse den what Ah wanted ta know."

"All the more reason to go and find him."

"Right. Less see what we can do." She opened the first door she came across, Numbuh 2 tagging along.

Inside the door was what looked like a pristine elevator. "Welcome, master," spoke a pleasant voice. "Where would you like to go? I can take you anywhere within the house."

"Take us ta Numbuh 108," Numbuh 5 said.

"Who?"

"Ya know…green shirt? Jeans? Baseball cap?"

"Oh, him! Is that what they're calling him now? How odd. Right then, off we go."

The elevator mysteriously moved through the house, tracking Numbuh 108's position and stopped behind the nearest doorway that would take Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 to him, manifesting near the top of the staircase. "Destination reached. Have a nice day."

"Numbuh 2? Numbuh 5?" Numbuh 108 snapped in annoyance. "I thought we agreed we should split up!"

"Yeah, you agreed," Numbuh 5 said. "Ah said no. Bah da way, Ah've been meanin' ta ask ya sometin'."

"Aww…can't it wait? I'm still lookin' for the medallion."

"No. It can't."

Numbuh 108 growled. "Drgh…fine. Humor me."

"Ah was brushin' up on ol' Kids Next Door history. Ah found someone interestin' in da footage of da Battle of Cleveland. Can ya guess who?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Dat battle 'appened twenny years ago. If you were in dat battle, bah now you'd be an adult."

"Hey! H…how do you know it was me? It could've been some other guy who looks like me. Like…uh…my dad! Yeah, twenty years is good enough for my dad, right?"

"Well, Ah hope dat ain't da story yer gonna tell da Decommissionin' Squad, 'cause dey're on dere way here. Hopefully you can come up with sometin' betta."

"Please…they're no good. I'm sure they already learned their lesson about wrongly capturing operatives from when Chad went nuts and tried to have you two decommissioned. Besides, who are they gonna trust: a kid like me…" Numbuh 108 smiled evilly. "…or an adult like you?"

The mysterious sirens and fog reappeared, now enveloping the two. Numbuh 2 had seen it all before, though. "Please, I'm not afraid of this thing. You're just an old grey mare who ain't what he used to be…" but when the fog left, the two had…changed. Grown ten years older. "…and I'm about to send you to retire…HUH?! Is that my voice? And why is everything so low?"

"N-Numbuh 2? Is dat you? What 'appened to ya?" Numbuh 5 said, shortly afterwards putting her hands over her mouth in disbelief of the sound that came out.

"M-me? W…what about you?"

The two screamed simultaneously.

But Numbuh 108 wasn't fazed. In fact, he seemed to lose a year on his life. "I don't know what you're talking about. I feel great!"

"What's going on?" Numbuh 2 asked. "Are we…older?"

"Oh yeah, there's this teensy little detail I may have forgotten to mention when we started up: this house is alive."

Both of the two children-turned-to-adults gasped.

"It is, however, very old. Probably wouldn't last long if it weren't for the fact that it can absorb youth. It takes the youth from others around it and uses it to feed itself."

"Wait a minute…why ain't you any olda?" Numbuh 5 asked Numbuh 108.

"Ah, that's the beauty of it! I made a deal with this house a while back. I convinced the thing to spare me in return for bringing more people here. The house gets to regularly feed, and I get to stay young!"

"Yer…yer just like Chad!"

"Oh, no. I'm nothing like Chad. Chad never went far enough!"

"Wait a minute," Numbuh 2 realized, "…the medallion! You want to sell it because it can make us young again! That's the only thing that's keeping this from being hopeless, even more so because I just so happen to have it with me!" He held the medallion out from his hand.

However, with a "Yoink!" Numbuh 108 stole it and rushed off to the nearest door. The other two chased after him. However, as they went on, they were starting to age further, gaining another ten years. For every ten years both of them gained, Numbuh 108 lost a year of his own.

Numbuh 108 noticed the two were on his tail, and threw a spider at them. "Hugs!" the spider said, gripping onto Numbuh 5. Numbuh 5 tried to shake it off, but it was just no use. However, Numbuh 2 kept a S.P.I.C.E.R. on hand and shot at it, causing it to fall off. "Aww, you're no fun," complained the spider as it scuttled off.

The two continued to chase after Numbuh 108, eventually backing him into a corner. "Now what're ya gonna do, ya dirty traita?"

"Here, Poppy!" Numbuh 108 said. In a few moments, a monstrous poodle jumped out of the shadows and pounced on Numbuh 2. "HAHAHAHAHAAA!" laughed the boy-man, thinking he was saved. "Never get between a dog and her snack!" However, he was lifted up by his collar by Numbuh 5, who plucked the medallion from him. His face contorted in rage. "Hey! No fair!"

"Ah'm still technically a kid," Numbuh 5 said. "Ah don' necessarily hafta play bah adult rules." She then turned to Numbuh 2. "Numbuh 2! Give dat dog yer surprise!"

"Aww…" Numbuh 2 said, "but I wanted to use it for myself…"

"Dat's not an option! Do it!"

"Fine…" Numbuh 2 pulled out the steak he was saving from his pants. The dog was immediately distracted. Taking advantage of this, the two real agents bid a hasty retreat to the elevator. Numbuh 108 immediately gave chase.

However, as they entered, Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 continued aging, gaining another twenty years each, while Numbuh 108 lost two more. They rushed into the elevator as quickly as possible. "Welcome master," the elevator said. "Where would you-"

"GET US TO DA MEDALLION ROOM! FAST!"

"Not to object, but wouldn't that kind of speed hurt?"

"JUSS DO IT!"

"Your funeral." The elevator immediately took off, sending Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 flying into the air. When it landed, it knocked them to the ceiling, after which they proceeded to drop onto the floor.

The agents moved as fast as they could to the center of the star. Numbuh 2 pulled out the paper and began to read. "'Turn back the clock, undo this curse; return that which belonged to me. Give back the-"

But before he could finish, he was knocked over, reeling after a shot from Numbuh 108, who held an advanced-looking weapon. "Game's over, kids! You're getting older by the second! And I'm pretty sure we all know what happens when you get too old. Hahaha…HAHAHAHA…HAHAHAHAHA!"

Numbuh 5 moved as fast as she could (which wasn't much) to Numbuh 2 and grabbing the paper from him while drawing her own weapon. She then proceeded to shoot the strange gun out of Numbuh 108's hands. While 108 was recovering, Numbuh 5 read the paper. "'Turn back the clock, undo this curse; return that which belonged to me. Give back the years I lost to you; and unless you want me to tell, HURRY!"

A bright light surrounded the area around him. Numbuh 108 fell to his knees and screamed as he felt the years he had previously lost added back to him. Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 sighed in relief as they felt the years drain away from them. After the light faded, everyone returned to the same age they were when they first entered the house.

"Testing, testing 1-2-3," Numbuh 2 said, soon noticing his voice was back to normal. "We…we're kids again!"

"We're kids again!" Numbuh 5 exclaimed.

The two held hands and jumped around. "We're kids again! We're kids again! We're kids again! We're-"

"Fools!" Numbuh 108 said. "So you may not go out from old age, but that doesn't mean you won't go the old-fashion way!" Numbuh 108 recovered his weapon and took aim. "So it's two against one, and that's still pretty good for me! I've got twenty years of experience, after all."

Suddenly, Numbuh 108 was covered with little red laser lights. He looked around to find himself surrounded by the Decommissioning Squad. "Numbuh 108," Numbuh 86 commanded, "you are scheduled for immediate decommissioning!"

Numbuh 5 smiled. "Two 'gainst one ain't dat bad, but how 'bout twenny 'gainst one? Hey, Numbuh 86, don' forget to wipe away dat guy's memory of a place called da House ova' da Hill."

"Wait!" Numbuh 108 pleaded as they dragged him out, "You can't do this! It was…it was my father! He's old enough to look like me but not be me, right?! NOOO!"

The remaining operatives left the house and entered the C.O.O.L.B.U.S. as quickly as possible. Numbuh 2 hit the buttons and the ship began movement towards the Treehouse.

"Whew!" Numbuh 2 said. "That was something else."

"Hey, been meanin' ta ask," Numbuh 5 said, "why were ya so jumpy?"

"Oh, I was up late watching Something."

"What was it?"

"No, really, that was its name. 'Something.'"

"Hey, wait a minute, isn't dat a lil' intense?"

"I was told there'd be aliens and monsters, and it seemed like it was gonna be fun. I think I'm gonna have nightmares."

Numbuh 5 smiled. "Well don' worry. Just think about the candy yer gonna get soon. Oh, and neva' take a bet from a stranga'."

The two laughed it off. The rest of the day would be just fine.

End Transmission

To understand this story, you need to first understand that it's a parody/adaptation of Betrayal at House on the Hill. It's a game where a party of four walk into a haunted house. One of the team members is a traitor. There are a lot of scenarios to occur.

""Yeah. Dat's where we're gonna be. Think ya can get dere soon?"" I think I overdid Abby's accent on this one. It'll be toned down in the future.

"...Numbuh 108, a boy with a green shirt, jeans and a black baseball cap..." Numbuh 108 is based off the young boy character from the game.

"As the passengers left the ship, a strange fog rolled in and a far off siren could be heard." Silent Hill.

"Drip…Drip…Drip…" One of the scenarios you can get in the game is a sound of dripping driving you mad.

""BAD LITTLE CHILDREN DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!" a voice on the other end said." I forget the specifics, but this is a scenario you can get in the game.

"Numbuh 5 tried to trace the voice, and found a groundskeeper with red hair, wearing a plaid shirt and overalls holding a rake." The groundskeeper is a potential scenario in the game. I made him Scottish as a reference to Willy from The Simpsons, a recurring in-joke in my family. We did actually encounter him in the garden once. In this case, Numbuh 5 rolled low and got the bad result.

"He couldn't remember the exact video, though he was sure it involved a cat keyboardist." Or, in other words, a Keyboard Cat.

"However, as he played on, he failed to notice a spider the size of his head crawl out of one of the cobwebs." The spider is really that big in the game. He's based on the DBZ Abridged Nappa. Seriously, I heartily recommend that series and will probably reference it a lot.

""I was in this room, and there was an organ, and then there were a bunch of cobwebs, and then a ginormous spider came out, and then it landed on my shoulder, AND THEN IT CRAWLED UP TO MY HEAD-"" Based on a scared Krillin moment in TFS Episode 21.

"Suddenly, a scream could be heard from somewhere." Another game event.

"And then the floor under him promptly collapsed." There is, in fact, a collapsing floor event in the game. Yes, it can happen in a room with a stone floor.

"Inside the door was what looked like a pristine elevator." The Mystic Elevator in the game can take you anywhere where there's a door that hasn't been opened.

"It takes the youth from others around it and uses it to feed itself."" One of the Haunts in the game is the possibility of the House on the Hill making a bargain with one of the members. In my case, it was with the young boy character. The main difference is that the house in the game stole life, not youth, but they acted the same way.

""Not to object, but wouldn't that kind of speed hurt?"" If you roll low on the Mystic Elevator, you hit the bottom and take damage.

""Oh, I was up late watching Something."" The Thing.

Both of these stories were published on dA on Halloween, which explains their horror-like themes. I will do another Halloween episode, but that one will likely be actually scary.