Chapter Three: Jaded

Tracing the edges of the paper with my fingers I close my eyes for a moment. Homework. I never had it in District Twelve. Learning was never of importance. Now I am faced with five pages of it, completely out of nowhere. From my History teacher who said I needed to catch up on the history of District Two. I could tell she wasn't fond of me but I didn't expect she would just pile on bunch homework on me because of it.

Looks like I just have lot to learn.

Sighing I feel a ping in my stomach as I am reminded how much I miss Twelve. We didn't have homework, we barely learned. Maybe this could be my chance to actually learn something but all that is taught here is propaganda. I mean home had that sort of thing too but it was more of censoring out things, not just lie after lie to brainwash kids. I have to say though it sure does help give me a perspective of Careers. When they are raised to this it makes sense they turn out so murderous.

Letting out a groan I rest my head back against the alleyway. Shifting to cross my legs I place the homework I have been given on my lap and stare at it unsure where to start.

"You are really predictable you know." The voice takes me by surprise but I know deep inside I have been expecting him. Looking up I see Cato standing over me with a smirk.

I stay quiet.

"I was thinking we could start our little deal." He says.

"I thought you would have brought Aries with you." I ask him trying to stall him in attempt to make him go away. I still can't get over the fact that I am just giving the enemy information that could stop some outlining District Tribute from winning. I always hope the tribute from Twelve gets home but I always knew that would almost never happen, so I just root for the underdog. Cato is not an underdog. He kills them.

He shifts looking uncomfortable. "I figured we would keep this between us."

"Don't want anyone to know you even know me?" I ask.

He shifts once again. "No I just… he isn't going to volunteer anyway. I was supposed to this year and him after that. But that isn't going to happen probably now with the Quell."

He doesn't want Aries to know, he wants this information all to himself. I guess I should be glad only one person will know but I just see more clear now just what Cato will do to succeed. And it frightens me.

"Well come on I don't have all day." Cato says grabbing my arm and yanking me to my feet.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Your place, everyone is training so it is empty right?" He asks me looking back as he drags me along like he did the day before.

"Yeah but isn't there some place else?" I say, I don't want to anger him because I don't doubt he can just snap my neck into two without even the slightest hesitation. Still I hate the thought of him there, at my home. There and the alley, where I was doing my homework, are the places no one cares about me. They arem't nice at the home but they didn't bother to even give me a second glance. He knows about the alley now and soon he is going to intrude on my only other place away from all of them.

"Nope," he says plan and simple knowing the way like the back of his hand. Eventually when we arrive I feel my heart speed up as I want nothing more than to be away from him.

"Show me to your room." He asks plan and simple as I detach myself from him. Walking in front of him I sullenly lead him to Clove and I's room. When we arrive I open the door presenting the small pitiful room. That is how he must see it, but to me it is much better than my real room in Twelve.

"Clove must have been pissed to have to share her room." He says walking in and plopping down onto my bed making himself at home rather quickly.

"You guys are friends?" I ask curiously.

He shrugs, "Something like that."

I don't question and just sit down in the chair near the window in the middle of the room.

I let out a deep sigh and recognize my betrayal of my District and all people like my family and like Katniss. "What do you want to know?" I say in a monotone voice all power disappeared from me. I am defeated.

"Your sister, tell me what she is like." He asks sitting up from the laying position he was in.

"She is brave and responsible." I tell him holding my head high.

He gives a scoff. "So what? Tell me something interesting."

"You know that is something more important than you think. She is intelligent too. There is more too and even if that was it, it would still be more than you ever will be." I spit as some sort of last stand.

"You honestly think that if I was up against your sister she would even stand a chance?" He asks standing up angrily. Like always, he just goes to be intimidating.

"Yeah I do," I say standing up. "You want to know why she won will I am telling you. All you do is hide behind your strength; you hide behind your intimidation. Will just because you can frighten people doesn't make your stronger than them and it doesn't make them weaker than you. Actually it is very weak in my opinion. Katniss won because she knew that and refused to give up."

He picks me up shoving me against the wall. "Shut up, I could destroy you." He says.

"That is all you ever do, just shove me against a wall and threaten me. Will guess what, I am done with just being the one that needs to protected. I am never going to give up and neither will Katniss."

He releases me and for once I fall onto my feet. Thirds times a charm it seems.

"Well look who the rat dragged in." A voice from behind Cato says and I look to see Clove standing there with her arms crossed. I have never been so glad to see her here. Even after my little speech.

Cato turns around. "Clove," he says.

I wonder how Cato knows her, however they do it sure isn't positive. "Cato," Clove says back.

Cato nods and looks back at me. "This isn't over." He leaves the room in an angry stride. I realize something in this moment; I am use to his threats. They just go right through me by now. With that on mind it makes it a whole lot easier to not be afraid.

The soft sound of Clove sleeping fills the silence along with the sound of chattering crickets. I can't sleep; I just stare up at the ceiling. Tomorrow will be the announcement, tomorrow I will find out if Katniss is going to be in the Hunger Games once more. I take a deep breath as I choke on a sob that tries to escape.

I hate it here. I guess it is better than being dead like Katniss thinks I am but sometimes I want nothing more than to be in Katniss' or my mother's arms again. To be sung to or just see Buttercup again. I feel a tear escape from my eye and travel down my cheek falling on bed sheets.

Now I have to worry about Cato too. I don't want to be brave anymore or to never give up. I just am so exhausted of being a fighter. I just don't know what I will do if I know that Peeta and Katniss will be going through hell again.

I want to be naïve.

I want to be innocent.

I just want to be home.

So I begin to cry, silently of course. I cried so much when I first got her I perfected holding back my sobs and just letting the quiet tears fall from my eyes. I'm such a baby, no wonder Cato just thinks he can push me around. I let him. I let Katniss go into the Games for me and I let them take me here, I am weak.

I want to be strong but I want to be all those things too. I want to be a kid but at the same time I so badly don't want to have to be weak. It doesn't even make sense, I am contradicting myself and I realize it but it doesn't stop me from pleading in my head to some unknown shooting star.

Shooting stars do nothing though, Gale sometimes said you don't just have luck you make luck. You put yourself into opportunities that make your life easier but I feel trapped.

I feel torn apart, and claustrophobic.

So my soul being ripped apart within me I just stuff my head into my pillow and cry into it hoping it will muffle the sound of my sobs from Clove's ear. I don't want her to be woken up by me and I definitely don't want her to see me cry.

And with that I cry myself to sleep, will hey I wanted to be naïve and innocent so I guess I got my wish.

Clove:

Sure I can be a bitch, I am from District Two after all. It is almost a culture thing, but I am not twisted. At first when that girl first arrived I didn't care about her, she just took up my space. If anything I found her vexing towards me. I knew she was from Twelve, she didn't belong here. Her sister killed our almost Victor last year, our girl tribute. She was trained; she spent her entire laugh working for it. Yet she was still murdered. Sort of put things into perspective for me, it made me scared.

But it didn't matted. I still trained.

Naturally I had it out for Prim at first but I didn't bother her, you know why? Because she is just a frickin' kid! She is only three years younger than me but she is still young, she doesn't need shit from me. So I just left her be and ignored her tears, it was because she missed her home and I couldn't control that. It isn't like I brought her here.

But now that stupid brut made her cry. Maybe it is because it is Cato doing it that I am even doing anything, he is despicable. We always have had problems with each other lately. Though he might be my District partner one day.

We use to date. He seemed like a prince, rich and good-looking. But it didn't work out naturally, we were both so… controlling I guess? I wasn't some stupid little girl he could push around and we fought because of it.

He really was a jerk to me, he got better afterwards from maturing but he still is. With a father like his though he really doesn't have much control over it, rage is in his veins.

"Cato!" I growl once I see him doing a strength building exercise. We are in training, the only place I can even stand to see him. Imagine how I felt to see him in my room yesterday, I wanted to just kill him right there.

He stops what he is doing and panting he turns to me and folds his arm. "What do you want?"

"Why do you even bother with her?" I ask standing tall to him, something else we also had trouble with.

"She has information I need." He says as if it is as simple as can be.

"Just leave her be, I thought you said you don't need help to win." I say crossing my arms as he does.

"I don't but some information on how that runt from twelve won could be helpful." He says.

I shake my head, "I really hope you aren't as much of an asshole inside." I say before stomping back to the door. "I don't want to catch you in my room ever again." I add before leaving, slamming the door to the training room behind me.

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