Author's Note: I've been looking forward to this! Unfortunatly this may be my last post in a quite a while. I have some other business to take care of so the hobby is taking a back seat this month.
Also, fair warning: Junior and Rufus aren't as restrained in their language use as other characters. A reminder that this is T rated.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kim Possible™ or any character, location or event from that said show. Historical accuracy of the following events is – in the ballpark.
Montage Song Choice. Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
Ch 1: Monkey Wars
Oxford University, Present Day.
'Guest Lecturer: Lord Montgomery Fiske'
the sign outside the door read. Academics, students and those who just wanted to hear Britain's legendary archaeologist speak shuffled into the theatre to take their seats. Lord Fiske's presentation, the second of three guest lectures he'd be giving on his recent explorations of South East Asia was hailed as the scholarly event of the decade.
The crowd hushed as the lighting in the theatre dimmed. An excited energy took them as Lord Fiske entered the room, using a crutch to walk as his right leg could not support weight. His servant, Mr Bates, was never more than a pace behind and ready to render aid should his master require it. Known to be an independent spirit, however, Fiske chose to handle the steps leading onto the stage on his own. The one service Bates could perform was to place Lord Fiske's speech notes on presenters podium before standing back.
At fifty, Lord Fiske's formily black hair was now turning heavily grey. Despite his age and rank he kept it full and dishevelled, still resembling the young man in the photos from twenty-five or so years earlier in a heavy leather jacket, wind tousling his hair as he rode a motorbike across the silk road or the American South West to visit exciting new dig sites. Working outdoors all his life gave him a slight tan and a rugged handsome quality akin to Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones. Over the years he had also developed a rough edge to his well mannered, aristocratic character that nearly all found charming. He was a man of two worlds, accustomed to the silver spoon while deeply enjoying getting his hands dirty. Aside from his right leg he was in peak physical condition and worked to keep himself that way.
Fiske pulled a pair of reading glasses out and poured himself a glass of water.
"Good evening," he greeted the gathered crowd. "Apologies for keeping you waiting. I've been demanding for years the university replace that step with an escalator."
A murmur of amusement passed over the ground.
"I hope you don't mind," Fiske added, passing the glass of water behind him to his servant. Bates took the glass, graciously thanking the lord, "I brought my own."
Fiske removed a flask from his jacket pocket and poured its contents into a fresh glass. The liquid had the malt colouring of alcohol.
"I assure you, it's not what you think. This is my dear mother's ginger beer recipe – mixed with scotch for a right kick."
Another murmur of laughter.
"Ladies, Gentleman, and the hagged bunch up the back we know as University Students. Allow me to introduce you to Genghis Khan."
On a large screen behind Fiske was projected a cartoon like image of the infamous conqueror. He did not look at all as fearsome as he was known. Instead he appeared an almost kindly round faced man with greying moustache and beard, with earrings and dressed in a white robe.
"Early in the 13th Century Genghis Khan united the nomadic horsemen tribes of Mongolia and embarked on an ambitious campaign. To conquer the urban based 'civilised' societies to the south, east and west of the steppe plains."
"In less than a century Genghis Khan, and his sons, and his grandsons conquered the known world. Creating an empire that incorporated China, the Middle East, Russia and Eastern Europe; the largest continuous land empire ever formed. They owe their success, at least in part, to commanding a great number of horses, the tank of the ancient world. Each tribesman would have three to four to his name, a number that could only be matched by the wealthiest noble in urban societies. They employed unprecedented military coordination and tactics such as deception, speed, fear; advancing further and faster than any army had ever been known to do. When they lay siege to a city they gave the inhabitants a choice. Submit or become an example. As news of their ruthlessness spread fewer examples became necessary."
Fiske paused, sipping from his glass.
"They also invented the modern postal service."
"The people of Europe trembled at their approach, the horsemen horde which swept away all resistance. But the Mongols were not invincible. Provinces far closer to home managed to successfully resist invasion time and again using guerrilla tactics, and a lot of luck. To the east, the Japanese islands, and, the focus of my discourse tonight, the southern Kingdoms of Dai Vet and Champa, modern Vietnam…."
...
Bach Dang River, Vietnam. 1288AD
Hitting the stakes hidden beforehand beneath the surface of the river, the heavily laden supply fleet stuck fast. Those vessels that did not sink immediately due to having their hulls punctured were held in place. An easy target for a counter attack. Four hundred ships, and their crews, were trapped in one of the greatest ambushes in the history of warfare. Many thousands of small craft launched from either bank of the river. Every craft the Vietnamese had capable of floating. Small craft with shallow hulls that would not be caught by the many hundreds of stakes they had planted on river bed preceding the supply fleet's arrival. The frightened Mongol warriors watched as the flotilla of warriors encircled them like sharks around stricken prey.
Flaming arrows set the supply fleet's sails alight. Dai Vet warriors goaded their vessals forward so that they might board and deal with the invader menace personally. Among these warriors stood a man, a champion; as powerful in presence as in visage. All around him were deferential to him. They took heart that he stood with beside them. When they pulled up alongside a Mongol vessel this aged warrior leapt impossibly high into the air to the deck of the supply ship. He would be the first to confront their enemies. His abilities were akin to Peter Pan. The Mongol crewmen watched in amazement as he hovered over the deck, studying them, before drawing his sword and settling on the deck in a defensive posture.
He was solidly built and sported the same moustache as Hulk Hogan, only with dark hair. Also, unlike the soldiers around him, he wore no armour. Just an orange robe and a sheathe for his sword. Though he was their revered champion the man was not Vietnamese. He did not hail from these lands. Instead he had arrived here in the wake of his enemies, ready to once again do battle. It was a warying life, the constant fighting. It had taken away his youth prematurely and replaced it with hard lines, scars and unpleasent memories. Nonetheless he fought on believing that if only one family were to live in peace because of the sacrifices he endured it would be enough.
The Mongol warriors came on brandishing their own weapons, slashing at this 'flying' man. A few quick flicks of the champion's wrist and they were disarmed, staring at their empty hands and their weapons flew overboard. Other defenders used bows to bring him down from range. In an inexplicable flash the champions sword transformed. Before their eyes it became a large, circular shield that the arrowheads bounced harmlessly off. After the second volley failed to inflict any damage on him whatsoever the champion thrust out his palm. An invisible wall of energy knocked the Mongols overboard.
Kim Possible 2: Legend of A Monkey Master
"Oh, ho, ho, hoooo!
Oh, ho, ho, hoooo!"
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting!
Those cats were fast as lightning."
Despicable robotics genius Dr Fenn laughs manically from a walkway above. His skin is green and leathery. Below, Kim battles a trio of highly advanced Bebe bots in a high tech lab.
"In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they fought with expert timing."
Dr Possible ushers the other scientists present out the emergency exit. Ron and Rufus desperately punch buttons on a command console. Ron eventually hits the biggest, reddest button on the console.
(Music Dramatically Stops)
The lights dim. There is a break in the fighting as Kim and the Bebe bots look around to access the new situation.
"THIS FACILITY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN THIRTY SECONDS.'
(Music Continues)
"They were funky China men,
From funky Chinatown."
High up on the battlements of Duff Killigan's Castle Kim and the golf master duel using Nine Irons. Duff brings his iron down in a vicious vertical strike. Kim parries horizontally, one handed, while sidestepping around. Punches Duff with the handle, continues to spin around behind him to bring her own club down on the back of his head.
"They were chopping them up,
And they were chopping them down."
Duff raises his iron behind his head, blocking Kim's strike. He turns, swinging his weapon along a horizontal arc as he does so. It approaches her a shoulder height. Kim arches back, putting her limbo skills to the test. She lands on the back of her hands and kicks Duff with both legs.
Ron sneaks up behind Duff with a putter.
"It's an ancient Chinese art,
And everybody knew their part.
From a feint into a slip,
And kicking from the hip!"
Duff stumbles back due to Kim's kick. However, he notices Ron and sidesteps, putting out his foot to trip the lunging boy. Kim and Ron lock swords as he accidentally lunges too far. Duff shoulder charges them both, removing each of them from the castle battlements. Team Possible splashes in the moat below. When they surface for air shark fins are already circling.
"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting!"
Kim and Ron lead the police to a counterfeiting warehouse. Kim points to the criminal minds behind the smuggling ring, the nefarious Fashionistas.
"Those kids were fast as lightning!"
Chino pushes a wheeled clothing rack in the direction of Team Possible and the police. Kim jumps over it. Ron is hit by the rack.
"In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they fought with expert timing."
The police chase Chino and Espadrille as they attempt to flee the scene. Hoddie engages Kim in hand to hand combat.
Ron is tangled in clothing and unable to see. He inadvertently crosses paths with the battling women, tripping each of them in trailing sleeves.
"There was funky Billy Chin,
And little Sammy Chung.
He said, here comes the big boss,
Let's get it on!"
Chester Yapsby, a disgusting looking man in dirty yellow overalls, removes a manhole in the centre of the street. Clutching a metal orb two thirds the size of a soccer ball he jumps down into the sewer below. Team Possible is hot on his tail, jumping down after him.
"We took a bow and made a stand,
Started swinging with the hand."
Ron and Kim reappear, frantically climbing out of the manhole and running away screaming!
"The sudden motion made me skip.
Now we're into a brand knew trip!"
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting!
Those cats were fast as lightning."
The road cracks and heaves. A giant cockroach breaks through the earth. It gives chase to Team Possible while cars swerve to avoid it.
"In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they did it with expert timing."
High profile lawyer Hank Perkins enters a limo. Kim and Ron await him, each wearing a brunette wig. Ron fills out a fitted tailored suit. No tie, though he does sport a ranch style hat. Kim is a stunning sight in a tight, low cut blue dress.
Sipping coffee, Ron burns his tongue and jumps, further spilling the hot liquid over his silky white shirt. The wire he is wears beneath begins to short circuit and electrically sting him. By reflex, he reaches under his shirt on pulls out the wire.
"Keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on!"
Kim glances uncertainly to Perkins. Hank recognises the device and removes a gun from his briefcase.
...
Private Mediterranean Island, Present Day.
Tied to a conveyer belt, trapped in a large crome room, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable struggled against their restraints. Mounted on a tripod, with its business end pointed at the far end of the conveyer, was a massive freeze gun. To demonstrate the abilities of his elaborate death device, billionaire gentleman villain Senor Senior Senior placed a bowl of soup below the device and activated it. The soup was snap frozen, as was the bowl. In fact each was now at the centre of an ice cube the size of large shoebox.
"A key point to being a villain is remaining cold to your foes fate, wouldn't you say Miss Possible? Ha-ha-ha-haha!" The aged man's laugh was as gentle and elegant as his speech or his fine clothing. Not as hard on the ears as a madman like Drakken while still managing to deliver the same evil intent. "I shall deeply enjoy viewing your untimely demise at the hands of this elaborate death device from a safe distance via satellite."
Junior sat at a coffee table not too distant. The only piece of furniture adorning the bare metallic room. Dressed entirely in black and looking bored, he passed the time spinning a Desert Eagle handgun on the table impatiently. When his father had finished declaring his attention, Junior glanced at Kim and mouthed, "What?"
If she didn't despise Junior so very much, Kim may have had to agree with him.
"Isn't this a rather extreme line to take with unexpected visitors?" Ron asked. "We only came to your Mediterranean island to ask you to take it easy on the appliances. The fishing villages across the way are experiencing blackouts. They signed a petition!"
"Which I promise I will take into consideration and only run my doomsday sized freeze cannon during off peak hours while giving the villagers forty-eight hours advance warning when I intend to freeze a major European city. Junior," Senior called over to his son, "please take a note. We must begin a leaflet mail drop tomorrow if we are to keep our timetable and strike Paris on Wednesday."
Junior sunk till his head was lying on the coffee table. Senior took no notice. Ron, however, just had to comment, "Why do evil people always target Paris first anyway?"
"Because it's romantic! My dear boy, if you ever want to capture the heart of a strong, beautiful woman you must start with levelling Paris."
Kim scoffed. "OR! You could try asking her out to a dance. Maybe, gee, I don't know, call her!"
"His way doesn't sound as scary, KP."
Senior chuckled. "A little confidence lad. Women love a confident man, but not arrogance. And remember to behave like a gentleman at all times. Unless... She enjoys a little animal. Still, I do not know why I have to tell you. You're about to frozen alongside the most stunningly attractive, independent senorita to grace this island since my own love, Francesca. I know it is never a pleasant thing to contemplate our own demise, though there are worse ways to go, no?"
Ron blinked. "Um…? No?"
His answer earned him a friendly clap on the back. "That's the spirit Senor Soluble."
"Stoppable!"
"Ah! My apologies." Senior remotely activated the freeze ray once more, setting it to run continuously. "Now please do excuse me. My son and I have an information leaflet to draft. Please, do not think just because I leave you now makes your demise in any way unimportant or insignificant to me personally. I'm afraid I simply cannot stand apprehension."
For a final point Senior pointed his cane at a security camera. "I will endeavour to ensure both you Miss Possible and Mr Sockable will be famous youtube phenomenon. The people of the world will remember you. At least for three months or so."
It was too much for Junior. He'd had enough. He slipped a cartridge into his large gun and pounded a fist on the table
"She's just going to escape, Father! Don't you watch the news?"
"Which is half the fun my son."
"Would you just let me shoot them? Please, just - let them shoot them. I have a gun right here, let me shoot them."
"Junior!" The old man's tone of voice suggested he was highly disappointed. "A gentleman does not shoot a lady."
"The boy then! You don't even remember his name. Let me shoot the boy."
Senior rolled his eyes and turned back to address Kim.
"I apologise most sincerely for my son, Miss Possible. Junior is still young and impulsive. He has not yet learned to relax and take pride in his work. He does not appreciate the tried and true methods of villainy as we do."
"I take pride in shooting people!"
"Did I raise a mastermind or a common street thug?" Senior pointedly shot back. "Please, just go to the yacht and wait for me. I cannot tolerate your rudeness in front of guests."
"What the fuck…?" Junior muttered under his breath.
"GO!"
The son obeyed, clearly frustrated. He stormed off sulking. Senior did not say another word until the door had closed behind him.
"I am sorry you had to see that."
"Kids," Ron agreed.
...
Junior did not go directly to the yacht. Instead he waited outside the room marked 'elaborate death device' for his father. When Senior did exit the room he eyed Junior disapprovingly though said nothing. Instead he motioned for his son to walk with him.
Running a hand through his black gelled hair, Junior finally settled on ending the uncomfortable silence between them. "She's just going to escape."
"She better. I've got half a billion dollars riding on her myself."
Suddenly his father's indifferent attitude became clear. Junior embellished an exasperated grunt. "Jesus!" he punched air with his fist, black leather jacket flapping about. "Don't tell me you were just putting on an act for youre little poker circle! That's what this is, isn't it? You lured Kim Possible to Greece with a fake power crisis just so you and your rich buddies could have some fun! Didn't you! That bloody camera is broadcasting to them all right now isn't it?" He looked back over his shoulder. The door to the 'elaborate death device' room was freezing over. In a moment the heavy steel door shattered outward with a violently load crash.
Infinitely frustrated Junior added, "So we're not destroying Paris?"
"Come on Junior, who wants to take over the world anyway? Better to enjoy the villainy."
"The girl's loose, you know."
"She still has to deal with my security system."
The corridor behind them exploded. Massive spinning tops with rasor sharp edges bashed their way through the very walls of the compound.
"I was wondering why you took out spinning top of doom insurance policy," Junior admitted. "Shouldn't we walk a little faster?"
"I can't," Senior shrugged, unfazed by the destruction behind him. "The conditions of the bet state Miss Possible is to be given a reasonable chance to capture me."
"Fucking hell!" Junior cursed. "At least the self activated, motion tracking lasers should slow her down some."
Moments after he said it the corridor ceiling, or what was left of it after the spinning top of doom rampage, slid back. A row of laser cannons slid down in its place.
More violent explosions behind them. Junior ducked as they were pelted with small flying pieces of rubble. "Christ! Oh man, I just bought this."
"My son, you have to learn to stay calm under pressure. A potty mouth does not a villain make."
Junior was barely listening, glancing once again over his shoulder to observe Kim Possible's latest desecration of his Father's home. Far from being pressured, he was actually looking back to admire the teenage heroines destructive tendencies. He shook his head in wonder.
"That girl is amazing!" He considered for a moment. "Hey, were you serious back there? Strong women are attracted to guys who can level Paris?"
...
Team Possible raced for the beach. Behind them, Senor Seniors home welled up in ice before collapsing under the weight. Then there was a final explosion. Kim and Ron were flung forward by the pressure, into the sea. Chunks of ice splashed down all around them, sinking into the warm Mediterranean with them. When each of them finally surfaced it was snowing.
Some distance away Senor Senior and his son, Senor Junior, waved from the deck of a luxury yacht. They did not at all seem dismayed about the destruction of their island villa. In fact, with Champaign in hand they almost looked like they were celebrating.
Kim turned on Ron in the water. Despite being victorious (of sorts) she was less than amused. "How, Ron? How is it everything you touch blows up?"
"I don't know!" Ron replied in all earnestly. He couldn't explain the phenomenon any more than she could. "All I did was pull a wire out! I was trying to make it stop!"
"Next time let Rufus do it!"
A dreaded thought crossed the boys mind as he bobbed in the sea, only his head above water. He reached down to his pants pocket and pulled out his furless companion. Once above the surface Rufus coughed and sputtered. Sounding very anxious Ron asked, "Are you all right girl?" while he check her over. Kim too softened her voice and swam closer to ensure the Naked Mole Rat was fine. "Breath Rufus," she pleaded.
"('cough,' 'cough.' You know, 'cough,' this pants thing, it, 'cough,' isn't, 'cough,' working as a nest. 'cough.')."
Kim was pleased to see her squeaking between coughs. To be safe Ron would have to take her to the vet (again!) but it looked as though Rufus was going to be fine. "Thank God. If I had to watch Mole Rat CPR again…."
"(Oh, I'm so sorry he was sucking my face instead of yours! Like you got it oh so fucking rough, Princess! Fuck this! Where is my waterproof, shock absorbing fanny pack! You tell Wade better make me something or I quit)."
"Maybe we should have Wade make her something?" Ron suggested.
Kim was beginning to understand ill-tempered Mole Rat tone. She humbled her voice and said, "Thank you Rufus. If you hadn't set us free we would be popsicles. You're the true heroine of the team."
Rufus was still miffed, though she grudgingly accepted. Confident the mole rat would forgive her, Kim surveyed the carnage. Senior's entire villa was destroyed. It was snowing in the Mediterranean. The news was bound to cover the story before Kim could return home and put her own spin on the story for her parents.
"If only you could save me from my Mom, Rufus. Then you'd be a true legend."