Hello again!
Wow I am astonished with the sheer amount of reviews, I can't thank you enough, keep them coming!
I've had some people pm me, however I haven't been able to reply because their pm reply function is blocked, so to answer someones question, I will try to bring Kyle Braxton in somehow if I can! If you have any other ideas you would like to pm me, please don't hesitate!
Enjoy! X
CHAPTER 4 – That shirt
"Sure enough this is yours?" Heath asked, astonished as he took in Charlie's plush apartment. It wasn't anything spectacular but compared to the old suburbs of Mangrove River it was indeed pure class.
"Make yourself at home." Charlie chuckled as Heath fell back onto the large leather couch by the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the Botanic Gardens. He still couldn't take it all in as he watched her try to make a coffee for them both in the kitchen, sure enough he was talking to a dead woman. There was no mistaking she was real.
Even though Heath and Charlie weren't close, he noticed everything about her was the same, the way she leaned back slightly when she walked, like a model on a catwalk. How she pursed her lips when juggling various items in her hand. How when she stood still one of her legs bent heavily at the knee, supporting the rest of her body. Although one thing was distinctly different, sure she juggled various items in her hands he furrowed his brow intensively as he watched her struggle to lift the kettle, in a defeatist manor she sighed and placed it back down again, exhaling deeply and then lifting it, with both hands. Only managing to lift it slightly off of the worktop.
He shook his head to himself, why in Gods name hadn't she left this place. He continued to watch her as she walked towards the fridge and turned to the side, tucking the milk carton into one of the shelves. It was only then that he realized what should have been obvious to him from the start.
How could he not have noticed?
He felt his lungs constrict as he leant back heavily into the couch, his eyes drifting their gaze towards the ceiling in disbelief.
"How far along Charlie?" He asked in barely a whisper, his hands pressed together palm to palm in a prayer shape, his index fingers slowly tracing over his lips. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her ease into the couch, one arm firmly leaning on the cushions to support her. He heard no answer.
"How far along?" He repeated persistently, not daring to look at her.
"Nearly seven months."
Turning back to her he truly took her in. Everything about her, he could see the real Charlie there that was for sure, but it was only now, sitting with her in conversation that he took in the dark circles under her eyes…either lack of sleep, or crying he thought. Her hair had a glossy shine to it, as it should do in pregnancy.
"Around the time of the Reefton Lakes right?" he asked, he watched as she pursed her lips,
"Reefton Lakes?" She asked, her hands tucked firmly over her small, yet protruding, petite bump. Heath frowned and nodded faintly,
"Yeah…Reefton Lakes." He chuckled as if it was obvious. She nodded warily, before shrugging her shoulders up and down and sighing deeply, the confusion in her eyes refusing to go unnoticed by Heath.
"Looks like we all got a bit of luck that night aye?" he asked, sighing and dropping his head as she nodded vaguely. He watched as she tapped her fingers on the arm of the sofa, letting them making a rapping noise on the material as she fidgeted, as though she was trying to keep things together, "You can't be doing this alone Charlie." He interjected, taking a step towards her,
Charlie scoffed and shook her head, "Well I am Heath, it's a bit late for that." She retorted softly, trying to keep her voice calm and collected, but her insides were churning in a pit of sadness.
Heath threw his head back in disbelief and ran his fingers exasperatingly through his hair. "Surely you must know how tough it's been for Brax, for everyone!" Heath yelled, startling her slightly, causing her to jump. His eyes instantly filled with guilt and remorse as she slashed a pained and broken look at him,
"And you think it's been easy this end! You think I've spent the past 6 months living in pure bliss? Is that what you think Heath!" she snapped angrily, her voice raising in distress, "I'm on my own. I have no one! I have no one left Heath, no one." She said, finishing in merely a whisper.
"Charlie, I know how you feel." Heath said, a small sympathetic smile flashing across his face,
"Do you?" she asked, furrowing her brow, "You still have Bianca. You have your family. Mine was taken from me." She swallowed the lump in her throat that arose at the thought of them, Heath just looked down, knowing that she was right.
He had no idea.
"I had no choice Heath. None. I woke up and he wasn't there, Ruby was gone." She said, her voice high pitched and strained as she spoke, "Do you wanna know what the hardest part is? I saw my own daughter crossing the street the other week and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk to her; I had to walk the opposite way, my own child Heath. And I had to walk away." She cried, sucking in a deep breath to restrain her emotions, she wasn't about to let herself crumble in front of Heath.
"Well what happened to the Charlie that stuck up for herself, the stubborn Charlie?" Heath asked, trying to bring some hope into her lonely soul.
"She's gone Heath! She is gone and she is not coming back!" she yelled exasperatingly, "I wanted that stereotypical happy ending with him-"
"Say his name." Heath demanded, watching as she stilled before slightly shifted on the spot, her body rocking slightly backwards and forwards as she refused to look at him,
"You won't say his name." heath said, leaning on the counter opposite her and sweeping his hands along, trying to eliminate the imaginary dust. He squinted through narrow eyes as Charlie looked up at him and drew in a sniff, her eyes looking at him piercingly with loss; she was pining for Brax, wanting him, needing him.
"I wanted that stereotypical happy ending with Brax…" she said softly, wiping her fragile tears falling from her eyes with the back of her hand, "Like a normal couple…what a joke." She chuckled in disbelief, shaking her head from side to side and dropping her head as her tears harshly hit the surface beneath her and formed a small pool.
"Nah, Charlie it's not a joke." Heath said, making his way round towards her and placing a comforting hand along her back, he stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose and she pushed his hand away from her and glared at him with an anger in her eyes he'd never seen before,
"Really Heath? Look where you are!" She yelled desperately, holding her arms up in the air, he swallowed a lump as he looked around, sure her apartment was everyone's cup of tea, but it wasn't personal it wasn't homely, it felt cold, there were no memories framing the walls, none of Charlie's personality shining through, it was like a new unfurnished home waiting for someone to claim it as there own. she nodded at him as a look of sadness and realization came across his face, "I just want to forget that my old life ever existed. It'd make things a lot easier." She whispered, tilting her head to the ceiling to will the tears back,
"Well how do you plan on doing that with Brax's baby Charlie? Have you thought that part through?" he asked sarcastically, pointing to her protruding stomach,
"This was never part of the plan Heath!" she snapped, pointing her hands at her bump and glaring at him painfully, her eyes red and puffy and her voice breaking to pieces as she spoke, "You just don't get it do you?" she asked, shaking her head and pursing her lips at him as he clenched his jaw, "I've lied to everyone Heath, everyone I ever loved thinks I'm dead. So you tell me how are you gonna fix that? How are you gonna make that right?"
SUMMER BAY….
The days seemed to roll by, some people had it lucky and they flew by, others, not so lucky and they found themselves consumed by their own painful thoughts. Staring at the clock didn't work for some, it didn't morph the pain knowing that each seconds your life ticks by you're one second closer to the person you love. It was the complete opposite, sure, you may be one step closer, but you have plenty more steps to climb.
Staring into the misty, murky orange of his bourbon shot Brax sighed. You could put him anywhere in the world, give him what every man would dream of, but that wasn't Brax's dream…his dream was Charlie. From other peoples point of view you could look at Brax's life and say it was pretty darn good. Successful business, caring brothers -whatever caring is- nice home near the beach. But when you worked your way through all the cracks the reality was bleak. But no one had been able to get that far, get that close to him. Not since Charlie.
Looking at Brax's life in detail made you see that maybe your bad week hasn't been so bad at all. All anyone saw when they looked at him was a shadow of his old self, that's because the good part of him resided with her. All people saw now was a broken man trying to hold back the floods of tears and despair and pave his way through the pot holed streets of life.
BRAX POV….
I am able to have the privilege of waking up to the sun-streamed beaches of Summer Bay, I have the privilege of people who I could call 'friends', the privilege of someone to keep the other side of my bed warm but what good was that when she wasn't who I wanted her to be? What good was it when I roll over every morning and expect tumbling brunette curls to be strewn down the pillows and instead I find a blonde girl sleeping peacefully, her sleep never interrupted by painful memories, her day never dashed of happiness by the sheer reality that is called life.
I've managed to sum my life up now. Its like I'm in a revolving door, going around and around in circles again and again.
It's so curious. One can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.
"We're closed." I grunted as footsteps clacked up the stairs of Angelo's yet again. People seemed to have a knack of picking their moments to walk in when all I wanted was to be alone. It was the fact that the one person I wanted to walk up them stairs never would. Every time I heard footsteps coming up I felt elated with hope and then battered by disappointment and reality. The grief had now become an anchor, I've become used to the weight, and how it holds me in place. How it takes over my life, but it keeps me sane. I can't imagine a day when I wouldn't be swallowed by this angry pit of loss. It wouldn't seem right that would be accepting that Charlie's gone. How can I accept that I'm never going to see the love of my life again, how can someone live with that?
I flinched at Nats fingers clicking in front of my eyes, snapping me out of my trance on the digital clock resting on the bar that yet again morphed into a flat line, tearing back the memories every single time. And yet the woman in front of me, the woman he was meant to care about, the woman he was sleeping with, had no idea, not a care in the world what went through my head each day, not a care that the single precious memories gave me something to hold onto. It's strange, when a person is born, we rejoice, when people get married we jubilate, but when they die, all everyone seems to do is try to pretend that nothing ever happened, like they never existed, they're just another playing piece on a board game, another grain of sand on a beach, another human out of 7 billion others.
"Do you know where Heath went?" Bianca asked, I looked at her and shook my head nonchalantly; I didn't really care quite frankly,
"Does it look like I know anything?" I asked sarcastically, sighing deeply when Bianca looked at me blankly, "There's your answer." I deadpanned, pouring myself some more bourbon and sculling it down my throat.
"Look, Brax, I guess I'm just here for your advice…"I heard Bianca say in the background, trying to catch my gaze that was now consumed in my own thoughts. I looked up at her and raised my eyebrows.
"Look I don't know what is going through Heath's head at the moment and I don't know what I've done to make him go wherever he's gone but…do I keep calling him or wait and see if he comes through?" she asked, I squinted for a second before looking up at her and smiling weakly.
"You wait. You never know when someone might pull through, if you give up what else do you have to hold onto?" I asked, watching as she nodded her head and smiled weakly back at me, she went to speak but I interrupted her, quickly,
"Look um- how about I give Heath a buzz later?" I offered, beginning to move around the bar and start laying out cutlery on the tables, trying to distract myself, trying to ignore Natalie as her gaze bruned on the back of my head.
3RD PERSON POV….
"Brax don't clam up," Natalie begged, looking at him longingly and sighing, as did Bianca as Brax just stared blankly at the surface of the table as she spoke. ,
"I'm not Nat."
"What you've been through is one of the most harrowing things a person can go through-"
"So stop reminding me of it!" Brax snapped, his voice breaking as a lone tear flowed down his cheek. Bianca swallowed a lump and looked at him with sorrow, she'd only seen Brax cry three times, each was about her dead best friend, she knew then that Natalie needed to drop the situation and leave him to it.
"Brax please-" Natalie pleaded, reaching out to put her hand over Brax's to stop him laying out the cutlery.
"No I don't want you to help me!" he snapped, wrenching his hand away from hers before speaking in barely a whisper, "Just stop trying, you're wasting your time." he murmured, turning his body away from her and pacing anxiously behind the bar. He watched Natalie nod faintly and leave the restaurant, yet Bianca's eyes still bore into the back of his head.
"Don't you think that was a little unfair?" Bianca asked, sympathizing with Natalie,
"Life is unfair Bianca." Brax deadpanned
"Brax-"
"No Bianca, she deserves better." Brax sighed, running a tired hand over his face as Bianca looked at him curiously, "I don't want to let myself get close to someone. I can't handle the thought of coming home and something happening to her too." He explained, his whole body shuddering at the memory, he watched as Bianca walked across the restaurant towards him, going to wrap her arms around him, only to be pushed back.
"No I don't want-" Brax began like protesting little boys do when they're trying to be manly,
"Will you just shut up and let it out." Bianca demanded, taking Brax into her arms, her eyes closing in relief as she felt him wrap his arms around her in response and tears slightly dampen into her top. There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, and of unspeakable love. Bianca pulled him closer, just to let him know that someone was there for him, someone was trying to be there in the right way.
Sydney
"Hey…" Heath said later that evening as he came out of the shower and found Charlie sitting on the foot of her bed with a picture frame of her and Brax in her hands,
"You haven't seen him Charlie…" Heath said, glancing up at her, he saw her wince at the subject as she got up and put the picture back on her bedside table; she closed her eyes momentarily before throwing Heath a cautious look.
"For some strange reason I think it's better off that way." She muttered, "I wouldn't trust myself." She added, beginning to fluff up the pillows, for him,
"I've heard that one before." He said, raising his eyebrows slightly,
"Yeah and look where it got me to Heath." Charlie said, a small smile quickly scraping the surface of her skin as she thought of the memories of Brax "You know I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be so happy to see you." She chuckled, Heath nodded,
"You must be pretty lonely here on your own." He said absentmindedly, silently cursing himself under his breath as he realized what he'd just said, he closed his eyes as Charlie nodded faintly and her eyes clouded up "Hey, hey Charlie…" he said, walking over to her quickly and holding her to him, his arms rubbing soothingly up and down her back, "I'm here for you, got it?" he asked, pulling away and stroking his thumb against her cheek.
"I feel so alone Heath, I want a cuddle from Brax," she whimpered against his chest, her hands clawing slightly against his skin, as though it were a release of the pain. "Nothing hurts more than waiting since I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore." she whispered as Heath pulled away "I don't have a future, I don't have anyone to love-"
"You have a future Charlie, you have a future with the little one," he said, placing his hands on her stomach gently, he watched as Charlie shook her head and wiped her tears away furiously from her eyes.
"All this baby does is remind me of what I haven't got." She said softly, her voice choked up in an almost inaudible whisper as her hands clenched into small tiny fists of anguish, he watched as she tilted her head up to the ceiling before blinking back her tears a few times and somehow managing to control her emotions, he sighed as she walked away, she was just like Brax, the minute you got close they clam up and you never get in, not completely, "I made up the bed for you, and there's an ensuite through there." She pointed towards the doorway leading off of the back of the room before turning and heading out of the bedroom and into the lounge, Heath shook his head as she walked out, she was obviously trying to avoid bringing up their previous conversation again, deciding to prevent upsetting her he didn't bring it up.
"And where are you gonna sleep?" Heath asked, Charlie stopped in the doorway, her fingers tapping the wooden frame gently as she turned around.
"On the sofa." She said and walked out into the main living area.
"No way Charlie, I'm not letting you sleep on the sofa." Heath said, pulling her back gently,
"Yes you are." Charlie said defiantly
"No I'm not, Charlie, you're pregnant-" Heath argued, beginning to walk to the sofa himself,
"And perfectly able to sleep on a sofa Heath." Charlie argued back before he could finish
"Charlie-"
"Heath!" She snapped,
"Look, shut up and take the bed." He cut her off, pointing her towards the bedroom, "Pregnant lady takes priority." He winked, causing Charlie to roll her eyes,
"Guest takes priority." She said back, sticking her tongue out at him as he tried the think of a comeback.
"Look if you wanna do this I can sleep in there with you." Heath said, laughing when Charlie's eyes widened in horror, "Yeah that's what I thought now chuck me a pillow and I'll take the couch." He said, ushering her into the bedroom.
"Fine." Charlie muttered, allowing him to walk her to the bed. She sat down on the egde of it and propped her pillows up, "What?" Charlie frowned, her brow furrowing as Heath's eyes sat firmly on the framed picture of her and Brax on her bedside table. He hadn't noticed what picture it was when he saw her holding it earlier but now seeing what it was it gave him an eerie sense of overwhelming sadness, pity and sympathy. It was the same picture Brax had on his bedside table, the two of them on the beach, her hand splayed out to the camera as if she's catching her memory in her hands, their faces were shown between her fingers, his eyes full of life, love, happiness,
"Nah, its just…Brax has that same picture of you guys on his bedroom side." Heath murmured softly, his gaze still fixated hazily on the photo frame. The saltwater droplets were trickling down their faces from the sea and the picture presented a scene of pure elation. He couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt as the light reflecting the picture reflected his own memory 'maybe you should tell your mates down at the station who you're really sleeping with' he swallowed a lump of remorse at how he'd been so disruptive towards Charlie, he couldn't deny he was part of the reason she wasn't where she was supposed to be, part of the reason she wasn't home.
"He does?" Charlie asked faintly, picking at the hem of Brax's shirt she'd pulled out of her cupboard to put on for bed.
"Yeah…its his favourite picture of the two of you…" Heath trailed off, smiling weakly at Charlie whose eyes glistened with tears in the faint light.
"It's the only picture I have…" She choked up, bringing his shirt up in a bundle towards her face, burying her head in the faint scent the laid on the fabric.
"That shirt looks familiar too." Heath said as she inhaled deeply, trying to think, remember what Brax had felt like, how he'd held her, kissed her, and loved her.
Charlie nodded, "Brax always left it at my place…he let me keep it in the end." She said soflty "It just um-"
"Helps you sleep?" Heath cut her off, nodding his head understandingly, before beginning to walk out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, stilling in the doorway and turning to face her,
"Doesn't have the same effect though…does it?" he asked knowingly.
And just like she did every night, she dragged herself to bed,
And whispered how much she loved him, as if he could hear her.
I hope you enjoyed that!
I really wanted Charlie and Brax to find comfort in the same things, each others clothes (hence Charlie wearing Brax's shirt, The smell of Charlies silk night slip Brax had in Chapter 1 and of course the same picture) so I hope that came across well!
Pretty please do keep reviewing; it's a lovely feeling reading all of your comments! X