Hello lovely readers!

Thank you for your lovely reviews!

I wanted to apologize for the lack of updates recently, it seems to be one of those times when life just seems to get in the way of all the things I want to do, which is frustrating because writing for me is my passion, but do not fear, I am still writing and updates will still come, just bear with me! (Lost then found will be updated next week!)

But for now, enjoy! :D x

CHAPTER 9: She's not you.

"How are you feeling?" Brax asked three days later as he walked into her room, seeing her pack her bag whilst sitting on her bed in leggings and a hot pink maternity sports hoodie.

She hadn't heard him come in. But then again she hadn't heard him come in each night once everyone else had left; just to make sure she was ok. And she hadn't heard him leave again in the early hours of the morning.

Visiting hours had just opened, Charlie had told Ruby the night before to catch some well-earned rest before she got to go home. Ruby had refused initially, but as it turns out mum knows best and a reluctant Ruby caught some shuteye in the hotel across the road where her and the boys were staying.

"Good." Charlie answered, "Health wise anyway." She corrected, looking at the bed sheets.

"Otherwise?" Brax pursued

"I don't know if you'd really want to know." Charlie said honestly, stifling a small laugh. She watched as Brax sat down into the chair beside her bed, his fingers beginning to pick at the knitted blankets hanging over the side.

"Try me?" He asked back,

"Scared, nervous, confused, happy, alone." She listed, her voice quietening as she got to the end of her list. "What about you?" She finally asked, looking at a quiet Brax whose primary focus still seemed to be those bed sheets.

"Worried that I'm gonna come in one morning and this is gonna have all been in my head," he sighed, the conversation stilled for a moment.

"I forgot to say that as well." Charlie said, a smile flashing across her face for a brief moment. Her gaze finally settled on Brax's hands, they'd now stopped picking at the bed and one was now focused on twisting the ring around his finger on his other hand. She looked at him for a while, hating how they were talking to each other, with no love, no emotion. It seemed like he was here because he felt it was his duty to be, not because he wanted to be.

"You do that when you're nervous." Charlie said softly, putting her hand over his briefly. She watched him as he stopped and stared at it for a moment, but he didn't move his hand from hers. "You don't have to tell me why…you just don't need to be." She said softly, giving his hand a light squeeze.

The conversation had now completely stilled.

A part of Charlie had hoped Brax might have told her why he was nervous. She hated how they were talking. As if they were strangers.

"You know you're here really early today." Charlie piped up; he cocked an eyebrow and looked at her teasingly.

"I can go if you want?" Brax asked, a small smile crossing his face and bringing out his dimples that Charlie loved as she looked at him and shook her head.

There conversation may be of that between strangers, but both appreciated the others company more than they let on.

"And just for the record, I'm late today." Brax said, causing Charlie to throw him a confused look, she hadn't noticed over the past few days, he would leave at 7am in the morning after a long night and then get back at 10am, after Ruby and Heath, so she wouldn't feel like he was smothering her too much and overwhelming her. "I would have been earlier, but I thought I'd make a pit stop along the way." He added, it was only then Charlie noticed the little brown paper bag on his lap.

She raised an eyebrow at him as he handed it to her "You got my favourite." She smiled as she opened it and pulled out the blueberry muffin.

"Of course I did," Brax smiled back, Charlie cocked an eyebrow as she pulled out another one.

"You got one each." She said, handing one to him, she furrowed her brow as he shook his head.

"Nup, I got two for you." He corrected her,

"Is this your way of telling me I need to eat?" Charlie asked, smiling as Brax tilted his head to the side.

"Could be…or it could be because I know how much you hate hospital food, and I'm a nice person." He winked as she laughed at him, her smile for the first time in the past few days genuine. "But I'll let you decide which aye?" he chuckled as Charlie blushed.

Finally feeling slightly more comfortable, Charlie answered him with a teasing reply "I knew there was a reason I was with you." She laughed as Brax scoffed.

"Nice to know you were only with me for my doting personality and undying charm." Brax commented, rolling his eyes at her.

"That wasn't the only reason," Charlie said slyly, chuckling as Brax cocked an eyebrow suggestively at her. "But I'll let you decide what those were…aye?" She echoed his words from earlier, her face breaking out into a smile as Brax laughed.

"Hey mum," Ruby said as she walked into the room with Heath. Charlie frowned as Ruby gave her a brown paper bag from behind her back.

Charlie laughed at Brax as he raised his eyebrows. "More blueberry muffins!" She giggled, Brax joining in with her laughter.

"More?" Ruby questioned, laughing too when Brax held up the other bag on the bed next to Charlie. "Good minds think alike huh?" Ruby chuckled.

"I'm surprised you're not fat Buckton." Heath chuckled from his chair as Charlie finished the last of the blueberry muffins.

"I think I'm one of those skinny fat people." Charlie chuckled.

"I can't believe you get to come home this morning!" Ruby said happily, a large smile adorning her face.

"You better do, because we have loads of shopping trips to catch up on!" Charlie smiled, giving Ruby's hand a gentle squeeze, however as she looked at Brax and Heath she knew what they were both thinking. She wouldn't be able to walk around for hours like she used to.

"Mum where are you gonna stay?" Ruby piped up suddenly, "Because I would say you could stay with me but a caravan isn't too plush I'm afraid."

"Why are you staying in a caravan, what about Leah's?" Charlie asked,

"Things just didn't work out." Ruby said briefly, looking at Brax as he threw a weak smile at her. "But you could stay there," Ruby suggested, not noticing the sudden paled look that came over Charlie's face.

"I'll just get a motel room or something," Charlie shrugged simply, trying to ignore the sickly feeling that had risen in her stomach at the thought, she couldn't even bare to think about going back there, the thought of Jake haunted her mind.

"No you won't." Brax said, looking at Charlie in the eye, he nodded slightly at her, he understood why Leah's was the last place to go, even if she went back there, it would be the last place he'd want to go and visit her. Not to mention the awkward fact the Natalie was there.

"You know just coz Natalie's there doesn't mean Buckton can't take it, she's a tough cookie." Heath quipped as he noticed the exchanged glance between Brax and Charlie at the mention of Leah's, failing to register what it actually meant. "Hey if the woman can survive a gunshot she can survive a run in with Nat." Heath said in jest, only stopping as he noticed Brax shoot him a stone cold glare.

"Sorry." Heath said softly, looking at Brax.

Charlie didn't know what he was apologizing for until she noticed a silent Brax next to her, his eyes suddenly vacant of the happiness they were filled with earlier this morning. She swallowed the lump in her throat as his harrowed eyes looked at her briefly for a moment.

"He was only joking." She whispered softly, taking his hand from her bed and squeezing it for a second

"You can stay in Casey's room." Brax said suddenly

"Won't Casey need it?" Charlie asked, looking at him questionably with her eyebrows raised.

"He's in jail." Heath piped up. Charlie looked at each of them before her eyes finally settled on Ruby who remained silent. She looked up at Charlie briefly through glassy eyes, smiling weakly at her for a moment.

"That's not the only thing that's changed, place is full of surprises." Brax said almost bitterly.

"Hi guys," Sid said as he walked through the door, instantly noticing the tensed atmosphere in the room. "I just need to do some routine checks from the surgery and with the baby before I give you the all clear to go home." Sid said uneasily, watching as Brax saw the ultrasound equipment in his hands.

"I might wait outside." Brax said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder and walking out, as much as his heart wanted to stay he found his head telling him to go. He couldn't face any of it. How could he stay in that room and pretend everything was normal, he felt like he'd let down his own child, whilst Charlie had been alone and pregnant, he'd been shacking up with Natalie.

Charlie tried to hide the disappointment in her eyes but it went noticed anyway by both Ruby and Heath.

Charlie and Ruby came out of the hospital room a while later, their eyes meeting an anxious Heath.

Heath saw the puzzled expression on Charlie's face as one particular person was nowhere in sight, he answered her question before she even had time to ask him.

"His head's all over the place." Heath explained, watching as Charlie nodded slowly. "I reckon you guys should talk, properly talk about everything." Heath said,

"Go talk to him mum, we'll meet you at home." Ruby offered gently.

Charlie nodded, kissing her daughters forehead gently before walking away from the pair, following the exit signs through the winding corridors.

Charlie's eyes instantly found Brax's Ute in the car park. She stopped and looked at him for a moment, her eyes fixated on his broken form. His head was buried into the steering wheel before his fist slammed onto the dashboard and he threw his head back in frustration, making her wince in pain. She hesitantly walked over to him and tapped anxiously on the window of the passenger side of the car. She sighed as he gave no response, instead he just stared ahead of him, deciding to see how far she could take this she stood and waited, not saying anything, not knocking again, just waiting for Brax to realise she wasn't going to leave him alone. She exhaled, defeated as she stood by the door, leaning her head back in exhaustion against the window. Never in her life had she known anyone to frustrate her so much that it made her love them even more. She opened her eyes as she heard a faint clicking sound of the car locks, taking a brief moment to look at him, without hesitation opened the door and climbed in.

"Your heads ok?" Brax asked her instantly, his gaze still set firmly ahead of him. Charlie noticed how he refused to ask about the baby.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure yours is." She said honestly, watching as he tensed slightly, yet didn't answer. "Take me for a drive." Charlie said quietly, she smiled faintly as Brax, as he used to, gave no response apart from the now fresh rumble of the engine that filled the air.

Neither of them spoke on the hour-long drive up the coast, partly because they already knew what the other was thinking and partly because they didn't want to disrupt the calmness that eased throughout the car. Charlie smiled as Brax pulled up to an empty car park on a picturesque road, a wide beach laid out in front of them, the sea glistening in the sunset, she recognised it, it was the secluded part of summer bay.

"I don't know what to say now." Charlie said honestly as they both sat down on the sand in silence. Everything was relaxed and peaceful, the sun the sea combined with Brax made her feel happy for the first time in 6 months.

"Have you ever thought about moving on?" He asked, the thought irked him and he refused to look at her as she answered, his throat constricting at the thought.

"No." Charlie admitted. "It never would've felt the same. I knew that."

"It didn't." Brax said honestly "Wanted to. I wanted to feel like that again but it never worked." He said, biting the inside of his cheek to restrain some of what he was feeling.

"I'd hate me if I were you." she said, taking a brief look at him as he swung his head round to face her,

"And I'd hate me if I were you." He said back, nodding his head slightly, his eyes glistening with a sadness that Charlie didn't recognise.

"Why? I have nothing to hate you for?" Charlie asked, laughing softly,

"I'd hate to know you'd been with someone else." Brax said, swallowing the lump in his throat, he heard her inhale sharply at the mention of it.

"I can't hate you for that." Charlie said, "I could never hate you." She spoke reassuringly, "Besides all I want is for you to be happy." She ended in a whisper, refusing to give in and look at him, despite feeling his eyes on her.

"Wouldn't stop me wanting to kick the guy's head in if the situation was reversed." Brax said, chuckling as Charlie tried and failed to stifle the laugh.

"It's funny because you'd actually do it." She said, smiling at him for a brief moment, "But it's easier than you think." She said honestly, "I'd rather have you back in my life than not at all." She whispered softly. She watched as Brax shuffled slightly, lifting his knees up and hung his arms loosely around them. A somewhat comforting silence overcame them, both of them watching as the ocean was crashing, waves hitting sand, then pulling back to sea like everything being washed away, again and again. We make such messes in this life, both accidentally and on purpose. But wiping the surface clean doesn't really make anything neater.

It just masks what is below.

"I was happy with you Charlie, not with Natalie." Brax said, his voice shaking slightly.

"Did you give it the chance?" Charlie asked, turning to face him,

"Why does that matter?" Brax asked back, a hint of anger upsetting his voice. "You tell me why that matters Charlie because as far as I'm concerned if I cared about Natalie a mere smidge of how I felt about you I wouldn't have gone into your room the other night." Brax said. They both knew it was true. "She's not you Charlie, so it won't work, it never will."

"Maybe…a change is good." Charlie offered up.

"Nah, tried it for 6 months. Didn't like it." Brax said, looking over to her and seeing a hint of a sad smile on Charlie's face. They both hadn't liked it.

"You know she even mentioned us settling down together." He said, pretending not to watch her out the corner of his eye as she stiffened, "A future together, somewhere up the coast." He continued. Charlie just kept her gaze on the waves ahead, trying to keep her emotions in check, but each time a knew wave tumbled to the ground, she found her heart lurching further up her throat. "I want those things Charlie, just not with her." He admitted,

"Brax don't-" she started, trying to prevent her disobedient tears from falling but finding she couldn't restrict them anymore as they fell swiftly from her eyes. She felt them worsen as Brax shuffled closer to her, his body pulling her closer to him and his arms enveloping her into his chest,

"Don't what? Say what we came out here to say?" he asked, dropping his head down to her level, his hand through pure instinct coming up to her cheeks and wiping her tears away.

"You know us being together is dangerous." Charlie whispered, beginning to pull away from him. As much as she wanted to stay cuddled into his chest she couldn't allow herself to ruin his life again, she couldn't let him get too close to have them ripped apart again by things beyond their control. She couldn't let herself hurt him.

"Yeah I know that, I was the one who lived with the consequences for 6 months." Brax said absentmindedly, almost blurting out the obvious. Instantly regretting it as Charlie shot him a look.

"What and I didn't?!" She scoffed in disbelief, getting to her feet and walking away from him, pulling her hand from his, despite the fact it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Charlie-" Brax called, running after her, "Charlie wait!" he begged, coming to a standstill in front of her, trying to block her from walking any further. He found his heart breaking as he looked at the tears now running down her cheeks, his heart breaking at the fact that he was the reason they were there.

"I want everyone to stop assuming I had it easy!" She shouted, wiping her tears away furiously with the backs of her hands.

"Okay, okay I'm sorry." Brax said, holding his hands up in surrender,

"Do you know how lonely I was? You might not have had me, but you had Heath and Ruby, you had all the people that loved you around you. I had no one Brax…and every day when I went to bed I said I love you." Charlie said, her voice quivering as she cried, her shaken composure partly of sadness and partly in fear of his reaction. "Sad as it is I did it, just because it made me feel as though you weren't just a memory." She finished in a whisper, her tears still falling as he looked at her through plagued eyes, Charlie nodded to him as he took it in, his face in shock at how she'd been dedicated to it, how she'd felt, how she still felt.

"Charlie-" he started

She shook her head and cut him off "Can you drive me home." She said, more of a statement than a question, she knew both of them were too riled up to finish a mature conversation.

"Stop." Brax said, holding onto her hand as she walked past him, he was about to say something to her until he noticed her eyes gazing at the tattoo on his hand

"That's a new one." Charlie said, brushing her thumb over the ridge of his hand where the tattoo was inked to his skin.

"Had it a while now." Brax commented, his eyes meeting the tattoo, of all the seven he had, that was the one he dedicated himself too, when he looked at it a chimera of memories confronted him, a hurricane of emotion hurled inside of him, all because of the woman that stood before him now.

"What does it say?" Charlie asked timidly, her eyes still focused on the tattoo.

Charlie looked up to him when he didn't answer, and for the third time in the past week she saw a tear in his eye, and as it fell from the corner of his eye she instantly knew what it was about.

"I got it 6 months ago…" Brax said, Charlie nodded and looked up at him, both unsure of what to say to each other, both had revealed things they would never reveal to anyone else but each other and found that they were still confused and unsure of how to process the events.

"There you two are!" A voice yelled pulling their eyes from each others. Brax instantly dropped Charlie's hand as they saw Ruby and Heath running to join them.

"You've been gone for hours!" Ruby said, running up to Charlie and hugging her, it was only then Charlie and Brax noticed the darkness that surrounded them. "Saw your car in the car park, we were getting a bit worried, thought some passer by may see an unwanted bit of rumpy bumpy." Heath teased, beginning to laugh at his own joke, only for it to subside as no one else joined in and Brax threw him a glare before beginning to walk back up to his car.

"Ok maybe now's not the time for a joke." Heath called after Brax, Brax ignoring him in frustration that as he and Charlie were finally getting somewhere, their time was shortened.

I hope you all enjoyed that!

I know some of this may seem pretty deep but I want to explore deep into the characters feelings to make it as realistic as possible!

Please review with a cherry on top! Thanks guys! X