Chapter two.

I think I found you…

Next morning, you wake to see you felt asleep in the couch of the living room, with the letter clutched tightly yet carefully against your chest. Your left leg hung over the couch's backrest and your right one bended, your left arm hanging from the armrest over your head. Definitely not a position you consider comfortable.

You growl in displeasure as you feel a numbness take place in your lower back once you take a sitting position. Rubbing your cheeks, you notice the now dry paths the tears left yesterday. Your eyelids fall as you furrow your brows and groan.

Leaving the letter on the coffee table, you walk towards your room, taking your clothes off before looking at the mirror. You make a grim face as you see the image reflected in the mirror.

Black streaks are painted down your cheeks, your pale skin making the black color more noticeable. Down your tired eyes are dark rings that are proof of the poor sleep you have been having the last nights.

All because of your foolish mistake.

You feel the air escape your lungs as another wave of fresh tears brim your eyes, the hurting on your chest returning. Huffing heavily, you turn the tap and put your hands down the pouring water of the faucet, forcing the strangling feeling away. As you lean forward, you bring the water to your face, splashing it over and rubbing against your cheeks and around your eyes, trying to clean the dark colors in your face.

Sighing, you enter your bathroom, and let the water of the shower run before entering it, the hot water that hits your back feeling like heaven to you.

As you let out a moan of delight, you try to recall why exactly the love of your life is not there, with you. Why she isn't taking a shower with you or why there's no smell of delicious food coming from the kitchen. You remember some pieces of the fight that took place, yet you can't remember what had originated it.

You grimace as you remember some bits of the horrible things you told her. All of them hurtful things. The soap slips away from your grasp as you remember yelling at her how much of a mistake it was to get into a relationship with her, and the tears prick again at your eyes as the pained look on Tori's face comes to your mind.

You hate how you had no control of your mouth at that moment. You were just acting out of sheer anger at the moment. Just like you used to. Just like you promised her you would never do. You clench your jaw in frustration at that. You had promised it to her. You broke your promise. A promise you did because you were confident it would never happen, and because you wanted to give her some assurance that you loved her enough to think before speak or act. And God knows how you hate promises…

'But I did love her enough. I mean, I love her enough…' You start to feel a headache at the mess your feelings are. You do love her, you still do. Then, why did you started such a fight with her? 'I don't know… I don't remember… just what the heck I did?'

You force yourself to think about other things, like what will you have for breakfast today, or what did you had for breakfast yesterday. You chuckle as your stomach growls. Yeah, you had just a cookie for breakfast yesterday, and you don't remember eating anything else, which would explain why the hunger.

As you dry your black hair with the green towel, you begin to wonder where Tori might be in those moments. You smile softly as you imagine her on the couch, the T.V. on while she is reading a book, clearly not paying attention to whatever is on the screen.

Picking whatever clothes you find in your closet, you put them on. You yawn as you pick your cell phone and wallet and slide them in the pockets of your pants.

Time to go and see where you can find her. You decide to start on Beck's department. Maybe he will know about Tori's whereabouts. Maybe he will tell you something relevant. And when you get what you need of information, you'll search for her. And you will find her.

Yes, you will find her, and you will love her more than ever and you will show her how sorry you are from your previous actions. But until then, you have to keep a good façade, and act like everything is normal, and that you are not dying on the inside slowly…

Your gaze is fixed on the door in front of you, as your mind starts to deviate from the original plan. What if Trina was lying, and Tori is with her? What if she is just staying on a hotel instead of a friend's house, and is just waiting for the proper time to come back to you and wait for and apologize you will gladly and wholeheartedly give her?

Shaking your head, you bring your hand up and knock firmly with your knuckles, hoping Beck would be there and not working or doing God-knows-what. As you hear footsteps and a 'Coming' you start to panic a little bit, and you feel like having an anxiety attack. 'Man up, Jade. It's for the best…'

"Hi, whoa— Hey. Hi there Jade. Come in." You nod curtly as you enter the small apartment. You take seat on his couch, not waiting for him to speak anymore.

"Where is Tori?" The words escape your mouth in a rushed way, and the desperation lacing your voice makes you want to punch yourself.

You really hate feeling weak and desperate, after all.

The Canadian closes the door before taking seat next to you, "Yeah, hello. And… shouldn't you know where she is?" You bite your lip and lower your gaze as you think about what you'll say next.

Maybe it was a bad idea coming here. He doesn't seems to know and that's all you needed to know. He doesn't knows about her… he doesn't seems to know what happened between you two. And you don't want to explain him anything. You simply don't want to remember what you have already forgotten.

"Well… it's kind of… complicated, what happened between us, you know?" He raise his brows, something you have full knowledge of its meaning. "Okay! We might have had… a fight like the ones you and me used to have… I think it was worse… And I–I didn't—"

Your eyes fill with tears again and you hide your face behind your hands. Two arms grab you and pull you against its owner's chest, in which you cry freely while having an iron grasp onto his shirt.

One week. One week is the time you have been without her. One week of not hearing about her. In the beginning, you were fine with it; you understood that she would have wanted some time alone. And you let things slip for two days. By day three you were beginning to get worried. You'd call her ten times per day for the following days, if not more or less. You'd leave her text, asking if she was coming back or where she was. Or if she was alright… You never got an answer from it.

By day fourth you were already a wreck, with your eyes red and your hair a mess, while your mind only could wonder where was Tori. And you slept throughout all the following day, all the emotions finally getting to you and leaving you fully exhausted.

"Hey… shh, it's okay Jade, it's okay…" Beck mumbled in your hear, a futile attempt in getting you to calm down.

'No it's not freaking okay! I might have probably made the worst decision on my life!' You thinkto yourself as your tears keep falling down your eyes.

"I know she's okay, Jade… She came to me five days ago." You pull apart from Beck's comforting embrace and look at him with expectant eyes. "She was a bit angry… she just didn't told me why, and only asked me to please not tell you anything about her visit… or her whereabouts and—"

Beck's eyes widen for a second as you grab roughly his shirt's collar and bring his face to yours. "Tell me. Where is she?" You growl as your hope raises, making your heart take a leap at the mere thought of Tori being in your arms soon.

"Well, she told me not to tell so—"

"Talk Oliver, or I'll make you talk." He sighs and grabs your hands, forcing them gently to leave his collar.

"I won't tell you where she is exactly, 'cause she didn't told me… but… she's staying at one of our old friend's house." You smile at him and hug him tightly. "Just please don't make things like it was with us… that would crush you both."

"Whatever Oliver…" You mumble as you imagine in your head Tori's bright smile.

You sip from your favorite coffee as you drive to a certain direction. You know where she's staying. The most obvious place in the world, really. You want to feel angry at yourself for not thinking about that before, yet you are feeling so happy that you wonder how could you take almost a week of what could be madness. But it doesn't matter, you found her. Or so you think. No, you have found her, you are sure. You just know it.

Once you have parked your car, you climb off of it before locking it, coffee in hand. Your steps are confident as you walk towards the front door of one of your 'old friends' as you all call the friends made before finishing school.

Licking your lips in anticipation, you knock the door, and, after what it seems like an eternity, Andre opens the door.

"Umnh… Hi Jade?" You just look at him before pushing past him and enter his house without invitation. "Yeah, you can pass girl."

Stopping, you turn on your heels and face the boy, who almost bumps against you. "Tell me where she is." You demand, going straight for what you want.

"Where is who?"

"Don't play fool with me! Speak!" He steps back and raises his hands, and you force yourself to stay calm, reminding yourself this is exactly why you and Tori are not together in those moments. "I mean… where is Tori? Andre, I know you are letting her stay. And I know I made the biggest mistake on my life. But… please, I beg you to tell me where she is."

He looks at you, staying silent for a moment, apparently very dumbfounded to know what to say. He sighs and shrugs, shoving his hand on the pockets of his pants. He lowers his gaze, not meeting yours. He's hiding something, you know it, but you don't want to tell him to speak.

"Look, Jade…" He starts as he meets your gaze again, "I know you are sorry. And Tori's sorry too for leaving you… but I don't think she will forget this easily; and maybe that's why she still hasn't come to you."

You frown as you hear him say those things. Did Tori told him too? Did she tell everyone about something private between the two of you? Your blood boils in anger, and you want to start yelling again, this time, at Andre, since he is the nearest person you have. You shake your head and dig your nails on the palm of your hands. You will have to keep your anger fits on bay, you'll have to learn to do so, in order to still be with Tori… 'If she ever comes back to me…'

"Well I just… I just wanted to tell her that I'm really sorry. For hurting her so much and telling her thing that weren't necessary. And that I regret doing those stupid things as well as breaking a promise." You don't look at him, instead you look at the floor as you wish Tori could hear you.

"Sorry Jade. I wish I could tell you she's here. But she's not… Oh, but she did gave me this." You watch as he walks toward the table that is beside the door that —if you remember correctly— leads to the kitchen and picks a folded paper.

Another letter from her, you assume.

"She told me to give you this in case you'd come here in search for her."

You nod slowly as you take the folded piece of paper. You leave after that, not bothering to say goodbye.

The ride to your house is silent as your mind only imagines what the letter could possibly say. A lot of scenarios play through your head. The bad ones outweighing the good ones. You start to feel anxious, with a burning desire to just stop and read the letter. Yet you refrain yourself from that.

Once in your home, you throw your wallet and keys to the coffee table, your hands taking the letter out of your pocket and unfolding it eagerly.

Dear Jade:

Well, if you are reading this, I congratulate you for still keep searching me. Remember I still love you, don't you dare to forget that, please. Anyhow. I'm sure you have asked Andre about my whereabouts. Yeah, I'm sorry you didn't found me. I know you must be on the verge of madness about now. Sorry to keep you in that state, I know how you hate it. I really don't mean to.

I don't know what to say. By now, I'm sure you are sorry for your behavior. And I'm sorry for just leaving you without warning. I'm more sorry that you just woke up just when I was planning to leave. And I'm even more sorry for just ignoring you when you started to yell.

And now, I'm sorry for making you read this long letter. But, if you want to know a little bit more about this, just keep reading. If you don't want to know anymore, I'll understand. I really will…

You tear your eyes apart as the words are starting to become a blurry mess of black spots. Your blue-green eyes stare at those last words. "If you don't want to know anymore, I'll understand. I really will…" Cursing under your breath, you remember all those relationships in which Tori was, all of those helping on the random moments the girl would have and be depressed.

You shiver as you remember the first time it had happened. God how you wanted to beat those guys senseless and leave them in a blabbering mess. Breathing deep, you keep reading the letter.

So. If you keep searching, you might find another letter. Or the letter will come to you. Whatever it happens, I don't know if you will ever find me. Remember those first years we meet? Ha, yeah, those years when you would always pick me as your favorite person to bully. I don't want to believe you will be back to your old ways. But… that little voice in my head. You remember it, don't you? It's making its appearance again…

And maybe it had reason all the way…

Maybe you never loved me…

And maybe you think you do, when you really don't.

I really miss you and love you, Jade. You have no idea how much. But… I think a little bit of more time should come useful. Maybe, if I make it, we can go back to happy-normal?

Well, I'm sorry again for the long letter. I didn't mean it to be this long.

We will see each other some day, that I'm sure of.

Love you forever and always. Like we promised.

Tori.

Taking a shaking breath, you stare at those letters. How can she even think you don't love her anymore? You promised a forever and always, and even vowed to not break that promise, to yourself, of course.

A small smiles forms on your lips. Tori's still alive. Struggling with things you'd wish you could help with… but alive nonetheless. You close your eyes, the smile widening.

'Of course I'll keep searching for you, Tori. Don't ever doubt that.' You accommodate yourself in the couch in a way you know will not leave you so numb the next morning. Leaving the letter under the small pillow you have placed in the couch after the second night sleeping there, you close your eyes, ready to dream about you two being together again. Like happy-normal as she puts it.

A somewhat filler chapter but… well hope you enjoyed. Even though it took a different path than what I had thought. Dang, it really took a different way. And it ended up longer! Ugh. Again, any funny-looking word, phrase or whatever, my fault.

Anyway. Next part again, might take its time, since there's still lot of hw to do… add my laziness and the other activities I realize during the day. Wait for it :3.