The last part was a little boring, but alas most beginnings are, hopefully you enjoy the following. To Finchel Fans: Please do note you may not especially enjoy this chapter, but I found that this was the only way for me to write it, any other way I found it was untrue to my vision. Anyway, On with the show! R&R!
Rachel Berry looked down at her tiny daughter through red, tired eyes. The baby cooed and smiled at her mother, causing Rachel's heart to melt, even at three o'clock in the morning. She smiled and rubbed the baby's belly as she rocked the infant closer and closer to sleep.
"Ellie, baby, time to sleep, go to sleep, Mommy needs to sleep," Rachel sing-songed to the baby. Ellie was beginning to drift off into a peaceful slumber as Rachel held her close to her chest and began to rock back and forth with less enthusiasm.
"There we go, that is a good girl." Rachel gave a heartfelt smile. Then carefully, she waddled upstairs to the nursery, sneaking in silently, and laid the snoring baby down on her stained pink sheets. Rachel waited for a stir, but breathed a sigh of relief when it did not come.
She made her way to her bedroom and slipped into the bed next to her husband.
"Baby down?" Finn asked groggily. He rolled over to face Rachel in the bed.
"Yes." Rachel whispered as she fell onto her pillow. She smiled into the darkness at the thought that sleep would soon overtake her. Then she felt Finn's hand creep down her side and hold her thigh in a rather provocative way. He moved so that he could kiss her neck and began to.
"No, Finn, please, I am so tired. I told you, not tonight. Not until I sleep a decent amount. I am not in the mood." Rachel scolded without much power in her voice.
"Hey, you don't have to be awake, I can work with that." Finn continued to kiss her.
"That would be rape, Finn. Any unwanted sexual contact, even when married, is rape. I got home three hours ago, I just want to sleep. I had to take care of Ellie, she seems to have a cold. So if Eva wakes up, it's your turn. Any of them, it is your turn." Rachel warned with as stern a tone she could muster.
"But, Rach, come on, I have to work at seven. I need to sleep to keep fresh for work. I don't have time for taking care of the baby." He whispered to her, feeling angry that she would suggest such a horrible plan.
"You promised, you said you would help. I don't care if she cries for two hours, do not wake me up. Though I suggest that you don't let her cry, if she does the rest of her siblings will be awake too." With that Rachel turned on her side and fell asleep.
Rachel awoke to her four year old son jumping on the bed in the void where Finn slept. His dark brown curls bounced as he did.
"Momma, miwky pwease!" The little boy said his words clearly through his jumps. Rachel took a moment to grasp the whole situation. Nathan wanted milk and Eva and Ellie were screaming from their cribs. Quickly she removed her blankets and she pulled on her bathrobe stained with baby food, spit up, and the lord knows what else. Rachel picked up her son and carried him to the nursery.
"Momma! Miwky!" Nathan demanded.
"Nathan, please, let Mommy get your sisters and then I will get you milk." Rachel picked one baby up then the other and carried both downstairs to the small kitchen.
"Momma!" Nathan wailed in unison to the infant girls' shallow cries. Rachel danced around her kitchen, dodging toys and messes, grabbing a clean Sippy cup and filling it with milk. She turned to give the cup to Nathan when she saw her eldest daughter.
"Audrey! What are you doing here? Why aren't you at school?" Rachel asked in a huff, she knew why and was not happy.
"Mommy, Daddy never woke us up, Max and I are still here." The petite brunette figure of a past Rachel Berry was mirrored in her first born daughter. Warm chocolate eyes stared at Rachel with a knowing look. Rachel stared back with an empty gaze before fixing a smile on her face. She brought out her show face. A show face that had been over used the last five or so years, but never on stage. She pulled it out when the doctor confirmed her pregnancy with Nathan, then again with the girls, the announcement of when the girls were twins and not a single baby as previously thought; when her friends would come visit, and feed her sympathetic looks and compliments. She had done a great job with her show face, yet, she was tired of it.
"Go get ready and tell Max to get dressed. I will make your lunches and get dressed and I will drive you to school." Rachel instructed. She set her twins down in their playpen and turned on the cartoons for Nathan as she began making lunches. When she finished that she went and got dressed. She caught herself in the mirror. Her once trim physique, supported by drive, motivation, nutrition and activity, was long gone. Her vegan days were long past, given up for the health benefits for her children. She accepted her fate; A mother of five by thirty. Her Broadway dreams were traded in for "Mom Jeans."
Rachel pushed past her negative feelings; her kids were worth it. They were blessings and each loved and beautiful. They were also a lot of work, but nothing Rachel Berry couldn't handle with help. So, she pulled on a sweat shirt and trudged downstairs to find and collect her children.
"Audrey, Max, please get in the car. Nathan, please put on your shoes and follow your siblings. Eva and Ellie, my baby girls, you get to come with me." She scooped the two babies up and put them each in their car seats. She grabbed the diaper bag and was ready to roll.
Rachel buckled her children into her minivan and took her spot in the driver's seat. Carefully, she set off to the school.
Upon arrival at the school, Rachel unloaded her children from the car. It was school policy to walk the children in, even in the cold winter with three other children. Rachel signed Audrey and Max in and sent them on their way. The secretary had alerted the principal that Rachel was there and he requested a visit.
"Actually, I would, but I have to get home with the babies, I have a sitter coming so I can run to a doctor's appointment." Rachel was not lying, but she did have two hours before she had to leave for the appointment.
"Mr. Bernoulli will not take no for an answer." The secretary insisted. So Rachel marched Nathan into the office and carried the two small girls in their car seat carriers.
"Please, have a seat Mrs. Hudson. Would you like some coffee?" Mr. Bernoulli was a charming man, whom Rachel always liked. Graciously, she accepted the coffee.
"Now, Mrs. Hudson, It has come to my attention that your children have missed quite a few classes. Audrey's math teacher spoke with me yesterday; she mentioned that Audrey is often exhausted when she shows up, and that it is often minutes too late. When she does make it on time, she had trouble following the lessons. Maximilian's teacher also expresses similar concerns regarding his reading. Max is a whole reading level behind the class due to his absences. I believe that your children are very smart, they excel at other subjects, but they are being hindered by the lack of stability that they have in getting to school." Mr. Bernoulli looked at the shrinking brunette with his wide awake expression. He watched as each word he said hit Rachel with increasingly strong force. He saw her son playing with his toy car on the floor of the office, and her twin girls settling in with a bottle of formula.
"I assure you that I am sorry. I just, am, so … so sorry." Rachel began to break down. Her put together self, the show face, fell apart. She hid her face in her hands as she began to sob. "I can't believe that I am doing that to them, making them fall behind. I, just, try so hard to be perfect." She continued to sob in between her words.
"I understand that there is a lot going on with five children, but, Mrs. Hudson, this is their education. It is not something silly or trivial; this could define them for life." Mr. Bernoulli stared at the hysteric mess that was Rachel Berry-Hudson. He then tried to comfort her, without much avail.
"I am going on four hours of sleep, I am so tired. My husband doesn't do anything, except watch the kids while I work until midnight. I am exhausted." Rachel fought back more tears, something she was used to by now, and decided it was time to leave.
"Mrs. Hudson, if I can do anything." Mr. Bernoulli offered.
"Perhaps, place my children with a tutor, to fix my mistake. Or you can watch them all for a week." Rachel offered. The principal laughed but nodded in agreement to the beginning statement.
"Good bye Mr. Bernoulli." She walked out carrying her girls, Nathan in tow.
"I will be back in about an hour and a half, I think, as long as they are on time. I will call you if something changes." Rachel assured the middle aged woman who kindly offered to watch her children for a few dollars an hour. The woman nodded in agreement and Rachel went on her way.
"Rachel, I come bearing great news!" Dr. Wu smiled at the woman he had doctored through four pregnancies. Rachel smiled at him calmly. "You are pregnant!"
Rachel's smile deserted her face, and the life seemed to drain out of it. She lay back on the exam table and closed her eyes.
"Rachel, are you okay? You don't seem happy!" Dr. Wu grabbed a cool cloth and draped it over her forehead.
"I am not happy. This will be my sixth child. Six. I am beaten. I am lonely, I am tried, I am … I can't do this. I can't afford another kid. What are my options?" Rachel fumed in a panic.
"I have delivered your five children, I thought you would be happy. What options do you want to hear? That you can have this baby, that you can put the baby for adoption, or what?" Dr. Wu nervously watched his patient squirm with dislike for the suggestion.
"Abortion. What are my options with that?" Rachel held her eyes shut. All she could think of was "this isn't happening, this isn't happening, God, make it go away."
Dr. Wu told her what she could do and what her options were. Rachel was saddened that she had to hear them at all. She didn't want this; she didn't want any of this.
"Rachel! Where is dinner?" Finn asked upon his arrival home from work. He got home every night from his job at Burt's shop and demanded his dinner.
"The kids and I ate. I am going to see Quinn. Make your own damn dinner." Rachel passed him Eva who was comfortable on her hip and put on her shoes and left.
Rachel knocked on the door of her best friend. Quinn answered it quickly, opening the door and flinging herself onto the brunette.
"Rachel! It's good to see you! I haven't seen you in like three months!" Quinn giggled with happiness. "Come in! Come in!"
Quinn married a very nice doctor from Connecticut and moved back to Lima to open a new hospital. He was charming, handsome and rich. Quinn, Jared, and their beautiful daughter, Madison, just came back from an extravagant three-month long trip from Europe. Quinn had wanted Rachel to see all of the pictures first.
"I know, Quinn! I missed you!" Rachel squeaked with a muted genuine smile. The two sat on Quinn's comfy sofa in her fancy house. Rachel couldn't help but feel jealous and self-conscious as there was a stain from something on the front of her blouse.
Quinn rattled on about the Espresso in Italy, and the Eiffel Tower in France, and the landscapes of Ireland, and the pretzels of Germany. They saw shows on the West End, and Rachel was insanely jealous. She saw the pictures that Quinn had taken, the stories Quinn told. Rachel knew that she could not hold the blonde responsible for the jealousy she had, that she could not blame her friend for making her feel this way.
"So, what about you? How are those babies? How's Finn? Life?" Quinn wondered. She placed her hand on Rachel's knee, hoping that Rachel would open up. Quinn could see how tried her friend was, how she had bags under her eyes that rivaled the color of the night sky. The blonde also knew that Rachel would try to spare her so she could enjoy the memories of the trip over Rachel's life.
"Oh, Eva and Ellie are good, they're getting so big." Rachel smiled halfheartedly.
"Good, good. Now tell me what is wrong." Quinn demanded. With all the stress Rachel was feeling, all of her emotions pounding to be let out, the hormones pumping in her veins, Rachel told her friend everything.
"Finn has done absolutely nothing to help me with these kids. I was designed for Broadway! Not Mommyway! I have gained weight, I look like a mess. Eva and Ellie take turns crying at night, every few hours one cries, and then the other. Nathan demands everything, despite my best efforts for manners. Max just disappears into his room playing games or something and Audrey is a blessing helping me with her siblings! But soon enough, let's add another! Finn, he is just ridiculous, He sleeps for seven hours a night and has the nerve to complain. Audrey and Max's principal had me in to discuss how they're not doing well because Finn can't get them to school on time or even there. I drove them all this morning." Rachel vented, ending in tears (because it's theatrical and she was feeling depressed).
"Are you and Finn planning for another baby?" Quinn question, with a dazed looked on her face.
"No, we are not planning on another one." Rachel said coyly.
"Good." Quinn stared at her weary friend, "What did you mean by "soon enough adding another"?"
"That I'm pregnant again. And Quinn, I can't do it. I don't want this baby, I can't, I have to take care of the others, I am too tired for three night feedings, and more diapers. I have options." Rachel set her head on her friend's shoulder. Quinn rubbed her back in soothing circles and let Rachel sob.
"I can't let you do that. I know you; you will regret it as soon as it's over. You will live with the guilt, and it will destroy you." Quinn whispered.
"I just don't know what I will do." Rachel sobbed into Quinn, "I'm so unhappy. Finn isn't the man I fell in love with anymore. He bails out of everything. He does the bare minimum to get by and forces me to pick up the slack. I can't leave, I need help. My Dads already bought us the house, they send me checks for the kids, they give us presents when they visit. I can't possibly ask anything more. I am desperate."
Quinn hugged the sobbing woman. The blonde missed her best friend; the Rachel Berry she knew in High School was a completely different person then the crumbling women before her.