Chapter 3: Veronica continues to explain it all –
Logan blinked at her. He truthfully didn't remember any of what she was telling him. But then again, she was right, he had been on a pretty big bender around that time. Aaron had just been killed in prison and Aaron's agent had been hounding him to read for a part in a new film. He had been completely overwhelmed and he didn't know what to say to Veronica, knowing how much she hated his father. That, plus the constant tabloid attention had been too much for him to deal with.
"I hadn't been able to get in touch with dad on my way to Neptune but I knew that he said he was going to be in town so I wasn't worried," Veronica continued. "But when I finally got to the apartment, I found Dad lying unconscious on the kitchen floor." Veronica was speaking between sobs now, reliving the extremely painful memories.
"His head was split open from where he hit the counter when he passed out. There was blood everywhere. I called 911 and he was rushed him to the hospital." Veronica lifted her eyes back to Logan's, hurt and accusation burning in them. "I called you. I called over and over again. You never picked up and you never called back."
Flashback:
Veronica stabbed at the end button to disconnect her call to Logan before she was forced to leave a message. She had already left him ten messages, begging him to call her back, to come to Neptune, to help her. It had been three days since she had ridden with her father in the ambulance on the way Neptune Memorial, and she had yet to hear from Logan. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her roiling emotions - fear, sadness, helplessness and anger bubbling like acid in her empty stomach – and walked back into her father's room.
"Hi, Dad," Veronica spouted cheerfully. "You're finally up!" Her father had been in and out of consciousness for the past three days, mostly due to the heavy sedatives the doctors had prescribed him to deal with the pain that he had apparently been suffering from for quite some time now. Veronica had been blinded-sided by the fact that her father had been hiding some kind of illness from her. She understood that he wouldn't want to worry her with an extra burden through this little stretch, but she still felt betrayed that he would keep something so potentially important from her.
"Hey, honey," Keith replied weakly. "These pain meds are making me feel A-OK but I just can't seem to keep my eyes open." Keith's voice was soft, the edges rounded off due to the drugs. Veronica was intimately familiar with that speech pattern, first from her mother, and most recently from Logan. Her heart squeezed a little at the thought of Logan. She was worried about him and mad at him. She would be more worried if it weren't for the fact that any serious injuries would have been immediately reported on E!
"I'm so sorry for scaring you, sweetie. But your old man's tough. I'm sure this is nothing."
Veronica smiled and squeezed Keith's hand, thankful that he was so out of it he hadn't noticed Logan's absence. Keith and Logan had grown very close after an initial rough patch when Keith first discovered that Logan and Veronica were dating. That whole turning Logan in for faking his alibi for Lilly's murder had not gone over well with Logan. And the fact that Logan had faked his alibi… not a point in his favor as far as Keith was concerned. That, and Keith had been aware of Logan's treatment of Veronica after Lilly's death and he had had a hard time believing that Logan wouldn't revert to hurting Veronica when things got rough. He had eventually changed his opinion, though, after watching Logan's devotion to his daughter.
Veronica wished with all of her might that she could believe her father and pretend that everything was going to turn out all right. But she had been watching the expressions of the doctors and nurses as they milled around Keith's room, taking blood, checking vitals, running tests. Each and every one of them was grim, but sympathetic, when they caught Veronica looking. There were few reassuring smiles and absolutely no one had told her not to worry. The doctors had promised they should have some answers for her today and she was dreading the news.
She had called both Mac and Wallace, who had stayed in Neptune to attend Hearst, and they had been as much of a comfort to her as possible. She had stayed close with both of them, but there was only so much they could do when her world was falling apart on all fronts.
"Ms. Mars… Veronica?" the voice of one of Keith's doctors sounded as he opened the door without knocking, looking down at a file in his hands. "Oh good, Mr. Mars, you're awake." He had finally looked up from his file.
He remained stone faced as he looked at the father-daughter pair. "We've gotten some test results back and…I'm afraid the news is not good." He paused for a second, seeming to steel himself before continuing on.
"It appears that you have cancer, Mr. Mars. There is a large tumor located in the frontal lobe of your brain. The tumor is causing extreme pressure in your skull and that's what's been causing your pain and caused you to pass out. Without further tests, we can't be sure, but, based on the tests we have already run and your declining health, we estimate that you're at stage four." The doctor paused, trying to let them process the devastating news he had just dealt them.
(A/N I have no medical knowledge and I didn't do any research into this. I would ask you to take my word for it that Keith's condition is not good.)
"I know that this is a lot to take in, but there are some decisions you need to make, and I would suggest that you make them quickly." The doctor went on to explain their options, outlining radiation therapy, surgery (not really an option given the size and placement of the tumor), or end of life care where Keith would be made as comfortable as possible while his life faded away. Keith and Veronica were griping each other's hands tightly, staring glassy eyed and unblinking, as the doctor continued explaining various treatments. "Whatever you decide to do, we should definitely transfer you to Mt. Sinai in LA. They are much better equipped to deal with such advanced stages of cancer. Also, if I understand correctly, that will be near your home, correct Ms. Mars?"
Veronica nodded numbly. "Should we go ahead and get Dad to this other hospital?" Veronica asked in a dazed voice. "I mean, how do we do that, by ambulance or what? Can we transfer him and then decide what we're going to do?" Veronica was barely holding on, teetering on the brink of panic. She knew that she couldn't rationally discuss any treatment options with Keith right now. She needed to talk to Logan, needed him to wrap her in his arms and kiss her forehead, lie to her and tell her everything was going to be all right. He may be going through some of his own shit right now, but she was confident that he'd pull it together to help get her through this.
"Yes, Ms. Mars. We can certainly go ahead and transfer your father. In fact, they are aware that Mr. Mars is planning on coming and they have reserved a room for him. We can go ahead and arrange for an ambulance to transport him, pretty much as soon as you're ready." The doctor seemed to be relieved at the idea of getting rid of them without having to answer any more questions. As it turned out, the question he probably most wanted to avoid was the survival rate with this type of tumor. Veronica found out from the doctors in LA that it was not very high, and at stage four, almost non-existent. The question that they were facing now was not if Keith would survive, but how much longer he had left.
When the doctor left, Veronica turned to her father, unable to keep her tears back any longer, "Daddy? Daddy, I love you."
"I love you, too, sweetheart," Keith choked around tears as he pulled Veronica in for a tight hug.
"Don't worry about anything, OK? We're going to get you to LA, we're going to get you the best doctors there are, and we're going to fight this." Veronica pulled away from her father and roughly brushed away her tears. She was trying hard to make her voice reassuring but she was terrified. The thought of losing her father, her anchor for so long, made her feel small and helpless.
"Of course we are, honey." Keith smiled at his daughter, tears still running down his cheeks. He knew, deep down, that he didn't have much of a chance of beating this, but he couldn't bring himself to tell his daughter. He had been hiding his illness from himself and Veronica for much too long in the hopes that it would just go away and it was finally catching up to him. He was weary and could barely remember what it was like to live without excruciating bouts of pain. But, the thought of leaving Veronica when she still had so much of life ahead of her was tearing him to shreds. For so long, they had only had each other. It was a comfort to Keith that at least Veronica had Logan now, and when Keith was gone, they could take care of each other. That was his last comforting thought before he drifted under the haze of pain killers once more.
"We transferred Dad to the hospital in LA the next morning. As soon as I made sure that he was comfortable and had everything he needed, I went straight home to talk to you. It was around eleven but I wasn't sure if you'd be up, considering how hard you'd been partying." Veronica was starting to feel tired, really drained from reliving so much emotion in one sitting. Unfortunately, she knew she had to get through a lot more of the story before she was finished.
Logan was starting to look slightly sick. As far as he remembered, he had been vaguely worried that he hasn't seen Veronica for a couple of days and had tried to call her. But then again, maybe he had just thought about calling her and never got around to actually doing it. He was rarely close to sober in late September of that year and sometimes it was hard for him to separate what had actually happened from what he wished had happened or from what someone told him had happened.
"I…I think I need to sit down," he swallowed as he staggered towards the nearest chair. Veronica remained in her spot a second more before she slowly followed him and took the chair next to his.
She continued with a deep sigh, "When I got home, no one was up. So I went to our bedroom and walked in." She swallowed again, trying to keep down the bile rising at the memory of what had happened next.
Veronica quietly opened the door to her and Logan's room, expecting to find him passed out, trying to sleep off a massive hangover. She did find Logan passed out, but she did not find him alone. Logan was lying face down, sprawled across most of the king sized bed, as he was want to do when he was thoroughly trashed. Snuggled into his side was the same blond girl that Veronica has seen him making out with in what seemed like another lifetime.
Veronica felt vomit rising in her throat as she watched the two sleeping forms. She sprinted towards the bathroom, unable to close the door as she barley reached the toilet before spilling the meager content of her stomach. When she was done dry heaving, she pulled herself to her feet with shaking hands. She stared at herself in the mirror and saw a haggard reflection looking back at her, dark circles from lack of sleep, greasy hair from spending too much time at the hospital and not enough time in the shower. As she was staring at her reflection, her shaking hand knocked over an item on the counter. She looked down in a daze and realized that she had knocked over a bottle of face wash that she didn't remember owning. As she examined the countertop further, she realized that there was a whole passel of beauty and grooming products that did not belong to her.
Veronica felt white hot anger rip through her as she marched back into the bedroom, ready to rip Logan's head off. What. The . Fuck! was he thinking? Did he let some girl move in after she had been gone for a total of four days!? It didn't make any sense and he sure as hell was not getting away with it.
She entered the bedroom and was about to launch herself at Logan when she realized that their guest was now awake and was sitting on the bed, sheet wrapped around her body under her armpits, waiting for Veronica to reappear. She stopped short, perplexed that this stranger was neither embarrassed nor upset to find her fuck buddy's girlfriend staring at her. For Christ's sake, she couldn't be that dense. There were pictures of her and Logan all over the apartment. She looked around just to confirm that fact and realized, with a sinking feeling, that there were not, in fact, photos of she and Logan all over the bedroom. In fact, it seemed that all of the pictures had been removed from the room, although she did spy what looked like one smashed picture frame in the corner. More disturbing, all of the small things, the debris of her life, that she kept scattered around the room, were absent.
"What are you doing here?" Veronica was somewhat shocked to hear the girl speak.
"What?" she asked stupidly, turning her attention back to this girl who had obviously had sex with Logan. In the morning light, she could tell that the girl was young, probably a freshman, and that she was definitely familiar. This was someone that she knew.
"What are you doing here?" the girl repeated more slowly.
"What do you mean? I live here. This is my room," Veronica's equilibrium was totally thrown off by her lack of sleep and the bizarre parallel universe she seemed to have walked into where this girl lived here with Logan instead of her. Her voice ended up sounding a little squeaky instead of confident.
"No, Logan said that you broke up," the girl was once again speaking slowly, as if Veronica was a child and needed things explained to her.
"What the fuck are you talking about, and who the fuck are you?" Veronica was starting to lose her cool. Logan would not do something like this to her. There was no possible way. He had worked too hard to regain her trust after the way he had treated her after Lilly's death, after he had lied time and again.
"Don't you remember me? Hannah Griffith. I was a freshman at Neptune when you were a senior?" once again she spoke slowly.
The name hit Veronica like a punch to the gut. She reached out, unseeing, for the chair she knew was somewhere to her right and sat heavily. Logan and Veronica had broken up briefly the second semester of senior year. Logan had still been so volatile and the pressure from Aaron's upcoming trial was eating at both of them. During their brief split, Logan had started dating a freshman, none other than Hannah Griffith, and delighted in rubbing the relationship in Veronica's face every chance he got. When they had gotten back together not long after Aaron's trial had ended, he admitted that he had latched onto Hannah because she was so trusting and easy to be with. He said that he had never loved her and had missed Veronica the entire time. He had, however, relieved the girl of her virginity. Veronica had been furious when Logan unburdened his guilty conscious by telling her that particular piece of news. First, he never should have taken advantage of the poor girl, and second, he absolutely should have never told Veronica about it. She knew that they were broken up and it wasn't cheating, technically. But, in her mind, she had been so sure that they would get back together that it never occurred to her to date anyone else, much less have sex with someone else. She couldn't help but feel betrayed and it had taken more than a little time to heal that particular hurt and again build up the trust that they had been working so hard for.
Hannah watched Veronica with the slightest hint of a smug expression. She glanced briefly at Logan before she continued, "I ran into Logan a couple of weeks ago. He told me about how you had broken up with him." She paused and stroked Logan's shoulder with a tender expression affixed to her face. "Poor thing was devastated. I lent him a shoulder to cry on and one thing led to another."
Veronica could only stare at Hannah. What she was saying didn't make any sense. Two weeks ago, everything had been relatively fine. Logan had been drinking too much, he and Dick had thrown a few too many parties in the condo over the course of the month, but there had been no hint that Logan wasn't happy with her. But her confidence was completely shaken by this girl sitting on Veronica's side of the bed, stroking Logan's back, and by the complete lack of any of her belongings anywhere around the room.
"The first time a came over I was a little skeptical because you still had stuff everywhere. When I asked him about it, Logan explained that it had been kind a bad break up and you left in a hurry and you were going to come get your stuff later." Hannah paused again, giving her a superior smile. "I helped Logan pack up some of your things. He seemed to take it pretty hard, but I understood. I'm here to help him through, just like the last time you broke his heart."
Veronica stared in complete disbelief at this horrible girl who was smiling sympathetically at her while a tinge of malice played around the corner of her eyes. In four days, it was apparently possible to be completely replaced. Veronica jerked from her chair and headed toward the closet. Just as Hannah had said, her clothes were no longer hanging neatly on their hangers, but seemed to be stuffed into various suitcases and boxes. She turned back towards the bed, her anger winning out over the confusion and hurt for the time being.
"Logan!" She spat at the sleeping form of her boyfriend as she shook him. Hannah looked extremely displeased at this turn of events.
"Logan! Wake up right now and tell me what the fuck is going on!" Logan made a grunting noise but didn't open his eyes.
Hannah narrowed her eyes at Veronica, apparently for daring to touch her boyfriend, and then gently stroked Logan's cheek. "Sweetie, get up, we need to talk about Veronica."
Logan opened his eyes and stared sadly at Hannah, apparently not seeing Veronica standing on the opposite side of the bed behind him. "Veronica's gone," he mumbled before burying his head back into the pillow and passing out again.
"See?" Hannah spat at Veronica triumphantly. Veronica couldn't help the tears that slid down here cheeks. She still didn't understand what was going on. She was almost positive things had not happened the way Hannah claimed they did. But she was too exhausted, both physically and emotionally to stick around and find out what the real story was. She had to get back to her father. She could deal with this a little while later.
Making her decision, Veronica moved back to the closet, grabbed one of the suitcases stuffed with her clothes and emptied it out. She began to repack it with what she would need for the next week or so. She moved to the bathroom and found that all of her belonging had been stuffed in the bottom drawer of the vanity, under some clean towels. Finally, she moved back into the bedroom and began searching through the dresser drawers. All of her drawers were empty.
Hannah had been watching her progress and finally asked, annoyed, "What are you looking for?"
"The pictures. Where did you put the pictures?" She intentionally asked Hannah where she had put the pictures because she was certain that Logan had not hidden them.
"I'm pretty sure Logan put them in the bottom drawer of the desk," Hannah replied grudgingly.
Veronica opened the desk drawers until she found one full of the framed pictures that had once littered the apartment. She pawed through them until she found the one she was looking for, her favorite shot of she, Logan, and her father, taken last year at a Padres game. Everyone was happy and healthy and loved. It was exactly the type of thing that her dad would want in this hospital room.
At the thought of her father Veronica couldn't help but take a small, gaspy breath.
"God, if you are going to cry, could you do it somewhere else?" apparently Hannah was getting bored with this scene.
Veronica rose to her feet, clutching the photograph, grabbed her bag, and headed for the door.
"Oh, you know, maybe you should leave your key," Hannah said in a brightly helpful voice.
"Fuck you," Veronica retorted with the little venom that she could muster after being mentally and emotionally battered by Logan's apparent new paramour.
Veronica was able to make it half way across the living room before huge, wracking sobs threatened to overtake her. Feeling vulnerable in the open living room, she raced to the slightly more secluded kitchen, crouched in the corner and cried, screaming into a folded kitchen towel to muffle the sound.
"Ronnie? Are you OK" Dick's sleepy voice came from over the breakfast bar. Veronica looked up and Dick's face registered shock at seeing Veronica with tears and snot running down her beet red face. Veronica almost never cried, and when she did, it was always short and grudging. She never indulged in a full-on crying fit, as far as Dick knew.
"Veronica, what is it?" he asked again, moving around the counter and into the kitchen.
Veronica, horrified at being caught in such a vulnerable moment, jumped to her feet and scrambled around Dick and out of the kitchen.
"Nothing, its nothing. I don't want to talk about it," she managed to force out. She walked quickly into the living room and grabbed her bag, headed for the door.
"Veronica, where are you going?" Dick was growing alarmed at this turn of events.
"Um, I have to go away for a couple of days. Don't worry, I'll be back," this last promise was delivered with a steely voice. Dick, Hannah, and Logan could bet their asses that she would be back to sort this out later. If Logan was getting rid of her, she was going to put him through a little hell before he did it. He couldn't just kick her out while she wasn't looking.
Veronica paused as she opened the door. Without turning she asked, "Could you tell Logan to call me, please? I really need to talk to him." With that, she left her apartment and headed for the hospital.