A/N So I'm back from my cottage and I have written two chapters and a half of the next one. Please review and I will try to get another chapter up soon!

Also, I am going to England on the 21st for about a week and a half, so I won't be able to post then. Just thought I would let you know in advance. But, since I live in Canada… that's a pretty long plane ride. Lots of writing time :)

Control: To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over another.

As we continued our trek through the forest, I second-guessed myself. I always, always hated myself for this. I could never stick with my decisions. But this was one I had to make and had to stay with. I didn't get a second chance.

Jack. Ralph.

I knew who I wanted to be with. I knew who I had to be with. I just hoped Ralph would understand.

But this presented another problem. How and what to tell Ralph? The how wasn't so important, but I still needed someway to tell him. I figured I should do it fast and direct. No use beating around the bush. So that solved one problem. But what? That was the harder decision. I didn't know what to tell him. That I was going to be with Jack; yes. But I didn't know if I should tell him why. I could tell him the truth - that I felt like Jack could protect me from my own brother better than he could - or I could lie. I could just tell him that I liked Jack better. But would lying to Ralph really be fair?

Fair? My life wasn't fair! Why did I have to be stuck on this island? And why did Roger have to be my brother - at least when he was angry? Why did I have to choose between the two leaders on this island? Why did they both want me? I was nothing special. I knew that. My mother made sure I knew that.

But asking myself answerless questions wasn't going to change anything. As much as I wanted it to, it wouldn't. So I had to accept my situation and do what I could to change it. I couldn't help crashing on the island, nor could I help having an angry Roger being my brother; but there were some things I could take control of. I had a choice. A choice between Jack and Ralph.

But I knew, deep down, there was no choice. I didn't have control once again. There was who my heart wanted and what my mind knew I needed. And I needed Jack. I needed him to protect me. I needed him to help me get respect from Roger. And I needed him to keep me safe. For once in my life, maybe I could live without physical pain. And with Jack, I could live on top. He would bring me up to the second ranking. I would be his second-in-command. That meant I would have some control over what happened on the island. Some control over the hunters. Some control over Roger.

In that instance, I realized why I was on the island. I was here, so I could stand up to Roger, and turn my life around. So I could take charge over him, and make sure he knew he couldn't - nor could my mother - push me around. I was a person, and I had a life. I had choices and decisions. And I had chances to improve my life. Jack was my chance, and I had to take it - even if it meant hurting Ralph.

But I would have to tell Ralph something. And I still wasn't sure what to say. In the past few moments, I had realized why the pull of being Jack's was really so strong - control. But I wasn't telling Ralph that. I wasn't telling Jack that. My power-hungry secret would not pass my lips. No one had to know but me.

I shook my head, trying to escape my thoughts. My head would explode if I thought any more. I slowly became more aware of my surroundings. Jack and I were still leading the group towards the top of the mountain. The hunters were still behind us, chanting, "Kill the pig, slit her throat, spill her blood!" And Roger was at the back of the group, sulking and staring daggers in my direction.

I didn't know how I felt about that. I felt a little bad that I was 'stealing' his best friend away from him, but when I remembered all he had done to me, the guilt went away. This was nothing compared to the beatings I had taken from my insane mother as Roger stood by her side, not caring or trying to protect me. And this was nothing compared to the extent of what Roger had done to me when he had sometimes beaten me. This thing with Jack was my way of getting revenge, I supposed. So if this was my revenge, Roger should feel it. He should feel the emotional pain deep down to the bone.

I stared ahead, noticing we were almost at the top of the mountain. Jack let my hand go so he could turn and face the entire group. When his fingers slipped out of mine, I felt my security net slipping away. I didn't feel safe from Roger without Jack by my side. Jack made a short announcement about cooking the pig, and we continued up the mountain. Sam and Eric came up on either side of me wordlessly. I suddenly felt a lot safer again. I watched as Jack walked in front of our group. The way he carried himself with such confidence and superiority was overwhelming. I didn't understand how anyone could look so arrogant but brave at the same time. It made me smile. Not a big smile, mind you, but a small smirk.

We turned the final corner, and we were finally at the fire pit. We were surprised to see Ralph, Piggy and Simon there - we assumed they would be down at the beach. It didn't matter anyways - we needed Piggy's glasses to re-start the fire to cook the pig.

The group was still chanting, but Jack signaled them to stop.

"We killed a pig!" He announced to the other boys.

"You let the fire go out," Ralph muttered in a very pissed off tone. I didn't see what the big deal was.

"So? We can re-light it. What's important is that we have meat!" Jack declared. This set off a wave of agreement upon our group.

"You let the fire go out," Ralph hissed once again.

"So what?" Jack asked harshly.

"There was a ship!" Ralph screamed. I could feel my face drain of all colour. There was a ship. If I stayed behind to watch the fire, they may have seen the smoke. We could've been rescued from the island. That may not be the best thing for me, but I was assuming for all of the boys on the island, it was. And I ruined it.

I looked to Ralph with an insanely apologetic look on my face. He noticed, and looked back towards Jack, scowling.

At least this would make what I had to tell him easier.

A/N Please review!