(Author's note: POSSIBLE IDENTITY THIEF SOILER ALERT. Also, I am not comparing Melissa McCarthy to Starla or making fun of her appearance by having Starla portray her character. I just thought Starla would match her character in terms of personality)

Benson woke up in his car at the driver's seat. He didn't remember how he got there and was a bit concerned.

"What the…" he thought to himself, "ugh…I must have had another anger episode. Those two slackers are so fired." Just as he started driving, his cell phone rang; it was Veronica. Benson let his visions of firing Mordecai and Rigby take a back seat and answered the phone. "Yes dear?"

"Did you find her yet, Benson?" asked Veronica.

"Find who?" asked Benson, "you mean Mordecai and Rigby didn't make me pass out?"

"No no," said Veronica reassuringly, "the bitch who stole your identity."

Benson's look changed from puzzlement to outrage quicker than the flavor of Fruit Stripe gum lasts. "WHAT!?" Benson screamed, "SOMEONE STOLE MY IDENTITY!?"

"Yes," said Veronica, "that's why you're in Florida. You said you had to bring her back or you'll be fired."

Benson had no memory of this whatsoever, and he hadn't even been to Florida. With one look out the windshield, he noticed all of the palm trees surrounding the highway. Benson thought about going to the hospital to treat his amnesia, but his worries at the moment concerned his impending termination. He didn't want to lose his job; especially because of some identity thief.

"Identity…thief…" Benson thought to himself, "Have I heard that before?" Before he could think about it, the car in front of him came to a sudden stop, and Benson's head jerked forward. The momentum pushed a piece of paper on his lap. It was a picture of the person who stole his identity, and for some strange reason, it was Starla.

Starla exited the vehicle pretending to be injured and holding her neck. Benson then stormed out of the car and approached her.

"Starla? YOU stole my identity?" Benson asked, not exactly convinced that someone like Starla was capable of getting away with identity theft.

"What are you talking about, loser?" asked Starla. Benson approached her to ask a few questions, but suddenly Starla punched him in his throat, almost cracking his glass ball.

"What the hell?!" Benson yelled as he keeled over in pain.

"I'm Sandy Bigelow now, chump! Kiss your identity goodbye!" Starla yelled as she started driving off. Benson quickly got back into his car and scrambled to find his wallet. He took one look at his Driver's License and screamed. His name was now "Sandy Bigelow Patterson."

He finally put the pieces together and resurrected his memory. He suddenly remembered being sucked into his television and landing on his head in the car. He was officially the star of "Identity Thief."

Before he could even react, Starla rammed him with her blue FIAT; a car Benson never expected Starla to afford.

"Woo hoo!" Starla yelled, "In your face!" Starla kept ramming Benson's car over and over again. She slammed the gas pedal and crashed the FIAT into Benson's car before reversing and repeating the cycle again. Benson's car seemed to be caving and he only had so much time before he was crushed. He had to think fast.

Benson found the side window and slammed the top of his head against it. The small metal probe at the top of his head broke the glass and caused it to shatter. Benson crawled out of his seat as Starla slammed his car with full force, almost breaking it in two, and Benson jumped out of the window just as his car was smashed to the width of a sugar cookie.

Benson had no choice but to run for it. Before he did, he noticed the remote control on the ground next to him, and, thinking fast, picked it up to take with him.

"Get back here!" Starla shouted, "I'm not finished with you!" At this point, Starla was sprinting after Benson with a baseball bat, but just couldn't keep up. Just when Benson thought he would escape, he tripped over a stray branch and landed on his face. By the time he got up, Starla was standing over him with the bat in her hand. Benson screamed out loud and held his hands up to block it, but Starla dropped the bat.

"I'm sorry," said Starla, "I steel identities because I have no friends."

"Have you gone crazy?" said Benson, forgetting for a moment that Starla wasn't actually Starla, "you're dating Muscle Man."

"I wish I could date a muscular man…" Starla started tearing up, much to Benson's confusion, "I don't even know my own name, so I have to steal others; I'm a total dumpster baby." Benson was confused; he assumed from IMDB that this movie was a comedy, so why then was all this heavy-handed nonsense about child abandonment and exposition being brought on.

Starla babbled on and on in absolute hysterics, like a guest on Dr. Phil, and Benson didn't have time for it. He had to figure out how to escape the movie and get back to his office before the game show. So he sat on the ground and thought about it, not paying attention to Starla's out-of-place exposition.

Then the idea hit him to use the remote to escape. He learned this from the time he watched that Fairly Oddparents movie: "Channel Chasers" when he held that kids' movie night at the park. He mostly remembered the obnoxious, over-dramatic and mean-spirited scenes of Timmy's parents screaming at him for stuff he didn't do, but he did remember Timmy using a remote control to travel channels. Perhaps the gumball machine could use it to travel movies.

So as Starla kept babbling on about her childhood in endless detail, Benson pressed the "skip" button and was transported to another movie.

Meanwhile…Rigby was alive in another movie, but he had never felt more cold or dead in his life. Even with that red long-sleeved jacket he was wearing…