Chapter Two
¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸ You & I ¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸
~*~ They don't know it's a four-letter word~*~
2:35am
Exhausted and emotionally drained Christina frowned as she entered the house dropping her bags at the door as she kicked it close behind her. Sighing heavily at what she saw she stood on the small landing glancing around the silent room of drawn shades, it all felt so cold unwelcoming and unfamiliar to her. Christina let out another long breath as she tossed her keys on the side table simultaneously kicking off her shoes and shrugging out of her coat before taking the final dreaded steps toward the sofa and plopping herself down into the overstuff cushion. "Damn it, what the hell were you thinking?" she mumbled as she leaned back trying to force her mind yet again not to go there, but not to her surprise, she was failing at it miserably, she had been consumed with the thoughts running through her brain since she walked out of her bathroom and back into her empty office. "Ugh!" grunting loudly she ran her hands over her face in frustration trying to understanding why she put herself in a predicament like this, why she just didn't say no and stop him, but truth be told she knew the answer regardless if she wanted to accept it or not. With tears, blinding her vision Christina managed to push herself from her seated position laughing humorlessly and shaking her head in disbelief and disappointment in herself. "God help me," she pleaded as she headed for her bedroom, what she needed now was a hot shower and a few hours of sleep before heading back to the hospital and facing the dreaded possibility of running into him.
(~***~)
Through half open eyes, he yawned and blinked at the just rising brightness of the day light coming through the blinds of his office window. Tom sighed softly as he ran his hands over his face at hearing the sound of knocking on his door. "Come in," he yelled over his shoulder as he pushed himself upright dislodging the blanket that had been draped over him causing the file he had been reading before falling asleep to flop to the floor. He cursed under his breath as he stretched moving his head from side to side trying ease the stiff and sore muscles that were screaming at him form sleeping in an uncomfortable position.
"Bloody hell mate, looks like you had a rough night. What the hell did you do?" Steve asked as he entered the room.
"Rough—," Tom chuckled a humorless laugh as it suddenly all came flashing back to him; he sighed and grabbed the file from the floor. "Rough would be an understatement my friend believe me," he mumbled tossing file on the coffee table, he had spent the rest of the night after leaving Christina's office going over it in his head until a slight migraine consumed him.
Staring at his friend oddly, Steve took one of the two chairs sitting in front of Tom's desk turning it until it and he was facing him. "You want to talk about it?"
Leaning back into the sofa he let out a breath of frustration and stared at the man sitting across from him. Knowing this was one of those times that he may need to keep his personal business to himself for more reasons than one. "No, not really, it's just I did something last night I should have thought about before doing it that's all, I made a big ass mistake." Tom answered diverting his gaze toward the empty coffee cup sitting in front of him staring at it like junkie craving a fix.
Now it was Steve's turn to narrow his eyes, he stared at him suspiciously wondering what the hell he meant by the statement. "Does what you did have anything to do with a patient or is it more personal?" he asked, watching as a look of panic and fear suddenly deepened into his best friend's facial features. Steve was getting the feeling that whatever was going on with him had nothing to do with the woman he was seeing or a patient and everything to do with Christina the only time he seen him this way was when she was getting under his skin.
A knot of tension suddenly formed in hisstomach at the question the answer was no and yes. Tom lifted his head and looked at his friend thinking only if you knew how stupid—, he paused at the thought. "Ah—, personal," he answered.
"Melisa?"
"Nah! Melisa and I are good." He lied with a smile that didn't reach his eyes knowing that that wasn't completely true as of last night they, more like he had some serious problems and as usual, Christina Hawthorne was at the forefront and center of them. "I'm just tired, what I need is a vacation." Tom muttered as he placed his hand on his knees pushing himself up to his feet he wasn't ready to confide in Steve about this just yet. "Well I better clean myself up; I still have rounds to do."
"Yeah!" Steve muttered as he stood up with him knowing that his friend was trying to avoid any more questions. "I better get back to the ER." Steve placed the chair he had been sitting in back in its original position before heading for the door still not convinced of anything he said. Steve paused at the entrance suddenly remembering what brought him to his office. "Oh hey I almost forgot why I came up here I wanted to know if we were still on for Friday?"
The question gave him pause for a moment. "Yeah," he replied as he made it over tothe alcove that was adjacent to his office. "Umm— you guys are okay with having dinner with me and Melisa?" Tom asked concerned that Bobbie might have a problem with it.
Steve nodded his head in a gestured. "Yeah everything's good," he muttered before disappearing into the outer office.
(~***~)
A few hours later the rays of the daylight passed through the curtains, illuminating the room and slightly touching her face, Christinareached across the bed without opening an eye as she grabbed at the nightstand for the receiver to put an end to the annoying sound that was breaking into her semi unconscious state. "For god's sake I just fell asleep," she muttered in a drowsy voice across the phone line as she curled further into the warmth of the blanket wanting to surrender once again to sleep.
"Good morning Mrs. Hawthorne this is Annie I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
Christina slowly opened one eye at hearing the sound of her assistant voice as she peered over at the alarm clock sitting next to the base of the phone. "Oh shit!" she cursed at realizing that she had slept through the alarm and it was now well after ten. Christina slowly pulled herself up in the bed remembering she had left Annie a note letting her know that she would be in the office no later than ten o'clock. "It's okay Annie I should have been up hours ago if anything I want to thank you for waking me up."Christina stretched and pushed the covers back throwing her legs over the side of the bed; she stood to her feet and headed into the front room to grab her keys and start her car. "I'll be there in thirty minutes," Christina muttered in a hurried tone as she headed back into the bedroom and straight to her closet she rummaged through it pulling out a pair of dark charcoal grey slacks and white silk blouse. "Annie please just hold things down until I get there and again thanks for waking me up what would I do without you?" she asked as she retreated into the bathroom to take care of a few things.
Letting a soft laughter escape her lips she could tell her boss was scrambling around her room trying to get ready. "Go crazy," Annie, muttered in another laughter more to herself. "I don't know but I do know it's not a problem Mrs. Hawthorne I'll see you in thirty," she replied with a smile as they both said good-bye and ended the call.
About ten minutes later she returned to the bedroom and quickly dressed as she fasten her belt Christina glanced over at her dresser noticing something she hadn't wore in a long while, normally she wouldn't wear perfume on the job but today she just needed something out of her normal routine. Picking up the bottle of one of her favorite scent's she sprayed herself with a little before replacing the bottle in its home on her dresser and quickly making her way back into the front room. "Ok!" she sighed slipping on her coat and shoes, "let's get this day over with." Christina grabbed her things as she headed out the front door still dreading the possibility of running into him and as much as she wanted to stay home and hide she knew she couldn't she had responsibilities and a job to do and hiding wasn't the answer or the solution to her problem.
(~***~)
Tom had spent the better part of his morning seeing patients filling in charts and going over the OR schedule, finally making it back to his sanctuary knowing that he only had about an hour of down time to catch up on paperwork. He stood in deep thought staring out of the window at the newly falling snow as he rolled his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck still trying to release himself of morning kinks of sleeping on his sofa as thought of last night flooded his mind. Tom sighed he just wanted yesterday to disappear he couldn't change what had happened, but he didn't want to keep thinking about it anymore either. Christina was right they had made a mistake, no he had made a stupid mistake, and not once when he woke up that morning did he imagine or expect something like that to happen. "Damn it! What the hell were you thinking?" he muttered aloud not realizing that his new assistant Rosemary had just entered the room.
"Did you say something Dr. Wakefield?" Rosemary asked as she went to hand him a medical file that Dr. Stone had just left for him to look over.
Tom shook his head as a soft voice broke through his thoughts. "I'm sorry did you say something?"
"That's just what I was asking you Dr. Wakefield." Rosemary replied still with an out reached hand and now a raised brow.
"I wasn't saying anything just thinking out loud, and Rosemary thank you," he lifted the file toward her just before placing it on his desk. "Damn what now?" he hissed at the vibration of his pager going off, Tom looked down at the annoying thing that was clipped to his belt. "I really do need a vacation," he muttered before lifting it to see who was paging him, he glanced at the message suddenly realizing that he had been standing there staring out of the window for almost an hour. "Rosemary that was the OR," he muttered out as he walked out of his office and into hers. "If Ms. Morgan calls please tell her that I'll try to meet her in the lobby around 3:45 no later than four." Melisa Morgan was this sassy well put together 30 year old Real Estate agent, Tom had met one night when and old college friend invited him to what was supposed to be a very small dinner party that turned into a full-fledged gathering of his wife's single friends. Tom had spotted her from across the room as she made her way over smiling intently as she struck up a conversation and they ended up spending the rest of the night getting to know a little about each other.
"Yes Dr. Wakefield." Rosemary muttered watching as he gave her one of his winning smiles nodded his head and headed out of his office for the elevators.
(~***~)
Finally making it to her destination Christina drove into the parking structure noticing right off that his car had never left his parking spot. "Okay Christina suck it up you have a job to do," she instructed herself as she backed into her space turned off the car and pulled the key from the ignition sighing one last time; she grabbed her bag and exited the car praying that this day would go off without any issues.
"Christina?"
Christina turned at the sound of her name. "Hey!"
"Are you just getting here or are you just now getting back?" Gail questioned as she checked her watch noticing that it was well after eleven.
Putting her optimism in check of the day to come she forced a slight smile as she started to speak. "I went home to get a few hours of sleep."
"Why do you stay here so late?"
Gail turned and looked at Bobbie as if she had just met Christina for the first time. "Seriously Bobbie now you've known Christina longer then I have and I know the answer to that question it could only be paperwork which she hates or a patient that kept her here unless—," she paused at her next thought that it was more likely that she didn't want to go home to an empty house.
Christina narrowed an eye at Gail waiting for her to continue that thought when suddenly she turned her attention slightly toward the other end of the hall at hearing a voice she recognize all too well. She stood there for another split second considering her options she could face him head on or she could head across the ER and out the back way dodging him all together. Christina looked from the hall back to the women staring at her funny. "Umm— yeah whatever I'll see you guys later," she muttered in a hurried tone deciding to choose the latter of the two options as she took off leaving the two of them to question her actions.
Bobbie and Gail shared a perplexed glance as they stood there watching as Christina's back disappeared behind the closing door. "Ok what the hell was that all about?"
"You got me!" Gail replied shaking her head at the whole thing and at that moment she heard Tom's voice Gail turned and looked at Bobbie. "You don't think?"
"Hey, did someone call me down for a consult," he questioned noticing that they both look a little confused.
"Uh— yeah Dr. Wakefield the consult is in room three." Gail answered now thinking that whatever was going on with Christina had something to do with none other than the man standing in front of them. They all moved toward the nurse's station as Gail grabbed the patients chart and handing it to him.
"Is everything okay with you two?" Tom inquired as he took the chart still staring at them as if he was missing something.
"Uh— yeah— yeah of course," she smiled. "Everything is great Dr. Wakefield," Gail quickly replied as she glanced over at Bobbie who was nodding her head in agreement, both avoiding any conversation that involved mentioning Christina's name to him or him to Christina it was kind of an unspoken rule in the hospital among the few who knew their past.
"Okay!" Tom answered in a slow tone giving the both of them another strange look, he was now feeling confused himself. "I'll just go handled this then." Tom walked off slightly glancing over his shoulder at the two women he couldn't help shaking his head at feeling like something was up.
Watching as he disappeared into the patient's room Gail glanced over at Bobbie again. "I'm telling you whatever is going on with Christina has something to do with him. You know she just hasn't been the—," her words halted at noticing the uncomfortable body language Bobbie was now expressing the whole ordeal hadn't been easy on any of them, they all felt like they were walking on egg shells around each other.
"With those two who the hell knows," Bobbie tossed out before Gail could finish her thought. "They spend more time avoiding each other than anything else, they both just need to talk or sex it out hell do both but something needs to give," she stated as she finished reviewing the information that was sitting in front of her. "Anyway if you need anything page me, I'll be on two west," she tossed over her shoulder as she headed out of the ER for the hallway.
(~***~)
"Good morning Annie," Christina greeted nonchalantly a few minutes later as she entered her outer office and rushed by her thanking god that she made it without incident. "Damn it Christina," she muttered to herself as she sat in the leather bound chair behind her desk not realizing that Annie had entered the room right behind her.
"Good morning Mrs. Hawthorne are you okay?" Annie asked placing her morning phone messages in front of her as she stared at her for a moment wondering why she seem like she had just seen a ghost.
Christina glanced up at the sound of the voice bringing her out of her current thought. "I'm sorry what?"
"I asked if you were okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Annie what do I have today?"
Annie stared at her moment longer before reciting off her day's agenda. "Oh and I almost forgot this morning's meeting was just moved to two this afternoon," she added before closing the black binder and realizing that Christina had barely heard a word she had said. "Mrs. Hawthorne. Mrs. Hawthorne," she repeated noticing that the blank expression had deepened on her bosses face. "Mrs. Hawthorne did you hear me?" Annie called out as she stood for a moment waiting for a reply.
"This is crazy I can't avoid—, maybe I should just talk—, no that won't—," she blurted out incomplete sentence as she shook her head and looked up realizing that Annie was still standing in the room and staring at her as if she had just had some kind mental breakdown. "I'm sorry did you say something?" Christina asked watching Annie shift slightly on her feet and narrowed her eyes at her.
"Yes, before or after I went over your agenda. Mrs. Hawthorne? Is everything okay with you? You seem a little on edge today. "
"Yes Annie I told you I'm fine I just have a lot on my mind."
"Okay! Well can I get you anything?"
"No! No thank you just let me know ahead of time of any meetings that I have to attend today please. Oh and Annie if anyone needed to see me today please tell them I'm unavailable, I don't want anyone but you coming through that door."
Annie took another curious and confused glance at her she had never refused to see anyone before. "Are—," her words trailed, who was she to question her orders. Annie turned on her heels and heading for the door before pausing and glancing over her shoulder. "Yes ma'am," she quickly mumbled as she headed out the door leaving Christina to her own thoughts and demons.
(~***~)
The day flew by in a furor of activity keeping her and the rest of the hospital she assumed busy, but to her surprise it hadn't, Christina released a long silent startling breath as she glanced across the semi quiet crowed room. She had been successful at avoiding the possibility of running into him all day even though she had made her mind up to talk to him about what happened she just wanted to find the right time and the right words. As her gaze swept over him huddled in a corner with a beautiful tall auburn, haired woman dressed in a black wool coat black pants and mustard colored blouse accented with shoes that matched. She gasped as she stared watching the interaction between them, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist pulling her into him as he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle; he smiled as she whispered something back before he softly kissed her forehead. Christina felt her heart-breaking as the scene unfolded in front of her it was jealousy, plain and simple and she only had herself to blame for her own misery she thought, as she looked away but not before a single tear rolled down her cheek. She turned wiping it away quickly praying that the elevator doors would slide open, saving her from the overwhelming pain welling up in her heart.
Jabbing franticly at the up button like a mad women she just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear before he saw her. "Come on," she muttered softly, frustration clearly in the sound of her voice as she glanced up at the non-moving numbers above the elevator door knowing without a doubt that it was coming. The inevitable and no sooner then she thought it, there it was rushing in like a thunderstorm, the freaking brick falling from the sky and knocking her over the head. Christina mentally shook it as she slightly lowered it chuckling inwardly wondering why this woman felt the need to yell out her name from down the damn hall knowing that everyone even a deaf person could hear it. "Damn it! So close," she hissed as she slowly turned thinking only this could happen to her as she met his gaze his eyes boring into her like a moth to a flame before the woman he was standing with quickly regained his attention.
"Yes Karen what can I do for you?" She asked finally turning her attention from Tom toward the woman as she approached her holding out a file.
"I'm so glad I caught you," she muttered slightly out of breath. "Mr. Raymond asked me to give this to you and he would like you to look over it and call him when you're done."
Christina quickly took the file from her hand as the elevator doors finally opened. "Thank God!" she muttered under her breath as she stepped between the threshold of the tiny room and the lobby. "Thank you Karen and tell Mark I will get back to him as soon as I can," she quickly added noticing that Tom and the women had move closer toward the door and he was glancing down at his pager. As the doors closed, she watched as he lifted his head and the last thing she saw was him kissing her.
(~***~)
As the last few hours of her work day ticked by Christina spent them in her office trying to go about her normal routine, she read over the paperwork Mark had giving her for what seemed like the millionth time but she just couldn't focus, her mind kept drifting back to the two of them. "Ugh! Come on, stop this," shemuttered outin a frustrating grunt, she was getting annoyed with herself, her mind wouldn't let this go and she hated that he had this kind of affect over her. Christina stood to her feet and gathered her things she just wanted to go home take a hot shower and go to bed, but as she headed out the door, she pulled her cell from her pocket and called Camille she just needed to hear her baby girl's voice. "Hey, sweetie."
"Mom!?" At hearing the sound of her mother's voice the next thing out of her mouth was is everything okay feeling that something was wrong.
"Everything is fine, why?" Christina questioned trying desperately to keep the depression out of her voice but she knew that Camille must have detected it when she answered.
Camille paused for a second as she took a breath and leaned against the wall peeking back into the class praying that her professor wasn't lecturing on anything vitally important. "Because its Thursday mom, it's my late class and you don't sound like everything's okay."
Sighing inwardly, Christina cursed herself for not realizing that. "Sweetie I'm so sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice that's all," she muttered as she headed out of the ER waving to a few collogues and employees as she did.
"It's fine mom, are you sure that you're okay?"
"Yes Camille I'm good just had a bad day, now go back to class and I'll call you this weekend, will talk then."
"You sure?"
"Yes!"
"Mom!"
"Really I'm fine," she lied.
"I love you mom."
"I—," her words trailed as she heard the familiar sound of his voice calling out her name trying to get her attention. "I love you too a lot I'll call you this weekend." Christina mumbled as she kept walking quickly closing her phone as she hit the button to start her car thinking what the hell does he want now.
"Christina please wait, I—"
"I don't have time for this Tom," she yelled over her shoulder cutting him off as she reached her vehicle.
"Christina look I was hoping that we could talk about what happened."
"I can't. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with you, Tom please just leave me alone."
"Christina can we please just get out of the cold and go somewhere and talk."
"Why?"
"I just think we need to. I know that you—," Tom paused quickly rethinking what he was about to say. "Look I never meant to hurt you, I— it just never—"
Christina narrowed her eyes as she just listened as every other word that came out of his mouth hung in the air, she know exactly what he was trying to say, what she couldn't understand was why he was finding it so damn hard to just say he was seeing someone and what they did was a mistake. "You know what Tom let me save you some time," she angrily said. "You didn't hurt me so let's get that straight," she retorted back knowing full well that it was a lie, she was hurting, it hurt like hell seeing him with someone else.
"Don't stand there and act like what we did doesn't matter or that it's not affecting you, hell it's affecting me."
"I just bet it is affecting you Tom." Christina hissed in another angry voice thinking back to the woman he was being really familiar with in the lobby. "You didn't seem too affected by it this afternoon when I saw you. Tom what the hell do you want me to say? That I'm devastated, that I'm hurt over seeing you with your little girlfriend, that I hate myself every day for what I did to you, that I was stupid and a damn fool for letting you screw me. Fine Tom I'm all of those things, I hate myself, I'm hurt, devastated, stupid and a damn fool, are you satisfied you finally got revenge you finally hurt me as much as I hurt you are you happy? There you go we've talked about it; now get the hell out of my way! So I can go the hell home," she screamed as she tried pushing him away from her door.
"What the hell is your damn problem?"
"You are. You're my damn problem Tom now MOVE!"
"Look Christina I just need to know that we can get passed this we still have a daughter to think about and not to mention we work together I don't want your anger affecting that."
Christina narrowed her eyes to a slit this time and just stared at him as if he had just lost his damn mind she took a few deep breathes inwardly, with her hand firmly gripping the door handle she struggled for some control and in the calmest voice she could muster up she spoke. "Yeah Tom we're fine I'm already passed it," she said sarcastically. "Now please move out of my way."
Tom raised his hands and took a step back letting her open her car door. "I don't blame you for what we did Christina."
Christina chuckled humorlessly as herblood immediately started to boil at his words, was he fucking kidding she thought as she stood there staring at him in disbelief feeling like, she was being punked he was seriously standing there blaming her for what happened. "Your— ," she paused taking in a breath trying to take control of her emotions once again the last thing she wanted was to give him the satisfaction again. "You know what? Goodnight Tom," she politely threw at him as she slid into the driver's seat of her car, she closed the door shaking her head as she backed out leaving him standing in the cold watching as her tail lights disappeared into the night.