Hey strangers! Hope you all had a great summer. I apologize that this took so long to write (and I'm not even sure that it was worth the wait), BUT I do think you all have been waiting for this moment in a long time. There's one more chapter left and it's an epilogue sort of thing, so it's almost over (although I do plan to write a bunch of Crellie one shots once I finish). I'd also like to dedicate this chapter to my fellow Crellie-lovin' buddy Nicole (CrashAgainstMySkin) because she's awesome and also writes a lot of enjoyable Crellie fanfic so check her out if you haven't already.

Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

22 January 2013

The first time it happened was far from the way it was supposed to be. The only memory of the entire evening that Ellie could retain was at the very beginning of it and hazy at best. They'd both been drinking (naturally), but for celebratory rather than self-destructive reasons. Craig's newest EP was number one on iTunes and she had finally locked down a steady and lucrative job writing for the online edition of a widely popular entertainment magazine; it had been a great week for them both.

So, they drank up to good fortune and good health and nearly eight solid years of friendship (the year or so they'd lost contact due to Craig's issues notwithstanding). It wasn't long until their playful banter, mixed with the alcohol and excitement, turned into a heavy-lidded, slurred trip into the past.

"Speaking of high school," Ellie began, taking a cue from one of Craig's Downtown Sasquatch stories, "you'll never guess who Marco saw back in Toronto. Go ahead. Guess."

"I give up," Craig took another swig of his beer.

"You didn't even try, though. But okay," she paused for dramatic effect, "Sean. Cameron."

"No fucking way. Man, I haven't thought about Sean in like… How is he?"

"Marco only got to talk to him for a few minutes because he was shopping with Matty and you know how much Matt hates shopping, but he said Sean seemed alright. A lot older and more reserved than ever, but being in the army will do that to you."

Craig shook his head and remained silent for a moment, staring at his half-filled bottle of beer. "Hey, didn't you date him?"

"Yeah, I mean, I lived in his apartment for, like, almost our whole junior year."

"Ohh, yeahhh." Craig said this as if he was silly for forgetting such a detail. He rolled off of the couch and joined Ellie where she was sitting cross-legged on the ground near their make-believe electric fireplace, adjusting himself so that his head was resting on her legs. His view of her face was upside down.

"What time is it?" She asked, scanning the area around them for her cell phone.

"It's now," Craig replied almost indifferently. "You're ugly upside down."

Ellie replied with the same level of indifference. "Yeah well, you're ugly right-side up."

"You didn't think I was ugly when you had a crush on me, though."

That was the first time that either of them had directly violated any the unwritten and unspoken "guidelines" they had followed since their very first week together as roommates. Sure, they'd had their share of more-than-friendly gestures towards one another, and while she could only speak for herself, she was almost positive that he had probably entertained the idea of them being a 'Them' as much as she had.

But that wasn't how this worked. Three years living in this arrangement and they never took things any further than they needed to be, and definitely refrained from making situations uncomfortable by talking about it. Certain things don't have to be real if you wanted hard enough for them not to be.

Ellie was silent. Her eyes remained locked on his, although even in her inebriated state she wished she could look away and break free of his hold.

Craig situated himself so that now he was sitting right in front of her, his hand resting on the side of her face. She remained frozen in spite of the heat from his contact.

The next thing she remembered was waking up on the floor on top of him, clothes sprawled across the floor of their living room.

Three weeks later and she finds themselves in the same position, and not just for the second time. It seemed as though they had eliminated the "no-more-than-platonic-contact" element from their agreement but more or less still abided by the "no-talking-about-Stuff" rule and it was getting to the point where she could no longer pretend she wasn't aware of this and it wasn't bothering her.

Perhaps, however, it wasn't the best idea to address the issue while straddling his waist for the umpteenth time.

She pulled away hastily. "What are we doing?"

At first it seemed as if he was going to ignore her question and continue on with their now-routine secret rendezvous, but he sat up after a moment, his hands still wrapped around her hips.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice coarse and heavy.

"I mean, this. How many times are we going to sleep together before we talk about the fact that we're sleeping together."

He shrugged and shook his head. "What is there to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know… Why are we sleeping together? What does it mean now that we are, maybe?" She rolled over and sat on the bed next to him, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Okay, well, why do you sleep with me?"

It was her turn to shrug now. "I don't know. Is "I want to" enough of a reason?"

"Is it for you?"

"I… I don't know." She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "This has gotten way too complicated."

He reached out to graze her arm with his hand, but this gesture was met with a flinch. "Ellie," he said, his hand hanging awkwardly in the space between them. "It doesn't have to be complicated." Silence. "El, come on, we aren't fooling anyone."

She turned to look at him this time, her eyes searching his face for some kind of answer, though she wasn't entirely sure what the question was.

"We've been living together for years, we both know…" His voice trailed off there, though his mouth hung open as if he were trying to figure out the right words to say. "We both know that this thing between us has been more than what we've been telling ourselves it is for some time now."

Ellie wasn't even sure that any of this was actually happening, let alone did she know how to respond. Luckily, Craig didn't seem to be finished.

"I think we both know that. And besides, when was the last time either one of us were in a relationship?"

At that, Ellie had to laugh. He had a point. They'd been in a relationship long before any of the physical stuff had ever happened.

"It doesn't have to be complicated," he repeated.

Ellie filled the space between their bodies and slipped back into his arms, finally allowing herself to let this happen without the influence of alcohol to serve as an excuse or the little voice in her head telling her to stop. For the first time in a long time, there was no fear, no limitations, no judgment. For the first time, there was just them.