Chapter 2: The Joys of Being a Shinigami
Renji trained with Chad and Karin, instructing them on where they could do better and praising them where they were skilled. Chad was still awkward with a sword, while Karin was still too hot headed to keep her head in a fight. She's worse than Ichigo, Renji thought with a sigh, having hoped that he would never have to acknowledge the fact that there was someone in the world worse than Ichigo.
Renji was still good friends with Ichigo, but he did still feel betrayed by him and Rukia. But then again, he was thankful; he truly loved Orihime, and was glad that she hadn't rejected him when he confessed to her. The way her eyes had lit up made his day, seeing as they'd been so dull and dark as of late.
"Oi! Abarai Taicho! Quit thinking about your girl and fight! You're getting excited about the wrong thing!" Karin taunted, tossing her zanpakuto in the air.
"Huh?! I am?! Oh sh_ wait! No the hell I'm not, you little pervert!"
Karin busted out laughing, bending over as she dropped her zanpakuto, pointing at Renji. "OH MY GOD! CHAD, DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE?! PRICELESS! Whoooo, I wish I'd taken a picture! Oh my God...oh my God, that was amazing. He didn't even know whether he had a boner or_ Shit, man!"
Karin barely managed to pick up her zanpakuto and block Renji's swing in time to keep the blade from taking her eye out "Never let your guard down, Kurosaki." Renji smirked, satisfied that he achieved some degree of vengeance.
He could hear Ichigo chuckling from the sidelines. Chad shook his head, sighing at his girlfriend's antics; both he and Renji had their hands full trying to keep the rowdy Kurosaki in line. No matter how much she denied it, Karin took after her brother and her father. Yuzu was the only truly sane person in the bunch.
"OI! RENJI!" Renji turned, seeing Ikkaku and Yumichika coming his way. He inwardly groaned, hoping Ikkaku wasn't looking for another fight. Ikkaku's okay and all, but come on, man! Ya' gotta' quit fightin' sometime...
"What?" Renji called back. Chad and the Kurosaki's came over to join the 8th Division captain.
"I heard you and Inoue are goin' out."
"And...?" Renji muttered, rolling his eyes. He'd been faced with all kinds of people coming up to him and asking him about it; if it was true.
"Aaaand Kenpachi wants to fight you."
"What? Why?" Shit. Kenpachi was even more bad ass now that he had contact with his zanpakuto. Renji wasn't afraid of Kenpachi, he just didn't want to go through all the trouble of an NDE.
"Because since Orihime doesn't really have anyone else to vouch for her, besides her friends an' all who either don't care or are happy for y'all, so Yachiru told the captain that he should fight you to make sure you were dedicated to Orihime. You don't have to win; you just have to fight hard enough to show him you do have what it takes to protect Orihime."
"When and where?" Renji wouldn't back down from a challenge, insane, bad *** captain or not.
"Right now!" Ikkaku grinned.
"Oi! Can we watch? I wanna' see Big Red get his ass kicked!" Karin smirked.
"Shut up, you!" Renji pushed her into Ichigo and Chad, turning back to Ikkaku and Yumichika. "Don't tell Orihime; I don't want her to worry about me."
"Oh, she's already there," Yumichika stated with a dismissing wave of his delicate hand. "It would be unbeautiful if she couldn't come to your aid after our captain completely dominates you."
"Whoa, didn't know Kenpachi rolled that way," Karin snickered.
"Well...every time he fights Ichigo, they both end up half naked..." Chad remarked.
"WE DO NOT!" Ichigo objected vehemently, glaring at his best friend and little sister, who both shrugged. Renji thought for a minute and nodded.
"Yeah Ichigo...ya' kinda' do..." Karin glanced at her older brother, completely serious.
"Well, now that I think about it, every time he fights someone he ends up half naked...and he usually only fights men..." Yumichika mused, his face contorting in disgust. "How unbeautiful. Such barbaric tactics just to see another man's body." The feminine "man" sniffed haughtily.
"Since our soul pagers connected with the internet, you see other men's bodies without even lifting your lazy ass-less wonder off the damn couch," Ikkaku snapped dryly.
"Do I even wanna' know?" Ichigo asked, edging away from the fence.
"I don't even want to know and I'm his best friend," Ikkaku muttered.
"I do not do that! They pop up on my screen!" Yumichika objected.
Renji snorted. "And yet it doesn't happen to anyone else." Ikkaku smirked at this comment.
"And face it, Feathers-for-Brains, I'm manlier than you!" Karin laughed, hopping the fence. "Now let's go! I wanna' see Renji get his ass kicked!"
"That's Renji Taicho to you, ya' little bitch!"
"Don't call my sister a bitch!"
"Well you and I both know it's true, Carrot Top!"
"I don't have a fuckin' afro, damnit!"
"Yeah you do! It's just spikey!"
"Renji, I know you're a dumb ass, but even you should know that afros are poofy and curly! My hair is FUCKING NEITHER!" Ichigo's voice grew louder with every word. Renji smirked.
"Come on, we don't want to keep the maniac waiting."
o0o
"So ya' ready to put up a good fight? Cause if ya' don't, ya' can't date her!" Kenpachi smirked, his zanpakuto over his shoulder. "I won't even use my shikai. Ya' better be ready though."
"Yeah. Bring it," Renji spun Zabimaru in his hand. He knew that Saru and Hebi would want to come out after the fight to talk about it and see how they can grow stronger. And then after that, the two would probably argue and Saru would go hang out with Senbonzakura while Hebi would pester Karin and Chad for a while.
"Well here I come, Pinapple!" Zaraki shot forward, swinging his sword. Renji blocked.
"Roar! Zabimaru!" Renji yelled, striking Kenpachi's chest. The blade didn't make a deep cut, but the force sent Zaraki back up a few steps to keep from falling on his ass.
Zaraki came back at him and Renji blocked, wrapping the separated Zabimaru around the old, chipped blade and the ginger captain pulled on it, trying to yank Zaraki towards him, only to duck as Zaraki wrenches his zanpakuto out, swinging for Renji's head. Fuck man!
"Be careful, Ji-kun!" Orihime called. Renji nodded. Of course he'd try to be careful. Kenpachi was a freaking monster.
"You've grown some balls since you left my division," Kenpachi smirked.
"Just don't get a hard on during the fight, Captain," Yumichika remarked from the sidelines, looking at his nails. "Renji boy is already taken."
"Oi! Who ya' callin' bo_ Holy shit man, watch where you're swinging that thing!" Renji narrowly missed being clubbed in the balls by Kenpachi's zanpakuto.
"Concentrate on the fight, not the drag queen!"
"'Aye-aye, Captain," Renji muttered, sarcasm a prominent character in the tone of his voice. Kenpachi smirked.
"So ya' wanna be a wise ass? I've always loved putting wise asses in their place."
Their blades crossed again and again as the fight wore on. Kenpachi made the most cuts despite Renji's good start, but Renji dealt a pretty good amount of damage himself. That said, Kenpachi still tried to kill him, apparently forgetting that this was a fight for Orihime's honor and not Renji's head.
When the dust finally settled and both Renji and Kenpachi were healed, everyone sat down and got some sake.
"Did Kenny have fun?" A certain pink haired she-devil popped up out of nowhere. Over the years, Yachiru had gotten older and slightly, slightly more mature. Her face had lost its childhood plumpness and her hair was mostly pink, but natural golden and silver streaks had formed in it, giving her hair an exotic look. Her eyes were more of a red-violet than a reddish brown now and she carried her zanpakuto, which hadn't grown, on her back. Her voice was mildly deeper, but still somewhat girlish.
"Yeah," Kenpachi smirked, nodding. "Though I say the rematch better be more excitin'. This was over too fast."
"Dude! We fought two hours!"
"So? That coulda' easily gone on for at least three!"
"You're insane!"
"Of course he is." Yachiru sat down after grabbing a bottle of sake. Renji noticed she'd squeezed quite close to Ikkaku instead of Kenpachi. "All bad asses are insane." She crossed her legs, leaning back against the back of her chair.
"Oi. They're not all insane! I'm bad ass and I've got my head on straight!" Ichigo objected.
"And yet you're the one who's always in the thick of things. A sane person would take a break," Karin argued, taking a swig of sake.
"You're too young for that!" Ichigo snapped, changing the subject as he snatched the bottle out of Karin's hand.
"Oi! Give that back, Carrot Afro!"
"IT'S NOT AN AFRO!"
"LIKE HELL IT'S NOT AN AFRO! LOOK AT THE THING, IT'S RIDICULOUS, YA' DUMB ASS!"
"I WAS TWENTY THIRD OUT OF OVER TWO HUNDRED STUDENTS! HOW THE HELL IS THAT DUMB ASS QUALITY, DWARF?!"
"BOOKS SMARTS AIN'T REAL SMARTS AND I'M STILL GROWING! AT LEAST I DON'T GET A HARD ON EVERY TIME I FIGHT!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO GET A HARD ON WITH, UNLESS YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME SOMETHING!"
"Don't worry Ichigo…she is like any normal girl…as far as anatomy," Chad spoke in his usual slow, deep tone.
"HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW, DAMNIT?!"
"Because…I was 11th out of…that 200…and I do have real smarts."
Karin snickered. "Ichi-nii got played!"
"That was not getting played, you little brat!"
"Sure it was. He just made you look even stupider than you already are, didn't he?" Yachiru piped up cheerfully.
"How unbeautiful; these insults aren't even good," quipped Yumichika daintily.
"Neither is your hair, Yumi. Did you check the mirror this morning?" Renji smirked, knowing that this would rile the narcissistic warrior up.
Yumichika's perfect posture and serene expression wavered slightly and everyone shared knowing smirks. "Y-you're just trying to yank on my chain…" The man stuttered weakly, nearly panicked, a hand reaching for his ebony locks.
"We're trying to help you out of the goodness of our hearts, Yumi. If you don't want to listen, I suppose you'll just have to stay that way," Yachiru replied innocently.
"If you'd excuse me for a moment while I go make myself beautiful and presentable." The vain shinigami hurriedly left the premises.
"That wasn't very nice, guys, though I suppose it was pretty funny…but I wouldn't want it done to me, but then again, he did kind of deserve it for being so high and haughty. Still, though. I think his feelings are really hurt, or maybe not yet, but they'll be hurt when he finds out that we were all trying to pick on him and then he'll come say that we were being unbeautiful and_"
"Don't worry about it, Inoue," Kenpachi shrugged it off. "He can either grow a pair of balls or go die in a ditch. If he does the latter, he better die fighting though or I'll resurrect him just so I can fight and kill him myself." The vain shinigami hurriedly left the premises.
Typical Kenpachi… Renji chuckled silently. He stood. "Well, I better get back to the eight. Hey Carrot Afro, tell Captain Kuchiki I said 'hi'." He kisses Orihime's temple. "Have a good day, Hime-chan.
"NOT AN AFRO!"
"Shut up, Ichigo, we're not going to let you live it down."
"I hate you all."
The joys of being a shinigami.
A/N: Okay, so I know that it took me a long time to finish this chapter, but like I said in WPS, I was really busy. I hope you like this chapter, because I wanted to add a little humor as well as an "honor brawl". Also, my mother has permitted me to write curse words so long as it's not excessive to help the story flow, so no more star thingies! But I'm too lazy to change all the old ones, so sorry lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, so R&R if you please. Ta~