EDITED 30 NOVEMBER 2013
Please enjoy and review!
Part II
"I'm the hero of this story, don't need to be saved." –Regina Spektor, "Hero"
74th Hunger Games
Arriving in the Capitol with her tributes for the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Johanna realizes that she really hates life. More specifically, she really hates her life. She steps off the train and onto the platform behind her tributes. They stare at all the Capitol crowds, petrified. Johanna rolls her eyes and gives a snarky smile and half wave to the crowds, followed by a rude gesture. No one seems really surprised, even if Blight does elbow her in the ribs.
They move along the cleared path, guided by Peacekeepers when Johanna sees Finnick out of the corner of her eyes. She looks at him and gives a harsh smile. Might as well stay in character. He winks at her and those damn butterflies return. Playing it off, Johanna flips him off, too. His turns away after giving her a meaningful glance towards the fancy watch on his wrist.
Johanna follows her tributes into the Remake Center, where they are pulled away by their prep teams. Inwardly groaning, Johanna rides in the elevator with Blight to where the mentors have to get hair and makeup done. Knowing that she would most likely mess it up at some point today, Johanna relaxes in the lounge, planning on getting ready at another time. Some of the more popular victors, like Finnick, require more time to look spectacular, but the others that no one seems to care about, like Johanna, don't.
She sits in the lounge with her feet up on the coffee table, and stares out the window with a cold frown. Without even looking, she hears a very loud Haymitch enter the room. "Hey look, assholes, I'm sober!" he shouts. Surprised, Johanna turns. A few other mentors do the same. Johanna raises her eyebrows. He lazily throws himself down in a chair, and continues, "Looks like I have some tributes with a chance this year. Made me promise to stay away from the alcohol."
Normally, these types of words are frowned upon, but as no careers are in the room, and half of the mentors don't give a damn, Haymitch is not violating an unspoken law. Besides Johanna, the only others in the room are Chaff, who sits next to Haymitch (obviously drunk), Cecelia, and Trixa, from 5.
Rolling her eyes, Johanna focuses her attention back on the outside world. As usual, her tributes don't stand much of a chance at all. But based on the footage of this year's Reapings, her money is on any of the tributes of 1 or 2, and maybe the boy from 11. Not even Finnick's tributes look promising. But maybe this year will be interesting. Whatever the arena is like, it's sure to be a boring year compared to next, as the third Quarter Quell is next year. Johanna tries not to think of what it will be like mentoring those tributes. She grimaces inwardly, concentrating on keeping her face passive.
Time passes, and the lounge becomes more and more crowded. Without even casually gazing over her shoulder, Johanna senses Finnick a few feet behind her, laughing with Gemma from 1 and Vulcan from 2. Sometimes, Finnick really gets on her nerves. He is so good at being a playboy, she believes it. It's only at night, when they're together, that she remembers who he really is.
After years of friendship, and this last year and a half of more, Johanna has only started to begin seriously sorting out her feelings for the many-faced Finnick Odair. She is annoyed by him when he is in the presence of the other mentors or on camera. She hates him when he talks about Annie. She loves him when they're alone in the middle of the night.
Yes, Johanna Mason has come to the conclusion that she loves Finnick Odair.
But it's wrong.
She knows that it isn't right for her to love someone who is practically married to someone else, even though they're sleeping together and have been for a long time. He knows everything about her and that scares her. Johanna only wants him to be happy, so she doesn't tell him these feelings. But she thinks he knows, as well as some of the other mentors that Finnick is really close to.
And to the rest of Panem, especially those in the Capitol, Johanna must hate Finnick Odair, for his sake.
"He would try to take away my pain and he just might make me smile, but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead." –Taylor Swift, "Haunted"
74th Hunger Games
Johanna lies on her side, staring at the Capitol lights outside of the open windows of Finnick's bedroom. She hates to admit that this is where she is the most comfortable: in his bed, with his arm draped over her side. Tonight was the night she had first ever said 'I love you' in the middle of their intimacy, and she hoped that he thought it was only their physical act speaking, and not real. And that broke her heart.
Her back is pressed up against his chest and she can feel his heart beat in time with her breathing as she thinks about tonight's Opening Ceremonies. Haymitch might've been right when he said he had good tributes this year. They looked amazing. Their stylist had outdone himself. Johanna's tributes, on the other, had not. As usual, they looked like trees. Stupid.
His bed really is too comfortable, she realizes. Johanna could lay here forever and a day, especially with him beside her, his gentle breathing tickling her neck. The ghost of his kiss returns to her lips, and Johanna smiles to herself. It was embarrassing how much she cared for him. She sighs, thinking that she could live like this for the rest of her life—in his arms. If only that could ever happen. He was too deep in love with Annie. And Johanna hated him for that.
She knows that Finnick cares for her, but he would never love her like he loves Annie. Johanna is too temperamental and too messed up. Then again, isn't Annie? Still Finnick chooses her, the mad girl. If Annie had never existed, would Finnick love Johanna instead? Probably not, she thinks, because Annie was what really brought them together.
If Annie had died in the Games, would Johanna and Finnick be deep in love? After all, Johanna had comforted Finnick before, during, and after Annie's own Games. But they could never truly be together because Snow would break them apart. Snow would keep them apart forever.
Maybe that would be for the best. Maybe this was stupid. Maybe Johanna was destined to be alone forever. Maybe it was better for both of them to not do this to themselves.
She couldn't deny that Finnick was her only friend. He was the only who genuinely cared about Johanna's wellbeing and sanity. He had always looked out for her, just as she looked out for him. He understood her, and she loved him for that.
They comforted each other. That was all this was. What else could it be? There was no substance to this relationship. It consisted of sex and tears. Had it always been that way?
Yet Johanna couldn't convince herself that this was true. Surely Finnick really did care about her, right?
Suddenly, Finnick pulls Johanna closer to him. She can't keep herself from smiling. Well, until Finnick murmurs, "I love you, Annie," into Johanna's dark hair.
And then the tears come. Johanna realizes that even in his dreams, Finnick loves Annie, not her. He will always love Annie more than her. He will always choose Annie over Johanna, the woman who understands him most. Somehow, that tears at Johanna's heart more than ever before. Hearing Finnick say Annie's name in his sleep breaks Johanna's heart.
How could she have allowed herself to fall for Finnick?
What had possessed Johanna to actually fall in love with a taken man?
When the sun begins to slowly climb over the horizon after a few hours, Finnick finally rolls over, freeing Johanna. She hears him yawn and stretch, and she knows that he is finally awake. Johanna rolls over to face him and smiles. "Hi," she says, trying not to reveal that her heart is cracked, and just might shatter soon.
"Hey," Finnick says with a grin, not really able to see Johanna because of the darkness of the room. "I really don't want to go find sponsors today. I would much rather just stay here with you."
She doesn't reveal it, but hearing him pretend that he actually wants to spend time with her is like the dropping of her heart in slow motion. It won't be long before it hits rock bottom and shatters into a million pieces. And if Johanna has any say in it, that will never happen.
Johanna merely smiles and says, "You were talking in your sleep again last night. About Annie."
The sun can't rise fast enough, but Johanna is glad that the room is still very dark because she doesn't want Finnick to see the sadness that she knows she can't keep from her eyes, no matter how good of a liar she is. He is always able to read her like an open book. The fingers that were lightly tracing a path on her upper arm still; she is afraid he can feel her trembling.
"Oh," Finnick says softly. He takes one of her hands and squeezes it. "You know, Jo, sometimes I forget about everything at night and think that you're Annie and not, well, you. The worst part is that sometimes I wish it were true."
Sad and knowing that the slow motion fall of her heart is picking up speed outside of her control, Johanna simply responds, "I know."
"Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?" –Adele, "Someone Like You"
74th Hunger Games
The day that the Games begin, Johanna knows that this year will be different. How often does District 12 ever stand out? It makes Johanna sick how those two kids on fire were in love and being sent to their deaths. How tragic. And with their scores…this year would definitely be different. And Johanna hates them for it. Seriously, it makes her sick to think of their instant popularity as the underdogs. She had been the underdog and no one had given half a damn.
And it isn't hard to see through their act of star-crossed lovers. Oh, how Romeo and Juliet, cried people all over the Capitol. Whatever 'Romeo and Juliet' meant. It was some stupid story from before the Dark Days. It seems that Johanna was the only person who could tell that the two kids weren't really in love. Well, at least the girl wasn't. She wasn't even able to pretend. On the other hand, the boy was clearly smitten, or just a really good actor.
Johanna feels sick just thinking about it. She wonders if any of this year's mentors from District 6 are morphling addicts, because Johanna could definitely use some right now. It's funny how jealousy and rage have a physical impact.
How the hell could Haymitch have lucked out with such good tributes? It wasn't fair.
Well, it is Panem, after all. Nothing is fair.
Johanna fearlessly walks into the mentors' gym, ignoring the stares that she can feel directed at her. Characteristically, Johanna raises her middle finger to the room, not knowing or caring who was in there. She goes straight for the punching bag and fiercely wails on it. It doesn't bother her that others are staring at her ferocity. She is furious with her life and her odds, and she doesn't care who knows. They all feel the same way.
After several minutes, Johanna is winded and tired. She falls to her knees on the matted floor, and breathes heavily, trying to slow her heart rate. Brushing loose hairs out of her face, Johanna lays down, wiped out.
All of the emotions she had held in for years were slowly leaking out, and it made Johanna more lethal than ever. A tiny voice in the back of Johanna's head mentioned something about therapy being helpful, but the prideful walls she had built instantly stopped the voice, retorting that the punching bag and innocent bystanders were good enough victims.
Everyone has to get hurt at some point. It isn't her fault if Johanna merely starts the process. She sighs, her heart rate slowing. Johanna feels tears come to her eyes, and she blinks them back, accusing herself of PMS-ing. After all, she is human. She can't be all bubbly and hunky-dory all the time (like anyone could be bubbly and hunky-dory at all in this hell they call life).
Human. Johanna hasn't felt human in a long time. She refuses to see herself as human.
Murderers could not be human. Liars could not be human. Whores could not be human. Lovers could not be human. Johanna Mason is a machine; a cold, hard machine with no emotions.
The tears return and fall before she can stop them. Johanna screeches loudly and kicks the punching bag, throwing her fists to the floor beside her. She doesn't have to look around the room to know she's alone. No one wants to deal with the crazy psycho-victor. Unless your name is Annie Cresta, crazy is not an option.
Johanna instinctively faults Finnick for everything, even though she knows it's wrong. He is the one who continually breaks her heart by allowing her to love him and then crushing her by talking to her as if she were Annie.
But Johanna is the one who lets him do this. This really is her fault.
And it has to come to an end.
"When I collapse will you forget? When I'm dead and gone will you regret all of the constant mocking, bitter slander I imposed when you were so upset?" –Apple Trees & Tangerines, "Can You Save Me"
74th Hunger Games
"Hey, Odair!" Johanna Mason shouts across the main floor of the Training Center. The man in question is standing outside of the rooms where the mentors work during the Hunger Games. It is only the first day, and both of Johanna's tributes and one of Finnick's are dead. What a surprise.
Johanna doesn't care that she just left the mentor's gym, and that she is hot and sweaty after beating on that punching bag. She sees red and the figure draped in the demonic color is the one and only Finnick Odair.
He looks up and raises his eyebrows, obviously thinking she is just faking for some alone time. He saunters casually over to her and opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, Johanna grabs his arm and forcefully pulls him into a storage room.
"Nice to see you, too, Jo," Finnick says sarcastically, pointedly rubbing his arm where she had grabbed him.
"Don't call me that," she growls. Finnick realizes that something is up, especially when she grabs his collar and slams him up against the wall. For half a second, he thinks she is going to kiss him, because she leans in, but it's only to get close to his eyes so she can say, "Look. I'm sick of you screwing with my mind, and screwing me, so we're done. Do you hear me, Finnick? We're done." And then Johanna backs up and falls to the floor, shaking.
Finnick looks baffled. "I'm confused," he says slowly, watching Johanna's body shake as she wraps her arms around her knees and lay her head on top. "What's wrong, Jo?"
She looks up, her eyes red and puffy. "I can't do this to myself anymore, Finnick. We have to stop. It isn't fair to Annie, and it isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to me. I'm done."
He looks genuinely upset. "Is that all that you think this is? Screwing around?"
Johanna won't meet his eyes, but rather looks past him to where the wall meets the ceiling. "We both knew from the start that this would never end well for either of us. You fuck me and you say her name. Tell me how that's fair." Meeting his eyes with her own ferocious glare, she continues, "You make me weak, Finnick. You make me feel things I shouldn't feel, I don't deserve to feel at all. But you make me feel and that scares the hell out of me."
Finnick nods slowly a couple of times, and says, "You're right. I'm sorry, Jo. We'll keep some distance for a while."
With her eyes closed, Johanna feels her heart finally shatter. She doesn't look up and doesn't say anything, just leans against the shelving units and cries. Johanna hears Finnick sigh and leave the room. She bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut, trying to pinch off the tears. It doesn't work.
Could this have been the right thing to do?
Had Johanna made a mistake?
Her brain tells her 'no'. It really wasn't fair to anyone for them to do this. Annie didn't know anything about Finnick and Johanna, and while being left in the dark was the easiest thing to do, it was wrong. The poor girl would be heartbroken if she found out what was going on between her one true love and another woman (well, several, but that's beside the point).
By continuing to sleep together and spend all of their private time together, Johanna was continually telling Finnick that she cared for him as more than a friend, which, of course, she did, but Finnick didn't need to know that. Everyone was better off if he didn't know she loved him and thought that they were just friends.
As for Johanna, she was torturing herself by letting herself think that Finnick could possibly love a girl like her. Finnick and Johanna were too much alike; adding fire to fire just creates a devastating burn. He needed someone like Annie to keep him sane; adding water to fire forces peace. The realization hurts Johanna more than anything.
Maybe she didn't have to be quite so mean, Johanna tells herself, but it got the job done and told Finnick that she was serious.
She isn't look forward to sleeping alone tonight.
"Everyone knows it's going to hurt, but at least we get hurt trying." –Regina Spektor, "Firewood"
74th Hunger Games
A week and a half passes with hardly any communication between Finnick and Johanna. He doesn't know what to think. She's right, of course; she usually is. But Finnick doesn't know how to feel about this break-up, even if they were never officially together in the first place. He knows that she's right, but it still hurts.
But why?
Why should Finnick care at all?
Maybe it's because a part of him has grown to—dare he say it?—love Johanna. The thought crosses Finnick's mind and he instantly downs the rest of his drink, shaking his head as if to get rid of the thought. The rest of the bar probably thinks that he's lost it, like too many of the other victors. The Capitol citizens will probably mourn the loss of Finnick Odair more than Finnick will. He hates them. Just being here in this Capitol club makes Finnick angry.
He throws a wad of cash on the counter and leaves, ignoring the flash of cameras and requests to dance from scantily clad women. Finnick throws his trademark smile at some Peacekeepers as he leaves the bar. The sky is dark, but if Finnick didn't know that stars existed (at least in District 4), he would swear they weren't real because of their invisibility due to the blindingly bright lights of the Capitol.
Cars speed by on the streets and a light sprinkle comes down from the skies. Rumor has it that the Capitol controls the weather, but Finnick isn't too sure. It rains far too often in his opinion. The downpour grows steadily heavier, but he doesn't care. He even purposely takes the longest route back to his apartment. After his tributes died a week ago, Finnick didn't even bother going to the Training Center, except to see his friends and try to catch a glimpse of Johanna, which he never seems to be able to do.
While waiting to cross the street, Finnick raises his face to the skies and embraces the rain. Why did he develop these feelings for Johanna? They were just supposed to be friends, and that was all. It had worked for a long time—years—but Finnick knew that he had to be careful. When at home in District 4, he spent all of his time with Annie, telling himself that he didn't love Johanna. It was impossible for him to love Johanna as more than a sister.
He steps in a puddle and thinks he sees the woman he spent last night with in the distance. Finnick ducks into an alleyway and decides to take a much longer route back to his apartment. He doesn't want to run into anyone he knows. Even if he doesn't remember their name, Finnick remembers their face and their voice and the feel of their body against his. It makes him sick.
Just thinking about being the Capitol's whore makes Finnick want to throw up. He leans against a grimy wall and his vision swims. Pressing a hand against his forehead, Finnick regrets all those drinks tonight. He leans over and vomits onto the dirty street.
Running into patrons or not, Finnick just needs to get home. As soon as he is able to walk, Finnick heads toward the main roads, but pauses after hearing a commotion behind him. Two figures have materialized from the mist and are passing something between them. Sensing an illegal deal, Finnick knows better than to interfere.
That is, until he hears a familiar voice say, "Thanks, Valerian."
Finnick mentally groans and waits for the smaller figure to pass this way. As soon as they do, Finnick lightly says, "Hey, Jo."
She jumps and her breath catches. Johanna turns to look at him. She glares at him and begins to walk away. Finnick grabs her hand and she yanks it out of his grip. He grabs her arm, and she pulls but he is stronger. "What do you want?" she barks, lips curling over her teeth.
"Is that morphling?" asks Finnick, referring to the white bag in her grasp.
Johanna narrows her eyes and says, "So what? You're practically one drink away from being completely smashed. You have your methods of coping and I have mine. Get over it."
Finnick bites back nasty words, knowing that it would only lead to a fight. "Look, Jo, we can't do this to ourselves. The only reason I'm not an alcoholic like Haymitch or Chaff is you, and I'm pretty sure that the reason you aren't like most of the victors from District 6 is because of me." That seems to calm Johanna, and Finnick can't help but wonder why it does. "We need each other, Jo. We have to keep each other clean."
Johanna visibly relaxes. "I guess…" She takes a step closer to Finnick and lightly touches his cheek. His stomach plummets, recognizing the magical lead-up of the moment before a kiss. "I guess I need you more than I realized." She hesitates briefly before leaning up and embracing him. So much more is said in actions than in words between these two friends; just friends, now, for he is sure she will never want to kiss him again.
Finnick wonders why—even though this is so wrong—it feels so right.
She draws back and smiles softly. "You're the only person who really knows me, Finnick. Thanks. Now let's get you home before you start a public fight or something."
They laugh, finally comfortable with each other once again.
"Take this sinking boat and point it home; we've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice; you'll make it now." –Glen Hansard, "Falling Slowly"
74th Hunger Games
In an unusual turn of events, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark have both won the 74th Hunger Games. And it spells death for the rest of the world. Someone has to be blamed. For sure, Katniss and Peeta will be threatened by President Snow because they—most likely unknowingly, or possibly unintentionally—defied the Capitol and Snow's control in the Districts. Because it was his fault in the long run, the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, will most likely be killed before the Victory Tour. Panem is suddenly on a slippery downward slope towards something unknown. All of the citizens in the Capitol and the Districts are on edge. The tension in the air is palpable and nearly tangible.
But for Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason, life continues as it always has. They spend the wee hours of the morning together after spending their nights with someone else. It doesn't take long before they both consider saying those important three words to each other, but neither does. They understand the consequences.
Tonight, they sit on the floor in Johanna's apartment, attempting to pull an all-nighter so they can sleep on the long train ride back to the Districts. A deck of cards is spread between the two and each participant is only half-dressed, eating sugar cubes like there's no tomorrow. Finnick had been attempting to teach Johanna how to play strip poker, but she didn't—and still doesn't—understand the cards, making for a very interesting game.
Sorely losing, Johanna leans her head back and laughs, "I'm about to quit Finnick! I refuse to take off my panties and bra, as much as you would like that, and I only have one sock left."
Finnick laughs. "Fine, but forfeiting means that you have to take everything off."
"You can kiss my ass."
"Once you're naked, of course."
"You're such a boy."
Again, he laughs. "Well, I should hope so. Otherwise, many of my clients—"
"Hey!" Johanna shouts, leaping over and shoving Finnick onto the ground. Her hair hangs down around her face as she gets in his face to say, "I thought we decided not to bring up our jobs anymore while it was just the two of us."
Finnick rolls his eyes. "Fine," he adds with a groan, "but no complaining if I'm able to rid you of your job and you'll have to take care of me in my insanity."
Johanna gets off him, suspicion in her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Now I've got your attention." Finnick sits up. "This is all top secret, of course, but I think I might have found a way to keep Annie safe permanently, which means that you won't have to fuck anyone you don't want to ever again."
"How?"
Finnick shakes his head. "Can't tell you. This is my business, Jo. You'll be fine. Trust me."
She purses her lips and glares at him through narrowed eyes. "Seriously? It's a good thing you're my best friend, Finnick, because I don't trust anyone."
"Really? I hadn't noticed. But trust me, Johanna, you don't want to know."
Johanna sighs, knowing that she couldn't win this one. She tilts her head to the side and looks down at the cards in her hand. Feeling Finnick's eyes on her, she scratches the tiny itch on her bare side. He makes an undeterminable sound. She looks up at him and raises her eyebrows. "What?"
"I really hate you, Jo."
She scowls. "I thought we just got through appreciating our friendship. Way to go, Finnick."
Before she can register anything, Finnick's lips are on hers and his hand is on the back of her neck, keeping her in place. After a few seconds, Finnick pulls away. "I hate that you make me feel this way."
Coyly, but secretly seeking the truth, Johanna smirks and asks, "What way?"
"Like…" Finnick pauses and kisses her again slowly, thoroughly. "Like Annie never can."
"You'll regret this, Finnick," Johanna says, scooting back a foot and casting her eyes down. "You can't forget about Annie." Softly, she adds, "You'll never forgive yourself."
Finnick comes toward her on his knees, brushing her hair off her face, leaving his hand in place. "I can—I will. There's so much that's different between you and Annie, Jo. You're strong, courageous, daring…beautiful…You don't need anyone—"
In a rare moment of distracted weakness, Johanna takes Finnick's hands in hers and breathes, "I need you."
Throwing caution to the wind, Finnick says, "And that's why I love you." He throws himself at her, kissing her and holding her close. Finnick stares into Johanna's eyes after pulling away, and whispers directly in her ear, "I love you," before kissing her jaw, neck, collarbone. She throws her head back and bites her lip. Johanna lightly pulls Finnick's chin up to meet her face and kisses him, deeper every second. Their tongues combat together until Finnick deliberately slows Johanna down.
Johanna whispers against his lips, "I love you, too." She accents her statement with a light kiss, followed by a more meaningful one. Running her fingers through his hair, Johanna smiles as she feels his fingers nimbly unhook her bra. She allows it to fall to the floor and presses even closer to him. Finnick gently pushes her back onto the floor and kisses her forehead. Johanna traces patterns on his back with her fingertips as he grips her hips. He reaches up and, after some blind searching, turns out the lamp, surrounding them in darkness, with only the light from the city and the moon revealing anything.
Instead of just having sex, tonight they make love. Neither has been happier in their life.
"Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had, but I still mean every word I said to you." –Taylor Swift, "Haunted"
Before the 74th Victory Tour
Johanna is aimlessly wandering through the market, feeling the chill of autumn all the way into her bones. She glances at the things being sold and grabs a few things, not really paying attention to what it is. Her life is mostly the same, with the exception of everyone and their mother fawning over Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Capitol television programs run constantly about the daily lives of the District 12 lovers. She envies how lucky they are.
No one gave half a shit about Johanna Mason. No one does.
A cool wind blows through the tents, causing Johanna to shiver as she continues to meander. She sees several children playing while their mothers shop or gossip, and wonders which will be the lucky ones? Who will be spared? Who will be fortunate enough to die in the arena and not have to live in this hell? Johanna huffs at herself for even thinking about it.
A little boy stares up at Johanna, and she glares at him, walking past as fast as she can. Mentally, Johanna can't even fathom what would possess her to do that, but she shakes off the feelings like an unwanted arm wrapped around her shoulders. She continues on, but stops with agitation when she feels a tug on her oversized sweater. Looking down, she sees the little boy.
"Please, Miss Johanna," he says politely, "Mr. Blight Woods needs you."
"What for?" she asks, a little too rudely for such a sweet (which even she can't deny) child. God, she hates children. Good thing she would never-but she stops herself mid-thought, a sickening feeling in her stomach keeping her from finishing that sentence.
He shrugs. "Dunno. He just told me to come get you."
Johanna sighs. This is just like Blight. Vague as always. "Fine. Thank you." She quickly pays for the things in her possession and heads back to the Victor's Village, not even stopping to put her groceries away. She doesn't even bother to knock, but rather just barges right into Blight's house that looks exactly the same as hers, if only a little more put together with more personal belongings and memories.
As always, Blight is sitting in his rocking chair in the front sitting room, staring at the leaves blowing down the street. Johanna has always wondered if he was slightly mental, but weren't they all? No one in Panem could be sane if they put up with this shit every day. She absolutely hates this wasteland everyone calls a country.
"What do you want?" she demands, dropping her bag to the floor. A few items spill out. "I was busy."
He doesn't look at her, but comments, "And yet you still ran here." She knows that she can't deny him that. He is very aware that she cares more than she lets on. "I just heard from good old Mags—"
"How do you understand anything she says anymore? I could hardly understand her before the stroke and now—"
Blight looks at her and cuts her off by saying, "Mags told me that Finnick Odair's engaged." Johanna's stomach drops. What? "I figured that you should hear it from me before anyone from the Capitol because of how you feel for him."
Johanna's jaw drops and she feels anger and envy and betrayal rise from her very core. "What the—I don't even—The only feelings I have for Odair are that of me being pissed off and annoyed by his playboy act. And even if I did have feelings for him, which I don't, he should have said something to me, not you or Mags or anyone else. It's not like I care. He can get married to whoever the hell he wants. I don't even like him."
"Keep telling yourself that," Blight says with a turn back to the window. Johanna scowls and leaves the room. "Be sure to close the door on your way out! I don't want a draft!" Blight gets a slam of the door in return.
Johanna storms into her house, not caring that she left her groceries at Blight's home. She immediately tears the phone off the wall and pulls the cord so that it stretches toward the window seat facing the forest. Without thinking about it, she dials the usual number and lets it ring.
"Hello?" comes a familiar voice.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" shouts Johanna. "You should have told me you were fucking getting married! I can't believe this! It's just like you, Odair!"
"What…how—who told you?"
"Who do you think? Mags told Blight and he told me. Looking out for my best interests or whatever. Well, I don't give a damn. You can marry whoever the hell you want."
Finnick sighs. "What is wrong with you, Johanna? You've never cared about me and Annie in the past! You were always pushing me away from you and towards Annie. I don't get it! Why are you so jealous all of a sudden?"
Johanna screeches. "Jealous? You're accusing me of being jealous? Of all things I am, Odair, I am not jealous. We're best friends. This is the kind of thing you tell someone before telling the rest of the world."
"Look, I only told Mags. She knows about me and you, and probably told Blight to warn you. I had no idea that she told anyone."
"Sure. Sure," she repeats angrily, running a hand through her mid-length hair. "Just know, Finnick, that I am never going to help you in the middle of the night again. And you can forget about fucking me. That's what your wife's for now, brainless or not. She's yours."
"Jo, you can't tell anyone." His tone is urgent, panicked. "No one can know that Annie and I are engaged. It'll be a secret wedding. You can come if you want. We'll figure out a way to get you to District 4—"
"Why in the world would I want to come to your wedding? Even if I was the fucking maid of honor, I wouldn't come! And don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your secret engagement. Heaven knows that the world doesn't know half about you and me. So go have fun with your crazy-ass wife. I'm done."
Johanna hangs the phone up and screams as she throws herself onto the pillows and cushions, the tears falling freely. She presses a hand to her stomach, wondering if he would have proposed to Annie if he knew about the baby. Of course, there was no way to tell if it was his, but Johanna just knew.
And yet, it was already too late. The baby was gone, after too much cramping and bleeding.
But still… If Finnick had known, would he have cared? Would he have stayed?