I do not own Warm Bodies. It's just awesome.
R and Julie: The Simple Life
Chapter 8: Keeping Up With Julie
Month 7. . .
"Julie, what are you doing?"
Julie twisted around to look down at him from her perch.
"I'm getting a book, silly. What do you think?"
She turned and focused on the ceiling-high bookcase again. R, six foot two inches tall, stood at eye line with his diminutive wife's shoulder blades.
"Julie, please get down."
"I'm fine, R. I can take care of myself, you know."
Julie huffed and turned back around, reaching for a high book.
R decided she wouldn't listen to words. He tipped her off the stepstool into his arms. She let out a yelp and threw her arms around his neck. R kissed her on the nose, bodily carried his pregnant wife over, and gently deposited her on the couch.
I've always wanted to do that.
He spoke, sternly, though there was humor in his blue eyes.
"Just tell me what you want, woman. And stop climbing up on things."
Julie's eyebrows went up in disbelief.
"I can get it myself, man."
She stood up and stubbornly crossed her arms over her expanding chest and belly.
R crossed his arms back and replied patiently, "Your center of balance is off. You could fall and hurt yourself and our baby."
"Don't patronize me. My center of balance is fine, thank you very much," Julie haughtily retorted,
R tilted his head at her, eyebrows raised. Then he stretched out his index finger and pushed against her right collarbone just a little. Julie tilted back and sat down clumsily. R smirked smugly at his wife.
"See, I'm right."
Cool, I'm right.
Julie glared at him, then couldn't resist slipping a smile out.
"Okay, fine. You can be my serving boy. Now, I'd be very grateful if you'd get me that book. Please."
"Okay."
He climbed a step up the stepstool and retrieved the book while Julie enjoyed the view he gave her.
"You're going to regret this, you know," she predicted.
He grinned at her.
"I doubt it."
Month 8
Julie was becoming, well, round. She was, and always had been, beautiful of course. Now she was beautiful and really much rounder. Her face was rounder, her chest was rounder (R really enjoyed that), and of course her belly was definitely rounder. Her skin practically glowed. Her blond hair was thicker and more lustrous than ever.
Julie was, every single moment, creating life with her own body. R awed at the notion. He had, well, contributed, of course, but this part was all her. She was actually growing a tiny little human being inside her. Well, maybe not so tiny anymore.
She was already in love with the baby she was growing inside her. She rubbed her belly often, sometimes comfortingly, sometimes in frustration.
"Alright, little one," she'd announce into thin air. "Get off my bladder. I simply cannot go to the bathroom again. Mommy loves you, but scoot over and sit on something else."
Julie talked to Baby about all kinds of things. Some of the stuff she said was as much to herself as to Baby.
"This world isn't much to look at now, but it's getting better. It's already had to come back from pretty much nothing anyway. So it's only going up from here, don't you worry."
Nora talked to Baby too.
"When you get old enough, we'll have a lot to talk about. Your Auntie Nora will tell you about the birds and the birds," she said.
Colonel Grigio talked to Baby.
"If anyone bothers you, I'm in charge of men with guns. Just say the word and I'll take care of it." He'd smile and pat the belly affectionately.
Marcus even talked to Baby.
"Hey kid," he'd say softly. "This is your Uncle Marcus. Your dad and I have been through a lot together. I'll tell you about it some day when you're like, I don't know, thirty or so. But don't worry. Your Uncle Marcus knows how to have fun. So come on out and we'll get to it!"
Julie sometimes felt like people forgot she was there too. They talked to her protruding midsection and then forgot to talk to her.
"Hey," she'd say jokingly. "I'm growing this kid here. What do I get?"
R spent some quiet time every day with just Julie and Baby. He talked to Baby. Baby kicked. He sang to Baby. Baby squirmed. He rubbed Julie's itchy belly with lotion. Baby pushed against his hands. R pushed back gently. It was almost a game. He would press carefully on one part of Julie's belly and Baby would push back. Then he would push on another part, trying to figure out what part he was touching. Baby was getting quite strong.
Julie had good days. . .
"Hey, Mr. Grigio. What do you want the baby to call you?" R inquired curiously one day before leaving for work detail.
John Grigio usually stern countenance softened into butter as he pondered the question. He didn't speak immediately.
Julie chirped up enthusiastically.
"How about 'Colonel Pop-Pop'?"
Both R and Colonel Grigio slowly turned in unison and stared, eyebrows raised and mouths agape as Nora collapsed in shocked giggles.
Julie continued on, unabashed.
"What? Come on! It's the sound a gun makes and then we can show the baby R's scar!"
Julie smiled, confident in her brilliant idea, then hugged and smooched the cheek of her father, then her husband and left, actually waddling from the room. The men stood alone together.
After a moment, John Grigio spoke.
"Do you think she's doing it on purpose at this point?"
R shrugged, still dumbfounded.
"I just don't know anymore."
Colonel Pop-Pop. Don't giggle. Don't giggle. Don't giggle.
Julie had bad days. . .
After an easy work detail one day, Julie came home. She went straight up to her room and lay on the bed, crying her heart out. R was unavailable, still out on his work detail. Nora found her first and held her while she sobbed.
"Julie, honey, what's wrong?"
Nora asked, arms wrapped around her friend as best she could. Julie wiped at her eyes.
"I'm 23 and I'm going to have a baby and all I want is my mom! She should be here. It's so unfair she's not here! Dad misses her and I miss her. I don't even know how to nurse this baby. . ."
Nora gently interrupted.
"Remember, honey? Marie said she'd stay a few days and help you. She nursed all four of her kids when formula was still around so she must be really good at it."
"And we have to use cloth diapers because nobody has seen Huggies for years. . ."
Nora shuddered.
"Well, I know, that's going to be gross for sure, but you know, cloth is better than nothing at all. And we get extra laundry loads to wash them. . ."
"And, and . . ." Julie trailed off, her breath hitching. "And I've got . . . cankles! And they hurt!"
R appeared in the doorway, confused and lost in the situation.
What now?
"R," Nora instructed calmly, stroking Julie's hair and looking at him.
"Tell your wife you love her and her cankles."
"Of course," he responded immediately."
Oh man, where's that book? I'm not asking her what 'cankles' are while she's crying like that.
Month 9
Week 1 . . .
"R!" Julie's call sounded urgent.
He froze in the common room and called out, "What?"
"Do you know where the IPod is?"
R relaxed.
"Yeah, it's in our room next to the bed. You wanted our baby to listen to Queens of the Stone Age last night to see what would happen."
Baby went crazy and kicked me in the kidneys so long I think I peed blood this morning.
"Oh yeah! That was fun! Then I played Primitive Radio Gods!"
Yup. Baby passed right out.
A pause.
"Found it! Thanks!"
Week 2. . .
"R! Help!"
He panicked and dropped the plate he was washing.
At least that one was plastic.
He found his wife on the couch, face scrunched up.
"What? What is it? What's the matter?"
"I've got a foot cramp and I can't reach it."
Julie strained to reach the contorted foot.
I wonder if she's actively trying to kill me.
R took a deep breath and sat down with his very pregnant wife. He massaged the cramp out of the offending foot. He massaged the well-behaved foot. He massaged her swollen ankles and legs. He massaged her aching back. He massaged her knotted-up neck.
He must have done a really good job. Julie searched down the birds, hung them outside the door, and dragged him inside their room for a while.
Week 3. . .
"R! Come quick!"
He literally dropped what he was doing and ran.
"Yeah?"
Out of breath and panting, heart pounding.
Julie grinned. "
Just look at this sweet onesie someone gave us! Isn't it cute?"
R barely resisted the urge to fling the little blue and yellow onesie out of the window.
I can't take this much longer. I'm going to just die from all the stress.
Julie looked up from her pile of gifted baby clothes and noticed the strain on her husband's face. She dumped the clothes off her knees, maneuvered herself up off the floor, and came over to him. Reaching out, she took his hands in hers. She stretched up and he reached down and she gave him a sweet kiss.
"R, thank you for being fantastic through all this. It's been a long, I don't know twelve, thirteen months of pregnancy (he grinned at that) and you've been wonderful every step of the way. Thank you."
She kissed him again.
"I love you, R."
"I love you, too, Julie."
Thank you.
"No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age. Check it out and go wild!
Then listen to "Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Change in My Hand" by Primitive Radio Gods. Weird, but you'll float.