I do not own Warm Bodies. It's just awesome.

R and Julie: The Simple Life

Chapter 11: Fairy Tale

"I'm going to do baby yoga with RJ," Nora announced, one afternoon.

Julie turned curiously toward her friend. R, sat next to his wife, an arm comfortably around her shoulders. He remembered his only yoga experience.

Oh no, not Bridge Pose again! Don't shame my son! He's just a baby!

Nora gestured for the child and Julie handed him over, interested to see what Nora had planned.

"It's easy. You're just stretching out their little muscles from being all wadded up. Watch."

Nora laid Baby RJ flat on his back on a blanket and knelt in front of him, tickling him under the chin. He squirmed and babbled, flailing his arms.

She giggled and gently held his little hands.

"This is called Heart Crosses. It strengthens his arms and back," Nora informed her audience.

She gently crossed RJ's arms over his chest, then slowly stretched them out to his sides. She repeated this several times. He resisted a little at first, then relaxed. Nora hovered above him, smiling and talking sweetly.

"These are Bicycles," she continued, talking to the child as much as to his on-looking parents.

Nora held RJ's tiny calves, carefully rotating them in a cycling motion.

"This strengthens his legs and stomach muscles."

After a moment, she gently pushed the boy's legs toward his chest and rocked him back and forth a little until his diapered bottom came up off the floor. He burbled at her, eyes bright.

"And this helps his digestive system work better."

Baby RJ farted.

"See?"

His parents and Aunt Nora laughed.

The gassy sensation and sound startled the child, whose blue eyes widened in surprise. He began crying pitifully.

"Well, that's enough for now, I guess. You're almost as good a student as your daddy was," Nora commented.

Julie looked confused.

"What?"

"Um, nothing, nothing."

R reddened, feeling betrayed by Nora.

"Ahem, do you think he, um, needs a change?"

Nora kissed the whimpering child and gave him back to his mother. Then she exited the room quickly, leaving an inquisitive Julie to pry the truth from a reluctant R.

Baby RJ was having a tough night. He wouldn't stop crying. He had been nursed, changed, bathed, walked, and cuddled. Julie comforted him. R comforted him. Colonel Pop-Pop comforted him. Everyone took turns. Julie almost wished Marie had moved in permanently. If she couldn't have stopped the crying, she could have at least taken a shift.

Julie was laying down, trying to rest before the next nursing. John Grigio had retreated to his quarters to rest as well.

It was time for R relieve Nora. He approached her room and found her quietly singing while swaying around and patting the back of the crying infant.

"Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Don't shake the baby. Don't shake the baby. Oh, shake, shake, shake . . ."

She sang it softly over and over again.

"What are you doing, Nora?" R inquired over the wailing of his son.

She smiled wearily at him.

"I'm singing. It keeps me calm. And I'm not shaking the baby. Duh."

Very clever. I think I'll sing it too.

R processed this and smiled back gratefully.

"Thanks, Nora. You're a great aunt."

She smiled gratefully.

"You're welcome. Thank you, R."

She kissed the bawling child, patted his father's shoulder, and felt guilty relief as they left for the common room. Then she collapsed on her bed and lay still. The "Shake" song chased her right into sleep.

Life with Baby RJ could be dangerous at times.

In their bedroom, R held his son up in the air, pressing his lips to the baby's stomach, blowing air onto it. The sounds coming out had Julie actually doubled up on the bed in laughter. R looked up to see his son's reactions and caught a face full of baby spit up. R stood there, stunned, baby sick dripping down his face.

Julie actually howled with laughter, holding her hands over her mouth. Then she took pity on her husband and retrieved Baby RJ so they could both clean up. Dumbfounded, R looked at his wife and child in disbelief. Julie, still giggling, smiled in pity at him.

"Don't worry. You're still handsome to me, Yuck Face."

She dabbed at his face with a burp cloth while still holding the baby with the other.

"And when all my parts are healed, I'll show you."

Now this was good news. R grinned and whispered suggestively.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She took a swipe at his modest posterior, then turned toward the changing table.

"Okay!"

Happy now, R took a step and felt something under his shoe. Looking down, he saw something odd. Bending over, he picked up a small, wrinkly, brown, cord-looking thing and heard Julie gasp.

"RJ! Where's your umbilical cord, young man?!"

R held it out toward her.

"I think I found it."

Over her shoulder, Julie said, "Oh, thank goodness! Put it somewhere safe so we can keep it, okay?"

R tilted his head.

"Keep it? But it's dead flesh."

"Yeah. So were you and I kept you," Julie quipped, wiping baby powder on RJ's bare bottom.

R stood shock still, staring at the woman he loved.

I cannot believe she just said that.

Julie looked at him and winked.

"See how well that decision turned out?"

Julie came home from an outing with Nora. She found R in a chair, reading. Baby RJ was asleep on their bed, looking strangely clean in the middle of the day. A pair of scissors lay on the changing table. That was unusual.

"Hey!"

Julie plucked the book out of her husband's hands, sat down in his lap, and kissed him hello for a few moments. He responded to this happily, running his hands slowly up her body and into her hair.

Breaking the kiss, she laid her head on his shoulder contently.

"So, how are you doing?"

"Fine. You?"

She played with his fingers.

"Much better. It was good to get out and now it's good to be back."

"I'm glad." He kissed the top of her head. "Actually, we had a little drama while you were gone."

Julie sat up wrong, effectively crushing R's bits, and after a painful moment and some re-adjusting, the conversation continued.

"What happened?" she asked, curiously.

R cleared his throat and looked toward his son.

"Well . . . he pooped up his back."

"Oh, yeah. Poop happens."

She didn't get it. R changed plenty of diapers. Poop was nothing.

"No, I mean, he pooped straight up his back. Right up to the neck! And the weird thing is, it skipped the whole space between his shoulder blades! I still can't figure it out," R concluded, shaking his head.

Julie chuckled.

"Aw, poor baby and daddy."

R nodded.

"I didn't know what to do. He was really upset! I mean, I was too, but. . . Anyway, I couldn't bear to, well, pull the shirt over him so I cut off the shirt and gave him a bath."

Julie giggled some more.

"Well, that explains the scissors. Remember that time I was changing him and he peed on his own face?"

"Yeah," R grinned. "You both cried."

"Well, yeah. I was really hormonal and I thought he was going to need therapy. Oh, he was so mad!"

They laughed quietly together. Julie ran her fingers through R's dark hair. "Do you need some cuddles now, too?" she teased.

R put on his best pitiful face with big, soulful, blue eyes included.

"Yes, please."

"Come here."

No problem.

They stayed close in the chair for a while until Baby RJ woke up.

R and Marcus walked side by side. Out. In the world. Out. Of the house. Out.

Marcus was looking better than ever. He looked fully human. He sounded fully human. He acted fully human. He was doing well.

"How's Julie?" he asked.

R nodded.

"Better. She's stronger, more confident. She practically shoved me out of the house. Said I needed to get out for a while before I drove her crazy."

Marcus grinned. "Yep, that's Julie."

"Yep."

They meandered on, passing people, speaking to some, simply nodding to others.

"It could almost be a fairy tale," Marcus said nonchalantly.

R agreed.

"Yeah."

Weirdest one ever.

"But who's the princess?"

Marcus looked mischievous.

"R, are you the princess?"

R laughed and joked, "Yeah, I guess. She even kissed me and 'broke the curse'."

Marcus clapped him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, well, you are not gonna look good in any dress, man."

They chuckled at that thought and kept walking.

"So, where's your fairy tale?" R inquired after a moment.

Marcus considered this, then said casually.

"Oh, I'm still working on that. I'll let you know."

The baby was crying. Again. The baby needed to be fed. Again. And there was only one person literally fit for the job. Julie headed toward the baby, clearly aggravated. R watched her go for a moment.

"Julie?" He asked quietly. "Are you okay?"

Julie paused for a moment, holding her precious son in her arms. She tried to hold back her tears but they rolled down her cheeks anyway.

"No, R! I am not okay! I love him but I am so tired of feeding this baby! It hurts! I feel exhausted! My chest aches! I am tired of feeling like a cow! But I have no choice, now do I?!"

Julie stopped as her son cried louder, frightened by his young mother's sudden outburst. She patted him, helplessly frustrated.

"Let me help," R said quietly to her.

Julie stared at him and then practically growled at him.

"How can you help? Are you, R, currently lactating?!"

"No," he responded simply.

"No, you're not! So, no, you can't help!"

She stood there, holding her son, and silently crying.

It must so be difficult to have to nurse every few hours no matter what you are doing or how you feel.

He sat on the bed and gestured for her to come to him. She did, still crying. He arranged them so she lay with her back to his chest and her arms supported on both sides by his long legs. Their son's crying ceased as he began to feed. R wrapped his arms around Julie so he could help her hold their baby.

She sighed and laid her head back against him, closing her eyes. R nuzzled his face beside hers, whispering tender reassurances into her listening ears. Slowly, her tears ceased and she relaxed against him. He poured out all the love he could to them, this precious little family for which he was so grateful. It was quite a lot of love indeed.

This has been a bit of a fairy tale, I suppose. But that's what writing is to me. 'Righting' the wrongs.

Thanks to FarrahMack for your encouraging review!