I can finally admit it. I'm lost with out Sasuke. I miss him so much it hurts. I'm just lost. That does not mean iv given up on looking for him. My whole look on life has changed ever since he left. Everyday is a day to wear to wear black, to cut myself, to cry my eyes out, and fall asleep. Everyone sees there something wrong. They insist that they care for me. But if they care why has nobody helped me. I look dead. But do you wanna know what keeps me alive? The thought of Sasuke coming back to the village, him hugging me and calling me a dobe, being able to tell him I love you.
"Naruto are you in there" Sakura said walking into my room. She gasped.
"Naruto you're a mess! Come on get up,Jiraya is back and wants to train with you." She said pulling me up from the floor and pushing me into the bathroom.
"if you don't take a fucking shower I will-" she stoped mid-sentence. Her expression soften when she saw me stare at myself in the mirror. I had bags under my eyes, my usual tan skin now pale and gray. I looked so dead.
"ill be out soon so could you wait outside" I pleaded. She nodded knowingly and left, closing the door. I took out a new blade from the box and sat on the floor. I sliced my wrist, I stared at the blood oozing from it. Why? That's a question I ask often. I turned on the shower and striped my clothes. I jumped in and began to wash myself. When I was done I put on my outfit for the day. Black tight pant (they where stretchy so I could train in them) with a black shirt, I wrapped my arms in white bandages so no one can see my cuts. I fixed my hair and tied my head band around my neck ( like ten-ten).
"I'm done" I said walking out of the bathroom. Sakura stared at my outfit, obviously displeased with my sense of style.
"Naruto come over here and sit with me" she said patting the seat next to her. I walked over to her and sat next to her, I wrapping my arms around her and hugging her. She hugged back and looked me in the eyes.
"Look Naruto I know when Sasuke left it hit us hard, but do you think Sasuke would want to see you like this? I'm not trying to lecture you, but you need to start taking care of yourself. Everyone has been to afraid to approach you in fear that they would offend you, but I really care for you and hate seeing you like this. I want you to take better care of yourself. I have known you for a long time longer than anyone and I know you better than anyone in this world besides Sasuke and I know you love him with all your heart but you have to stop this Naruto. Sasuke loves you too, I'm sure of it but as long as Itachi is here he will always be clouding Sasuke's mind. You need to forget about Sasuke for now, until he comes back. Understand?" she said. I stared at her and got up off the couch. I went to the end table and got out the letter Sasuke gave to me. I went back to her and placed it in her hand. It said Naruto on the front in neat handwriting. She immediately knew it was from Sasuke. She opened it and looked at me for confirmation. I nodded my head and watched her read it.
My stomach tied in knots. I'm afraid of what ill find If you wanna talk tonight. See the problem isn't you, it me I know. I can tell iv seen it time after time. And ill push you away. I get so afraid. I cant live without you now, I cant even live with myself. I cant live without you now, and I don't want nobody else. I only have myself to blame but do you think we can start again? Cuz I cant live with out you. My stomach tied in knots I'm afraid of what ill find if I see you again tonight. See the problem Isn't you, its me I know. I do this ever single time ill push you away, I get so afraid. I cant live without you…
She looked back at me and hugged me.
"oh Naruto I understand now why you cant let go"
"why is he doing this to me Sakura? Cant he see he's hurting me more!" I cried in her arms. She petted my hair and hugged me tighter.
"everything is going to work out but Naruto may I ask why he keeps say he's afraid to see you again?" she asked
" he comes to the village from time to time. He leaves a note on my door saying the same thing always 'tonight 1am at the river – Sasuke' and I always end up going we just sit there and stare at each other or cuddle on the bench but we never say a word to each other." I explain.
"are you seeing him again tonight?" she asked
"yes I am and I want you to come and hide I want you to watch us just incase of anything. Please Sakura" I begged
"okay Naruto I will just for you" I hugged her and got up.
"lets go we have to train to get stronger"
"okay lets go" she said smiling. We both left and went on with our day, but what we didn't realize is the tonight was not going to end well….