[Author's Note: Yep, this is me giving in. Even though I wasn't planning on writing a second chapter and I was really leaning towards leaving it as a one-shot, your peer pressure caved me in. Seriously, the response to this was unbelievable. 19 reviews, 23 favorites, and 14 follows. Holy cow! I love you all, and if we weren't on the internet I'd hug you so hard you'd die. So here's the second chapter, still full of plenty of angst and, as one of my lovely reviews put it, "FEEELSSSSSS". Enjoy! :3]
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She knew he was still there.
He probably thought she was already asleep, or at least unaware of his presence, but that wasn't the case. She knew that when he had opened and shut the door that he hadn't left, that he was still standing there, watching her quietly and sadly from across the room.
He wasn't even making any noise, barely even breathing, but just the knowledge of his existence in the room bothered her. If anything, she figured, he could at least give her this night to herself, to think, to cry, maybe, without his observation. She at least deserved that. Apparently not by his standards, though.
"I know you're still there," She mumbled finally against her pillow, just barely loud enough to hear.
At first there was no reply, him childishly still trying to hide his presence, but after a moment or two she heard the floor creak as he took a few hesitant steps forward. "Yes." He replied quietly, watching with glimmering cat-like green eyes for her to make any move in acknowledgement. But she remained stony still.
"Why?" She asked simply, after another long pause. There was no real reason for him to still be there. He had taken her to bed, said his goodnights, kissed her forehead. Right now she wanted nothing more than to just sleep and forget everything, like the pain that was still burning hotly through her face, clawing at the undersides of her closed eyelids.
"I told you, I'm won't leave you." The Doctor replied softly. His slow steps had led him right to the edge of her bed, so he could just make out her still, blanket-shrouded form in the darkness. He swallowed a few times, trying to fight the urge to reach out and lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I don't need you to stay with me while I'm sleeping." Clara mumbled, although she remembered in the back of her mind that this was certainly not the first time he had done exactly that (Back when things were normal).
"But you want me to." He posed it as a statement but it came out too much like a question, rising a bit at the end with a kind of hopeful pleading. Let me stay, Clara. Let me help. That's what I do; I help.
She just wanted this night to be over with forever. "Then stay." She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, despite the flare of pain it caused. Trying to hold back a whimper, she tugged her blankets up to her ears and slumped her head deeply into her pillow.
The Doctor being there, and she knew from the gentle pulse of his breathing that he didn't leave, did nothing to stop the thoughts from coming to her. In the total silence of the bedroom, save for the gentle hum of the TARDIS that had become almost imperceptible background noise by then, all the day's distractions were gone, leaving nothing to stop the full weight of her situation from crushing her again.
Everything suddenly felt so sickeningly real now. She was blind. Blind. For real and forever. She would never see anything ever again. Not the flashing lights and sleek metal of the TARDIS, not the multi-colored skies of the planets the Doctor took her to, not the bright, ecstatic smile of the madman himself.
Maybe he had said he wouldn't abandon her, and maybe he had even meant it, but there was hardly any life left for her here, and he must know it as well as she did. Maybe she could somehow learn her way around the TARDIS, something that would take her months to begin with, what would she do then? The Doctor didn't stay in one place. He traveled around and around, staying just long enough to do something stupidly exciting, and then ran off again.
How could she possibly keep up with that? Being the Doctor's companion was not a hobby, she knew. It was practically a career, with a job description of being saved by the Doctor after wandering off and, more often, saving the insane man himself after he'd done something incredibly stupid. How in God's name could she manage that when she would have to practically cling to the Doctor's arm all day long to avoid getting herself lost or killed?
She couldn't. That was the answer, however blunt and painful it was. She couldn't put up with it, and his knew even his endless kindness wouldn't put up with it, either. He'd either end up hating her, or continue to be so patient with her it would make her hate herself. She curled her hands into fists around her blankets and gritted her teeth tightly together.
"Tomorrow," She began in a taut voice, and she pictured the Doctor's head snapping up to look at her, his unmanageable hair flicking into his eyes, which he would ignore as he listened. "You're taking me home." She gnashed her teeth together and ground out the last bit, "For good."
The Doctor watched her quietly, saying nothing for a few long moments. His words, hell, his whole throat was stuck, unable to force a single sound from his lips. He swallowed roughly once, twice, three times, and it was like gulping down broken glass.
"Okay." He managed to get out. He ran a hand over his mouth and swallowed again. "Why?" The last word came out choppy, and dropped at the end, like he thought maybe he should take it back.
A feeling of hot anger burst somewhere in Clara's head, like it had been an animal waiting to pounce, startled suddenly into attacking by his words. "Why?" She shouted, her voice bitter. "Because I've got to tell my family I'm goddamn blind, did you ever think of that?"
There was silence for a moment following her outburst, leaving nothing but the soft hum of the TARDIS and Clara's harsh breathing to fill the void of noiselessness in the bedroom. After several long seconds passed and the Doctor still made no response, either too shocked or unable to find the right words, Clara found herself forced into nervous explanation.
"It's just easier." She stuttered haltingly, waiting for a moment for a reply. When she got none, she continued slowly. "I just- don't want to make this... harder than it should be." She swallowed, digging her fingers into the softness of her pillow and letting the sounds of her breath fill the silence that followed.
"Okay." The response that came finally was almost too soft to catch, the word barely more than a faint whisper. She heard a soft cough, and then it was repeated a little more forcefully. "Okay. Right. Whatever you want. I'll take you home first thing in the morning, so try and get some sleep."
The last comment sounded like a dismissal, or a goodbye, and she waited to hear the soft sounds of his footsteps retreating across the floor. But he seemed to simply stay where he was, poised like a guard next to her bed, breathing softly but otherwise not making a sound.
Thank you, was what she tried to say, but her lips stuck together and she choked on the words. Instead, suddenly, there was a feeling of hot wetness behind her closed eyelids, and she found her words spelling out something completely different,
"Doctor," She murmured, pausing for a moment like she normally would if she were waiting to see him turn to face her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No." The answer was automatic and effortless, said so quickly it almost came off as snappish. She could hear him take in a nervous breath after, as if maybe thinking he had come off as rude.
But instead of being responded to with a softly growled comment or bitter silence, the next thing the Time Lord heard from the girl in the bed was a small, awkward chuckle, a splintered attempt at a laugh.
"I don't want to go either." Clara whispered, laughing brokenly again and tucking her face into her pillow, ignoring the bright sting of pain in her face and the tears she could feel forming in the corners of her eyes.
She felt the pressure on the edge of her mattress as the Doctor sat down just before his arms were wrapped around her, pulling her gently into a sitting position and holding her delicately by the shoulders, like she might break.
"Then don't." The Doctor murmured, encouragement and a kind of hesitant pleading lacing his words. "Stay here. I still need somebody with me on the TARDIS Team, eh?" He shook her gently, playfully.
Clara laughed again at his words, which turned instantly into a harsh, raw-throated cough. The Doctor's grip around her tightened as she wore through it, and she could picture his expression, concern mixed with a kind of naturally-gentle care, as clearly as if it were actually right in her line of sight.
She took in a shaky breath as the fit ended and straightened up, running a hand across her mouth and sighing. The Doctor's embrace eased a little, and she heard him ask softly, "Alright?"
"Yeah." She whispered roughly, shaking her head and letting out a small laugh. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"You don't have to decide now." The Doctor reassured instantly, his hand beginning to rub small circles against her shoulder absentmindedly as he spoke.
"Think about it for a little while?" Clara suggested faintly, numbed at this point into flat-out exhaustion, leaning slightly into the Doctor's gentle massaging of her shoulder.
He nodded in affirmation, then backtracked instantly and went for a non-visual cue. "Exactly. And whatever you decide... I promise I'll help you with it. No matter what."
"Alright." She said softly, her consciousness beginning to grow fuzzy with sleep. Her head dropped lightly against his shoulder, one hand resting on his lap, and sank into the slow, syrupy breathing of slumber. The Doctor smiled slightly, kissed the top of her head, and was content to stay sitting like that for quite a long time.
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[Author's Note: Ta-Da! How was that? Still a good enough mixture of angst and fluff? I hope you liked it, anyway. So, in other news, the next chapter is already mostly done, so you can expect in up in a week or less. (In total, I'd say you should expect about 4 chapters in this series.) Please review; I love feedback from you guys! :3]