Professor Puffapod's Plants
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Chapter 3: Extreme Annoyance & Clarity
Second Year Essays

Homicidal Intentions
By Lily Evans, Year Two

Professor Puffapod has assigned us to write about our emotions yet again. Apparently the Elladorean Roots have been looking a bit peaky lately and she traced the problem back to us, saying we've been too high-strung lately. I really don't like to disrespect teachers but this seems slightly barmy. I'm praying to Merlin she doesn't decide to read these.

What to write about? Absolutely nothing is bothering me. All of my classmates are scribbling furiously on their parchment. I, for one, do not have such emotional problems as, say, Potter over there. I don't need to vent on a stupid piece of paper.

Speaking of Potter, I think I've found a topic for this paper. Things have definitely gotten worse between us since last year when I wrote about fairytales.

I can't even find the right words to describe him. It's absolutely infuriating.

Some days it feels like I can't even eat my breakfast in peace without finding a fake spider in my pumpkin juice or my fork doing a tap dance on my plate. I suppose I should be grateful that he's not practicing the Unforgiveable Curses on me, but I shouldn't have to just accept the constant pranking. It's downright ridiculous, not to mention extremely annoying. I wish he would just leave me alone.

Of course Alice says I'm overreacting, but she gets along with everyone. She actually goes out of her way to be nice to Marcus Warrington, the boy in our year who never talks to anyone. Sometimes she'll try multiple times to start a conversation with him, but he just rejects all of them in favor of staring off into the distance.

But if Alice is bad, Cal is worse. She's actually friends with some of those boys and doesn't understand how I get so mad. It's not hard—I'm sure she'd feel differently if she was the one finding things in her pumpkin juice every morning!

I've had enough talking about Potter. Just the mention of his name is usually enough to set me off, and the whole purpose of this essay is to calm down, right?

Petunia still hasn't written to me yet this year. Last year she did, but I could tell that they were letters overseen my mum to make sure she was actually writing them. They were bland and obviously lies ("I hope you're having a good time." "How's Hogwarts?" "Make any friends yet?") but it was somewhat comforting that my only sister actually was acknowledging that I existed. For as much as I write mum that it doesn't bother me, that I'm making new friends and everything's great, I miss her.

We used to be so close. We were sisters and best friends all rolled in one. Our house was located in the outskirts of town, not within walking distance of any of our elementary school friends' houses, and a lot of times we were each other's only company. I can't fathom the number of hours we spent together playing with our stuffed animals, making forts, and climbing trees outside (well, that was mostly me climbing trees while Tuney sat on the lowest branch looking worried). All it took was the arrival of one letter from a faraway place to change everything.

I love Hogwarts, but I hate that it's taken Petunia from me.

Merlin, no wonder Professor Puffapod was looking at me when she assigned this. I'm a mess. First I'm angry at Potter, and then I'm sad at Petunia… I need to write about something that makes me happy.

Magic makes me happy. I know that sounds weird, like I'm obsessed with it or something, but it's true. Maybe it's just because I'm muggleborn, but there's nothing like the feeling of casting a spell correctly or brewing a perfect potion. That's probably why I push myself so hard to do things right. The feeling of success is awesome, but with the added factor of magic, it's ten times better.

That's why I feel like some of the pureblood kids take things for granted. Me, I count my lucky stars every day that I have magical blood. I don't even care that I'm a muggleborn and that somehow makes me worth less in some people's eyes. They were born around magic. It's been part of their lives forever, but none of them seem to get that excited over Transfiguration class. I just can't imagine being given the opportunity to create magic and not wanting to do your absolute best.

Loathe as I am to give any sort of praise to Potter and his friends, that's one thing I admire about them. Whether it's through a particularly clever prank or an ingenious little invention, they always seem fascinated by magic. And while it doesn't usually seem to show up in the classroom (Black in particular is known for snoring during History of Magic), at least I'm not the only one who loves being magical.

I also really enjoy spending time with Cal and Alice. Cal's real name is Calpurnia (don't tell anyone I told you that, she'll have my hide) and she's from one of those long-standing pureblooded families I've been telling you about. She's not at all bored or unaffected though. Cal believes in always speaking your mind without thinking of the consequences. I know I'm not the best at thinking before I speak, but that girl has no filter. She's also quite obsessed with Quidditch. She goes out with Potter nearly every morning when she bothers to get her lazy bum out of bed on time to work on their passing, and sometimes Black tags along to hit bludgers at them. I love hanging out with Cal because we usually end up in stitches. I swear, without that girl my life would only be half as interesting. Unlike Alice and me, she doesn't care to follow the rules too much, which is usually how we end up on some weird adventures.

Just the other night she dragged us out of the dormitory on a wild goose chase to find the kitchens. (Don't tell, but it was my first time sneaking out!) According to her brother, anyone who can find the entrance to the legendary kitchens of Hogwarts will be rewarded with the eternal allegiance of the house elves and a lifetime's supply of extra culinary treats. Obviously us three were all over that. We were going to go looking around after dinner, but then Alice got caught up in talking to Paige, another roommate of ours, about the Astronomy essay, and by the time she was done we were supposed to be in our beds. That didn't stop Cal from making us go, though. I felt like one of those spies you see in all the movies, wearing dark clothes and moving around sneakily. After about an hour of searching, we gave up, without ever catching a glimpse of our destination. However, Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris caught a glimpse of us just before we went back through the portrait hole. Luckily we were close enough to our dormitory that Filch didn't have time to catch us. I tell you, it was an adrenaline rush! I'm still not sure it was worth breaking the rules though.

Alice is (thankfully) different than Cal. She's the absolute nicest person I've ever met. Even when I'm complaining about Potter or Cal's complaining about someone annoying like Jaime Byron, an airheaded Hufflepuff in our year, Alice never has a mean word to say about anyone. She's constantly smiling about something or another, which is one of my favorite things about her. Even if I've had a bad day, sometimes just a look at Alice is enough to lighten my mood a bit. She's also the type of person who really enjoys talking to people—I'm pretty sure Alice could make conversation with a brick wall. Just the other day she stayed after class to ask Professor Binns a question. I'm not lying.

Well, I think I've successfully accomplished the task of dealing with my emotions. As much as I don't really enjoy writing these essays, it's true that I do feel slightly better afterward. I guess things don't seem so bad once you've written them down on paper (or at least, easier to deal with).

Clearly
By James Potter, Second Year

Oh, dear Professor Puffapod. Why must you give us these stupid assignments about dealing with our feelings? I am thirteen. Of course I'm capable of dealing with my own emotional problems. (Although according to the lovely Lily Evans I can't, and need to see Healer Pomfrey more often for some psychological treatment). Since I'm already bored of writing this essay, I think I'll switch to a list. That seems easier.

1)

Severus Snape clearly needs to get a life beyond Potions. If it was up to me, maybe I'd spend some of that extra time brushing up on some good hexes (really, the Marauders need a better challenge than the one he puts up) and investing in some nice-smelling shampoo.

If I'm being honest here, I'm not actually sure why I dislike him so much. Maybe it's just because he's a Slytherin. Maybe it's because he's friends with Lily Evans. Maybe it's because he hates me just as much as I hate him. Hate doesn't really have to have a reason, does it? At least it's mutual.

And it's not like we're picking on some little munchkin who can't defend himself. Snivellus is a second year, perfectly capable of using his wand. And he's not the innocent victim in any of our … erhm "incidents" for lack of a better term. Why just last week Remus had to go to the hospital wing when Snape hit him with a hex that made warts grow all over his body. Of course we weren't going to let him get away with that!

2)

Clearly, the above-mentioned Professor Puffapod should stop giving us these completely pointless assignments and do something productive, such as letting her classes have the day off.

If I'm being honest here, I don't really understand the whole science of Herbology. I know it's a mandatory class at Hogwarts for a reason, but I don't get what's so difficult about taking care of magical plants. I suppose I could ask Peter, as he seems to get bitten by a different species nearly every class…

Plus Professor Puffapod is absolutely barmy! Some of the other students write her off as just being a bit protective of her work but I think it's a little weirder than that. Maybe it's because she never had kids and considers the plants to be the babies that she never had? That actually makes a load of sense. Why else would she be so concerned about our supposed "mental state of health" around them. As odd as it sounds, I get it. You wouldn't want a psychopath taking care of your newborn, would you?

In a twisted way, I guess I understand her now. I'm definitely telling this new theory to Sirius.

3)

It is so clearly obvious that Evans is off her rocker. I've never even done anything to her! Okay, maybe that's not entirely accurate. But she always overreacts by telling a professor and getting us Marauders in trouble—no wonder we keep on pranking her! She needs to learn her lesson.

Anyway, here's my question: why does she feel the need to throw me off the Astronomy Tower, remove all the bones in my body, re-grow them all with Skele-Grow, feed my organs to the Giant Squid, and finally push me into a bottomless hole in which I will scream forever? (I only know this because I asked her what she was going to do to me one day after I jinxed Snivellus in the hallway. I didn't know she'd take things so literally.)

Similar to Snape, I haven't quite put a concrete reason as to why she gets on my nerves so much. Sirius reckons that it's the red hair. He swears up and down that gingers are downright evil, and that they shouldn't be allowed in society. Evans absolutely hates when he goes off about that. Yesterday in History of Magic he was telling that joke about when a redhead gets sent to Azkaban (you know, the one where the dementors leave her alone because she has no soul?) and I was laughing hysterically. Evans didn't find it quite so amusing; she was actually trying to take notes. I believe she dumped her pot of ink on Sirius' head. This only served to make Sirius deliver another quip about "legendary redhead tempers." I swear to Godric that she almost exploded on the spot.

4)

Another so clearly obvious fact: I am a much better chaser than Tommy Montgomery and deserve the position on the Gryffindor team. Not to brag, but I easily score at least twice as many Quaffles as he does during practice. I'm only on the reserve team because Tommy is best mates with Jerome Livingston, the captain.

It's so unfair. Everyone else on the team can see that I would do a better job. They just don't want to talk back to Jerome because he's got biceps the size as tree trunks. At least he's a Seventh Year; he'll be gone next year. I was talking to Henry Wood after practice the other day, and he said he reckoned we wouldn't have lost to Slytherin if I would've been chasing instead of Tommy.

I just wish I could do something about it. I'm no Slytherin, so I wouldn't stoop to sabotage (although the thought of "accidentally" tripping Tommy in the hallway and breaking his leg has crossed my mind a few times). The only thing I can do is continually show him up in practice every day while Jerome turns a blind eye to the whole thing. It makes me so mad.

5)

Filch clearly needs to get a nicer cat. The other night, my fellow Marauders and I were out exploring the castle when Mrs. Norris bit me. We were minding our own business under my Invisibility Cloak when who should run into us by Filch's stupid cat. I blame Peter for not keeping better lookout. But we were still invisible, so the cat just unleashed her teeth right where my ankle happened to be located. Satisfied that she had made contact with flesh, the cat stalked off with an evil grin on her feline features. I guess I could be thanking my lucky stars that Filch didn't find us, but there is still a huge scratch all over my left leg. People were asking about it at Quidditch yesterday so I told them it was my bedpost. Somehow I don't think they believed me. It still hurts. And if it leaves a giant scar, I don't care if we get in trouble—I'm going to Dumbledore for physical abuse from a cat (ha-ha).

If only everyone else could see things as clearly as me.

a/n: Sorry for the randomness of these updates! I'll try to get writing and come up with a regular update schedule for you guys. Crossing my fingers. Chapter 4 is currently in the works but I'm questioning a lot of things about it so just give me a while to make up my mind about it… I hate being indecisive.

Anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter! Be sure to point out any mistakes – this was un-beta'd in my hurry to finally put it out there, so I'm sure there are plenty.

Also – which essay did you enjoy more, Lily's or James's? Did any parts make it last? Do you agree with any of James's statements?

And finally – I know I've asked this before but I'll ask again. Are their any other characters whose POVs you'd enjoy reading (Sirius, Remus, Peter, Snape?) I'd love to hear your suggestions as well as any other ideas you may have.

Oh and before I forget, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/favorited/alerted this story so far :) Special thanks to Sabanar, Fire the Canon, and MissFiyreabaMeponine for reviewing the last chapter. It means a lot!