Midnight (in the Garden of Good and Evil)
Regina rolled onto her back searching her fuzzy awareness for the source of whatever had awakened her. It had been three weeks, give or take, because honestly she was so occupied with Jenna, or Henry, or tiptoeing around Emma Swan every day, Regina was beginning to lose track.
Her chest hurt all the time, though it hurt less when she was with Jenna and more when she looked at Emma. During the day she saw almost nothing of the blonde. Apparently she took Henry to school, put in a few hours on patrol, and then returned, pushing her way in the door - "You pick the lock?!" Regina had said before slapping a key in the startled woman's hand. She'd make simple sandwiches for Regina's lunch, taking nothing for herself, and disappear again until she hauled Henry home for homework and dinner.
But Regina knew she hadn't taken night shifts at the station, since David was the only one to ever answer the phone. Emma brought meals from the diner most of the time, but occasionally she brought dishes Regina was sure Granny had never had on the menu. Like Boston Clam Chowder and a corned beef brisket. Emma let Regina do everything with Jenna, never stepping in once, only handling Henry's night time routine as he finished his homework and readied for bed.
During the day, Regina expressed extra milk and saved it. Each morning nipples and bottles sat in the dish drainer, clearly washed and sanitized. But not once had a sound from Jenna awakened Regina in the middle of the night.
She was glancing at the moonlight's pattern on the wall, filtered through her apple tree in the yard, when she heard the out of place sound that must have finally seeped into her unconscious, exhausted mind enough to wake her: Jenna was whimpering.
It twisted something inside Regina's stomach, like Henry's sounds had when she was a baby. Careful not to make quick movements, Regina rose from bed and pulled on her dressing gown, belting it as she shuffled across the bedroom floor to the door and peeked around its edge into the hallway beyond.
Silence and dark emptiness greeted her.
The knowledge that Henry had always awakened many times in the nights, needing a diaper change, or a feeding, or simply to be rocked back to sleep, and the fact of those used bottles, accompanied Regina to the nursery door.
A breath of space separated door and frame, so it didn't make a sound when Regina eased it inward. Before she could go all the way, however, a sight stopped her.
Emma Swan stood with her back to the door, looking out the window of the nursery. Blonde hair tumbled down to a white tank top and cherry red boy shorts practically winked at Regina in the shadows. She immediately recognized the ensemble as the same that had greeted her when she visited Emma's room at Granny's on that first morning in Storybrooke. The white of the shirt was so crisp it glowed in the moonlight as though it was under a UV lamp.
The woman's legs and feet were bare, and when she turned, the movement accompanied a sucking sound and Regina suddenly knew why Emma held Jenna in her arms, holding a bottle up for the baby.
"Not so fast, kidlet," Emma's voice was mere breath on the air as she lowered her head to brush her lips on Jenna's forehead.
Jenna startled, her arms and legs flailing. A tiny whimpering cry fluttered into the air of the room and Emma's face changed from calm to worried. The other woman tried to return the bottle, but Jenna's calm had been irrevocably disrupted.
Regina's hand flexed on the door; she was torn between the desire to intervene, familiar as she was with these movements from raising Henry, and the realization that Emma stayed here every night, intercepting Jenna's needs so Regina had been able to sleep without interruption. She felt Emma would startle as Jenna did, should her actions be uncovered.
Emma didn't turn all the way toward the door, and Regina kept watch through the small space as she tread a small circle on the floor, lifting Jenna to her shoulder and rubbing her back.
The cries became little more than sniffles as Jenna responded to Emma's care.
Resting her hand on the door, Regina oversaw Emma taking Jenna to the changing table. With only minor trouble - Jenna kept kicking her legs free of Emma's grasp - the woman managed to change and dispose of Jenna's dirty diaper.
Before Emma could turn toward the bassinet and no doubt see Regina, she slipped away on silent footsteps, her heart pounding, back to her room. She had no idea what to say. Emma obviously wanted this part of her actions secret for a reason. Moving carefully back under her sheets and blanket, Regina glanced at the bedside clock only to realize it was barely midnight. She wondered if Jenna would wake again before her dawn feeding. Her breasts throbbed a bit at the prospect of perhaps being able to feed their daughter while Emma watched.
###
Emma winced as she stared at the empty corner of the freezer. She must have been more tired than she thought. She had been certain there was one more bag of milk when she retrieved the previous one. But had that been Jenna's second feeding already? The feedings were beginning to blur together and Emma couldn't be sure.
Looking down into the cherubic face, Emma helplessly watched Jenna react to her increasingly demanding and clearly empty stomach. Fisted fingers curled and uncurled and Jenna's face scrunched up. Emma tucked a tip of a finger between pursed lips and restless gums. She had learned to be fast, but noises escaped as Jenna realized more quickly now that a fingertip was neither real nor rubber nipple and would not supply her with warm satisfaction.
And there it was, just before Jenna squeezed her eyes hard shut in order to scream. Emma saw the narrowed lowering of a thin dark brow that had always presaged one of Regina's rages.
Emma tapped the lips, the startle doing as she had hoped and quieting Jenna. "Alright, kidlet. Guess we better wake Regina."
Soothing Jenna against her chest, Emma hurried up the stairs and strode to Regina's door. She knocked. Leaning close to the wood, she listened. No sound issued forth. Which, Emma thought, was both good and bad. It was good, because it meant Regina was getting her needed sleep. As far as she could tell from Henry's chatter over breakfast and dinner, Regina was tending to everything Jenna could possibly need during the day, but there were signs the housework was also being done, which meant Regina wasn't taking advantage of Jenna's naps to rest herself. Emma hadn't found a solution to that problem yet, not knowing how to get someone to agree to clean Regina's house, nor get Regina to agree to let someone else do it in the first place. And Regina wasn't using magic. Henry said he would be able to tell.
Emma sighed and slowly pushed the door to Regina's bedroom inward. Moonlight spilled through the room and illuminated Regina's dark hair in the bed with an almost fairy-like light. Emma silently stepped closer, holding Jenna to her shoulder with a hand at the back of her head as she leaned.
"Regina," she whispered. "Regina?" she asked again when the brunette did not stir.
The woman in the bed stretched and turned onto her back, drawing Emma's attention to an expanding chest in a blue cotton nightie. The softly exhaled groan ignited Emma's libido.
"It's Jenna." Emma forced her mind to the necessity at hand.
"Jenna?" Regina's voice, husky and blurred by sleepiness rolled over Emma.
"She's hungry. There are no more bags."
"Bags?" And the disorientation squeezed at Emma's heart.
"Yeah, I… I've been taking care of her at night. But she's still hungry."
Regina's brow furrowed and then gradually relaxed. She looked up at Emma and Jenna. "I'll take over from here."
Emma flinched at the hard tone. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have woken you if -"
"Pass her to me before she cries again. It'll upset her digestion."
Emma winced and released Jenna into Regina's arms quickly, taking a large step back. "I'm sorry, Regina… I swear… I'm… I'll go."
She was halfway to the door, in the no man's land of the middle of the room, when Regina spoke again.
"I'll need a cloth," she said.
Emma escaped to the nursery with a shaky exhale. Pulling a cloth from the small dresser, she hurried back to Regina's room. "Here you go." She held it out like a shield before her.
Regina didn't answer. When Emma ventured a look, lowering the cloth, she saw Regina sitting up fully in the bed with Jenna already at her breast. The gathered scoopline neck of the nightie had been pulled down and aside to allow Jenna to nurse. The baby's tiny fist was causing a dimple of pressure on the top of the mound, dark head obscuring Regina's nipple from view.
Regina's head was downturned, watching Jenna. Quiet wonder shaped her lips into a soft smile and dark eyes glistened with moisture.
Swallowing hard, Emma approached. Regina looked up and the smile stayed in place a moment before the eyes took note of the cloth.
"Her belly will fill with too much air if you let her suck fruitlessly," Regina said. "Next time, do not wait."
Emma nodded and exhaled in relief, handing over the cloth which Regina took and flipped onto her shoulder. "I… yeah, two, however, has been enough."
"She's growing quickly," Regina said, and there seemed, to Emma, an easing of the tension in the room.
She didn't dare sit down yet though. But feeling safe in the mix of shadows and moonlight, Emma drank in everything about Regina and Jenna's appearance while the baby continued to nurse.
"You're here every night," Regina said.
"Uh, yeah."
"Where do you sleep?"
Emma dozed; she didn't sleep. "I, uh, stay in Jenna's room. I don't want her to wake anyone up."
"You can't stay there," Regina said flatly.
"I, uh…" But where else? Emma thought, looking up away at the window.
"You're still keeping the loft apartment?"
"Yeah." Emma caught her cat naps there between calls, and used the kitchen to make the few meals she had brought for Regina and Henry to eat when she knew they were tired of Granny's fare.
"I'm getting stronger," Regina said quietly.
Emma bit her lip. Regina was telling her her services were done. She wasn't needed any more. "Uh, yeah." Emma could feel tears biting at the back of her eyes and turned quickly before they should fall in front of Regina.
"Emma." Regina's voice again stopped her at the door. "You should rest."
Emma couldn't answer because of tears coursing down her cheeks. She quickly opened the bedroom door, and strode out, closing it quickly behind her.
###
The moon cast enough light for Regina to watch over Jenna in her bassinet. Following her feeding, Jenna had dropped quickly back to contented sleep and Regina had returned her to the nursery, still fretting over the conversation with Emma.
The blonde had been doing everything; it wasn't right. And it wasn't necessary, Regina thought earnestly. Regina wanted to share. Why didn't Emma understand that?
Would she understand it more if Regina asked her to move in? But Regina didn't want to face the possibility that Emma would refuse.
Because that didn't seem to be what Emma wanted to do. The blonde behaved in the same way Regina often had as a young girl, wary of her mother's reprisals. She behaved unobtrusively, determined to cause as little intrusion in Regina's life as possible. She came by, she did things - helpful things - and then she left again, apparently seeing anything more as getting in the way.
Regina's gaze flickered away from Jenna. She reflected on the look she'd seen in Emma's face as the other woman watched her feed their daughter. A craving had pulled at Emma's features. She wanted to be Jenna's mother.
Regina saw the lighting change outside slightly and went to the nursery window. Down in the garden, Emma was adjusting herself under the apple tree, legs bent, arms around her knees, and head tipped back against the wood, staring up into its branches.
###
"Miss Swan!"
Emma banged her head against the bark and rubbed at it as she stood to face Regina striding across the lawn, dressing gown flaring open from her thighs at the speed of her walk.
"Regina?" Emma's arms opened wide. "You shouldn't be out here. It's too cold."
"I will not have you outside," Regina demanded.
"But there's no place," Emma replied.
"You're here practically all the time anyway, Miss Swan. You will move in."
"What's the point?"
"I will not tell Jenna that her pigheaded and stubborn blond mother froze to death because she couldn't bring herself to spend more than five minutes in my company."
"Regina, I..." Emma started.
Regina wrapped her arms around herself.
"You need to get inside, please," Emma begged. "I'll go, just don't…"
"I will go inside when you see reason," Regina replied, though her demand was somewhat lessened by the sound of her teeth clattering together.
"Fine," Emma replied. "Let's get you back inside."
###
Regina hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, her hand on the railing. Emma stood in the middle of the entry space looking lost. "The only beds in this house are upstairs," Regina stated.
"I'll… couch is fine."
"So you don't intend to continue helping me at night?" Regina countered.
"No, I… But you said I can't sleep in Jenna's room."
"And so you shall not. My bed is large enough for the both of us."
Emma blanched. "Regina."
"I am not a hormonal teenager," Regina said sharply.
Emma closed her eyes. What she heard was Regina saying she had no desire for Emma. Emma, however, still desperately wanted everything about Regina: to touch her cocoa skin, to taste her full red lips. "I'm here for Jenna," she assured. "I won't do anything to jeopardize that."
"Just Jenna?" Regina asked. Emma's head shot up as she walked toward the staircase. Regina's eyes looked spooked, scared.
Emma said strongly, determined to be everything Regina needed, no matter what that was. "Whatever you need, Regina."
A distinctly pained look twisted Regina's features sharply before she brushed it away with a sweep of her hand and she preceded Emma up the staircase and into the bedroom.
Regina dropped the dressing gown and plunged the room into full darkness by turning off the lamp on her bedside table.
Grateful for the darkness, Emma shuffled to the far side of the bed and laid on top of the covers gingerly and uneasily.
The mattress moved. Emma turned her head toward Regina. In the shadows she thought she saw a small hand reach toward her arm. Adjusting herself quickly she turned onto her side, facing away from Regina.
The brunette's tone was dry and raw. "Good night, Emma."
"Night, Regina."
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