chapter summary: Emma and Regina work their way through the morning routine with Henry and Jenna.
(Treading the) Dawn
The mattress never moved much, but Regina had been awake from the moment Emma rolled over to face away from her in the bed they shared. She was very careful not to refer to it as "their bed" even in her head. Not since she'd said the phrase aloud when informing Emma it was time to change the sheets, about three weeks into their uneasy arrangement.
Emma had gone white as her family name and stuttered that she would change them immediately. She'd sounded absolutely petrified. Regina resolved to never cause that tone to come out of Emma Swan's mouth ever again.
The thing was, for Regina, who had not shared a bed with a grown person willingly all night ever, sharing with Emma felt as natural as breathing. Emma's breathing. Regina felt the same comfort she had in Neverland when Emma slept beside her. It didn't seem to be the same for Emma. Each night the blonde inched into the sheets, facing away from Regina, pulled the sheet to her ears, hunched her shoulder and hugged the far side of the mattress with her lean frame. Regina had never considered Emma Swan small. After all, they saw eye to eye literally if not figuratively. But in the bed they shared, Emma looked as though she was frail and tiny.
After one of Jenna's midnight feedings, however, when Regina lay frozen in bed waiting for her return, Emma would slide into the cocoon of warmth and so near to Regina that she could feel the minute changes in position of the sheet as Emma breathed. She knew Emma was watching her. She felt the faintest brushes of warm air against her shoulder or face. She dared not open her eyes.
Emma had spooked once, leaving the bed as soon as their eyes had made contact, mumbling that she had heard Jenna crying. Regina instead had heard only the quaver in the low voice, the shakiness she knew from listening in Neverland to the girl who had confessed feeling so lost, if only under the cover of the darkness the two of them had shared away from the pirate and two idiots night after night.
She had held Emma then, and they'd had something… wonderful. Regina wanted to reach out, but now she was the one afraid. Afraid of consequences. Afraid of losing what little had been gained in the few shared hours of close silence between moonset and sunrise.
Knowing today Jenna was due for her six week appointment, Regina wanted to get herself together quickly. Emma still went to the sheriff's station daily to work patrols, and Regina would be required to put herself and Jenna into the car and drive them over to the hospital. But getting out of bed while Emma was expecting to be alone Regina felt would cause the blonde unnecessary anxiety.
So Regina waited and watched through slitted eyes as Emma stood and stretched, and worried at her bottom lip with teeth that gleamed enough to be seen in the vague light. She sat up only after Emma had shut the bedroom door with a careful click. Regina rose and stretched, leaning first against a wooden chair and then against the wall between the bedroom and the nursery, catching the sounds within the other room.
Listening intently, Regina smiled at the sounds of Emma tending to their daughter. Doing this had become a necessary part of Regina's day; it made her feel that this tensioned impasse would eventually end; she and Emma would form the family they both wanted. Emma, so clearly feeling herself safely alone with the baby, allowed herself a joy which Regina was all too aware she struggled to find any other time. This joy came out in little dances - the floor would actually shake, just a little. In an off-key voice, Emma sung little songs, clearly childhood stuff of this world. Regina drank in every note knowing Jenna was, at last, a pure source of happiness for Emma, even if she, Regina, was not.
Regina touched the tips of her fingers to her lips then to the wall. A kiss. "I'm so glad you found love, Emma Swan," she whispered. A painful tightening sent her hand to her chest; Regina gasped and pulled away from the wall.
Regina next heard Emma at Henry's bedroom door across the hall. "Rise and shine, Henry. Time for school." Sharp raps on wood followed the request.
Regina took this moment in the everyday routine to enter her bathroom and begin her day's preparations.
Emma leaned on the door frame until Henry opened it. As tall as Emma's shoulder now, he leaned out and kissed his sister on the temple. Jenna no longer startled and instead turned her head showing him her pacifier.
"Mom's not gonna like that," Henry said.
"Shh, your mom's still sleeping. It keeps Jenna quiet, just for the few minutes I need to get her downstairs."
Emma ruffled Henry's sleep-tousled hair that reminded her more of Regina than of Neal. Bae, she corrected in her mind still feeling the conflicting resentment and anxiety that always accompanied reminders of Henry's father.
"Downstairs, 'k? Five minutes. Dressed and your backpack."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. You're almost as bad as Mom used to be. I can handle this." He was smiling, but Emma winced.
"Henry," she corrected and shook her head. "Regina - your mom - is the best I've ever known." She curled her lip and thought unfavorably of other women who had declared themselves mothers, only to lack every positive quality Regina possessed.
"Hey, I know. I'm the one who always believed her about Jenna, remember?" Henry glanced to the master bedroom door. "How's she doing?"
"She sleeps all right, I guess." Emma considered the door and the woman behind it. She could faintly hear the water of a shower. That was a good sign. "I'd better get downstairs and start prepping." She turned at the top of the staircase and addressed Henry one last time. "You comin'?"
"Yep." Henry vanished back inside his room as Emma moved carefully down the stairs with Jenna.
Emma tucked Jenna into the cradle carrier set on the kitchen counter and talked happily at the girl while she played chase with tiny grasping fingers and toes. Gurgles Emma wanted to call giggles bubbled out of Jenna's mouth.
"I'll get your bottle, but your mom may be in need of feeding you, too." Each morning when she brought up breakfast, Emma saw Regina had wet spots in her nightgowns from leaking. Jenna was back to just one bottle a night, though she was eager to eat in the mornings.
Emma turned on the gas beneath a shallowly filled pot and added the bottle. While Jenna's breakfast warmed, Emma went back to the refrigerator and collected both breakfast and lunch-making supplies for the rest of their small family.
She hesitated in the middle of the kitchen as the thought crossed her mind. Shaking her head free of impossible wishes, Emma pushed herself onward. She was doing what was responsible and necessary. And Regina was allowing it. That would have to be enough.
Henry appeared dressed for the day in his school uniform just as Emma was turning off the gas burner and preparing to test the milk on her wrist. He nodded to her and seamlessly stepped up to finish packing his own lunch, an apple and a sandwich of cold cuts between two slices of whole wheat bread. A package of Twinkies, from Emma's private stash, and fifty cents from the coin jar for milk followed before he snapped the box lid shut. "All set."
Emma turned with Jenna in her arms, arranging the bottle to the baby's lips with one hand. "All right. So, homework?"
"I had two pages of math problems, fifteen pages of a novel to read for English, and a chapter of notes in U.S. History." He patted his backpack. "Done. Done. And done."
"What about the science reading?" Emma asked.
Henry rolled his eyes, just like Regina, Emma thought. "It was done before I left the station with you yesterday."
Wielding a spatula with one hand, Emma finished Henry's breakfast. "OK." Emma brought down a plate and gestured. Henry took it and helped himself to scrambled eggs and toast.
"Can I feed Jenna?" he asked.
"Feed your-" The house phone rang, interrupting Emma's instruction. She grabbed it even as she gestured to Henry with scooping motions. "Yes? Hello?"
"Emma, it's Dr. Whale."
"What's up?" Emma hesitated then handed Jenna and her bottle to Henry. "Just a bit, OK?"
"Yeah, sure." Henry eagerly cradled Jenna and held the bottle to Jenna's already sucking mouth. He made faces, puffing out his cheeks, while Jenna sucked noisily.
Emma returned her attention to the call. "So what's up?"
"I scheduled Regina for an MRI when she comes in with Jenna for her checkup today."
"Sure. But why?"
"We still need to understand what's going on. Unless she's gotten her magic back?"
"No. Not that I'm aware of, anyway," Emma replied.
"All right. So we go with traditional testing."
"OK. I'll let her know." Emma hung up the phone.
"Let me know what?"
Emma turned, almost gasping in surprise. Significantly she looked at Henry though she answered Regina. "That was Whale. Talking about tests at today's checkup."
"I see." Regina's brow dipped in frustration, and Emma felt her lip curl up at the familiarity of it, after seeing Regina so tired and without her usual fight these last few weeks. "I should probably eat breakfast before Jenna and I go."
"I'll take you," Emma offered quickly. "I was going to bring up your breakfast."
"I'd rather eat on the deck this morning."
"Oh. Of course. All right. Sure."
Before she had finished speaking, Emma saw Regina take Jenna from Henry, point him to his breakfast with a stern but loving, "You'll be late, dear," then she settled to another chair at the kitchen table with Jenna and the nearly empty bottle.
"You, uh? Need to feed her?" Emma asked. "I'm sorry about the bottle."
"Was it her last one?"
"There's another still in the refrigerator. She only woke once last night."
"She may start sleeping through the night," Regina said. "Henry did, at her age. Made things easier."
"Mom," Henry said, rolling his eyes over the forkful of eggs in his mouth.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, dear," Regina reminded him. He rolled his eyes again. And something in Emma broke. Or felt right, or something. Because she found herself laughing out loud.
She slapped her hand over her mouth as two sets of eyes turned to her. "Sorry."
"No, dear. It's all right."
"Okay." Emma subsided.
The clock in the hallway sounded a chime. "Time for me to get to school," Henry announced. He quickly scooped his last bite of eggs and grabbed the remaining half piece of toast.
He ran up to the sink and dropped in his plate with a discordant clank. He was hugging Emma before she had stopped wincing at the sharp sound. "Good luck," he said quickly.
Then before Emma could recover from the smirking look Henry gave her, he was pushing away from her and hurrying across the kitchen toward the table. His backpack however was not his first objective. He wrapped his arms around Regina's shoulders, bent his dark head against hers and hugged her. She lifted a hand to his on her shoulder and was still registering the gesture when he pulled away, smoothed Jenna's hair from her forehead, and kissed his sister. "Have a good day, Mom." He kissed her cheek as well.
"Have a good day at school, Henry," Regina replied as he straightened and grabbed his backpack. In her arms, Jenna wriggled, waved her arms and babbled her own farewell.
Regina fell quiet after Henry left. Not that she'd been talkative before, but she felt… She didn't know what she felt. She looked at Jenna who had finished her bottle and for the moment seemed content. Her breasts hurt with the need to express milk, but she could only sit there staring at her daughter, aware of Emma turning back to breakfast tasks just a few feet away. She desperately wanted to say something. Break this impasse between them.
"Henry finished his homework?" she asked.
"Yep."
"Did you check it, or just ask him?"
"I asked."
"Maybe he didn't do it."
"He did it."
Regina rose from the chair. "How do you know?" She hated the accusation that edged her tone.
"I know, Regina. I know because he's a good kid." Emma's back stiffened and her voice sounded resentful.
Holding Jenna to the side, Regina looked over Emma's shoulder. "Breakfast?"
"Yeah, eggs and toast are what I gave Henry. But I thought you'd prefer something a little more."
"That's an omelet." Regina noted cheese, bits of green pepper, onion, and mushrooms as Emma folded over the top.
"Yeah."
"You didn't have to do that."
Emma looked at her. "I wanted to."
Regina watched the pulse ticking erratically just beneath Emma's ear as the woman turned away from her to slip the omelet onto a plate. "Is there coffee?"
"Decaf is in the machine."
Regina sighed. "More of Dr. Whale's advice."
"He says you need to not stress."
"I know he thinks there's something wrong."
"There is, Regina. Those tests I mentioned when Whale called? They aren't for Jenna. They're for you." Emma slapped the plate down on a tray. Her hand, Regina noticed, was shaking. "You wanna eat on the deck?"
Regina nodded. Emma didn't hear anything and turned. Regina cleared her throat. "Yes, please."
Emma looked relieved. "Go ahead and sit down. I'll be right behind you."
Regina took herself and Jenna outside.
Emma followed. She had a blanket over one arm and set the tray down on the wrought iron white table next to the seat Regina had selected. "I'm just going to put this down for Jenna over here, so you can eat," she said. She spread the blanket over some of the deck stones near the table.
Regina transferred Jenna to Emma and watched the blonde's face light up as the baby's weight settled against her arms. She pulled back slowly and clutched her hands together in her lap, resisting the urge to wrap her arms around Emma's shoulders.
"You okay?" Emma asked. "Pain?"
Regina shook her head. Not the kind Emma was referring to anyway.
Emma placed Jenna belly down on the blanket and eased backward, remaining crouched, watching Jenna. Regina watched as well. The girl lifted her head and found Emma first. She gurgled and kicked her pajama covered feet, bobbing. Emma smiled; Jenna smiled back.
"You like that?" Emma asked Jenna. The feet kicked more excitedly. "Looks like you do."
Regina's glass clicked against the wrought iron surface as she set it down. Jenna's eyes darted to her. Regina smiled; Jenna tilted her head to the side and then began to roll onto her side, feet kicking and one hand reaching out. "Hello, Jenna," she called gently. "Are you a happy girl?"
Jenna's feet kicked more and the roll finished with the girl fully on her back. That, unfortunately, broke her line of sight with Regina, and Emma was too far to the side to be seen either. The tiny face screwed up and hands grasped at the air futilely as Jenna let out a fitful cry.
Regina lurched up from the chair, ignoring her pain. Emma hurried forward on her knees, and grasped Jenna's hands, drawing the baby's attention to her face. "Hey, hey, it's okay, kidlet. We're both right here."
Supporting the baby's head, Emma lifted Jenna and turned her in her arms so that she saw both of them. Regina gently stroked the side of Jenna's head. Her hands brushed Emma's wrist and fingers. Jenna gradually quieted as they both kept talking to her. Regina looked to Emma to gauge her reaction to her touch. Emma's face was turning down, away, a sadness pulling at the pale lips.
"Emma?" Emma didn't answer. Regina swallowed and spoke again. "Emma?"
"Yeah?" The tone was wary and the green eyes didn't look up.
"Thank you." There was a wealth of acknowledgement in those two words and she hoped Emma understood.
Emma's reply was a watery smile and closed eyes. Regina brushed a thumb over the woman's cheek, and caught the tear which leaked from beneath golden lashes.
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