When Dean woke up the next day he felt like a train hit him. He strained to remember the previous night. He remembered lots of beer and whiskey but that's about it. He had a vague memory of Sam helping him into the house and of Castiel. Had Castiel tried to attack him? No, it was the other way around. Dean's cheeks reddened as he remembered stumbling for the angel.

"Dean?"

He turned to see the son of a bitch standing by the edge of his bed. Dean rubbed his face roughly. "I am extremely hung over. I really do not want to deal with right now, Cas."

Cas touched Dean's head and instantly he felt better. "Dean, we have a problem."

"Yeah, I know. You're still here."

Dean tried to walk out of the room but Castiel blocked him. "This isn't about us. It's bigger. It's about Sam."

"Sam?" asked Dean in disbelief. "There's no problem with Sam."

"He is leaving and I don't think he plans on returning."

Dean looked alarmed. "What the hell are you talking about, Cas?"

Castiel looked slightly uncomfortable. "Last night after you two – grinded - Sam told me something."

"When we grinded? We didn't grind."

But there was the memory. Castiel's mojo filled in the blank spots from the following night. He remembered grabbing his little brother, crushing his lips. He remembered feel Sam's erection against him and his against Sam. He remembered seeing Cas and throwing Sam away to horrifically fail at a punch. Then somewhere far in the back of his head he heard Sam saying he was in love with him.

"Sam will be fine." Deal told Cas with uncertainty.

Cas shook his head, "He cried himself to sleep last night. He just finished backing his bags and writing his good bye note. He is heading for the door now. I thought you would want to know."

Dean nodded pushing passed his angel friend. He made it to their large living room in time to see Sam half way out the door. He shouted his name.

Sam froze turning around. "Dean."

"What the hell is going on? You're leaving?"

Sam sat his bags down slowly turning around. "I can't stay here anymore. I'm sorry."

Dean walked to him glaring. He slammed the door locking it behind him. He point at their couch. "Sit."

Sam sat down obediently. Dean closed and opened his mouth looking furious. Truthfully, he was mad at himself for letting things get that far. Again. He was trying to think of what to say when he noticed Sam's good bye note. He picked it up roughly. Sam jumped, "Dean, please don't do that."

Dean held up a hand silencing him as he read:

Dear Dean,

I know you are going to be pissed and I'm sorry. I had to go. It's suffocating here. With these trials and tablets and…my feelings for you. I have been waiting over a decade for you to touch me the way you did last night. Now I know it's never going to happen again and that only makes this desperate ache and longing worse. I need you, Dean. I need you in ways you don't want me. I have been in love with you since that first day at the hotel – probably even longer. I tried so hard to be strong and to push it away but I can't watch you be with all these women anymore. It's breaking me down. I can't watch the best thing in my life be with someone else. I love you. I wish and want the best for you. Keep your head up and stay safe, big brother.

Yours always,

Sammy

Dean looked up from the letter to Sam who was staring at his feet with bright red cheeks. He walked to his little brother with loud footsteps. He stopped in front of him. "Stand up, Sam."

Sam ignored this command, not saying anything in return. Dean grabbed his shirt pulling him roughly to his feet. Sam stared at him with wide, pleading eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry about everything. I can't stop these feelings." He blinks and tears form in his eyes. "I keep doing this. I feel – I feel like I'm suffocating."

Dean pushed his little brother's chest roughly. Sam stumbled backwards looking up at him with defeated eyes. Dean glared at the paper then up to him. "You need me in ways I don't want you, huh?"

"Dean, please stop."

"No," Dean barked loudly. "Do not assume things about me, Sam! The day I stopped this – the day dad beat the hell out of me – it broke me in ways I didn't think were possible. I was so lonely. I was ashamed of myself for feeling and doing those things. I was ashamed that I broke a promise to you. I broke your heart and my own. I did not want to. I wanted to run away with you but it's just not right."

Sam gulped loudly. "I don't care."

"Turns out I don't either," Dean told him breathlessly. Sam stared down at him and somehow looked as innocent as he did when he was 14.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean – I love you, Sam. Not just in a brotherly way. I love you deep down in stomach. I love you in ways I've never loved anyone. You are everything to me."

Sam shook his head as he walked a few feet away. "I don't know what this is leading up to but I can't take it. I wish I was stronger but I'm not."

"I want you, Sam." Dead told him barely above a whisper. Sam stared at him in disbelief. "I want you right now. I want to feel your lips again mine. I want to strip your clothes off and make you moan."

"But?"

"I do want that too," Dean teased. Sam still looked on the verge of tears. Dean closed the gap between them grabbing his brother's waist. "No buts, no maybes – you just give me the word."

Sam let out a ragged breath. "Is this a onetime thing, Dean? I think that would even be worse."

"I don't want it to be."

"Are – are you saying you want to be with me?" he asked obviously in disbelief.

"Until the day I die," Dean purred in his Sam's ear causing him to sigh. "Then I want to spend eternity with you, making up for all these years."

Tears streamed down Sam's face. "You're not a shape shifter, right?" he joked lightly.

Dean didn't answer. Instead he pressed his lips to Sam's. It was the best feeling in the world. God, how he missed these lips. Sam seemed to be thinking the same thing. He cupped Dean's face as his tongue darted in and out of his mouth. They didn't break away each other for several minutes. When they did, Dean grabbed Sam's hand leading into his bedroom.

Sam's face was flushed and his chest rose and fell so quickly that Dean was almost concerned. He placed his hands on Sam's neck. "I love you."

Sam nodded, "I love you, too."

"Alright," Dean growled. "Enough of this chick shit. I want to claim what was rightfully mine."

"What the hell –"

Dean reached around grabbing fistfuls of Sam's ass. Sam moaned loudly. After that they fought to remove each other's close. Dean ran his hands over his little brother's tight muscles. "God, your body has changed. Your much –" He stared down at Sam's newly exposed cock. "bigger."

Sam turned pink. "Yeah it got bigger just like you said."

Dean couldn't take his eyes off the throbbing, dripping cock. "I think I'm jealous."

"Your cock is just as big." Sam said with an eye roll.

"No, I'm jealous of all the girls who got to test this out since the last time I saw it."

Sam swallowed hard, "They didn't mean anything. Not like this. Not even Jess."

Dean closed the gap between them again. Their kisses were messy and wet. Sam grabbed on to Dean's boxers pulling them down. Their cocks pressed together making them both moan loudly. They fell back on to the bed scratching and biting each other's skin. At first Sam was on top but then Dean rolled him over. He kissed down his torso to his throbbing cock. Sam let out a loud cry as Dean took him completely in his mouth.

Sam's hips bucked wildly. Dean forced them down. "Calm down, Sammy."

"I can't." he breathed loudly. "It's been so long –"

Dean worked his mouth around Sam's cock and his brother was downright screaming. Sam thrust up then exploded. Dean sucked it up eagerly.

Dean let Sam catch his breath before giving him shit. "Really? I think your 14 year old self held out longer than that."

"It's been a long time. I've been waiting – so long, for that. God, I've thought about it so much."

Dean cocked an eyebrow. "You never got head from any of those bitches?"

Sam shook his head slowly. "I didn't want it. It – It was something I only wanted from you."

Dean stared at him for a moment before crushing into his lips. He led his dick slid across Sam's ass. "I need you, Sam."

"Good. Take me."

Dean didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed the lube from his chest applying it to two of his fingers. He dancing around Sam's entrance getting several low groans then he slid one finger inside his tight hole. Sam's body arched making Dean even harder. After a minute he let the other finger slide in, scissoring his little brother.

"Deeean, fuck me." Sam moaned grabbing the lube from him and rubbing it over his cock.

Dean's entire body shuttered in response. He positioned himself in front of Sam's entrance finding he was extremely eager. Slowly he pressed into him. Sam winced at first then he relaxed as Dean began probing his prostate.

"I'm fucking you," Dean moaned in his ear. "I'm finally fucking you."

At this Sam grabbed his dick which was once again rock hard. He stroked it eagerly. Dean began pressing in and out of Sam faster this time until he really was fucking him. Their bodies slammed together roughly. Both of them were groaning loudly.

Dean found himself whispering, "mine" possessively as he planted kisses over Sam's neck. Sam simply smiled and in return said, "Yours."

Dean's cock pressed against the sensitive patch of nerves inside Sam, causing him to scream his name. In a moment, thick cum shot from Sam's dick. The feeling of the warm liquid squirting on his torso sent Dean over the edge. He pressed against his little brother's mouth as he shot in side of him. Sam stared up at his brother's face as he rode out the wave of pleasure.

Dean collapsed on top of him sighing his name sweetly. Sam wrapped his arms around his brother tightly as if he never wanted to let go.

A moment passed then Sam cleared his throat, "Dean, you didn't change your mind right?"

"About what? That ass of yours? Definitely not."

Sam chuckled lowly. "About us. You still want this right?"

Dean leaned up, cupping Sam's cheeks. "I fucked up, Sammy. I should have told dad to go to hell. I've lived half of my life completely empty. Now I finally have you back. Really have you. I'm never letting that go. I promise and this time I'm not going to break it."

Sam pulled Dean down smashing their lips together.

"I love you, Dean." Sam felt like he had said this so many times in the past hour but he didn't care. He had a lot of years to make up for."

Dean smiled widely. "Thank God for that."