1

I rolled through town, looking around at all the empty shops. The trash and wind blown mess on the streets.

I remember when this town would come out and stand on the sidewalks, just to watch us pass by.

Those were the days when it was sweet to be on the back of a big black raw Harley, in next to nothing but Levis and tall boots and some scrap of leather for a top. Hair down to my butt, gloriously red in the bright sunshine. Dark ray-bans perched in front of heavily made up eyes. Perched on the back, with one hand on your old mans waist and the other ready to flip off whom ever dared to pull out into the pack.

Oh I remember what it was like to hit one of the big rallies in those days, the roads would clear for us, like a parting sea.

We commanded respect, in those days and if some dick head didn't give it, he was fair game for the brother he'd pissed off.

The very air would rumble in pain with the pipes of the pack of bikes. I was proud to be where I was, I was proud to be an ole lady, carrying the ink that made me stand out and stand with the club, I knew I was protected. I knew I was never alone. I had respect.

I was His old lady, the only one he ever had, the only one to ever sit behind him, feel the miles fly by as we rode to whatever the nomads had called upon him to do.

He took care of me and I took care of him, stitching up knife slices and cleaning guns and bullet wounds as needed.

Most never knew he had me for the longest time, he kept me safe, away from this life.

He also gave me the choice, to be in this life or to walk away. I chose this life.

You see I wasn't here by choice, I was bought and paid for. Not something many outsiders know about, but its part of the life. Not many ever owned up to the fact we were out there, put off somewhere for comfort and convenience whenever they were in the area. But we were around.

In those days, we were mostly used to mule drugs. A few were pimped out, I was not, I was lucky. He won my ass in a poker game. At the time he was not at all happy about it.

I was what was called in those days a willful child, mind of my own, not willing to be biddable on my best day. So my mother being the upstanding baptist that she was, sold me to a man twenty one years older than me. I was thirteen. He was an ass. He could no more control me than she could. I might mention that my father was unaware of this situation, he was under the impression that I wanted to be married.

"Are all men really that stupid?" Never mind that's a rhetorical question.

I made a promise to myself, I would try this for three years, at the time I did not know I had been bought and paid for. That little bit of information came as a huge shock later on my wedding night.

Well I do have to say I did not try very hard, I hated him, his mother thought I was her personal maid. I cooked and cleaned and endured the asshole when I had to. I was not allowed out of the house on my own, smart move by them, because I would have ran at the first chance I got.

Now the asshole as a gambling man, not a winner by any means, mostly a looser. He, in the first year had managed to gamble everything away, including the wedding rings. Not that I cared I would have hocked mine at the first chance and been greyhound long gone!

He went to his usual Friday night poker game and seemed to be back a lot earlier than was the norm, me I was still right where he left me. Not like I could go anywhere, I was very thin and not very strong. Besides being chained to the wall kinda keeps you from going anywhere.

Asshole came rushing in and looking for something, turning things over in his search. I cringed each time something hit the floor because I knew I would be the one to clean it up after the beating that was sure to follow this night's madness, no different than what the past year had been.

I had heard his car come in, and park, the car door slam but as I listened I could hear the sound of something else, something I had not heard for a few years. Motorcycles!

I was brought back to the here and then now, by a blow to the back of my head and asshole yelling in my face, "Bitch where is the fuckin key! I know you always know where I put it , so point to it you stupid cunt!" I just pointed to the bowl he'd already tossed to the floor, it was where he always put it. I had always watched very carefully to see if he changed where it went, in hopes I might be able to get my hands on it.

He went through the pile of broken glass again and yelped when he cut his hand, but he found it.

Just as he turned around a figure came through the doorway. He was tall, dark skinned and in jeans and worn boots, white t-shirt, shaved head and tattoos and muscles everywhere.

I should have been afraid, but at this point in my life I would have welcomed death. And the look on this mans face was death. I could hear him growling like a mad dog!

"Oh shit this is gonna be good!" I exclaimed as my hand flew to my mouth. It was one of the problems I had, no filter just couldn't keep my mouth shut. It got me beat more times than I care to remember.

"Care to explain this shit here asshole?" As the man pointed to me. "It's what you won, it's all I have to pay my debt to you with, just take it and leave me alone!" Asshole yelled at the man. "You mean to tell me I won a child? A girl? What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't sell someone!" The man yelled back, all the while stalking over to asshole and picking him up by the shirt.

"Why do you call her an it? She's a fucking kid, a human with a name and you got her chained to the fuckin wall! I ought to chain your ass up there and see what you think of it!" And so he did. I watched as the man stalked over to me and held out his hand to me, I had no idea what to expect. I had not seen another person other than assholes family for more than a year.

"Don't you be afraid of me doll, I ain't gonna hurt you." So I held out my hands best as I could, the metal cuffs had long since made two ugly scar's around each wrist and were always bleeding and very tender.

He gently inserted the key in the heavy padlock on each one and I could see his brows knit together as the ugliness was fully revealed. "Don't you worry, scars show the world you're a tough ass bitch, never let anyone see any different you hear me little girl?" He said as he threw the chains at the asshole, "Rigger! get your ass in here!" And through the doorway came the biggest man I had ever seen!

I thought he was never going to make it through the door, he had to turn sideways and duck his head to get in. "Holy fuck! Was all I could say and the big man just grinned at me and stood to his full height. The man still had a hold of my arm, the big guy was glaring down at me, it made me want to hide behind the tattooed man.

He looked down at me and said, "Little girl Rigger ain't gonna hurt you, he may be a bit slow sometimes, but he don't hurt kids and neither do I." I watched with wide eyes as Rigger picked up the chains and looked from me to them and back again.

"He hurt you?" Rigger asked, all I could do was nod my head. "That ain't right, ya'll don't go chainin up kids, dogs maybe, but not kids, what you'd do that for?" Rigger raised his ham sized fist and hit asshole up side the head. Asshole went flying across the room, and landed in a heap in the floor. All I could do was watch as asshole was given a beating that he long deserved in my book.

The tattooed man leaned down to me and asked, "You want a piece of him, you get it now, you need to get your pound of flesh while you can cause you ain't never comin back here." I stood up and all I could think of was all the times I had to sit and watch him and his family eat when I was starving. So I went to the stove and picked up the #8 iron skillet and came back in and whacked him a good one across the face, like he'd done to me many times before. He fell over in the floor, I was in hopes that I had killed him, but that wasn't the case.

The big man just started to laugh and was holding his sides, Hap, fuck brother you got yourself a regular spitfire there!" That was the first time I ever heard the name of the man who came to take me away.

"She's a fuckin kid, what the hell am I gonna do with a fuckin kid asshole?" Hap said as he watched me to make sure I wasn't going to swing at him next.

"I'm not a kid, I'm fourteen years old and married to that asshole for just over a year, I'm not a fucking child!" I said as I leaned against the wall so I wouldn't fall over. Like I said before I didn't get much to eat in those days. So I was weak all the time. He kept me that way so I wouldn't fight back when he raped me. I just looked at his face and hoped I'd broken his nose.

"Well fuck me, now I gotts to deal with this shit, You go get your shit together, one small pack is all a skinny shit like you can carry, you got any boots girly?" Hap asked me, I just went and put what small amount of clothes I had into assholes old small O. D. green faded army backpack, stuck my bare feet into my old cowboy boots, the only shoes I had and walked back out and got my old jeans jacket off the coat rack and waited by the door.

Rigger just nodded at me and said over his shoulder as he went out the door, "Brother, you might wanna rethink the old lady thing cause this ones got the makins." Hap just flipped Rigger off and pushed me out the door, slamming it behind him.

Parked in the driveway were two of the nastiest looking motorcycles I had ever seen. Not one bit of chrome on either one, if it couldn't be painted black, it was wrapped in black heat tape stuff. Both looked like they would be monsters to control, ready to growl and bite at the first opportunity. I looked and wondered which belonged to Hap.

He walked up to the first one, it was only slightly smaller than the other, but not any less impressive. He dug a helmet out of a saddlebag and tossed it to me, I caught it and strapped it on. "You rode before?" Hap asked me, I replied, "Grew up on dirt bikes, so I know how to ride, never been a passenger before though." He looked me over, "If you can ride you can sit bitch without fuckin me up, just watch the road, you just don't make any moves before I do and it will be fine." I looked at his seat and wondered where I was gonna fit on it. He seemed to be reading my mind, "Neither of us has a big ass so this will do till I get a chance to change the seat, just slid up as close as you can an hold on, I won't let you fall off little girl."

I listened to Rigger start up first, the ground even rumbled under my feet. I do have to admit I had my doubts I could handle one of these monsters! Hap threw a leg over and sat the bike up, put the kickstand up and hit the starter. Now I thought Riggers bike was loud, but this was right next to me and I could feel my bones rattle!

Hap held out a hand and I climbed on, and did my best to settle in without touching the man in front of me. He was having none of that and reached around and pulled me into his back, so whats a girl to do but wrap her arms around him and hold on. He was easy on the take off, but that ended when we hit the highway.

I'd been worried I'd be deaf in a matter of minutes but funny thing I could still hear the sound of the bike but now it was more behind me and not at all as loud as I'd feared it would be. Soon I was back in the groove that all riders know, you just become a part of the bike. You can feel each lump and bump in the road. When you're a passenger, you are not in control, and if you were a rider before this can take a minute to get used to. But I didn't have a minute, we were flying down the black highway well over 90 mph, but it didn't feel like we were going all that fast. I wasn't scared after just a few minutes. I could tell Hap was one with his bike.

I was so very hungry, so when they made a gas stop, I almost fell off the bike, Hap turned to me and looked at me hard. "Whens the last time you ate?" He asked, I had to think for a minute, "Two days ago I think, it's hard to remember." I answered back.

He was giving me this look like he couldn't believe what I just said. He just shook his head and rolled across the highway to a little diner.

Rigger seemed to be more than a little excited to be at this particular diner. "It's just food ya fuckin pit!, and I got the feelin she ain't had much to eat and I need her strong enough to hang on n not fall off."

"Fuck you asshole, you never stop, just for gas, you just keep on goin, I needs my fuel too ya know!" Said Rigger with a grin.

Hap flipped him off as he helped me off, I stumbled, I couldn't help it. Between jelly legs for being on the bike and the smell of food I was not in good shape. Hap caught my arm to hold me up and put down the kickstand.

He gave my arms a squeeze and said, "Fuck you ain't got no meat on you at all, stiff wind would knock you on your ass!" I looked at the ground and said in a small voice, "No sir, I don't get much to eat, I'm hungry all the time, but I can make do with what ever you leave on your plate."

"FUCK THAT!" He roared at me. I shrank back and hit the ground trying to make myself as small as possible. "Your mine now, and I take care of my shit, how you look n how you act is a direct reflection on me. Nobody and I mean no fucker ever will lay a hand on you again, you got me girly?" He put out his hand to me and it took all I had to not be afraid of his other hand, I'd been suckered before and my jaw still wasn't right.

But I let him pull me up and he reached out with the other hand, and I thought to myself, here it comes... He turned up my head with his calloused I heard his voice, that deep gravel he had, " You got no worries, you need shit, and I mean anything, you just let me know, OK? You got to pee let me know, you need food, let me know. Like I said I take care of my shit, and you're mine, got it?" He asked, I nodded in response and that seemed good enough for him and he lead me into the diner.

"Sit." And he pointed to a booth where Rigger was already heading. I shook my head and pointed to the restroom sign instead. "Fuck ya I bet you do gotta go, go on and I'll order for you." I don't care much for sweet things, please." He just looked at me like I'd lost my mind and turned on his heel and walked to the booth. Me, I just hoped I'd make to the restroom!

I came back to a huge burger and fries and a creamy shake. Rigger was well into the first one, he had two on his plate.

I know my eyes were big, and I turned to hap and said, "Thank you!, I'm very hungry!" I finished the burger off in a flash and looked up to see the two of them watching me.

I stopped in fear I'd done something wrong, Rigger just pushed the half of his second burger at me and sat there staring at me while I stuffed it my mouth before he could take it away. "I'm sorry,did I do something wrong, I can work the cost of the food off, I can cook and clean and sew." I stated. He just kept on looking at me and shifted his eyes to hap, and said, "Brother I ain't never seen something so little eat so much so fucking fast." "She didn't get fed much before, that asshole only gave her what was left on his plate, no wonder she's so fuckin skinny." Replied Hap. "Fuck me, seriously, he starved her too?" Said Rigger. "Looks like he did to me, she ain't nothin but fuckin bones, brother I don't even chain a dog n you know it." Hap said with his jaw all tight.

Now that I was full, I just sat and let the feeling of a full tummy comfort me. It had been a long time since I'd got my fill. I closed my eyes and just sat there and listened to the sounds of the diner.

The waitress came back and said, "You might want to spend the night in the motel, looks to me like your daughter is down for the count." "Shit." I heard Hap say, but it was far away and it wasn't aimed at me. I woke to Hap shaking me and saying we had to get on the road. So I staggered up and followed them out the door.

He went through the same procedure as last time, only when I was on the bike he turned his head and said, "Hang on for just a little bit girly, I ain't gonna stay in this place, there's a place just on down the road where we can stop for the night, looks like you're dead on your feet, just stay awake and hold on, OK?" I Don't remember if I responded or not, my eyes were very heavy and I just wrapped my arms around him and linked my fingers, he patted my hands and off we went.

I woke up with a start, couldn't remember where I was or why I wasn't chained. But I had to pee so very badly, I had to get out from under the tattooed arm that was over me. I started to move and felt him clamp down on me to keep me still. "Have to pee,'" I said and he let me out, and that's when I realized I was in nothing but a big t-shirt.

I pulled it up to my nose and it smelled clean, like laundry soap clean. I must have not moved fast enough for him. He pushed on my hip and said, "Go Pee! While you're in there grab a shower, you stink." I didn't know what to say to that, so I went pee and got a shower. Because the last thing I wanted to do was piss off this man.

Even the motel soap felt good. I hadn't had an as long as I wanted shower in over a full year! It felt so very good, I'd forgot what it was like to be clean. I used up all the little shampoo and conditioner bottles. And then it hit me, I'd not left any for him. Shit, double dunkin shit!

I stepped out of the bathroom to find him already dressed and I looked around for my clothes from the night before and they were gone!

I had nothing to put on, no underwear, pants nothing! I didn't realize he was watchin me and felt my face go red when I realized I had nothing but a towel on. "I threw you're shit away, it stunk, can't have that, I went and got you the same size shit last night while you were asleep, Rigger watched over you. Why in the hell didn't you tell me you didn't have any socks? You can't ride without socks! And them boots are trash! Not fit for bein on my bike, I'll get that shit fixed too when we get in, now hop to it and get dressed, we got miles to make up today!"

And he went out the door and I hurried up and put on what he left out for me. New jeans! Soft socks, and a leather jacket. I didn't see another shirt so I just tucked in the one I slept in the night before and rushed out the door.

Rigger was sitting in a chair outside the door with a cup of coffee and a smoke. "Hap said he'd be right back." And handed me a cup from the ones he had sitting by him. I took it with a smile and watched his face fall. " What the fuck, that asshole knocked your teeth out too?" My hand flew up to my mouth and I looked at him and just nodded my head. "He told me I was ugly as shit and I didn't need teeth to suck his dick, so he knocked them out with a hammer". I replied. "Motherfucker! Cock suckin baby rapin piece of fucking shit, If I ever see that asshole he's a walkin fucking dead man!" Rigger yelled out as he stomped into the parking lot, only to turn around and stomp right back to me. "Little girl, if you ever see that son of a bitch n Hap ain't around you just let me know so I can come kill his fuckin ass! You got that! There is no call for that shit right there." As he pointed to my mouth.

I'd never had all that great teeth anyways but to have none was just demeaning and hurtful. It wasn't like anyone ever saw me, I just had seen the way people act when you don't have teeth. You're suddenly below them, not good enough. These guys didn't make me feel that way, they just made me want to find him myself!

We sat and finished off the coffee as we waited for Hap. During that wait, Rigger schooled me on what was expected of be, being with Hap. I knew nothings of clubs in those days. It was then that I took note of the leather vest Rigger had on.

I asked him what was with the vest, it didn't look warm to me and I didn't understand the significance of a kutt then. I listened as he told be about the club and what it meant to the both of them. Hap was his mentor, his club sponsor. He said I was a complication, a problem. I wanted to run away.

From what Rigger had said in those few minutes, was enough to make me realize I stepped from the pan into the fire.

This life, this other world, was something out of a nightmare.

People just don't live like this.

Oh, wait yes they do.

What about me?

What about the fact I was owned, for the second time. I was property, to be bought and sold as the owner saw fit. That little revelation going on in my brain must have cause me to become dead still, not responding to Rigger or Hap when he came back. I focused on what was now right in front of my eyes, another set of eyes.

Neither black nor brown, more just dark, unreadable.

You can't escape the blood, I heard this when Rigger said it, but at the time I didn't have a clue.

But it's true, you either get it or you don't. You either have outlaw blood or you don't.

It's not something you just wake up one day and decide to become.

Its an attitude, a way of thinking, of seeing just how wrong shit in the outside world really was and realizing you want no part of.

Some of us choose it because we had no choice, some of us were able to make that choice. I am proud to say I was along for the ride, and something I could never imagine happened. I fell in life long love with an outlaw biker. Love the man, learn to love the club.

You can choose who you let into your life, who you call family. The family you're born into or the family that's always been there for you, the family that's bound together by the blood spilled and the lives taken. Joys and sorrows shared. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my life one one of some plain Jane housewife.

I've seen those women, their unhappy sad faces in stores or dragging kids down the street. I couldn't do that, stay in one place my whole life, look at the same shit day after day. No rides in the middle of the night, no seeing the sun rise from the back of a speeding bike. Not feeling the air rushing past. Not feelin my old mans strength, the rippling muscles of his tight belly when I wrap my arms all the way around him, just to be close. Or the feeling when he reaches down to give my leg a squeeze, just to let me know he's thinkin of me. And the one thing that will always bring a smile to my face, him leanin back, grinding his back against my chest and screamin BOOBIES! at the top of his lungs!