"Avoiding fear is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."
~Helen Keller~
Fear is ugly.
People always harp on about explaining colors to a blind man, but I feel that has nothing on explaining fear, true mind-boggling terror to a content man.
To someone who wouldn't understand because he had never been pulled far enough out of his comfort level to even begin to fathom such things.
If I were to explain fear I would ask you to close your eyes, and cover your ears.
Immerse yourself in darkness, no-rather cut yourself off from the light. Then once you've removed yourself from everything you know, imagine that you are stuck there weak, powerless, alone, and realize that in such a state you have no way of knowing what's going on around you.
For you see fear has two facets, the first is the unknown, the second hopelessness.
We fear what we do not understand, what we can't comprehend, true. But not nearly as much as what we can not stand against. What, against which, we cannot defend.
In my life I can say I've been afraid a few times, I tended to suffer from stage-fright when I was younger, when I got older I began to fear disappointing my parents, and when I got older still I feared disappointing myself.
But the greatest fear I had ever felt was when my father died and I was left with this giant "what now?" hanging over my head.
Well greatest, I should say, until the Numere Swamps.
"Who's you're favorite character from HunterxHunter."
Growing up I never thought that I would fear death. "it's pointless," I would say, "why fear the inevitable?" Now that's not to say that I wouldn't avoid it for as long as possible, but I always had this-perhaps naive-image of myself gracefully welcoming death, a smile on my face.
Like that story from Harry Potter, "and he greeted Death like an old friend."
I imagined that if I were to fear death it would be because I feared the death of others I feared losing my loved one's prematurely. Or perhaps I feared how my death would affect them.
"...Hisoka."
Either way, it was never dying that I feared. However, in my imaginings I seemed to have forgotten one core fact. At our base we are animals, and any animal, no matter how self-aware, will quake when faced with their natural predator.
So yes, fear is ugly. And anyone who disagrees, well I invite you to stare Hisoka down while he's reveling in his blood-lust.
When the second half of the first phase started I was ready. I was dressed for a run through a swamp, I was mentally prepared to push myself until exhaustion-if need be-to stay at the front of the crowd, and I was all stretched out.
I was ready.
Unfortunately, anyone who has ever run long-distance before can tell you what you think you can do and what your body actually can do, start having an argument around the five-minute mark. I was lucky that using skates had helped me save some energy, unfortunately my strength has never lain in my stamina. Flexibility, sure. Speed, count me in. I even have a pretty good reaction-time. But my stamina was a no-go.
Thus, despite my best efforts, after the first ten minutes I started to lag-behind...or rather lag-in-the-middle. This wouldn't have been such a problem, normally, if I wasn't running alongside Leorio...and we all know Leorio's a bad-luck charm. No? That's just me? Meh, whatever, point is he's the one that leads to the 'gangs' first interaction with Hisoka, an interaction that occurs during this run, and I happen to be running right next to him!
So yeah. A little freaked.
As an aside though, it was rather odd to realize that Leorio and I were the same age. With him being only a few months older than me. I first got into HxH when I was closer to Gon's age so that was a major paradigm shift right there.
And noticing it because Leorio started throwing cheesy pick-up lines at me...weird.
Just, weird.
"So what kind of Hunter do you want to be, anyway?" Leorio asked, probably setting up for another line.
I wonder how he'd react if I told him I'd sooner sell my Hunter Card than actually use it. Before I came into this world I was in University studying Chemistry with dreams of being a Professor and experimenting on the side.
Now that I'm here however, that dream was light-years away. Even if I could take the HxH's equivalent of a G.E.D. to prove that I'm educated I'd still have to re-apply to University and retake two years-worth of courses, to only get back on track.
Not to mention that everything I know about chemistry becomes obsolete in the face of nen. I'd be willing to bet that there are entirely new elements in this world, there would have to be what with nen's ability to break and reform molecular bonds at will. I mean if that isn't what Hisoka does to his playing cards every time he makes them razor sharp, well then I'm a monkey's uncle.
I suppose...that would be something for me to hunt, assuming I become a hunter. Everyone needs some sort of purpose, I could be that person who discovers new elements and their affects. I'm sure when the Chimera Ants show themselves there will be plenty of new scientific discoveries to be made, after examining their 'technology'.
"An Elemental Hunter." I mused to myself. Yeah, I like the sound of that.
"Huh?" Leorio questioned, "I've never heard of that."
"The Hunter Commandments only state that a Hunter 'must hunt something' Gon hunting his Dad counts, so me hunting for new elements must surely count as well."
Leorio just nodded his head in understanding before narrowing his eyes, "hey, wait. How did you know that Gon's searching for his Father? He hasn't spoken to you once this exam."
Damn.
What a stupid slip! Rule number one of knowing the future is do not reveal facts you can't possibly know. I really, really, shouldn't be entrusted with this knowledge.
"...uh...he's very loud?"
"Hmm..." Leorio continued to glare at me which ultimately caused him to trip, and when I reached out to catch him-on instinct-he grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. I was on the ground for all of two seconds before I jumped to my feet ready to catch up with the others, but it was too late.
The crowd was gone, and in it's place stood a more than slightly homicidal magician, looking at us as if we were his next meal.
"Ho ho~!" Hisoka called a grin stretching across his face, "two more contestants to be test~ed!"
"Leorio," I whispered eyes trained on Hisoka, "we need to get out of here, I can cause a distraction but it'll be up to you to run like hell."
I waited for Leorio to give a silent nod before slowly reaching into the front pocket of my bag.
Now, I am not an idiot. I know where I stand in comparison to a monster like Hisoka, and the fact of the matter is...I don't. I also know that Hisoka is a master of nen and as such would be able to track us down in .5 seconds if we were-magically-able to make it past him. I know all of this with certainty, but I also know something else about Hisoka, something that I prayed would be our saving grace...
"Now."
...Hisoka doesn't like to deal with weaklings.
Without any thought I threw the smoke bombs right in front of me, grateful to my lab-goggles for preventing my vision from being impaired. Before taking off-full speed ahead-to the right of where I knew Hisoka to be.
The fear in the air was palpable and had forced my brain into 'flight-or-fight' mode. I immediately got slapped with tunnel vision, only one thought running through my mind, "keep pushing forward, keep pushing forward, keep pushing forward." It was only years of martial arts training and a conviction to never question my instincts that had me ducking below Hisoka's fist.
Keep pushing forward.
The next attack was slightly faster than the last and I lifted my arm to block the round-house kick.
Keep pushing forward.
Next was a knife for my neck, just as fast as the kick but with even more power, my arms quaked at the effort of holding the hit back.
Keep pushing forward.
By now I had managed to make it out of the clearing , but unfortunately that meant I was out of the smoke-cover as well. "Ho~ we have a little Cheetah here, but Cheetah's can run themselves to death, no?"
Tired, scared, and sore I didn't have time to focus on Hisoka's slightly eerie words, not when I was too busy focusing on the magician himself. Especially not when my brain finally decided to start working only to point out how he was clearly toying with me. Slowly raising the speed and strength of his attacks and seeing if I could still hold-up.
Well if I was going to die anyway, "sh-shut up."
I might as well go out in style.
"Hmm," he mused raising a delicate eyebrow as if to say 'this is a new development.'
"I-if I die here," I continued, panting, "it'll b-be *pant* because you kill-*pant*-ed m-me. Not b-bec-ause of my running."
"Interesting~" Hisoka chimed while slowly making his way towards me. I tensed and tried to raise my shaking arms into some semblance of a block. "But!" He teleported in front of me. "You're wrong~!"
"Huh?" I barely had time to blink before Hisoka's fist hit my stomach, winding me. Desperately gasping for breath as Hisoka brought his mouth to my ear...
"I'm not going to kill you~" he whispered in his creeper tone,"but if you keep going as you are, You're. Gonna. Die~...Chibi-Cheetah."
And then; black.
Groaning I slowly came too. "She's waking up!" Someone shouted from my right, and it was all I could do to keep from punching their lights out. My brain freakin' hurt.
One hand on my head I slowly tried opening my eyes before shutting them immediately, pain blossoming alongside the explosion of light.
"Gwa, my eyes." I groaned, while trying to organize my thoughts-ouch, never mind, thinking hurt too much. "What happened?"
Silence greeted my question and I couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that they-whoever they were-were loud when I wished for silence, and silent when I wished for answers.
Seeing as no-body was bothering to fill me in I slowly tried to piece together my memories...my muscles seemed really sore, and my arms and stomach were pulsing as if they were bruised. Then to top it off my head was pounding as it tends to do whenever I allowed myself to become dehydrated.
My muscles were sore because...of the running. Right. Yes, I was running because of the Hunter Exam, and then I began to slow down...and...Hisoka! That's right! I got into a fight-if one could even call that beat down a 'fight'-with that crazy magician.
He knocked me out!
But...why does my head feel like it's been put through a meat-grinder? It's not bruised, or at least it's not pulsating like my arms, so I don't think I hit it when I fell to the ground...wait. I blacked out, did I even hit the ground? And why are there voices around me if I'm passed out somewhere in the middle of Numere Swamps?
"...ell her."
"Bwaa?" I mumbled, once again trying to open my eyes-I needed to find out who was near me pain be damned.
"We should tell her," the voice repeated, and with my eyes open I could tell that the voice came from the distinctively blond...blurry blob, on my right. "So she knows to be on her guard."
There seemed to be some sort of a sound of agreement issued from the green and white blobs...who were starting to look like people, and is that Killua?-holy crap what's the 'gang' doing standing over me like this?
I must've made a sound or something, because the next thing I know Kurapika was bent down at eye-level introducing himself.
"Hello, my name is Kurapika, and this is Killua and Gon." He motioned to the two boys left of him, "you've already met Leorio" he continued pointing behind me, and turning my head-slowly-I noticed that I was leaning against a tree and Leorio was leaning on the other side, knocked out. And let me tell you it took all of my self-control, and the knowledge that I bruised my stomach, to prevent me from laughing at his swollen head. "As for what happened, well..."
"Hisoka beat you and the old-man up and then carried you two here after he fought with Blondie and Gon." Killua dead-panned.
My confusion must have shown on my face because after sending Killua a glare Kurapika continued, "Hisoka was 'playing proctor' by weeding out those he deemed too weak for the exam. After noticing Leorio had fallen behind I back-tracked and arrived at the clearing just as the smoke-screen was clearing. I managed to see Hisoka punch you in the stomach and lay you against a tree before zeroing in on Leorio."
Well that was absolutely useless.
"Yes, but why did Hisoka carry Leorio and I?" I pressed, although the uncomfortable looks Kurapika and co. were shooting each other made me regret my question.
"He," Kurapika began, uncertainly, "said something about not letting a fruit be picked before it's fully ripened..."
No.
Nope, no, nada, not going to happen.
I did not just hear that. Nope. Hisoka doesn't know I exist, or if he does he doesn't care that I exist. As far as he is concerned I'm not part of the exam.
Nope, just...nope.
"There's another thing," Kurapika continued, uncertain, "he also said...that you needed to 'hurry up and open your eyes,' before your potential poisons you. Said he gives you five days before your dead, at the most."
"Whelp, it was nice knowing you, " I morbidly thought while trying to understand if Hisoka had issued a death-threat or not.
"Owwww!" A voice shouted behind me sending my brain reeling in pain, and that's another question...just what's up with my head?
This exam was shaping up to be a real head-ache, both figuratively and literally.
Well there you guys go! I even made it a little longer than the other two chapter's. Poor Yuki, she couldn't even make it a full day without getting pulled into the plot. At least Hisoka didn't kill her! Although I doubt she sees it that way...
TheEvilToothFairy: In all honesty, I was speeding through the events as Yuki was making it a point to avoid the cast and plot and there's only so much 'and now were running' I can write about without getting bored. If she was a different person she'd probably strike up a conversation with the other contestants, but as far as Yuki's concerned that'd just use up too much energy.
Guest (1): Thank you :)
Guest (2): Ha ha, happy that I could help out your inner-fangirl. I too absolutely adore Hisoka and Illumi, however I imagine it would be incredibly terrifying meeting the two in real-life XD. Lol, I can only try my best with the updates ;)